DH lying about pension payout

[OITNBfanclub]

Urgh. Sitting here in sad fog ☹️
recently my husband enquired about taking his state pension - he’s 67 and still working but also has another pension with his work and we could do with the money now for a variety of reasons we both have talked through at length and agreed on.
a few letters arrived today, all for him. I asked him over dinner if he’d seen them as they sometimes get missed on our cluttered hall table. I thought he looked a bit funny and he said oh yes, it was just our car tax renewal forms. And super fast changed the subject. My spidey senses tingled but I figured he was just hangry /whatever. I went upstairs to run bath and on the way went to lay out my keys and bag for tomorrow and stuffed into the drawer was a letter still sticking out like it was in a rush which was odd, so I took it out and one very quick glance seems to show it’s his pension, with a £9k payment being made this week and I think £814 every month
from now on. I couldn’t believe it, he clearly opened it, lied to me and shoved it away. Why would he lie to me and not share the good news? is he planning on telling me it’s a smaller amount and keeping some aside for 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️And what do I do now, confront him? Or wait for him to hopefully tell me the truth? I just feel really side hit by it ☹️

What job does he do with 'years left to work' at 67?!

totally correct. He has 1 adult child who is grown up with her own family.

when he retires… will he be taking on the responsibilities for the children whilst you’re at work ie schools pick up and drops, getting them to clubs, packing lunches etc? hosting play dates??

do you have a positive relationship with her? does he?

he works for a psychology firm but also freelances as a psychotherapist so can continue that and plans to until our kids are at least 16 and nearly finished school in 10 years if he can

I do! It was strained at
first as she found age gap odd but we get on well now. My husband
has a lovely relationship with her and her 2 children.

That’s the plan! Tho less play dates /
drop offs/ packed lunches and more taxi driver lifts for them as he plans to work until they’re into secondary school

he plans to treat patients in his early eighties?

@OITNBfanclub but if they're under 4 at the moment that's an awful long time if he's 67 at the moment! What does he do as a job?!
Have you got ready to ask him yet?

Into his 70’s, yes.

@OITNBfanclub X post. Please just ask him OP.

It is, but he’s healthy an ox and loves he job so no reason yet he can’t work another 10 years freelance if needed. Again all things we talked about when trying for our family.

You honestly think that in his mid 70s he’s going to be taking the children to school every morning, collecting, taking to rainbows / football / beavers, back home for dinner? bath, bed, homework. hosting the odd play date. Every night. 5 days a week?

but of, as you say, at least into youngest is 16…. that’s 14 years away so yes…. at least 81

No, they’ll be teenagers so imagine more taxi driver!

I don’t think 14 year olds go to rainbows and beavers

your maths is out

your children are 2 and 4!!

He is 67

70 with 5 and 7
74 when 9 and 11
76 when youngest starts secondary

when the youngest is 13 and eldest 15…. he will be 78

as i say. Your maths is wrong

he will be in his early / mid SEVENTIES when in beavers and rainbows

he will be close to 80s when they’re in early teens

He’s either 67 or he isn’t OP but there’s no denying the age he will be at certain points in the future!

4+ 10= 14.
2+10 = 12
he’ll be taxi driving them to town ,not taking them to rainbows!

Maybe a surprise for Mother’s Day? Fingers crossed.

@OITNBfanclub You've been derailed from your post. It's horrible to read but bringing it back...

The bottom line is your DH suggested the pension payout, fixing up your home. You both discussed and agreed this. Anything else such as ages of children, whatever, is irrelevant. He suggested, you both agreed, he had the letter with the details on but he LIED to you about the letter.

Of course, he can change his mind about what he will do with the payment, but he wasn't honest with you. And I think this is the real issue?

He hid the letter. He said it was car tax. I honestly think that you must say, calmly, as others have suggested, that you've seen the letter and ask why he's lied. Because that is the real issue. Why has he lied about it?

at which point he will be 77

so…. when youngest in beavers he will be 73

so you’re right. Not “mid-70s”. one year off. A spring chicken no less

is that what you think parenting involves when 12? just being a taxi?