Page 28 | Stories of stingiest first dates

frtedsbed · 2024-02-29T15:02:31+00:00

Just comparing experiences here at a friends ... jaw dropping stuff! Mine asked me to transfer money for a coffee and cake after our first date which was a walk and feeding the ducks. I thought we were going for lunch ... that was the original invite. Another asked me to transfer money to r a takeaway having offered to pay for my child and I , as he stayed at mine every weekend. Both ended there and then !

LondonWasps · 01/03/2024 19:03

You were instrumental in the thread’s derailment, @Moonlightandroses44 , with your incel nonsense.

sawnotseen · 01/03/2024 19:09

Also I think the terminology in which the dare occurs, makes a difference. Eg first guy I went out with post separation from exH asked to take me out to xxxx local gastro pub. I agreed. Of course I had money to split the bill but because he asked to 'take me out' I did assume he was going to pay. Similarly, it was my birthday recently and I haven't yet seen my best friend (woman) since. She messaged me to say 'I'll call you next week and take you out for lunch for your birthday' - as we've been friends for over 30years I know she means that she will insist on paying.
If it was a 'date' arranged to meet somewhere as an initial meeting, I would absolutely think that the bill was going to be split.

BeckiWithAnI · 01/03/2024 19:11

I was a full time student at the time in my last year of university. So pretty poor. Went for a date with this guy who was about 7/8 years older. It was just a cheap cafe type date.
He rocks up in his BMW Convertible, spends the entire date banging on about all the houses he owns across the world, all the travel he does, the week before he’d been in Thailand, blah blah blah… can barely get a word in between his boasting. Then the bill comes and he’s like “let’s go half”.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not the kind to expect a guy to pay for a date but the TOTAL bill was about £25….
Afterwards he messaged me asking for a second date, and when I said I just didn’t think we had a connection he got quite nasty and told me how “boring” and “cold” I was during the date.
Sure, Mr “I spend 3 weeks every summer in my villa in the south of France,” I’m so boring you wanted another date. Arrogant little cheapskate.

fetchacloth · 01/03/2024 19:15

Notamum12345577 · 29/02/2024 16:49

I’m a man, a millennial so you get the idea of age, and though I haven’t dated for 20 years, I think the man should usually pay for the first date. Fair enough if people don’t want to do that, but the man should definitely pay when it is one glass or wine and one coke!

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I'm a bit older than you, but I agree with you. First dates I've been on I've always offered to pay my way out of good manners, but it's always been refused and the man has paid the whole bill and I've thanked him. As a working woman I think it's only fair to offer really.
If it's only a couple of drinks, I agree the man should pay first if he's offering to get them, and then I would offer to pay for the second round if it gets that far.

SamW98 · 01/03/2024 19:33

fetchacloth · 01/03/2024 19:15

I'm a bit older than you, but I agree with you. First dates I've been on I've always offered to pay my way out of good manners, but it's always been refused and the man has paid the whole bill and I've thanked him. As a working woman I think it's only fair to offer really.
If it's only a couple of drinks, I agree the man should pay first if he's offering to get them, and then I would offer to pay for the second round if it gets that far.

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Totally agree with this. Drinks only - it’s alternate rounds. Dinner always offer to contribute but 9 times out of 10 it’ll be refused and they pick up the bill.
I can’t imagine being shameless enough to sit on my hands waiting for the other person to pay without saying a word. I think offering to split is basic good manners but it’s always appreciated when it’s refused.

If it’s only one round of drinks well I’d say it’s been a pretty shit date anyway 🤣 only once have I had a one drink date (which he paid for) and it was a painful experience

tothelefttotheleft · 01/03/2024 19:42

FenellaBestwick · 01/03/2024 07:21

I have two outrageous stories from OLD. The chap who pressured me to withdraw a £50 'loan' for him from a cashpoint within half an hour of meeting. I just left. And the 2nd chap who pushed me to buy a Jo Malone candle for him! I was like wtaf? I said 'are you serious?' and yes he was. I just legged it & never looked back. I'll never OLD again after that. Full of nutters.

Don't think there were dates. More like extortion.

andfinallyhereweare · 01/03/2024 20:23

@BrightHarvestMoon look up the Devonish in Belfast and what happened two weeks ago with the Uk pleasure boys… plenty of women going wild for naked men.

livelovelough24 · 01/03/2024 20:40

gannett · 29/02/2024 22:57

Of course I want a man to impress me and to treat me well. Neither of those things have anything to do with spending money on me. Treating me well involves respecting me, being interested in me, holding a good conversation with me, being kind and gentle and courteous. He can impress me with his character and his morals and his intelligence and his body. Money doesn't impress me at all. Any chancer with a job in finance can buy a meal in a restaurant, it doesn't tell me shit about them.

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This 100%

EchoChamber · 01/03/2024 20:41

livelovelough24 · 01/03/2024 20:40

This 100%

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Totally agree.

