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Original poster

Boyfriend plans to move 2 hours away

105 replies

Creamorjam · 01/03/2024 23:24

Opinions /advice / previous experience.
I’m a single mum & new to dating in my 50’s with teenagers still at home with me . My boyfriend of one year is an every other weekend dad to 1 tween .He plans on moving 2 hours away to live with an old Work friend & his wife & be closer to his mum & siblings have more disposable income .But says he’ll visit and stay with me when he’s not having his son .Am I just wasting my time at this stage ? Or am I missing a trick ? Is this the way forwards ?

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 01/03/2024 23:29

So he's going to travel 2 hours every weekend, either to visit you or collect his son? Doesn't seem much point in moving to be near people if he's hardly there!

That aside, the answer totally depends on what you want out of a relationship at this point! For some, a sort of part time deal (every other weekend) would he the perfect balance, but for others it would leave them feeling unimportant and a bit shit.

Picklestop · 01/03/2024 23:30

I think it depends what you want. It wouldn’t be for me as I think I would prefer a relationship to progress and this appears to be the opposite.

Photonb · 01/03/2024 23:31

Well you know what he can do don’t you? Piss right off!

Codlingmoths · 01/03/2024 23:32

You sound extremely useful to him. He gets to come and have somewhere to stay on his child free time.
i would bet friend and his wife, especially his wife, will not warm to this as a permanent arrangement. He has sold staying with you to them as they will get their house back to themselves regularly. You say to him clearly I don’t know if I want a long distance relationship, I don’t think it will work out.

TwylaSands · 01/03/2024 23:34

But says he’ll visit and stay with me when he’s not having his son .Am I just wasting my time at this stage?
100%. Homeless. Cannot house his own child. Plans to always stay with you so you can house him, and presumably feed him, pay for his showers and other comforts, while he lodges elsewhere so he has more fun money for himself?

In what ways does he enhance your life?

Sconenjam · 01/03/2024 23:35

You don’t sound like a priority for him so I’d dump and move on.

If he was into you he’d want to move closer not further away.

VanCleefArpels · 01/03/2024 23:35

Would you move 2 hours away from someone with whom you want to progress a relationship?

No, me either…..

Aquamarine1029 · 01/03/2024 23:36

He's not invested, op. You know this.

Whether you keep wasting your time on him is up to you, but this relationship will never go any further.

PaminaMozart · 01/03/2024 23:39

What's the saying......... Never treat someone as a priority if they merely consider you an option? Or words to that effect...

p1ppyL0ngstocking · 01/03/2024 23:39

Cocklodger alert 🚨 🚨🚨

TempleOfBloom · 01/03/2024 23:39

Where does his son live? And where will he spend his weekends with his son? At the friend’s? A teen will travel 2 hours every fortnight to sleep in his Dad’s workmates spare room?

Sounds like such a bad plan in every way that it must be a ruse for something

Redshoeblueshoe · 01/03/2024 23:40

LTB

Opentooffers · 01/03/2024 23:40

Any chance he's too embarrassed to admit to having money problems and is actually moving in with his Mom - but it sounds better if it's 'mates'.
I can't imagine an adult couple would love him moving in and having his DC there EOW, his mom however....now that would make sense.

LittleGreenDragons · 01/03/2024 23:42

I'm assuming he's a similar age to you.

I don't know many parents who would rather surf on their mates sofa instead of putting a roof over their own head so they can have their child over, even a bedsit would be preferable. I doubt his mate and wife will be thrilled about this arrangement for long. More to the point who moves to be nearer to mum but sofa surfs with a mate? Also where is his child living - near you or near his mate?

Basically this man is a waste of space, including relationship wise.

Grendell · 01/03/2024 23:45

Is it a stealth move in with you? It all starts out so innocent....

Original poster
Creamorjam · 01/03/2024 23:48

LittleGreenDragons · 01/03/2024 23:42

I'm assuming he's a similar age to you.

I don't know many parents who would rather surf on their mates sofa instead of putting a roof over their own head so they can have their child over, even a bedsit would be preferable. I doubt his mate and wife will be thrilled about this arrangement for long. More to the point who moves to be nearer to mum but sofa surfs with a mate? Also where is his child living - near you or near his mate?

Basically this man is a waste of space, including relationship wise.

Edited

His friend has an annexe in his garden which he is offering him so he doesn’t have to continue to pay rent on his current home .. yes it has made me think that I’m just a connivence . And us both being in our 50’s is this really the way forwards as without sounding too morbid or fatalistic life is short !

OP posts:
Sconenjam · 01/03/2024 23:50

Grendell · 01/03/2024 23:45

Is it a stealth move in with you? It all starts out so innocent....

This, so living away for longish spells but having the convenience of being able to move back in with you when it suits him. Sounds like a user. As pp said” cocklodger alert “

crumblingschools · 01/03/2024 23:54

Where does his son live with mum, near you or near his mates?

Original poster
Creamorjam · 01/03/2024 23:54

TwylaSands · 01/03/2024 23:34

But says he’ll visit and stay with me when he’s not having his son .Am I just wasting my time at this stage?
100%. Homeless. Cannot house his own child. Plans to always stay with you so you can house him, and presumably feed him, pay for his showers and other comforts, while he lodges elsewhere so he has more fun money for himself?

In what ways does he enhance your life?

Edited

Yep that’s how he sees it but sells it to me saying think of how much extra income ‘we’ will have ti spend on us as he won’t be forking out on rent big time .

OP posts:
TwylaSands · 01/03/2024 23:55

Creamorjam · 01/03/2024 23:54

Yep that’s how he sees it but sells it to me saying think of how much extra income ‘we’ will have ti spend on us as he won’t be forking out on rent big time .

Show quote history

Sah that‘s great. So if i just take £xxx off you to cover your expenses when you're here…

Original poster
Creamorjam · 01/03/2024 23:58

crumblingschools · 01/03/2024 23:54

Where does his son live with mum, near you or near his mates?

His son currently lives 10 minutes away from him with his mum but an hour from me . The future move will be closer to his son still compared to mine .
i do feel that a year of dating is still early for us to be moving in together ( he also seems bothered by my responsibilities to my teenagers ) such is life

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 02/03/2024 00:00

He's probably going to live with another woman.
No guy lets their pal just move in with them when they have a wife (well, not unless he wants a divorce).

And does your partner have no shame even considering such a thing!?

MaryHoppins · 02/03/2024 00:03

I think I'd give up on him. Unless you like the part time relationship.

Original poster
Creamorjam · 02/03/2024 00:09

Pinkbonbon · 02/03/2024 00:00

He's probably going to live with another woman.
No guy lets their pal just move in with them when they have a wife (well, not unless he wants a divorce).

And does your partner have no shame even considering such a thing!?

His pal is offering him the annexe in his large garden

OP posts:
Original poster
Creamorjam · 02/03/2024 00:10

MaryHoppins · 02/03/2024 00:03

I think I'd give up on him. Unless you like the part time relationship.

That’s what I’m wondering 🤔..do I want part time at this age

OP posts:
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