Stories of stingiest first dates

[frtedsbed]

Just comparing experiences here at a friends ... jaw dropping stuff!

Mine asked me to transfer money for a coffee and cake after our first date which was a walk and feeding the ducks.
I thought we were going for lunch ... that was the original invite.
Another asked me to transfer money to r a takeaway having offered to pay for my child and I , as he stayed at mine every weekend. Both ended there and then !

This is all true but come on, are you actually supposed to act like it on the date?

Aren't you supposed to play the game a bit? I think the Americans even call it "having game".

Those men do not understand nature then. The females sleep around too, as their offspring are fathered by different males. Plus the ones with harems, have several lone males with no females as they fight for the top job.

It’s not about the ‘decision to start a family’. It’s about the risk of pregnancy. the physical consequences of which are born entirely by the woman and the other consequences also mostly the woman’s problem.

Oh my goodness. I am LIVING for this thread! I'm not sure how appropriate my own stingy date story is as it was more of a stingy relationship, but you know group therapy... 😬

It's bought flashbacks to a boyfriend that I had when I was 18. One date, he bought a pack of reduced strawberries from Tesco and when we got back to his house he handed me the pack as he went to sit down and I said "oh no thank you, I'm not hungry". To which, he replied (incredulously and in the grumpiest tone ever) "well actually I wasn't offering them to you, I just wanted you to hold them so I could sit down".

Ladies, I wish I could tell you that I left him there and then, but I stayed, for like, another 3 months.😂HE eventually dumped ME by text message (I guess a phone call would have been too expensive?!). I was absolutely heartbroken at the time- 18 year olds gonna 18 year old I guess... I'm now married to an absolute gentleman, who I am pleased to say, is willing to share his strawberries (and everything else) with me. 🍓😂

honestly I swear this thread must be full of angry men.

It really is.

They are here in increasing numbers recently, repeatedly over-explaining their stunted thwarted take on women's audacity at saying or doing anything said women decide on for themselves. I don't know why. An incel forum somewhere got pulled? Maybe some kind of mass attempt at re-education?

Tedious berks.

Selfish with money, selfish in bed.

So why can’t a guy say that without receiving sarcasm yet this thread is full of women not going out with guys again cos they were expected to pay for themselves 🤷‍♀️

It's also full of women saying they're quite happy to pay for their own coffee if that sort of date is what has been set up. Let's meet up and have a coffee, you both order for yourself and pay for your own stuff is fine with the vast majority of women.

It's pretty neutral though so if you want a relationship with someone you'll need to find some way of showing you're keen. Spending money is not necessarily the best but it is one way to show your enthusiasm is sincere. A refusal to pay out can totally come across that you don't have any interest in a long term relationship with them.

Or that you are basically as tight as arseholes and are best avoided.

Then there's the "tiny delicate wrists" 😔

I was never into game-playing and certainly not into having games played with me!

I was very suspicious of men who acted as though they were in love with me after one or two dates. I always thought, this is not possible as they don't know anything about me. So it's a lie. And I don't want a liar. And that was that.

I don't mean it in that sense, or in the sense of love bombing.

I mean, courtship is a sort of game, there's some instinct, there's some play, it's not totally dry and corporate. Yes this is only a first date and you might have 12 more lined up, but what kind of clueless bozo actually acts like it?

I don't see what some people seem to have against splitting the bill. I don't think it is necessarily stingy.

DH and I have been married for over 30 years and together for nearly 40. In the very early days of our relationship we would "go Dutch" a lot. Why not? His parents did it for much of their married life, which was well over 50 years. They did like to keep separate finances. We do some of that, but are a bit more mixed.

As for the person who suggested that DH should have been the one peacocking around!!! WHAT!!?? That is just such a comical image and I can't get it out of my mind now. 🤣🤣🤣 DH prancing madly around with peacock tail feathers sprouting up from his arse! 🤣🤣🦚🦚🦚

Because that is the social convention and if a man will not pay for the date, there are others who will.
A posh meal is too much for a first date, but it is fair to show you are particularly interested in her after a few dates.

I think the point that some people are trying to make it that your standards are just that, YOUR standards & that’s fine, but everyone has different standards and expectations,

some men, I’m sure, would happily pay for everything, other men might be more pragmatic and think to themselves on a 1st or 2nd date they would expect the woman to show the best version of themselves & if the guy is stuck with the bill he may well not see a future with a woman who never wants to pay for anything, as the man is going to be a evaluating you just as much

“You should pay for dinner, not me”
”why”
”because at some point I might get pregnant”

SouthLondonMum
Like a pp said, it doesn't apply to women who continue with their careers, are the higher earners and the such like.

That is very true. There are many women though for whom finding a generous partner gives them comfort that that generosity will continue during maternity leave and afterwards with children, that the partner will not leave them or their children short of money.

This board is absolutely peppered with sad cautionary tales from women who have been left high and dry by men who will not pay for their own children, didn't make the commitment to the children's mother and has essentially walked away. There are far too many women to whom this has happened and whilst it can be argued that women should safeguard themselves, many don't and it's the children who ultimately suffer.

For women who don't plan to have children in their future - or for whom their own finances are already assured and secure, crack on dating however and whomever you like without giving it a thought, it's no skin off anybody else's nose.

Yeah that’s exactly it. If a man can’t appreciate that sex and relationships are inherently more risky for women than men then I wouldn’t want anything to do with him.

Im gay so not been on many man-dates, but we have 2 ways of dealing with the pay/split thing.
Either we split and its agreed to go halfers in advance, or if you ask someone out on a date you do it in the knowledge that you've extended the invitation so you will be picking up the bill, but if they offer to split thats very nice of them.

Regular dates you just alternate who pays and it all evens out in the end.

I feel like this should work with opposite sex dates too.

and if a woman can’t see that relationships are about a partnership of equals and not an expectation of being provided for then I wouldn’t want anything to do with her

i think you and I are quite well aligned in what we are and are not looking for

But how do you know those awful men weren't the ones who paid on the first date?

The traditional relationship was that the man paid and the man called the shots. There are many men who put on a romantic show but revert to type once they're in a relationship.

I wouldn't have chosen a mean man, but I wouldn't necessarily have gone for the one who tried to impress me with his money. For me, building and retaining the ability to support myself, should I need to, has been central to my life and career choices.

Nothing to back this up but I think the correlation between man paying for dates and man insists woman does housework is pretty high

Yes!

I don't need more interest. The current one keeps telling me I'm beautiful (he's probably just saying it to get me into bed, but so what? I want dates to be sexually interested in me, at least if we have more than one date.) Men on OLD are there to enhance my life, rather than be the main object of it - I've got plenty of other things going on, evening classes, exercise, catching up with friends. If they don't find me visually appealing enough as I am, tough on them. It's no skin off my nose. I'm clean, my hair is brushed, my fingernails are neat, my clothes are clean, and despite currently being out of work, I can pay for my own drinks and food. If they don't like it, they can go back on the apps and complain in their profile about how no one is genuine.