DancingOnMoonbeams · 01/03/2024 20:58

TheyreStillGoingWithThemPlumsKerr · 01/03/2024 04:00

Can’t sleep and was looking forward to reading some amusing stories of stingy first dates. What do I get instead? The usual numerous posts taking the moral high ground expounding their I’m-so-clever views and arguing with each other (i.e. trying to out-clever each other). For once, just ONCE, can people not keep their tediously boring opinions to theirselves!! The utterly smug I’m-so-clever-with-my-clever-opinion-which-everyone-must-surely-find-interesting smuggy self-love rises up from them like steam off a piss pool on a chilly morning. Or those being extra-clever by getting it across with a pointed one-liner or pointed question! We don’t all need educating in or by your opinions. (We all have opinions. You’re not being clever or special or interesting by having them - and airing them at every fucking opportunity!
Every light-hearted thread on here you get the same and it makes me cringe!! I’ve kept quiet for long enough! Even if it was about something as innocuous as a ring doughnut … at least one will still come along cleverly or to argue or to find offence SOMEWHERE!)

(And apologies for doing the same ^ ….I’ve just given my opinion rather than an amusing anecdote ….😬)

I totally agree!

threatmatrix · 01/03/2024 21:48

But surely if you are going on dates all the time so are the men, so if they paid all the time that would get pretty expensive.

threatmatrix · 01/03/2024 21:57

madeleine85 · 29/02/2024 17:58

It makes me so sad for the way that dating has gone reading this. I split a very cheap tacos date on date #2 with my now husband. A lot of women would not have gone to the cheap venue and would not have offered to split it/would have been taken back at the fact that he took me up on the offer to split the meal. Ultimately, he has a great job, and is very well off. He was completely fed up of going out for expensive dates with women knowing his job/value and being taken advantage of. It worked out very well for me as he is a great husband regardless of his money, and he in fact is not cheap or mean, but was just fed up of the attitudes of people online dating. Moral of the story, don't dump someone for asking you to split a bill.

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Exactly. This is what I’ve been thinking. Women all shouting for equality until it comes to paying the bill. ( I am a woman)

EchoChamber · 01/03/2024 22:00

threatmatrix · 01/03/2024 21:48

But surely if you are going on dates all the time so are the men, so if they paid all the time that would get pretty expensive.

apparently this doesn’t matter as they aren’t the ones who will be bearing the children..

PingvsPong · 01/03/2024 22:30

threatmatrix · 01/03/2024 21:57

Exactly. This is what I’ve been thinking. Women all shouting for equality until it comes to paying the bill. ( I am a woman)

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Yeah exactly.
@madeleine85 Now DH felt the same and a couple of my exes too (nice men we were incompatible in lifestyle/what we wanted from life ways). A lot of women as you can see from this thread see men as wallets...

BTW , in the spirit of the actual thread title OP yes, I did date a stingy man who chose the place and just ordered a glass of water, expecting me to order a full meal so we didn't get kicked out. Creepy as well as stingy as he'd have to just sit and watch me eat..!!

NotMyFinestMoment · 01/03/2024 22:31

HandsomeGreige · 29/02/2024 19:14

if a man can’t buy chicken and chips or a medium glass of rose on a single first date, no- he has no business risking pregnancy with a woman

why is that so wild?

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I actually agree with this. 100%.

fetchacloth · 01/03/2024 22:39

tothelefttotheleft · 01/03/2024 19:42

Don't think there were dates. More like extortion.

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This behaviour concerns me.
I really couldn't face OLD, the possible consequences scare me.

NotMyFinestMoment · 01/03/2024 23:02

localnotail · 29/02/2024 22:58

Very interesting. We get people on here saying "you should pay the half... it should be equal"... but look where this gets you: I met my ex, we both had equal income, same type jobs. I was all progressive "I will pay the half, its not 19th century" type. Paid half of everything - rent, holidays, food bills. My ex was more than happy. Then, I fell pregnant. Had a baby. Still had to pay half - all the way. Because, why should I not? Had crap maternity pay, had to use my savings. Still paid half. Looking after the baby, doing most of the childcare, my career suffered a lot - still paid half. In the end, left the bastard - but, have no savings now, job suffered, financially ok but not great. Ex still thinks I should contribute half to the kids up keep, even though his career is in much better state than mine.
I would say - unless you are a heiress, go old fashioned. If anything, it will let you see how generous and kind he is. Stingy, tight fisted man is not a good life partner.

This.

randomfemthinker · 01/03/2024 23:06

Another one and not a first date but still an early one over dating. He suggested going for lunch and grabbing a burger to eat. He literally went and ordered one burger and split it in half with his hands and after his hands had rolled the loose change across the table! Another time over the same guy, I went to buy a sweet selection in a store where you grab a bag and select the sweets etc you want. I chose my selection and was polite and offered him to add some of his choice. He chose his over said bag top up and I paid. Fine but then his hand snaked downwards to the bottom of the sweet bag to mostly take mine, rather than what he selected! So I was left with leftover stuff that he over loaded my bag with!

Zone2NorthLondon · 01/03/2024 23:14

NotMyFinestMoment · 01/03/2024 23:02

This.

