Stories of stingiest first dates

[frtedsbed]

Just comparing experiences here at a friends ... jaw dropping stuff!

Mine asked me to transfer money for a coffee and cake after our first date which was a walk and feeding the ducks.
I thought we were going for lunch ... that was the original invite.
Another asked me to transfer money to r a takeaway having offered to pay for my child and I , as he stayed at mine every weekend. Both ended there and then !

In that case.. yes he was tight.

my post was clearly aimed at women who were dating with intent (it was there in the first sentence) but as usual- anything that is in favour of men occasionally doing shit for women has sent you into froth

not engaging with you any more- you’ll be banging on about SAHMs and how much you hate them in a minute, so no point @-ing me. Just report me to mumsnet if you are upset

That’s awful. My son is very kind and generous but also not earning much. He has suggested a walk as a first date before simply because he can’t afford a meal out. He isn’t mean by any means though.

So does mine....🤢

Mine was a second date when the penny dropped. On the first date we met in a museum that was free. The plan was to have a quick breakfast then short wander round. He was stuck in traffic so told me he’d meet in the cafe and just to order as he knew I’d come off a night shift. All fine, he bought his when he arrived but claimed the traffic had killed his appetite so just had a water.

The second date was in a different museum. I got a discount so bought the tickets and he was to buy lunch. When we were looking at the menu he read out the things they had - but only things that were up to the value of his cheap ticket, not any of the actual lunch things as they we’re all £1 or £2 more than the cheap tickets (but a good bit less than the full price ticket he was prepared to buy before he found out I got a discount as the museum was his suggestion!).

I commented on it and got a long, shouty rant about how early dates should be an exact split of costs and it was fucking ridiculous to expect otherwise. I told him I didn’t date men that shouted or swore at me and went and ordered my own lunch, which I ate at another table. He tried to pay and waffled about the split and I told him the £8 i paid for his ticket was worth the cost to find out how aggressive he got.

So people on low income shouldn’t date ?
what a load of judgy crap

I also used to refuse walking dates. It was obvious they just didn’t want to spend money

why should they spend money on someone they don’t know? I’m really perplexed - do women really really believe men should pay for their dates? I mean that’s gonna get pretty expensive. I wouldn’t want to spend even £30-40 on someone I end up never seeing again.

Why? It's condescending to assume that you're richer than I am just because you're a man.

I think it's fine to offer, to be clear, but I don't think it's gendered. If I was dating a woman or man I would offer, because as someone said above you are trying to show that you value their time and want to spend more time with them.

Did you pay?!?!

You can get the bill next time if you want- but the first day is for them to dance and peacock, as it is in the wild

By dance and peacock you mean spend money on you. wow that’s gross.

I thought we were going to dinner, the pub/restaurant smelt so good, I was starving . He got a round, I got a round and two packets of roast chicken crisps. He told me was skint, it didn’t put me off. I married him a year later and our first date was almost 30 years ago.

If a young woman thinks that’s a bad date because she’s after big spends, they’ve missed out and our ds have had very lucky escapes!

@Rubbishconfession

I don't understand these people who just pay it. I'd have just paid my share

She was embarrassed I think and just wanted to get out. She could afford it but it's not the point is it? Appalling manners.

You sound like a right pain in the arse.

I'd have blocked you too. Your behaviour was awful.

Thank God my son doesn’t earn enough for women like this.

Not me, but a friend of mine. The guy was very well off and had a holiday home at the coast about an hour from the city where they both lived. He invited her over (3rd date I think), he was already there and she doesn't drive so she took the train. They first wandered around all the bargain basement shops where he showed her where she could get M&S reject pants at a bargain price if she was interested (she wasn't, even though she normally does love a bargain 🤣) After wandering about in the cold for a couple of hours she suggested a coffee, he was too tight to go to a cafe so suggested they went back to his holiday flat. There he showed her around, proudly including a show of how he slept on towels to save the sheets getting threadbare (!!?). Finally he announced that he couldn't give her a lift home (as previously had been said) as his car was a sporty 2 seater but earlier in the day he had been to the supermarket and bought a load of reduced food and that took priority on the passenger seat!! She took the train home and oddly didn't see him again 😂

I understand the difference. And I'm mighty insulted by the idea that a man earns more money than me, just based off his sex.

Went on a date with guy who got there first and got himself a drink. I thought this was a but odd (I'd have waited for him if I'd gotten there first) but i didnt think yoo much of it. I sat down and we were chatting and he said "are you getting yourself a drink then?" Which felt a bit rude but again I didn't think too much if it.

He decided he didn't like that bar so we wandered around a few others and in every one he either ran to the bar to order his drink while I was taking off my coat. Or stood so far away from me to order it was like we weren't there together at all.
One barman asked us both what we'd like and my date literally shouted before I'd stopped talking "WE'RE PAYING SEPERATELY!"

I never expect to be paid for on a date but I think if you're out for drinks it's nice to do rounds at least.

My friend went in a coffee date where the guy turned up without his wallet apparently and told her she'd "have to get this one" she didn't. And he sat there awkwardly while she drank her coffee 😂

What a godawful post 🙄

My first ever date a boy invited me our local towns subway and said he would buy me a sandwich. We got there and he digs around in his pocket and says actually I only have enough for one, can we share? He was then so awkward about what he wanted that he ended up eating it all himself while I watched mouth agog. In his defence he was 16 and otherwise a sweet boy! I hope he improved his dating with age...

Yes it really is.

@HandsomeGreige when I was dating seriously for a long term partner it was really really important that I screen for people who would treat me as a person and not a domestic appliance to be paid for. I wanted someone who would treat me as an equal partner where that meant everything from the daily chores to big decisions about our careers. I did not want a man who would "peacock" and take care of me, I wanted a man who would respect me enough to understand that I was here to build something together. So yeah for me, paying on a first date is fine. I do agree that they should offer at least half though (but I also think women should offer and I'd he put out dating a woman who didn't)

@Vinvertebrate
What did your expert palate accept in the end? Blue Nun?

100% this, I can’t believe the arrogance of some, who think that others should spend their money on them purely due to their gender