Dumped by email

[HelenHywater]

And it really sucks! It was a pretty short (4-5 months) relationship but really intense. And we were very serious.

We'd just been away for the weekend which wasn't wholly successful, and I was having doubts myself, but still! It has really shocked and upset me. And he thinks of himself as a sensitive man.

I've been very dignified so far, just a cool response. He's trying to see me so he can explain more (about his blummin' feelings), but I've declined for now.

I really think I deserved at least a fucking phone call!

Would you? I mean he’s ended it. That sounds a bit crap and well cringe. It’s done it’s over. She can’t go and pretend it didn’t happen and bin him.

The correct way for you; you don’t get to invalidate others feelings.

Oh Christ you don't need to listen to him. What's in it for you whilst he talks about his feelings?

I would tell him my feelings via email, block and move on.

I think when people end things some people will see them as the villain no matter how they did it.

OP you yourself had doubts and have said you just wished you'd got in first. So it it more hating being rejected rather than hating the fact that he dumped you.

It wasn't right. You both felt it. He said it. And as for talking about how he felt, surely that's better than just a one liner saying 'it's not working'.

I don't think he did anything wrong

"You don't need to explain, I had already decided it wasn't going anywhere. All the best".

What true colours? That he doesn't feel it is right? How is that 'true colours'. Good grief. Any time a man decides it's not working, some women have to paint him as a villain. And I say this as a woman

This would just be a lie created by a weak ego. Pointless.

OP, he's not the man you want. You already had that feeling, and his method of ending the relationship confirms it. Let it be, keep your dignity, and if he keeps trying to contact you, tell him you don't want to hear from him. If he tries again, block him. Accept the situation, and move on, caring for yourself along the way.

I don't have any intention of telling him I was going to dump him first! I do have some dignity and I'm not 12.

But am still pissed off that he deemed it ok to email me. While he knew I was out.

I think an email is a great way to dump someone, personally. It gives you time to process your response. He's giving you the opportunity to meet in person if you wanted to say anything or get closure, which is considerate of him. I think that for a short relationship, he's handled it in the best possible way.

It's never nice to be broken up with, but it sounds like you weren't that into him, and he's behaved fairly and respectfully to you, so I don't really see why you're so upset? You would have preferred a phone call, okay - well why not call him yourself now and say whatever you want to say?

Think of it as a lucky escape! He sounds very self-absorbed. Block him and move on, you don't need to meet up with him to hear more about his feelings and reasons!

Why is it so bad you were out when he sent the email? When should he have sent it?

I do think you’re more cross that he got in there first TBH. It’s like you’re outraged he had the nerve to call it a day with you.

I think it’s good you left it a few days before responding and have kept dignified. Definitely don’t meet up with him to hear him whine on about his feelings etc. silly man. The email sounds waffly enough. At least you didn’t have to listen to him drivel on in a phone call or worse, in person.

Onwards and upwards OP.
💐

Seems a funny way to do it but maybe he was intending to have a call after explaining himself by email rather than take you by surprise.

Keep your dignity but no harm mentally giving him the benefit of the doubt at this point rather than being wound up. Perhaps it's what he himself would have preferred the other way round.

Obv since he chose to email, you really don't owe him a call so no need to have one.

If he knew you were out enjoying yourself he could have waited really but sometimes there things just need doing, especially if he sensed you felt awkward too (you don't mention it being your birthday or a significant celebration). See it as part of why he wasn't ideal for you if you would have considered the timing better before delivering bad news that wasn't urgent.

It was the right outcome, I wouldn't concentrate too much on the methods. Fact is, he's not the man for you so he's saved you a job. Continue to take it gracefully on the chin.

i think there’s is some merit for doing it let’s say over text rather than in person if it has been a short lived relationship. But email sounds very outdated.
You’ve had a lucky escape - he may have sensed the change in you and pre-emoted being dumped. This has happened to me so many times now.

Rather get the email than a whole evening out listening to his feelings... spend that time money and outfit in a pub on a date instead op

I did think that @occhiazzurri . I think also thought he was peeved I hadn't told him I loved him. He also said he needed to be needed, so perhaps I wasn't needy enough for him. But I was being cautious and it was only 4 months!

But the fact is I did really like him and before the weekend at least, thought we would be staying together. So I am upset by the email and angry with how he did it.

Anyway, yes, onward and upwards.

Had he just come out of a relationship?
Sometimes it happens like that when a guy jumps from one to another without anytime to work on himself.

@Mumtogirlss I haven’t met a single middle aged man who had worked on themselves - they were all jumping from one person to the next. Lesson learned.

what you've described is Bunny boiler behaviour. Unable to accept someone's decision to part company,

Whichever method he chose to say "I'm calling time" it doesn't change the outcome.

i actually don't understand why people are slagging him off. He has every right to say it's over. The OP by her own admission is saying she's more pissed off she didn't get there first!

Yeah I think he needs to do work on himself. The whole email was about his midlife crisis and how he feels about his life, his future etc.

Had been single a little while though although did go on a lot about the mother of his child (who was a few relationships ago).

He's sounding better all the time isn't he?!

Let me guess, works hard, being a dad is hard bla bla and he needs to feel needed because all he does is stuff for everyone else. 🤣

I'm not questioning his right to end the relationship for any reason he wants! (of course he's wrong, because I'm fantastic). And I'm not going to challenge it or beg him back or do anything.

it's just the mode of ending it is so cowardly and gives me no way to have a two way discussion about it at all - even though I'd probably have been very calm and dignified.

This.

I get why you are hurt though, I would be too.

Yup my ex walked out after Christmas nearly a decade together and two children. No warning just left and dumped me by phone. So you had a lucky escape Helen..

But he has offered to meet up. There us not much he could have done right by the sounds of things

Honestly tell him no need for more explanation decisions made good luck next time etc and if he persists block him because then he really is weird because no-one NEEDS to hear all your reasons unless they want to