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Stingy is not a good life partner,correct. Nor is an entitled graspy pay for me princess

Terfosaurus · 01/03/2024 23:22

NotMyFinestMoment · 01/03/2024 22:31

I actually agree with this. 100%.

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I didn't realise chicken and chips, or a glass of wine could get someone pregnant!

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 01/03/2024 23:57

I dated a bloke who regularly 'forgot' his wallet when we went out for dinner. On these occasions he ordered steak, when he remembered & we went dutch he would have a burger. He asked me to get engaged & I stupidly agreed. He then announced that he didn't agree with engagement rings.....

I've been happily married to someone else for over 30 years. 😍

stillplentyofjunkinthetrunk · 02/03/2024 00:13

I think the point is any man can choose to give the message 'you aren't important or special to me' and that may well be true, and indeed a viable strategy for him. I believe that there are plenty of men online who advise men to do just that. I would even go so far as to say 'You don't matter to me at all' is not necessarily in any way an unreasonable position. I certainly appreciate it over feigning affection. A proportion of women may even rise to the 'challenge' and work harder to gain his interest.

But a woman choosing not to go on a second date because he gave her the impression that he didn't like her much, that she wasn't special or important to him is also behaving completely reasonably.

If you are currently at the stage of dating as different women as possible and going out constantly on dates it might well be prohibitively expensive. I think that that's kind of part of the point. Some women don't want to be one of the 5 or 6 women you're dating this month.

For what it's worth I don't think judging a man's interest by how much he spends on you is that great of a strategy. Many women have made the point that there are plenty of good ways a men can show you you're important. But women have to try to avoid getting involved with men who don't give a damn about them in some way and it's better than nothing. And the biggest risk is a man who has it can spend plenty and still not care about you at all. The point here though crucially was 'stingy' it's not paying for something he can afford and she would have expected him to pay for. At the very least that speaks to poor communication and planning. I've seen a guy blow it for bitching about not wanting to pay for a lasses drink, and what would he be getting in return. she was perfectly happy to tell him not to bother then in words that wouldn't be repeated on the bbc. His mate rapidly stepped in to smooth things over and 30 years later is still with her. Of course she isn't with him because he bought her a pint, but minding or begrudging the cost of a pint can be a good way to take yourself out of the game.

Guys aren't competing with women here, you're competing with other guys.

PingvsPong · 02/03/2024 00:31

stillplentyofjunkinthetrunk · 02/03/2024 00:13

I think the point is any man can choose to give the message 'you aren't important or special to me' and that may well be true, and indeed a viable strategy for him. I believe that there are plenty of men online who advise men to do just that. I would even go so far as to say 'You don't matter to me at all' is not necessarily in any way an unreasonable position. I certainly appreciate it over feigning affection. A proportion of women may even rise to the 'challenge' and work harder to gain his interest.

But a woman choosing not to go on a second date because he gave her the impression that he didn't like her much, that she wasn't special or important to him is also behaving completely reasonably.

If you are currently at the stage of dating as different women as possible and going out constantly on dates it might well be prohibitively expensive. I think that that's kind of part of the point. Some women don't want to be one of the 5 or 6 women you're dating this month.

For what it's worth I don't think judging a man's interest by how much he spends on you is that great of a strategy. Many women have made the point that there are plenty of good ways a men can show you you're important. But women have to try to avoid getting involved with men who don't give a damn about them in some way and it's better than nothing. And the biggest risk is a man who has it can spend plenty and still not care about you at all. The point here though crucially was 'stingy' it's not paying for something he can afford and she would have expected him to pay for. At the very least that speaks to poor communication and planning. I've seen a guy blow it for bitching about not wanting to pay for a lasses drink, and what would he be getting in return. she was perfectly happy to tell him not to bother then in words that wouldn't be repeated on the bbc. His mate rapidly stepped in to smooth things over and 30 years later is still with her. Of course she isn't with him because he bought her a pint, but minding or begrudging the cost of a pint can be a good way to take yourself out of the game.

Guys aren't competing with women here, you're competing with other guys.

I mean, the context of this bitching guy is important. Why was he expecting to pay for the drink? Was it one more after he'd already paid all night? I don't know. He was with mates so not a date, was he complaining that in order to chat up a girl he had to buy her a drink?

If people have different expectations they're probably not suited anyway so these guys are happy to throw them back in the water for other guys.

Character reveals itself over time, there's no substitute. If you like someone you need to wait and watch.

NoOrdinaryMorning · 02/03/2024 00:38

Getitgirl · 29/02/2024 15:15

Mean with money, mean with love.

i dated someone briefly who bauked at the cost of blíster plasters (after I had forked out for our post hike meal). I didn’t date him again 😀

Are you sure he wasn't just remarking at the cost of them in general? I often say things like that if I spot ridiculously ott pricing. Quite often I'm just making conversation!

Getitgirl · 02/03/2024 00:44

@NoOrdinaryMorning

even if he was - ew. I needed the plasters. He wasn’t prepared to buy them and went ON and on about the cost. It wasn’t attractive to me.