Stories of stingiest first dates

[frtedsbed]

Just comparing experiences here at a friends ... jaw dropping stuff!

Mine asked me to transfer money for a coffee and cake after our first date which was a walk and feeding the ducks.
I thought we were going for lunch ... that was the original invite.
Another asked me to transfer money to r a takeaway having offered to pay for my child and I , as he stayed at mine every weekend. Both ended there and then !

Totally agree.

Sorry but I kind of agree with @Britpop123 - some of these are a bit unfair, surely in 2024 we're not expecting men to automatically pay for everything?

For example I don't see why @Jennyjojo5 story is 'stingy' - a wine would have been more expensive so it seems more than fair to split to me. Blocking seems rather extreme just because someone asked to split the bill!

Most of these are shockingly grim! I can't stand meanness or tightfistedness, it's such an unattractive trait in either gender. I've been mostly lucky in my dating/relationship history so it's never been an issue but I'd always offer to pay my way or take turns or go with rounds, it would never occur to me to not at least to offer? But that said it is a nice treat when the bill is taken care of

Ironically it was my ex who was the only miserable prick, I really noticed it unfortunately when I was pregnant, while stockpiling for the big arrival not so much as a packet of nappies or babygros would he pick up 🙄He's from a wealthy family so it wasn't a case of money being tight, just him! I will ensure my son does NOT inherit that particular trait

Man Show provider credentials? Why don’t you show financial autonomy credentials. Women don’t need providers, we are passive receivers

Typo, Man Show provider credentials? Why don’t you show financial autonomy credentials. Women don’t need providers, we are not passive receivers

I’m another one who finds it cringy that some women expect to be paid for on a date.
I have three young adult DC. Two DD and one DS. They just split bills on dates. I have always split bills/stood my round.
I guess the ones who like traditional roles will find each other.

One friend who was Tinder dating met her date at a pizza express (his choice). He said his part was covered by Tesco vouchers which she found awkward when it came to pay but has already decided she didn’t like him and wasn’t bothered. He had £15 of Vouchers towards a £45 bill so she paid £30 plus tip. She said not to worry about it and he seemed happy with that. Having decided she didn’t like him for many reasons when he asked for another date outside the restaurant she said she didn’t think they were compatible.
He then ran after her shouting she was ugly anyway and had wasted his time. He THREW a £10 note at her face as she was trying to walk away (she hadn’t mentioned the bill) and when she didn’t pick it up carried on chasing her and trying to stuff it in her bag whilst insulting her. She was really scared.

Had a date (actually a friend before we tried dating) get me to transfer half the money for an Asda curry, and the cost of the kitkat I'd picked up - less than a fiver. Which was weird (we both earned well), but actually became annoying when he was happy to drink my wine with no re-imbursement.

Holy shit! He sounds unhinged 👀What a scary experience, your poor friend

All the MRAs jumping to men’s defence despite most of the stories actually being quite lighthearted about times people on first dates have been shockingly tight - ie my earlier story, man insists on posh venue for dinner & drinks after rejecting my much cheaper idea because this one is closer to his house, doesn’t get any drinks, doesn’t get food as he’s eaten already, eats my bar snack then goes to KFC! I’m not being anti man in sharing that story, it’s funny and I don’t recall saying he should have paid for everything. Why doesn’t someone start a thread about times women have been tight? I’ve a few of those to share too!

Actually the stingiest dater I know is a woman who goes on loads of dates with men she meets online and doesn’t particularly fancy. Always to a nice restaurant- refuses any other sort of date - and then at the end says she’s left her purse at home can she transfer her share knowing 9 times out of 10 the man will say ‘don’t worry this is on me’ then she blocks them when she gets home.

Unfortunately she tried this tactic with female friends too. Always letting soneone buy the first round then when it’s her turn, she claims to have forgotten her purse.

Sone people of whatever sex are just grabby spongers

Me too. I don’t care if it’s outdated, I wouldn’t find a man that expected me to pay attractive.

I have two outrageous stories from OLD. The chap who pressured me to withdraw a £50 'loan' for him from a cashpoint within half an hour of meeting. I just left. And the 2nd chap who pushed me to buy a Jo Malone candle for him! I was like wtaf? I said 'are you serious?' and yes he was. I just legged it & never looked back. I'll never OLD again after that. Full of nutters.

It continued the same way it started, surely you can see the logic? If someone sees you as a business partner who should always pay their way and religiously splits every bill since the very start, why would you expect them to change? If you pick a man who does not see you as someone who is worth care, love and protection (and this does manifest itself in generosity and kindness) its on you, because in these situations the man shows you where his mind is at - what a tight selfish bastard he is. And yes, I feel women DO need love care and protection, because our biology makes us vulnerable at certain stage in life - and this is when you need someone who will unquestionably support you. Not an "equal" partner with a calculator.

That is 100% not the reason why people of colour are over represented in the criminal justice system.
Educate yourself before you spout nonsense.

😳. Do you think he’s been using the same date format since he was 12?

He is very very wealthy with a reputation for being super stingy in a friendship group. I thought people were being a bit horrible so agreed to a date, coffee shop.
When we walked in he looked at me as I glanced at the sandwiches and said 'You're not that hungry i'm sure'. He then looked at a cookie, barely bigger than a 50p coin and said 'We can share that, break in half'(bearing in mind this was also covid times). I said it's okay, I'll get them and I bought two.
Needless to say that was our last outing 😢

From decades ago. Someone I'd met online on a dating website long before the days of apps. He lived over 300 miles away but after talking online and phoning for a few weeks, there seemed to be a spark so we decided to meet up. I suggested meeting somewhere in the middle, but he said 'Why don't you come to [my city] for the weekend and outlined a plan where we'd go for dinner and he'd show me the sights and so on.

