Why do ppl take issue with Stay at Home Mothers?

[Thefirstime]

one child, stay at home parent, child now school age.. choosing not to go back to work right now but look after my family/food/house/clean..look after myself too (which went right out the window)

I had PND and anxiety so am recovering.. still have wobbles..

why do people take issue with SAH parents? I do not earn right now but what has that to do with anyone..

really negative responses from family and old friends on my current living situation it sucks..

Except that you can't have your cake and eat it. If you are earning enough to pay child care then by definition you no longer have that money because it has been spent on childcare.

I was responding to someone that was basically saying you have to be well off to be a sahm, which just isn’t the case. Basically was just playing devils advocate as the majority are fucked either way x

@Muthaofcats

I work part time. So on my days off I pick up my youngest DC. It used to be both but I could do everything while they were at school. Things like admin, food prep, laundry, returns, going to the tip, cooking their favourite food, all my own personal appointments get done at that time. Buy fish on a Friday from the fishmongers, go to the farm shop, cook more time consuming/freshly prepared dishes. I help at school, but mostly I have the energy to take them to the park after school with their friends, have their friends over to hang out together, go to assemblies on that day etc. I'm not rushing around like a blue arsed fly as I am on my work days. And weekends are less stressful as I'm not shoehorning my own stuff like hairdressers, car service, accountant meetings in as well as the kids' parties, hangouts, excursions, picking out tiles, etc.

And because I work part time instead of being a SAHM, my DH has 1 day off in the week which he gets loads of stuff done as well as cook and do the pick ups and play dates.

I’m sAHM with 3 years old and 8 years and autistic son. I worked as psychologist before. In my case its easier to be a sahm. I really dont understand when people tell me its hard be a sahm, its busy, etc.

i clean my house everyday, cooking everyday, etc. Its only max 4 hours doing all that. And my house its 5 bedroom house. After doing all the things at home i just watching netflix, chill and goes to the gym. Its really much better than when i was working. So i really dont understand with other sahm who said that they day its soo busy and stressful. Please enlighten me. Because i want to know aswell.

I was SAHM/lady of leisure for 6 years and I have to say it was lovely. Our finances took a hit but it was worth it. I think the big thing is that as a working parent, you have to work and parent. If not working, everything is more leisurely. I now work PT with teen DC. Having done both, not working is obviously much easier. I have colleagues with young DC who find it incredibly difficult. I find it tiring as the teenage years are emotionally demanding and I have a lot less time than I did 10 years ago.

I think flexible working has hugely helped working parents here - I can’t be at 100% of the school events but would say we still make almost all of them between us. Yes I prioritise flexing for my kids and that might impact on my career as I wouldn’t accept roles that didn’t trust me to manage my schedule; but then I’d say most people I’m working with have kids too and are flexing in the same way to still show up for their kids. I appreciate not all jobs are as flexible as mine but it’s absolutely possible to work and still be a part of your child’s life.

I had two parents, and found the stay at home one much less present than the one working 2 jobs. Never felt like my working parent wasn’t there for me.

I do think it’s rubbish that state school funding is so shocking now that it’s relying on parents volunteering so much more to raise funds; but then one could argue that it’s working tax payers that society is reliant on to find public services so arguably a far more utilitarian benefit from contributing to the economy by working than baking cakes for a cake sale?

Quite agree.

you see a lot of sahm think they are amazing mums literally just because they don’t work; but being on the pta etc doesn’t make you a good parent.

Good parenting is about so much more than physical presence; it’s about empathy, and curiosity for your child and delighting in them and keeping them in mind even when not together, and how you respond to their challenges and what kind of behaviour you model for them in your own interactions with the word etc etc etc

Of course if you are wealthy enough not to need to work life is maybe going to be easier and less miserable than having to grind to manage it all. But this must be a tiny proportion of society that is rich enough to be able to have only one parent working. Most families don’t have the option not to work so I think a lot of the funny reactions Saha get stems from this but also, working means giving your child opportunities, whether that’s more money to afford to travel together or to help them later with Uni costs or housing.

my point remains that all the tasks that arise as a result of having a home and a family still all apply to working families, so stay at home parents should just be up front about working less hard - would respect anyone who said yep I’m so privileged I don’t need to work as hard, what I hate is the sahms of school age kids who pretend like they’re working just as hard by being at home. You’re just not.

