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Original poster

Dumped by email

118 replies

HelenHywater · 04/03/2024 16:56

And it really sucks! It was a pretty short (4-5 months) relationship but really intense. And we were very serious.

We'd just been away for the weekend which wasn't wholly successful, and I was having doubts myself, but still! It has really shocked and upset me. And he thinks of himself as a sensitive man.

I've been very dignified so far, just a cool response. He's trying to see me so he can explain more (about his blummin' feelings), but I've declined for now.

I really think I deserved at least a fucking phone call!

OP posts:
stripes92 · 04/03/2024 20:03

Maybe I'm odd but for a short term relationship like that I'd much rather be dumped by text or email rather than a phone call or in person.

Starspangledrodeopony · 04/03/2024 20:15

He didn't say I found him annoying, just that he sensed a "distance in himself".

😂😂😂 he sounds unbearable.

VaddaABeetch · 04/03/2024 20:19

Well he wants the best of both worlds. End by email
and meet up to discuss how sad he is?

You’re probably a bit stung with disappointment as you thought he was a keeper before the weekend.

just leave it. Don’t meet him Don’t answer calls or emails.

fatphalange · 04/03/2024 20:35

Urgh what a tosser. I wouldn't have been able to resist a short, 'thanks, I feel the same way- this email was the clincher. All the best working on yourself' and then blocked 😂

taylorswift1989 · 04/03/2024 20:36

HelenHywater · 04/03/2024 19:58

I'm not questioning his right to end the relationship for any reason he wants! (of course he's wrong, because I'm fantastic). And I'm not going to challenge it or beg him back or do anything.

it's just the mode of ending it is so cowardly and gives me no way to have a two way discussion about it at all - even though I'd probably have been very calm and dignified.

He offered to meet up so if you want that two way discussion you could have it.

I don't think he's actually done anything wrong. You clearly don't like or respect him much, but it seems like he's treated you fairly and with respect. You didn't like being broken up with by email, but a lot of people would find that preferable, and it's not like he hasn't offered to have a face to face conversation with you. I think you're being unfair, honestly.

Not every break up has to have a villain.

BinkyBeaufort · 04/03/2024 20:46

Spot on Taylor.
How exactly do we expect to be broken up with when a very new relationship clearly isn't working for both parties?
Text, email, phone call, face-to-face?
However it's done one party is going to feel aggrieved or upset and the other will feel awkward/mean/ unsure of the best way to go about it.
Just tell him you agree it wasn't going as well as you'd both hoped, wish him well and move on.

GreyCarpet · 04/03/2024 21:01

stripes92 · 04/03/2024 20:03

Maybe I'm odd but for a short term relationship like that I'd much rather be dumped by text or email rather than a phone call or in person.

Same.

I don't really understand the need for 'in person' or a phone call. I mean, how can that be any better?

I've only ever ended one relationship in person. I've always done it by text otherwise.

Original poster
HelenHywater · 04/03/2024 21:03

Yes I know that I'm going to be aggrieved for being broken up with however it happened. And I did like him, so I am upset.

But for me, I would have preferred a conversation. And he hasn't offered that - he wants to talk to me more to tell me more about his feelings. I'm not going to email or speak to him, but I am upset. He knew this was a crap way to end it.

OP posts:
Hotgirlwinter · 04/03/2024 21:07

Better than a post it note.

IYKYK!

Sorry OP, that is a very annoying and not good form at all.

Try and draw a line, you had doubts for a reason and this now solidifies your thoughts I imagine

SuperMaria · 04/03/2024 21:21

I've only ever ended one relationship in person. I've always done it by text otherwise.

You're saying this from the perspective of the dumper. Did the dumpee think it was better to be dumped by text? Unless you're literally just dating, it's pretty brutal

taylorswift1989 · 04/03/2024 21:26

HelenHywater · 04/03/2024 21:03

Yes I know that I'm going to be aggrieved for being broken up with however it happened. And I did like him, so I am upset.

But for me, I would have preferred a conversation. And he hasn't offered that - he wants to talk to me more to tell me more about his feelings. I'm not going to email or speak to him, but I am upset. He knew this was a crap way to end it.

He's offered a conversation - you could have taken him up on it.

If he'd done the 'we need to talk' thing and broke up with you in person, you might well be feeling like he sprung it on you and you didn't have time to process your response. Personally after a couple of months dating I would prefer an email or text message than a face to face or phone conversation. Gives me the chance to respond in a way that I choose rather than being blindsided.

Break ups are never easy and it's hard to know what to do for the best. Maybe he didn't handle it the way you would have liked, but it wasn't shitty. It was just not how you would have done it. It doesn't make him a bad person. Try to appreciate the good things you got from the relationship, learn from the not so good things, and move on without bitterness.

taylorswift1989 · 04/03/2024 21:30

SuperMaria · 04/03/2024 21:21

I've only ever ended one relationship in person. I've always done it by text otherwise.

