This isn't me but it's the stingiest date story I ever read - the Milk Carton date. A friend emailed it to me I think it's from a message board like Reddit or something:
"I Love New York [Lili...] my dud date:
we took the subway to Times Square, and we walked around. he saw these little american flags for sale in a store and wanted to go inside to see what they cost. they cost 8.99 and he went on a little tirade.
I ignored it and floated out.
he had no set plans.
he asked me if i'd eaten dinner yet. I said noh. he took me to a pizza & falafel place (bright lights & plastic trays). I got a cup of soup and a glass of milk, and floated off when the cashier asked me to pay (after first looking at him all confused). my date got a paper cup of tea.
my date started to tweak that I'd bought a paper cup of milk (his mother had given him 4 little pints of milk when he'd visited her before our date) (which he asked if he could put in my refrigerator before the date).
in the pizzeria he explained that his mother had given him 4 pints of milk, and if I wanted milk I should have taken one of those with me on the date, so he wouldn't have to spend for the paper cup of milk in the pizzeria. he explained that the little pints of milk were in individual cartons.
he asked me if I wanted some tea. I said yes, i'd love some, so he got me another paper cup and he poured his tea in half.
I asked him if he wanted the slice of garlic toast that came with my soup (because I don't eat white bread). he wrapped it carefully in a napkin and put it in his pocket .
he took me to the Marriot hotel to ride up and down in the glass elavators, which was fun.
we went in about five times. we went in different ones.
then, he told me all about the swirling glass restaurant on the top of the hotel, shaped like a circle, which goes around and is is oh so beautiful, with a view of new york city out the windows.
it sounded cool. he asked the hotel girl how to get to it. she said it was a cocktail lounge, not an observation deck.
he explained to the girl that he wanted to take me up there to show me how cool the view was and how cool it was that the restaurant turned around on top of the building.
he explained to the girl he was only going to take me to look out the windows- we weren't going to eat or drink anything (!).
but then there was a long line to get in. he didn't want to wait in the line and found a way to sneak in, and I chickened out (yark).
he took me to the lobby to sit and talk and have intimate conversations all night. I was soo thirsty.
I thought it was odd that he walked right by the beautiful part of the lobby, with the pretty, little tables with little candles and white tablecloths, where all the people were having fun and drinks over candles.
he took me to one deserted section, with no service or drinks. we got kicked out. he scouted around for another section with plain tables but no drinks or waiters or candles. I was soo thirsty I felt like I had cottonmouth. I kept wondering what kind of a cheapo he was, and waiting for him to offer me some water.
then I said, "I need a bottle of water". so he went and asked the hotel guy where he could find a water fountain. the hotel boy showed him some water fountains down a hall. my date showed me where to go to get myself water from the water fountain.
I bent down to sip the water from the fountain when I came to my senses and ended the date early.
I tried to sweetly end the date early, and femmily and float out, but I was so hungry that I screeched at him for not buying me a glass of water and making me get up and go use a water fountain. thereupon, he screamed at me at the top of his lungs in the hotel (eek) "you're just after my money! I didn't spend enough money on you so you're leaving the date!". he went on and on yelling as I tried to find the escalator, but the escaltors were very confusing and I had to go down about ten of them. It was like one of those M.C. Escher paintings.
I was hungry and thristy and moody (it was after midnight and all I had was a soup and milk) so I started defending myself in the lobby while he yelled at me in front of all these well dressed fancy people about me being after his money.
I said, "A glass of water! yes I want a glass of water! You can't buy a girl a glass of water on a date?!". Whereupon he started screaming that he'd already bought me milk and that's why I couldn't have a glass of water".
I told him to the date was over and to get far away from me (I was sooo hungry & had cottonmouth) (but looked cute).
I ordered him to get away from me and told him he couldn't ride on the same escalator as me.
I told him he couldn't ride on the same elavator as me either, or the same subway car as me, and I punched the buttons on 2 eleavators- one for him and one for me and made him get in a different one.
he insisted on seeing me safely home (it was like 1:00 a.m.). I told him he couldn't ride on the same subway car as me <lol>.
he sheepishly and obidiently got on a different subway car, since he was forbidden on mine.
he saw me safely home but I made him walk half a block away from me everywhere we went. <lol>
we got to my house and he asked for the 4 little pints of milk from my refrigerator."