I am a single parent with very little input from the father. I don’t feel overwhelmed or struggle with life admin.

But for the people who do and post the above, I don’t see it as bragging. I see it as a counter point to people insisting they need to be a sahm to do life admin, kids hobbies, cooking etc. and are as busy as working parents.

I appreciate your view about which situations are the only ones that working mums are happy in, because that’s your experience. But I disagree.

I have only became a higher earner in the last 4 years. Before that, even as a single parent, I wasn’t unsatisfied with my situation despite not earning a huge amount. Especially for a single income household.

Now, in all honesty, i find life fairly easy. Because the youngest is 13 and the oldest is at Uni. I don’t pay for help and live a bit too far from my dad to expect help. I have adhd and have worked really hard at organising my life so that it’s easier. But now that’s all in place life feels pretty easy.

I work with many women who have children and who are happy and not in the situations you describe above.

I would say jealousy i mean if we could all not work why would we 🤷🏻‍♀️i have a couple of friends who are SAHM but none of our friend group had ever said anything negative just that if we could we would to!

It goes both ways TBH, I get ‘you work full time’ in an incredulous way. Yes, because my
children have become accustomed to a roof over their head/food on the table! I earn more than DH, he works 3 days a week and I’m a teacher so I get all the holidays with the kids.

If you are happy at home and as a family can afford for you to be home then that’s what works for you now and no one else should care!

Probably because they are jealous x

I've thought about it carefully and decided I don't want to be either a sahm or a wohm. I want to be rich and permanently on holiday. I will accept nothing less.

Because we enjoy our jobs? Get pride and satisfaction out of them?

This will make you laugh OP, women are judged whatever they do.

Being honest, I have two friends who were SAHM all have university aged children now, the majority of my friends are professional women and worked, some had a few years off while their children were very young. They didn't have nannies, maybe a cleaner, but no more. I really admire them, I don't particularly admire the SAHM, they basically had rich husbands both are divorced now and have massive divorce settlements because after not working for 25 years have low earning potential. I understand it while the children are young but not older it just comes across as a bit lazy unless there's a reason such as illness. Also, I never understood the rationale of being so focussed on a daughter's education and not acting as a role model.

Why do you care what anyone else thinks? I work full time but do not judge or care if anyone does things differently. I've never commented on anyone's choices and wouldn't expect them to comment on mine.

I wouldn't spend time with anyone who was rude about how I choose to live my life.

@Artesia yes and that, I personally dont know many women with young children would actually prefer to work if they had a choice in staying at home with their children even if they did enjoy their jobs. There’s no right or wrong people will do whatever is best for them

I'm not picking at you, I just find that a quite damaging narrative for women. As though if, given the choice, we'd surely want to give up our own ambitions and achievements to be at home. No one expects that of a man when he has kids.

And yet if a man does it he is admired. What a great man - giving up the capitalist money chasing dream to enjoy life with his kids.

Lots of reasons - can you honestly not think of even one?

Perhaps people don’t feel comfortable telling you exactly why they work.

My eldest is an adult. I got loads of shit, mainly from women, because I chose to work with young kids. It wasn’t until I was in the 30s that I felt comfortable saying that yes, I enjoyed my job, enjoyed financial independence, got satisfaction from my job. Because people would make out that I shouldn’t be able to find happiness and satisfaction from anything that wasn’t my children. Or that if I did, it meant my kids weren’t quite as important to me as theirs were to them.

I am 42 and couldn’t give a shit what people think at all. I know I am a good parent and confident enough to argue with anyone who has the opinion that’s there’s something wrong if women who have kids also enjoy working. Or that it makes them an innately worse parent.

It took a while to get there. So maybe some of the mothers, you know, that work simply haven’t got to that place where they feel comfortable saying it.

I agree saying all women must want to is damaging. But for some it’s the dream! And for most SAHM it’s a short period of their adult life. Sad more men don’t feel able to do the same.

How are you there actively raising your children every day when they’re in school for six hours, five days a week?

Most of the SAHM mothers I know spend their time having coffee with their mates and not giving a shit what their kids are up to.