You're saying this from the perspective of the dumper. Did the dumpee think it was better to be dumped by text? Unless you're literally just dating, it's pretty brutal

Personally I've been dumped by text and found it much preferable to a conversation. It gave me a chance to process my feelings and I could take time to formulate a response.

I'm not sure why people don't like it? It's maybe an introvert/extrovert thing? I've got adhd, maybe that's why I prefer to have time to process? Someone needs to do a survey!

WandaWonder · 04/03/2024 21:33

So you dont want to be with them and was going to break up with them but as they got in first you are now annoyed

just move on, sure could have told you but you didnt want to be with them anyway so just move on

JJathome · 04/03/2024 22:09

HelenHywater · 04/03/2024 21:03

Yes I know that I'm going to be aggrieved for being broken up with however it happened. And I did like him, so I am upset.

But for me, I would have preferred a conversation. And he hasn't offered that - he wants to talk to me more to tell me more about his feelings. I'm not going to email or speak to him, but I am upset. He knew this was a crap way to end it.

Well I mean he has, he’s offered to explain, I’m sure he doesn’t mean you need to sit there in silence.

i think you’re just hurt and upset,as you thought it possibly had legs, and he was done.

there was no good way to end it. I’m not sure really the method is rhe issue even though you keep saying it is. I think it’s the simple fact he dumped you.

JoantheVampireSlayer · 04/03/2024 22:23

My husband ended our 10 year marriage by text.

Be thankful you got out early OP...

Quadruplee · 04/03/2024 22:56

This makes me think of that episode Carrie got dumped by a
post-it note in sex and the city!

Sorry OP, just put him in your rear view and carry on.

Roryhon · 04/03/2024 23:57

It sounds like he wasn’t rude. Ok a bit flowery, but so what?. You didn’t totally enjoy your weekend away, sounds like he didn’t either. So he ended it in a way he felt comfortable with and offered to meet up if you needed more explanation. It sounds fine to me. He wasn’t the devil incarnate, he just wasn’t quite right for you. When you’ve licked your wounds and calmed down you’ll probably see that.

mumda · 05/03/2024 00:01

Reply
"Thank god"

ShrubRose · 05/03/2024 00:24

"I've been very dignified so far, just a cool response. He's trying to see me so he can explain more (about his blummin' feelings), but I've declined for now."

@HelenHywater
IMO, you've handled it just about perfectly.

Nothing about his feelings need interest you further.
Naturally, you're upset, but he doesn't need to know that, and any further contact will just prolong the recovery period.
There doesn't seem to be a basis for one of those we-broke-up-but-we're-still-friends situations. He didn't handle it that way.

I think you just walk away now. You'll be fine.

kkloo · 05/03/2024 01:17

drumbeats · 04/03/2024 17:53

I think when people end things some people will see them as the villain no matter how they did it.

OP you yourself had doubts and have said you just wished you'd got in first. So it it more hating being rejected rather than hating the fact that he dumped you.

It wasn't right. You both felt it. He said it. And as for talking about how he felt, surely that's better than just a one liner saying 'it's not working'.

I don't think he did anything wrong

Agreed.
I don't see anything wrong with sending an email to end a short term relationship.

Perhaps he wouldn't have been able to get all the words out if it was on the phone. Maybe through his previous experiences he thought email was the kindest way also.

He also offered to meet up to discuss more with the OP which a lot of people actually want after someone breaks up with them.
OP doesn't want that so it shows that there's no right way really!

If he hadn't explained his feelings then he'd probably be the bad guy too!

Louise303 · 05/03/2024 02:22

What a coward your best off without him he is probably wondering why you have not reacted more. He now wants to see you but its not out of concern for you I would block him and not respond.

Beaverbridge · 05/03/2024 02:54

Ignore him. He probably wants to bleat on about himself. Let him wonder what you, re up to.

JJathome · 05/03/2024 06:51

Beaverbridge · 05/03/2024 02:54

Ignore him. He probably wants to bleat on about himself. Let him wonder what you, re up to.

I suspect he’s hoping against hope she doesn’t take him up on his offer to discuss. If he wanted to bleat on he’d have called her to end it.

JJathome · 05/03/2024 06:53

mumda · 05/03/2024 00:01

Reply
"Thank god"

That makes her look like she’s totally incapable and has no agency in her own life, and just stays in relationships that don’t work. Not a good look,

a simple, no need to discuss, hope things work out for you.

and leave it there,

Julianne65 · 05/03/2024 08:17

There’s never a good way to dump someone and I hate having the phone call or meeting up face to face. I actually prefer text or email. I can usually tell when someone has
decoded to end it so usually when it happens it’s somewhat of a relief. I don’t think the email was a bad move from him. It didn’t work out, not much else to it. I wouldn’t want to meet up with him to discuss it though.