Page 2 | Boyfriend plans to move 2 hours away

Creamorjam · 2024-03-01T23:24:32+00:00

Opinions /advice / previous experience. I’m a single mum & new to dating in my 50’s with teenagers still at home with me . My boyfriend of one year is an every other weekend dad to 1 tween .He plans on moving 2 hours away to live with an old Work friend & his wife & be closer to his mum & siblings have more disposable income .But says he’ll visit and stay with me when he’s not having his son .Am I just wasting my time at this stage ? Or am I missing a trick ? Is this the way forwards ?

Bobbybobbins · 02/03/2024 00:12

p1ppyL0ngstocking · 01/03/2024 23:39

Cocklodger alert 🚨 🚨🚨

💯

twingiraffes · 02/03/2024 00:23

He's not much of a catch, is he? Not only is he a middle-aged man so incompetent with money he has to go and live in a glorified shed an annexe in someone's garden many miles away, but he doesn't much like you having responsibilities towards your dc either.

Catoo · 02/03/2024 00:39

It would be a no from me

Porkfest · 02/03/2024 00:55

Think what you have got to look forward to - shagging in the shed of his mate and his wife.

In the bin.

chrisfromcardiff · 02/03/2024 00:56

Creamorjam · 02/03/2024 00:10

That’s what I’m wondering 🤔..do I want part time at this age

Show quote history

It's not just the part time thing. It's that, at 50, his financial situation is such that he has to live in his friend's annex when he sees his son (for free) and then will stay with you when not there (for free). He seems like a bit of a loser. For that reason alone I would tell him the relationship has come to an end.

user1492757084 · 02/03/2024 01:02

I would keep going out with him if he is a nice fellow in al other respects and if his plan is to save for a house deposit. You don't want him living with you yet so see how it pans out. It might be very good for your teenagers to have their own space for another couple of years.

kkloo · 02/03/2024 02:15

So his son lives 10 minutes away from him but he only has him EOW?
Why? Does he not bother with him during the week?

If that's the amount of effort he puts into his child then you shouldn't be surprised that he doesn't value your relationship either.

Tatonka · 02/03/2024 02:50

Tbh it makes sense him living closer to his kids and siblings so not sure why he's getting a hard time from others. If he's willing to travel to you mostly, then I don't see what the issue is. Given you only see each other weekend it's not that full on, so it might still work.

GreatGateauxsby · 02/03/2024 04:30

Absolutely wasting your time.

Total cocklodger in the making and sounds like a deadbeat dad to boot.

You are a glorified no cost holiday inn with free food and drink on tap.

Run dont walk.

Original poster

Creamorjam · 02/03/2024 06:47

GreatGateauxsby · 02/03/2024 04:30

Absolutely wasting your time.

Total cocklodger in the making and sounds like a deadbeat dad to boot.

You are a glorified no cost holiday inn with free food and drink on tap.

Run dont walk.

This has also crossed my mind .‘He suggested’ he'd be willing to make a small contribution as when he visits me he’ll often stay for a week .

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Original poster

Creamorjam · 02/03/2024 06:48

Tatonka · 02/03/2024 02:50

Tbh it makes sense him living closer to his kids and siblings so not sure why he's getting a hard time from others. If he's willing to travel to you mostly, then I don't see what the issue is. Given you only see each other weekend it's not that full on, so it might still work.

He’ll often stay the week at mine that he doesn’t have his tween .

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Original poster

Creamorjam · 02/03/2024 06:51

Picklestop · 01/03/2024 23:30

I think it depends what you want. It wouldn’t be for me as I think I would prefer a relationship to progress and this appears to be the opposite.

I have also wondered this

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Original poster

Creamorjam · 02/03/2024 06:52

Picklestop · 01/03/2024 23:30

I think it depends what you want. It wouldn’t be for me as I think I would prefer a relationship to progress and this appears to be the opposite.

I am wondering this re progression

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Loubelle70 · 02/03/2024 06:58

OP...no.
You need stability so does your DC. Hes pulling away OP...lets call it slowly ghosting...are you sure hes not met someone nearer his son?. Believe me ..it wont work.
Hes gonna come to you and stay for the week and give you small contribution? Small? Cocklodger for sure.
Nm all of this...the deal breaker for me would be when he mentioned about my DC. Id be outta there and I'm same age as you. We haven't time to waste on these sort of men ..lifes short...get back onto OLD...or dating and throw this opportunist back.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 02/03/2024 06:58

Oh bin him off, honestly. Everything about him sounds off putting.

