Stories of stingiest first dates

[frtedsbed]

Just comparing experiences here at a friends ... jaw dropping stuff!

Mine asked me to transfer money for a coffee and cake after our first date which was a walk and feeding the ducks.
I thought we were going for lunch ... that was the original invite.
Another asked me to transfer money to r a takeaway having offered to pay for my child and I , as he stayed at mine every weekend. Both ended there and then !

This is very true. The character Joey explained something similar to Phoebe in Friends 30 years ago.

How sarcastic of you.

I know men that go on these dates genuinely trying to find a partner, wining and dining women at a big expense to not even get a reply the next day. I also know a group of women whose motto is ‘a girls gotta eat’. So I definitely see why men are starting to be wary of these grifters and want to see if the woman is genuine or not. I quite like walking so that would not be a problem. I also wouldn’t want a man spending money on me that I had no intentions of seeing again. Sometimes I feel this equality thing hasn’t turned out very well. I’m sure someone will get cross about my comment.

Yes that is a risk for men when dating. It still isn’t as serious as the risks to women when dating.

But surely that’s up to the woman?

I know women who get ghosted after a single date regardless of who pays. Women who are judged to be too fat, or too old, or too anything but model beautiful and or submissive. So doesn’t that entitle the entire sex to profit off the first date? Because surely if an experience like getting only one date means that everything is excused then anything goes for women, too?

Not cross, but your post suggests a mindset of the wining and dining 'purchasing' the next date, which is a bad idea. A woman with integrity isn't going to go on more dates when there is no compatibility just because she was treated on the first one; and if there was compatibility she'd be happy for more dates if they'd gone Dutch. So these men are either spending money needlessly, or they'll find themselves attracting women who are only in it for the free lunch.

Well that's why a first date shouldn't be a big wine and dine. A drink or two is fine. The drink should be symbolic, not a genuine hard expense. How many dates does the average person go on in a week anyway?

And I'm afraid I don't believe any of these men would have any qualms at all about sleeping with a woman and then ghosting her if it suited them, and frankly I'd rather be out of the cost of a Coke - because let's face it, "not even get a reply the next day" is a euphemism for "didn't get any action" - than have that happen.

I also know a group of women whose motto is ‘a girls gotta eat’.

I have never, ever, ever met this group of women. I've met some nasty women, yes, but I've never met a group of women who used this as their motto regarding a first date drink. It sounds rather clichéd to me.

you think?

I can only say what I see. I didn’t say ‘every man’ nore did I mean ‘every’ woman. I have a lot of friends on the dating scene so I see it from both angles. I’m just very pleased it doesn’t interest me.

So now I’m a liar? My friend is definitely not looking for ‘action’ as you put it, he’s a gentleman maybe the ones you are meeting aren’t and that’s why you have such a sordid view. What sort of men are you attracting.

I think the more common scenario with OLD is that the man decides when he sees the woman whether she is 'worth' spending any money on; even to the extent of buying his own drinks/meals; hence examples here of men not wanting to buy themselves a coffee or suddenly converting the meal to a 'walking date'.

You said it, not me.

What an angry, defensive, sexually insulting and accusatory answer...

I’d hope when planning a date that there’s a discussion around payment preferences and intention prior to meeting

so no awkward conversation or presumption of who’ll pay or heated I insist!

Did I say any different? Most of the comments on here seem to me to be about how affluent the man is. Surely the man sees a picture of the woman before hand? And of course ( before I get vilified) vice versa.

Would you not find that gauche and off-putting? "Would you like to meet up for a drink? Just to be clear, you'll be paying for yours...."

Same as when women I know have ordered, say the are going to the ladies and do a runner 😂

Oh dear, you seem to have a very large chip on your shoulder. Let’s leave it at that. Maybe online dating hasn’t worked for you

If they are doing that after ordering, it suggests they don't feel safe on the date. There's no material benefit to them ordering something and leaving before they eat it.

I don't know about the rest of you, but the more this person talks, the more I just can't understand how this person also has such an encyclopaedic knowledge of clichéd women ("grifters") doing clichéd things, and a male friend who keeps getting done over by them despite being such a wonderful catch.

That would be an absolute red flag for me. Does anyone really have that conversation with someone they’ve never met?

There's so much over thinking on here. Just go for a couple of drinks and what happens happens.

It's sad that on a women's forum so many threads about dating turn so nasty.

Hey, you're pointing out the plot holes.

Cordial and direct conversation to prevent misunderstanding , why would that be gauche?
let’s meet at x place, they do lovely menu. Just to let you know I’ll pay for my items. They have a wide choice, I recommend the tapas . See you there
now that wasn’t so difficult was it
If he insists his preference is to pay, just politely decline and make it clear you pay for your own items

Well I don't know how else you'd say it if you wanted to ascertain that you're not paying before you meet!

But all the posts on here are just confirming to me what I already thought. A man who is into you for more than just sex will not be sulky, resentful and angry at the idea of shouting you an inexpensive drink the first time you meet. Perhaps that's not how the world should be, but in my experience it is. So if a man seemed seemed be gearing everything around not buying me a coffee, I'd take that as a sign that he wasn't interested. Nothing to do with wanting his money etc, just because I've found that that's a pretty reliable signal.

It's not as if any of the male posters losing their minds at the idea of buying a coffee seem to have healthy attitudes towards women in general, is it?