Page 15 | Stories of stingiest first dates

frtedsbed · 2024-02-29T15:02:31+00:00

Just comparing experiences here at a friends ... jaw dropping stuff! Mine asked me to transfer money for a coffee and cake after our first date which was a walk and feeding the ducks. I thought we were going for lunch ... that was the original invite. Another asked me to transfer money to r a takeaway having offered to pay for my child and I , as he stayed at mine every weekend. Both ended there and then !

Orab · 29/02/2024 23:52

Yes.

Orab · 29/02/2024 23:53

VampireWeekday · 29/02/2024 23:45

How do you know they're your kids anyway dun dun dun

Lol.

Literally one of the founding stones of patriarchy and they still haven't cracked us.

LindaHamilton · 29/02/2024 23:54

VampireWeekday · 29/02/2024 23:41

How many times does it happen to men in a lifetime? It's not about whether it happens everyday.

The point isn't that men have it easy. You say dying in wars and by suicide - it's not women killing them, is it? You say men who are poor in minimum wage jobs. Its not women who have made them poor, and many women are also poor. The patriarchy harms men too, in different ways. The point is rather than society licences and encourages men to take on roles of superiority, entitlement, leadership and sometimes aggression with regards to women.

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I have seen women shout out to men on the street and wolf whistle many times.

You only have to see the behaviour of women at a male stripper event.

Mother87 · 29/02/2024 23:55

A long time ago - the date was "ok" - when the bill came, and before I could speak (was expecting to split it) - he said "ok - yours is £14.63 as you had the fish & two drinks, and mines..."

My friend went on to marry (and divorce) him - and his mean-ness permeated all aspects of their marriage.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 29/02/2024 23:57

HandsomeGreige · 29/02/2024 18:53

As a woman, you will be extremely vulnerable if you choose to live a heterosexual life and procreate. Extremely. Whether you take the shortest maternity leave you can or maintain your career- you are carrying those babies and taking the hit. It’s inescapable.

You need to be looked after. You will need to be treasured and valued for the amazing uniquely female thing that you can do. You also should be wanting a father who demonstrates this generosity, kindness and grace to your children.

A man who is apparently seeking a long term relationship, who won’t buy you a glass of wine on your first date is not a kind, generous man. And that’s what it comes down to. You really want to risk derailing your career for a cheapskate loser?

Men who take women on ‘walk dates’ in 5 degree weather like dogs and won’t pick up a 2 drink bill need to be removed from the gene pool. Losers.

And women shag them and get upset later on when they are shit dads and romantic partners who don’t care about making anyone feel special and loved.

and if they can’t afford it? They can’t afford to be dating. How is he going to do nice things with you, go on holidays and pay half the bills if he can’t buy a Nando’s on the first date.

You can get the bill next time if you want- but the first day is for them to dance and peacock, as it is in the wild. If they don’t want to demonstrate kindness, by grabbing a couple of fucking coffees- run.

Why can't a women get her own well paying job with decent enough maternity cover to actually survive on her own of the worst happens?

Women "need to be looked" after. I'm at a loss to see why a woman couldn't look after herself?

The level of women who cannot seem to look after themselves is astounding.

VampireWeekday · 01/03/2024 00:01

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Well those examples aren't even close to being the same because (a) they're false, and (b) they are precisely examples of things that are not encouraged by society. In the States for example it's well known that black people face unfairly harsh police measures. Black crime is not at all encouraged and is quite severely punished. Don't even get me started on the terrorism thing, it's obviously not encouraged in our society, it's so harshly punished that Britain makes British women stateless over it.

I don't hate men, I don't know why you think that. There are men I positively love. I don't think that the patriarchy serves the interests of men or women, and I think that society is structured in ways that licences men to have power over women. Obviously that doesn't mean that every man has power over every woman. And it doesn't mean that it's a good thing for men.

But really I'm not even sure what your point it and why I'm getting this rant. Posters have said they wouldn't want to have a man pay for them because they want to assert their own agency and start off a relationship on an equal footing. You've responded that we're lying and if the man was hot enough we'd want him to pay. I don't know what else to say really, it just isn't true. There are loads of attractive men who share my values, made especially attractive to me because they share my values. I don't need a man to pay for my lifestyle in general and I wouldn't want one who expected a 1950s kind of set up. It's not that unusual! It's definitely not misandry.

LindaHamilton · 01/03/2024 00:01

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 29/02/2024 23:57

Why can't a women get her own well paying job with decent enough maternity cover to actually survive on her own of the worst happens?