He's probably biding his time til he can move in with you and give you £20 a week towards the house. Cos he doesn't "cost you that much anyway and you were already paying the bills without me here".

How nice of him to invite himself to yours for weeks at a time

Original poster

Creamorjam · 02/03/2024 07:04

user1492757084 · 02/03/2024 01:02

I would keep going out with him if he is a nice fellow in al other respects and if his plan is to save for a house deposit. You don't want him living with you yet so see how it pans out. It might be very good for your teenagers to have their own space for another couple of years.

I know he would like a better car & i do
get treated nicely otherwise by him but wonder at my age if I’m being strung along like some connivence.

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SignoraVolpe · 02/03/2024 07:08

As he asked your opinion or told you of his plans?
Do you want him in your house for a week getting his feet under the table?

I think he’s decided to move into yours by stealth.
Push back and tell him no to full weeks and just one weekend a month. His reaction will tell you a lot.

BCBird · 02/03/2024 07:09

I'm.going to ho against the grain here snd say, why can't this work? What do u both want from.ur relationship? Will u be able to ho and see him coukd u look on it as an opportunity of going away? I had a great relationship with somone who.lived 3 and h journey away. It worked for us. Sometimes we would meet half way. We were too in our 50s

Original poster

Creamorjam · 02/03/2024 07:10

kkloo · 02/03/2024 02:15

So his son lives 10 minutes away from him but he only has him EOW?
Why? Does he not bother with him during the week?

If that's the amount of effort he puts into his child then you shouldn't be surprised that he doesn't value your relationship either.

I’m told that’s how his child’s mother wants it .he used to see him in the week aswell .

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Original poster

Creamorjam · 02/03/2024 07:13

BCBird · 02/03/2024 07:09

I'm.going to ho against the grain here snd say, why can't this work? What do u both want from.ur relationship? Will u be able to ho and see him coukd u look on it as an opportunity of going away? I had a great relationship with somone who.lived 3 and h journey away. It worked for us. Sometimes we would meet half way. We were too in our 50s

Thanks BCBIRD It would be tricky for me to leave mine at home alone often to visit him . Can I ask what happened with you in the end ? Are you still together?

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BCBird · 02/03/2024 07:14

Just saw he apparently coming to u for a week? 🙄

kiwiane · 02/03/2024 07:15

So he’s not keen on living with your teenagers but expects to stay for a week at a time every other week. At least his friends offered him their place to live - he’s decided he’s your cocklodger!
Let him go - it’s not clear where his son is staying when he sees him or has he not figured that out yet or just not told you it’s with you?
I would split with him now before you become an unwilling part of his plans. Surely you can do better and it’s not fair to have him around your own children if he’s not keen?
As saving money is his focus, you can bet his ‘small contribution’ won’t cover his costs.

Original poster

Creamorjam · 02/03/2024 07:29

kiwiane · 02/03/2024 07:15

So he’s not keen on living with your teenagers but expects to stay for a week at a time every other week. At least his friends offered him their place to live - he’s decided he’s your cocklodger!
Let him go - it’s not clear where his son is staying when he sees him or has he not figured that out yet or just not told you it’s with you?
I would split with him now before you become an unwilling part of his plans. Surely you can do better and it’s not fair to have him around your own children if he’s not keen?
As saving money is his focus, you can bet his ‘small contribution’ won’t cover his costs.

Edited

Thanks Kiwiane ..it’s not sounding too great is it .. my place is too small to have his son stay at mine the weekends & he’s reluctant to have him around my older teens who tbf have been a rather rebellious & lazy handful for me but are good kids at heart .
and yep..he plans having his son at the annexe every other weekend aswell as taking him to stay at his grandmothers with him .
I've also thought this re my kids .yes they are older but they still have feelings too .

He has previously said in ‘jest’ that if it doesn’t work he’d have to move in with me ..makes me feel like some runner up prize

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BCBird · 02/03/2024 07:31

Creamorjam we are not as he passed away. He had an adult child and I don't have children. Hope u get things sorted

Zanatdy · 02/03/2024 07:33

I don’t see a problem with this. He’s moving closer to his son and family. You’ve been with him 1yr and as you both have kids that will inevitably mean you won’t have spent all day in each pockets in that year so it’s early days. Do you expect him to not do this move so he can live close to you still? I think that’s unfair. I assume he’s finding it tough paying rent and having limited disposable income. This sounds like a good move for him financially. Maybe he wants to save for a deposit for a house. I personally wouldn’t want him staying with me for a whole week at a time when I had kids still living at home, but a weekend would be fine.