Boyfriend plans to move 2 hours away

[Creamorjam]

Opinions /advice / previous experience.
I’m a single mum & new to dating in my 50’s with teenagers still at home with me . My boyfriend of one year is an every other weekend dad to 1 tween .He plans on moving 2 hours away to live with an old Work friend & his wife & be closer to his mum & siblings have more disposable income .But says he’ll visit and stay with me when he’s not having his son .Am I just wasting my time at this stage ? Or am I missing a trick ? Is this the way forwards ?

What happens if he falls out with the annexing owning friend or they sell up and move? His DM must be getting on now if he is in his 50s, she won't want him and he will be straight round to you for 'a temporary stay whilst he sorts himself out'.
Also suspect he is angling to retire early and live for free between the shed and you.

What do u both want from.ur relationship? Will u be able to ho and see him coukd u look on it as an opportunity of going away?

Shagging in the shed in some random couples garden?

Does he work? How can he spend a whole week at yours? Will he use up his annual leave.

You need to be really careful with this age group - don’t just look at what financial security they have built up to date - but what have they sorted for their retirement - or will you be funding that as well.

Even if he was sorted and you have no intention of relocating 2hrs away in the future what’s the point? Don’t waste these precious years on him - find someone better.

I wonder if the living arrangements in the shed are even legal ? Might be short lived.

Do you really want a man in his 50s who lives nowhere near you and lives in a shed his friend's garden?

he also seems bothered by my responsibilities to my teenagers

Yes I can imagine he eyeing up the time, emotional energy and money you direct to them when he could have it all....

How far away from his tween is he moving? Why did his xp cut his contact down from weekly to fortnightly? V unusual move?

Whats his relationship history?

my place is too small to have his son stay at mine the weekends & he’s reluctant to have him around my older teens who tbf have been a rather rebellious & lazy handful for me but are good kids at heart .... I've also thought this re my kids .yes they are older but they still have feelings too

You need to focus your time, emotional energy and headspace on support and encouraging your teens to become better behaved, self sufficient and independent.

Bring a hostile tight entitled male into their home for a week every other week prevent you from achieving that. There will be conflict and chaos and your teenagers bad behaviour will be exacerbated which you will bear the brunt of.

Kick him to the kerb and invest your time and energy turning your teens around - that will be the best investment in your life in the long term.

Wait... so he's choosing to move away from his own child? And now choosing to move 2 hours away from his g/f. All to live in a shed?

He's a deadbeat dad. He's a useless boyfriend. He's financially incompetent. Is he moving away from his job too?

Future cocklodger alert, no doubt he's got one eye on your house. And the worrying thing is he doesn't like your children either. He'll be throwing them out of their home as soon as they reach uni age. You want that future?

He is currently renting a 2 bed house on his house on his own

He works from home

Great, but is planning to live in someone’s garden, and barely sees his child. Gross. Put your kids first, and safeguard your finances, as PPs have pointed out.

Not sure why you’re glossing over the obvious red flags people are pointing out, and are telling us fun facts about Shed Man 😄

He’ll be moving half hour away from his tween . His ex plans to move his tween a couple of hours away .
The every other weekend was his ex idea for structure apparently. They share school holidays between them

Well, he's downsizing his areas of responsibilities isn't he?

He's moving into his friends annexe, he'll get his mother to look after the son.

He's reducing his commitments and increasing his reliance on others to meet his needs.

Be wary of that trajectory in his life.

He works from home. What does he work at?

"he also seems bothered by my responsibilities to my teenagers"
He gets irked when someone else has responsibilities that takes attention off him.

Yes everything goes fine as long as his needs are being met, as long as attention is being danced on him, it's all lovely.

His ex’s idea, that he went along with. Deadbeat dad indeed.

You’ve not done well with this dating choice.

I think I'd work out how much you think he should pay per night that he's staying.
Shower, gas and water
Working from home, WiFi heating and electric
Food, meals snacks and drinks
Contribution towards wear and tear.

And don't be stingy with your calculations. Just show him the final figure, no breakdown that he can argue with.

And then you'll see if you're valued, that he doesn't want you to be out of pocket etc

Or are you a means to an end?

I’m told that’s how his child’s mother wants it .he used to see him in the week aswell

And if this was your child, would you simply accept the other parent telling you you can only see your child once every other week and not in the week, even though you used to?

Or would you move heaven and earth to see your child more often?

Says quite a bit that he has just accepted it tbh. How disappointing.

This.

Don't you want more than this OP? Being single is better than this.

@Lucy377 its irrelevant what the mans job is. More concerning that the OP is choosing to date a (soon to be) shed dweller who is deadbeat trash and doesn’t like her kids. She shouldn’t be dating at all until she raises her standards stratospherically.

Try it for 6mths to see how it goes, If it works would you consider buying a place with him and moving in together?

@BlueGrey1 thats a terrible idea, why would OP risk her financial security, her kids happiness and their inheritance, just to live with this shit man?

The every other weekend was his ex idea for structure apparently.

Apparently......

He didn’t think it was worth fighting to see his child more? Deadbeat Dad.

“Structure” - wonder if that really means reliability and to minimise conflict with him being obstructive, difficult and confrontational at hangovers.

What’s his story as to why their marriage failed?

Also don’t believe he gave her the house and pays maintenance. No court would agree to that. Suggest that’s not true and he uses this as an excuse to financial exploit others.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

See him every other week-end and continue to date other men in the meantime. Thats the best of both worlds. You get to have a nice date now and again but keep your options open. It's what a man would do!

This sounds like another situation that I know about.
The bf lived with relatives, not sure how long for, used to have their two DD's there every other weekend I think, possibly not nights always because of set up. And had to get a court order.

Gf's place at the time was a one bed with her DD from previous, so bf stayed sometimes I think. Basically having it away with the mother whilst child slept in same bedroom.

Go forward a few years, gf gets a two bed flat, so bf stays more, and what a result he then gets to have his DC at hers when he has them every other weekend and holidays 🤦‍♀️
But apparently doesn't live there lol, that's for the purpose of the benefits too.
So where does he live then 🤔
Because he rarely goes to the other place now, that's where 1 of two vehicles are left, most likely because at the gf's would need a permit. And maybe some of his stuff and he keeps his name registered at that address but that doesn't mean you live there. It's convenient to not change it all over if not necessary.

They then had a DC together probably a plan on both minds to be a means to an end for something.
So now bf is there literally 6/7 days a week.

These kinds of men make me sick.

When he stays at yours does he buy a big grocery shop, or anything like that.
Does he buy you and the teens a takeaway or a meal out.

Does he recognize the costs you have...or does he really not recognise all that and acts like a guest, getting food bought and cooked for him without saying a word, and taking stuff from fridge like a teenager.

Does he constantly offer to replace food he's eaten? Does he help with housework etc.

So does he show he recognizes you as an equal adult parent same as him, who has financial commitments, and responsibilities to your children? Is it apparent that he is aware that staying at yours for days, incurs extra costs in a household?

But what if a court granted that, as I know of one situation that I've mentioned on this thread, and the father lives far from the children so I think that is one reason for the EOW.
But then holidays the father used to leave the kids with his gf 🤣🤣 it doesn't matter whether she offered or not that to me is a p take. Doesn't matter that he was going to work, so you have to support their career too 🤦‍♀️😂

my older teens who tbf have been a rather rebellious & lazy handful for me but are good kids at heart .!

Maybe focus on your children and park the boyfriend issue in the meantime...