Stories of stingiest first dates

[frtedsbed]

Just comparing experiences here at a friends ... jaw dropping stuff!

Mine asked me to transfer money for a coffee and cake after our first date which was a walk and feeding the ducks.
I thought we were going for lunch ... that was the original invite.
Another asked me to transfer money to r a takeaway having offered to pay for my child and I , as he stayed at mine every weekend. Both ended there and then !

She said the time and effort seemed excessive. I’d agree.
It doesn’t take most people five hours to get ready.

First term at university I dated a second year student, the son of a millionaire farmer. He (the son) wore Armani suits and boasted about his fancy lifestyle, including how every Sunday he and his public school chums would go to Parminter's and spend "far too much" on lunch. Sure enough, one weekend he invited me to go with him, and I was thrilled to be treated to a meal at what I assumed was a five star restaurant. Parminter's turned out to be the name of the sandwich shop on the corner next to the college, and I had to buy my own sandwich. The whole time we were together (only two or three weeks, but still...) he never once put his hand in his pocket, not even to buy me a bitter lemon from the college bar. (45p if I remember rightly.) I deeply regret putting up with him, the stingy negging bastard, and hanging around pathetically until he dumped me because "my friends think you're common". Ouch.

I met up with a guy in my early 20's I was keen on and paid for a couple of games of ten pin bowling, which wasn't cheap! He then proceeded to tell me how if his fave female celeb walked in now, it would be "Bye bye, randomfemthinker". OUCH! Afterwards, I drove us to a local pub for a pub meal and he went to pay on his card! I did the polite thing of offering my half in cash and he ACCEPTED it! To top it all off, he was in a decent job and I was a student at the time.

After this experience and at 51, I firmly believe that if a man isn't fighting with me to pay the bill on a first date then he just isn't that into me or does NOT have the morals that I personally would seek in a partner. Put simply, the vast majority of men who insist on splitting bills for coffee dates and so on are the same guys who women are moaning about on here years into the relationship referring to them as cocklodgers or having to fund their own children or maternity cover.

Whilst I have always since this date offered to pay my own way still or would offer a round of drinks after he's got a couple, I would be kind of disappointed if they wanted to go 50/50 as it says a lot about their sense of character and how they value me. Having said that, though, I don't feel men should have to pay for expensive dates - keeping it simple is fine, a coffee date and a walk to get to know someone. Great! One of my favourite dates was meeting a guy and randomly chatting for hours swinging on a swing in a park so I'm all for not lining the pockets of capitalism and "keeping things simple" but if a man invited me to a place he chose like a restaurant, I would expect him to be fighting me for the bill! Otherwise grabbing a coffee and covering both coffee's is fine. Dating shouldn't be expensive for anyone and I think people of all income brackets deserve love over our unfair economic system, anyway.

I don't get how splitting a bill is stingy. That would be my preference on a first date. Very old fashioned to expect a man to offer to pay for everything.

I would only ever split the bill in half on dates.

If i was not feeling it, I would not let them pay 100% for the first date. The only expecting would be if there was sure to be a second date and I would pay.

God help my sons

That is not stingy. Thats splitting the bill. Why should he pay your bar bill on a date?

I was 18 and a guy asked me to go to the cinema. I genuinely left my purse in a different jacket but realised two minutes after he picked me up so I asked him to go back. He refused but spent the whole time making resentful jibes about having to pay for me. It was a hot summer too and he got himself a drink but refused to get me one.

There wasn’t a second date.

In the early days of OLD - about 2006 -ish, I'd have been late 20s - the men always paid for dinner, but during the course of the meal I'd get the Spanish Inquisition about my finances, and particularly whether I owned or rented. These men were always outraged and acted like I'd catfished them when I told them I was renting privately and on tax credits (DD2 was about 18 months old at this point). All their conversation was about their crazy exes bleeding them dry and how outrageous it was that they could only afford a tiny house in zone whatever. Several bullets dodged, but I "couldn't help but wonder" (best Carrie Bradshaw voice) whether I would have seen a different, nicer side to these potential cocklodgers if I'd given the "right" answers to their questions...

That made me lol 😂

I'm genuinely surprised at how many women expect a man to pay because ...he's a man. Bizarre.

when I’ve dated we always pay our own respective share. That’s agreed at outset
Im now with my partner and we have separate monies andwhen out pay our respective individual shares. He drinks, eats meat. I don’t particularly drink and am vegetarian. So no I’m not splitting a bill I didn’t incur

I always feel so awkward when the bill comes and want to avoid the whole 'I'll pay, 50/50, you pay' dance whilst the waiter or waitress is stood there that I often just say 'I'll get this'. More than 50% of men have immediately sat back and said 'ok thanks' and seem totally happy for me to pay for both meals and drinks.

