Dumped by email

[HelenHywater]

And it really sucks! It was a pretty short (4-5 months) relationship but really intense. And we were very serious.

We'd just been away for the weekend which wasn't wholly successful, and I was having doubts myself, but still! It has really shocked and upset me. And he thinks of himself as a sensitive man.

I've been very dignified so far, just a cool response. He's trying to see me so he can explain more (about his blummin' feelings), but I've declined for now.

I really think I deserved at least a fucking phone call!

What didn’t work about the weekend? Focus on that, and the doubts you were having.

I don't know, certainly better than being ghosted and your response is easy to think through than in person...

Why wasn’t it wholly successful?

would you really want to be told in person first, I mean if an email has you like this would you habe coped better if he called and told you?

Agree it’s not great! I also agree it’s better than being ghosted - but that means the bar for men really is very low now.

You could reply asking him to call you?

I think when people say "it's better than being ghosted" its basically saying except shit behaviour because there's an even shittier alternative.
OP yes you deserve more than an email and it's right to feel upset and annoyed.

The fact that you replied without too much emotion is probably driving him nuts and that's why he wants to meet up. Keep a dignified silence.

Using email is weird to me. Much rather call or text if not face to face. I wouldn't give him a minute of my time as you have already responded.

doubt it, it’s not mills and boons, he’s just being decent.

I think it's really cowardly. Yes, better than being ghosted, but as you say, still shit behaviour.

Well I found him a bit annoying on the weekend away. I would have talked to him though! His email was a long self absorbed thing about how hard he's finding life and stuff and full of the "it's not you it's me" platitudes.

oh boy, NOW he wants to see you so he can explain ''more about his feelings''. Eugh, I wouldn't indulge that, although you're probably very curious, I'd say ''no it's honestly fine, i had doubts too so let's not pick it apart'''

Well,yeah he should have owned it and said it’s you,for sure. But sometimes folks feel bad and don’t manage things well.

i mean you’re early days and he’s already annoying you , likely you annoyed him, so good decision, all round.

I think the email is perfect. I would rather someone tell me its over than make me sit through their apologies or justifications. Its not more or less respectful. People used to write “Dear John…” break up letters all the time. I, personally, would prefer it.

He's trying to see me so he can explain more (about his blummin' feelings), but I've declined for now.

More likely he wants you to boost his ego by him giving you the chance to beg for him back, ‘I can change’ etc for his benefit. Fuck him, he’s shown you his true colours.

Well I found him a bit annoying on the weekend away.

Cowardly way to tell you but better you find out now he irritates you.

It's never nice which way they choose to dump but it's done, I wouldn't meet him in person.

Again doubtful.

op, when you say just back from weekend away, you don’t mean you came back yesterday surely? In that you’ve come back and he’s binnned you the next day? That must have been a very bad weekend,

Maybe he got the feeling you weren’t keen on the weekend away and was ending it before you did? It was something I used to do in my much younger years if I felt someone wasn’t into me..

I don’t think emailing is that bad tbh, especially after a relatively short 4-5 month relationship. It’s not like a 20y marriage and frankly if you’re ending it after a shortish time, what else is there to say really. Phone calls to end things are pretty one sided.. Its not exactly a two way long conversation.

Perhaps you’re slightly annoyed you didn’t end it before he did? Given the weekend?

Well, the obvious reply to his attempts to see you to Explain His Feelings is ‘No need, tbh I was finding you a bit annoying all weekend too, but was giving you a last chance because I’m very tolerant.

Too much too soon will often lead to the flame burning out.

He's ended it. You don't need to listen to his feelings and excuses.

Block and move on and maybe take things slower next time. A lot slower

I think I might be feeling a little bit peeved that I didn't do it first. But I didn't do it first because I had decided not to end things, instead to see how things went. We were getting on really well and there were no signs of this (until the slightly uncomfortable weekend). He didn't say I found him annoying, just that he sensed a "distance in himself".

I know it's not huge compared to the ending of a marriage, but he held himself out as a hugely sensitive, emotionally intelligent, kind, man. And I bought into that! So to get an email which was sent with no warning, when he knew I was out, which just rambled on about his feelings, really pissed me off.

no, it was last weekend @JJathome He ended it on Thursday evening. I've been mulling (I only responded over the weekend).

Just move on. It’s always going to be hurtful, when you realise he was enjoying it even less than you were and had decided to end it over the weekend.

don’t entertain him further, will be painful and cringe. He clearly thinks you’re big into him and need nursing through that. Assuage him of that notion.

Ah ok. That’s better. Otherwise it was brutal.

He's an arsehole so consider yourself lucky!
I would however be having a discussion about the way he's been cowardly and that his behaviour is the kind of crap you, or any self respecting person would put up with. Bollocks to his self important words

The bar's gone underground and is half way to hell if the only positive is 'better than being ghosted' 🤣

It is (you're not wrong), but an actual conversation is the correct and non-cowardly way to to end a relationship - he needed to show her some respect