This was a nice city with lots of interesting sights, so I agreed. My train ticket cost about £80 back then, a lot of money as I was on something like £4.50 an hour.

Got there, met him, greeted each other etc. and the first thing he said was 'I was hungry so I've already eaten, but you can buy a sandwich at the station shop. I'll go halves on the sandwich'. After I had spent £80 on the train ticket! I told him not to worry about it.

Then, he didn't want to go to any of the sights because they were too expensive or the parking was too much. Ended up sitting round in his house watching TV for the day I was there, going halves on a couple of very cheap takeaways to eat.

Finally on the way back to the station we looked in some shops. I hung around, bored, for about an hour while he browsed some type of cult comic shop and spent over £100 on some comics!

We parted amicably but by unspoken mutual consent, that was the last we heard of each other.

I would have assumed the guy decided he wasn't interested. Did you call it a day?

I mean - a 'walking date' where? If you're meant to be at a bar?

I come from a culture where men pay for (all) dates, but women do a lot more work at home (most/ all of the cooking and looking after children, even if they have jobs too). So although it’s still hard for me to feel comfortable with going Dutch, I prefer this way of doing things if it means that childcare and house chores are split a bit more evenly.

I agree that men shouldn’t be expected to pay for all first dates, but if they like me and want to see me again I would like them to pay. I see it as part of the start of the courting process. If I don’t want to see then again I will always refuse and insist we split the bill. If I want to see then again I’ll let them pay and then I’ll pay the next time. But, of course, they have no way of knowing that and I’m sure many women let them pay and then refuse to see them again.

my ‘rules’ for first dates are:

• if we meet in a pub we’ll take turns. I often end up paying more (because they’ll drink pints and I drink half pints) but it doesn’t bother me, it’s just a few pounds after all.
• if they invite me to a nice cocktail bar because they’re trying to impress me then I would like them to pay. I should also add that most men I go on first dates with have good job and earn significantly more than me (I work for a charity so they know before we meet that I don’t earn much. They shouldn’t invite me to an expensive cocktail bar and expect me to pay). But there have been instances where I paid the entire bill in a nice bar because my share was more expensive than theirs and the simple fact that they were willing to pay it all showed me that they are generous and that’s all I needed to know.

I used to think that generosity with money means generosity with love, but I don’t know anymore. Someone was saying earlier that most men pay in order to get sex and I’m afraid I agree with that. I know men who invited women out to nice restaurants, acted all generous and paid the bill only to then tell me exactly how much they spent (to the last penny, so the amount was imprinted in their minds) and be visible frustrated that the women didn’t even go home with them for sex!!
The last guy I dated - I made it obvious from early on that I really liked him so he clearly didn’t feel he had to make an effort with me and take me out. We went out for drinks and took turns to pay. When I delayed having sex with him (I like to take my time) he invited me to dinner, even bought me a little present… I thought we were in the right track. After sex happened he went back to not making an effort (to the point where I’d go to his house and he wouldn’t even offer me a glass of wine unless I brought a bottle). The same guy, after we split up, met a friend of mine on OLD. He didn’t know she was my friend. I must say that the girl is a beauty! He invited her to dinner for their first date, after they exchanged just a few messages! So who is this guy, is he a generous guy who doesn’t mind buying dinner for a woman as part of the process of getting to know her or a stingy guy who doesn’t offer a woman a glass of wine because he knows she is going to sleep with him anyway? One time I went round to his place with a bag of very nice food (as he had just returned from a business trip and was tired so I didn’t want him to feel he had to cook, etc). A few days later we were back at his place. He said he’s get a take-away, and then insisted on getting just a single pizza. I said I was quite hungry and 2 pizzas were needed but he replied that there are leftovers from the food I had brought over 3 days earlier so we could eat that.

so I don’t know what to think about men anymore. Some don’t pay because they are absent minded, others pay but it’s all part of a game so they resent us if they don’t get sex or whatever they want from us in return.

An evening at my friend’s house , I took a bottle of wine and he took 4 beers. The beers hadn’t been drunk so he took them home with him at the end of the evening.

My friend met a guy online in lockdown and because everything was pretty much shut except takeaways, they had their first date sitting chatting in the car and he bought them both a bag of chips each.

A week or so later, you could eat in a beer garden in a bubble so they went to a pub and had dinner and a bottle of wine. When bill came up he says to her ‘you’re turn to pay I paid last time’ - so a £50 bill compared to £6 for chips and he called that even!

She thought he was joking but he wasn’t- so she paid the whole bill and refused his offer to go back to his for a nightcap 🤦‍♀️

On way home he messaged her saying it wouldn’t work because he thought she was too scared to unleash his beast - this bloke was in his 50’s ffs

If someone sees you as a business partner who should always pay their way and religiously splits every bill since the very start, why would you expect them to change?
Would you say the same about friends? Surely if you'd value them as a person, you'd not begrudge paying for their meal since it's a friendship not a business relationship? It doesn't hold up.
This thread has been very odd. I'm currently seeing a lovely guy. We'll normally take in turns to pay. He's said he's been on a number of dates where she said she 'forgot' her purse. I find that incredibly rude.
I'd far prefer to pay my own way. If a relationship got to the point that it was getting serious and there were serious pay disparities or children in the future, then you'd talk like people who care each other about how to make it fair, but expecting men to pay on a very first date is just weird.
As for the person upthread who kept sending the wine back, I'd have blocked a man who did that too.

Shocking!! My initial reaction is to ask why did she pay, why didn’t she challenge him, but I know that when you’re put in that situation you’re so shocked that you can’t think clearly and you’re too embarrassed to even have a conversation about it.
How can some people do these things and live with themselves??