How would you interpret this text?

[ApplejackMoondancer]

Received this text yesterday morning when I woke up from my DP:

"I've given this much thought over the last few weeks, but this relationship is not for me. I have mentioned this before but I've never felt so unloved or unwanted. We are clearly not compatible emotionally. I spend all my time being angry and that's not fair on either of us."

When I didn't reply, he then tried to video call me, and followed up with another text: "I'm surprised that after that message and also trying to call, you don't even respond. Fine, we can speak when you are ready to."

A bit of background, we live about 2.5 hours apart, and other than about 3 occasions it is ALWAYS me who travels to his, usually staying for several days at a time, including helping mind his kids most times when they are there (though this has been a flashpoint in itself recently as his ex wouldn't/couldn't come home from work to look after one of them who was sick and so I helped out, which I was happy to do - but when I didn't even even get so much as a thank you from him, I mentioned how I'd had to sacrifice my own work for the afternoon - I was simply told "you knew what you were getting yourself into".)

I would agree with him that all has not been rosey lately, but from my side much of this has been due to his volatile moods (often caused by alcohol binges - though he's not had a drink for the last 6 weeks which is something), and complete pigheadedness which have made me feel quite insecure and unsettled so I have been holding back with the emotional side of things. E.g. on a recent shopping trip I apparently "annoyed" him because I didn't feel like shopping for sexy underwear, so he proceeded to sulk, and then when I asked if he fancied going for the lunch we'd planned he would barely speak to me, and then announced "I might just leave" and then carried on with his silent treatment until he realised I wasn't indulging him. Other examples include hanging up on me on the phone if I tried to speak with him about something he didn't feel like talking about.

I've not replied to his texts yet (it's been about 24 hours since he sent them) as I just feel so sad, insulted and disrespected, that he felt that telling me in a text was appropriate and the kindest thing after a year together 😞

Any thoughts on how I should respond?

the relationship is over. He sounds absolutely awful and he has absolutely no respect for you.

I honestly cannot see you getting your things back in any safe way.

also, you live 2 and a half hours apart. Where was this going without massive sacrifice from you anyway? This relationship even if not ended now would end with you completely isolated from everything and everyone you know.

reply, yes I agree. Please box my belongings up and have them posted to my home address.

It's time to find your pride and self esteem, OP.

This man is a waste. It will not get better - ever.

Thank your lucky stars you are financially independent from him, and move on,

Look at the Freedom approach to stay strong. He will ramp up his game once he realises you are going for good.

I don't think the thing about the mothers day card is massively inappropriate. It's from his kids. But agree that it doesn't sound like you were compatible and probably for the best it's over. I'd get in touch as soon as possible to collect your stuff back, so you're not prolonging staying in contact. Then you can put him behind you and move on.

Be grateful he’s had the cop-on to end it

I don't think he IS ending it - I think he wants OP beg for forgiveness in a kind of 'I'm so sorry, don't leave me' kind of a way.

Call his bluff OP.

He's a waste of your time.

Great response.

Absolutely do this OP. He sounds vile.

I would reply ‘I agree it’s over. Please can you send my stuff back and I’ll cover the cost of postage.

Take care’

And not engage any further

@ApplejackMoondancer honestly, I would interpret it as "tiptoe around me, do what I want and don't answer back argue". He wants to give you a little scare so you'll beg for him not to finish it and you'll fall into line.
You sound very nice op, and you travel to him AND you've done his childcare!
He doesn't want out, but he wants you to comply.
Best response is to agree that he is also not making you happy and get someone else to get your stuff. The breathe a sigh of relief at your escape x

The fact that he called and messaged to speak after sending a “break up” text suggests that he doesn’t actually want to break up, he wants to manipulate you into begging to stay and doing what he wants by suggesting the break up.

Everything you have listed about the relationship sounds awful. @Fargo79 has broken it down really well.

If I were you and really wanted my stuff back, I’d say something simple like “I think you’re right, it’s not working and it would be best to end things.” And then make arrangements for someone rise to get my things. Once in my possession, I’d block him.

If you can live without the things, I’d send one message to tell him he was a manipulative dick and just block him immediately and never engage again!

I agree it’s a test to have you begging him not to end it.

Don't fall for the manipulation - agree with him it’s over

Well, he has said the magic words ‘this relationship is not for me’. The OP should agree and never contact him again.

Just accept you won't get your stuff back from his house and block him. Who needs this shit in their life?

Don't get sucked into all the tedious drama.

Don't let it drag on.

Don't try to wrestle any contrition out of him for how poorly he's treated you. He's treated you poorly for literally your entire relationship - why would it be any different now?

Spend no further energy being aghast at his inconsiderate behaviour and put that energy towards moving on with your life.

Sounds from his second text that he didn’t intend for it to be over but expected OP to come running and apologizing and begging to him.

What a prize twat.

Agree with pp that OP should say whatever makes her feel better ( or say nothing if that feels best) then block him.

This is the perfect time to respond with a passive aggressive 'thumbs up' 😂

What a dickhead

@ApplejackMoondancer

Fuck the response to him. Reply. Don't reply. Send him a cabbage in the post for all it matters. Your focus needs to be on why your self esteem is so low, you tolerated this awful behaviour for a year, and called it a relationship. Do better. Don't allow this in your life.

Just block him, not because I ever think it's the right thing to do, but because in this instance, you're going to keep dillying about every time he rears his head. He's not the issue here. He's a twat, no debate there. But he's removed himself, so that's solved itself.

Why did you even entertain this? Some inner reflection required x

Oh I agree. It’s my fuck you message of choice 🤣

What is odd is that you hadn't dumped him first.

But it's over now, but hard because it's mother's day but if there is anyone you can go for a celebratory drink with and can have a good bitch get it out your system with I would do that.

And take it as a learning curve if any future partners try any of this shit behaviour, silent treatment, not sharing travelling, anything you walk away first, first time they do it.

I think I'd respond "Not sure what sort of response you're wanting? Sobbing? Wailing? Begging you to change your mind? I agree, the relationship's run it's course - there's nothing more to say really. Can you post/courier the things of mine back to me please."

I'd do my grieving in private.

His text is basically saying "it's over" so I would either ignore or reply along lines of "goodbye and good luck."You aren't painting a picture of a healthy relationship so probably best to move on without drama.

How long was he single?

"Yeah same."

I concur with the pp who said respond with 👍

"Thank you for being honest. You're right, we aren't compatible. Goodbye."

List your belongings out.
Are they of high monetary value?
If not, just buy new ones (from the money you will save seeing not travelling to and from this leech)

I agree it's over, however, what's all this nonsense about Blocking? It's like saying your piece and then sticking your fingers in your ears. Seems so immature.

I'd text along the lines of "Sorry for not responding sooner, I just needed time to digest your message. I completely understand, and I think you're right, in that this relationship has run it's course. Please let me know when it would be convenient to pick up my stuff that's at yours. Cheers"

No need to be rude or confrontational. Just do it like a grown up.

I actually don’t think he wanted to finish it. It’s an attention seeking text, hence his further texts.
But I agree the trash has thrown itself out.

Reply
“ok. Can you send me my things. I’ll pay the postage “
or
“ok. When is convenient for me to pick up my things?”