As well as this, even when I try to get a fair split (for example, we agree they pay for the activity and I pay for drinks) the activity will end up costing far, far less than the drinks I end up buying all night.

It puts me right off every time this happens even though it's partly my fault for not being assertive enough. I find it really awkward discussing money. Maybe because lots of men are so disparaging about women being after money that I'm trying to show I'm happy to pay my way - and then end up paying for a load of meals for insipid, selfish men.

The way the bill split he paid less than £1 more than me and later brought it up on the next date and said it in a way like I’d cheated him. I can’t imagine paying something like 40p more and then remembering it and bringing it up.

I’m all for splitting bills but this was extreme.

I've been out of the dating game a long time but when I do dip my toes back in there, yes if going for just one coffee I would expect the man to offer to pay for both. It's a small token/gesture to show he's a gentleman, and generous. It's a low stakes date, £10 tops. I would look down on a man who could even fork out £5 for a drink. A second drink, I would pay for. Take it in turns.
Dinner should be 50/50 as that is more expensive. Until the relationship became more steady where I think taking it in turns to oh for dates would be expected.

I'm happy to be fair and equal, but I've had a stingy husband which bordered on financial abuse, so I need a future partner to show they will not put me through that again. Whether that's fair or not, or old fashioned or out dated, I really don't care. If you refuse to pay for my first coffee, you are not the man for me

OH. ..wow...i have ZERO experience of EVER date a tight git....EVER . Its OK, I will get through this revelation. It does appear that whilst managing to date/love/live with/whats gotta be near about EVERY known undesireable in the full toon ,(lol)..i have skipt that page entirely..
yadda yadda empowered healing =rejoicing ALL positives .ha

You expect a man to pay because your ex was tight? How very peculiar

yes if going for just one coffee I would expect the man to offer to pay for both. It's a small token/gesture to show he's a gentleman, and generous

why? What if he expects you to pay to show you’re a woman and generous?

I've had a stingy husband which bordered on financial abuse, so I need a future partner to show they will not put me through that again
Paying for your coffee won’t show you anything of the sort.

I am with you

That's fine. I will pay but will not go on a second date.
It's okay for me to have my standards. I have no interest in dating anyone tbf, and I'd rather be alone forever with just my ddog then settle for "he will do"

Not really a stingy story but more a story of him trying to get a bargain deal.

Went on a first date with a man I'd met OLD. I'd made the mistake of talking to him for about 3 months before actually meeting him so by the time we did meet, it mistakenly felt like we knew each other.

He was quite wealthy (from what he'd told me) and paid for drinks and lunch but then afterwards pulls out this estate agent's brochure for a house he's put an offer on - a house 'for us'. It took me a minute to realise than when he said 'us', he was literally planning this weird future for the two of us. I remember nervously saying something like 'well, that's a long way down the line...' and he said, 'but I bought you lunch!!'

Apparently if someone buys you lunch, you are obliged to marry them. 🙄

I met up with a guy in my early 20's I was keen on and paid for a couple of games of ten pin bowling, which wasn't cheap! He then proceeded to tell me how if his fave female celeb walked in now, it would be "Bye bye, randomfemthinker". OUCH!
The best answer to that would be: “Well I hope she turns up soon or you’re in for a lonely evening. Goodbye!”

For what it is worth, I would always offer to go 50/50 on a first date but if I'm honest, I'd be secretly delighted if he refused the offer and insisted on paying.

Why? What is exciting about a man who’ll pick up the tab. I’d find it a bit aka& old fashioned

Date with as far as I was concerned an extremely wealthy guy, I was 18 and council estate girl, he was local lad done well, local property mogul who’d been asking me out for ages, date he picked me up in his Porsche, movies, my choice, I paid my own ticket and snacks then to the pub after where I bough my own britvit. He then proceeded to tell me I was the type of girl to be knocked up and in a council house in 2 years just like the rest of my cousins. One of my cousins had kids with his best mate and well he was well the worse sort of twat. O he also proceeded to call my cousins child who was about 8 years old.

Second said he wanted to take me somewhere special, I can’t remember what show it was but there was something on in the west end I was dying to see. I honestly didn’t take him seriously he was a classic squaddie just trying it on as far as I was concerned. Anyway he said he had tickets for the show and I met him even though I was still very sceptical, we went to the theatre and he tried blagging us into the show.

ExH, on our first date was ok, paid round for round, no dinner but I was very happy doing rounds, it’s my comfort zone, even level no expectations, I was extremely easy and going back to his when he tried to get me to do a runner from the taxi as he was skint after our night out. I was the one who should have done a runner!

Another one many years later, told me half way through dinner it was on him, he was all bigging it puffed chest out that he was spoiling me, I’d never let a man pay ever I was just about to say I can pay my own way when he produced a 2 for 1 voucher, apparently his mum gave up their regular date night so he could take me instead.

I hope you laughed at him as you declined.