Women "need to be looked" after. I'm at a loss to see why a woman couldn't look after herself?

The level of women who cannot seem to look after themselves is astounding.

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You will be accused of being a man here who can't get laid for saying that sort of talk.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/03/2024 00:05

One guy asked me for a coffee and walk in the park (pre covid) as he was coming to my area anyway that day to see a friend, then at the till said 'these are on you right as I came
So far to meet you?'

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/03/2024 00:06

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 29/02/2024 23:57

Why can't a women get her own well paying job with decent enough maternity cover to actually survive on her own of the worst happens?

Women "need to be looked" after. I'm at a loss to see why a woman couldn't look after herself?

The level of women who cannot seem to look after themselves is astounding.

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Exactly.

I absolutely do not need to be looked after by a man. Yuck.

Moonlightandroses44 · 01/03/2024 00:11

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 29/02/2024 23:57

Why can't a women get her own well paying job with decent enough maternity cover to actually survive on her own of the worst happens?

Women "need to be looked" after. I'm at a loss to see why a woman couldn't look after herself?

The level of women who cannot seem to look after themselves is astounding.

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This sort of shit isn’t helping men or women.

imagine a world where a man derives a sense of pride, respect for himself and from others, and self esteem from providing for their family. For making sure the mother of their children is safe. That his children are safe.

imagine women not feeling even more vulnerable during a time in their lives when they are probably at their most vulnerable already. And feeling valued for caring and raising their children as opposed to having to fit it in around ‘real work’.

revolutionary.

I mean, why bother with men at all really. You think this sort of stance is beneficial to anyone?

Diamondshmiamond · 01/03/2024 00:15

I generally think the one that asks for the date should pay. Or at least offer, then if the other person wants to split then fine.

Personally, if a guy invited me out I'd be very happy doing something cheap - coffee etc - but I would be put off if he didn't offer to pay. Men have a lot of privilege still in practically all other ways.

But like everything else in dating, this is just personal preference.

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/03/2024 00:19

Moonlightandroses44 · 01/03/2024 00:11

This sort of shit isn’t helping men or women.

imagine a world where a man derives a sense of pride, respect for himself and from others, and self esteem from providing for their family. For making sure the mother of their children is safe. That his children are safe.

imagine women not feeling even more vulnerable during a time in their lives when they are probably at their most vulnerable already. And feeling valued for caring and raising their children as opposed to having to fit it in around ‘real work’.

revolutionary.

I mean, why bother with men at all really. You think this sort of stance is beneficial to anyone?

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Why bother with men if they don't provide for you financially?

and you think that's revolutionary?

I don't want a man to provide for me financially, I have a career that I love and wouldn't give up which is incredibly beneficial to me.

StarlightLime · 01/03/2024 00:19

Moonlightandroses44 · 01/03/2024 00:11

This sort of shit isn’t helping men or women.

imagine a world where a man derives a sense of pride, respect for himself and from others, and self esteem from providing for their family. For making sure the mother of their children is safe. That his children are safe.

imagine women not feeling even more vulnerable during a time in their lives when they are probably at their most vulnerable already. And feeling valued for caring and raising their children as opposed to having to fit it in around ‘real work’.

revolutionary.

I mean, why bother with men at all really. You think this sort of stance is beneficial to anyone?

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You get worse with every post.

Karadis · 01/03/2024 00:21

I'm married, but it makes sense to me to approach dating costs the same way that my friendship group operates.

Going for lunch/dinner/brunch/similar - split the bill evenly
Going for a drink - one person buys the first drinks, the other offers to buy the next one. Splitting the cost of two drinks on a date or with a friend is a bit dour.

LindaHamilton · 01/03/2024 00:21

Diamondshmiamond · 01/03/2024 00:15

I generally think the one that asks for the date should pay. Or at least offer, then if the other person wants to split then fine.

Personally, if a guy invited me out I'd be very happy doing something cheap - coffee etc - but I would be put off if he didn't offer to pay. Men have a lot of privilege still in practically all other ways.

But like everything else in dating, this is just personal preference.

And Women don't have a lot of privilege? But yes let's keep tearing into men here.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 01/03/2024 00:24

Moonlightandroses44 · 01/03/2024 00:11

This sort of shit isn’t helping men or women.

imagine a world where a man derives a sense of pride, respect for himself and from others, and self esteem from providing for their family. For making sure the mother of their children is safe. That his children are safe.

imagine women not feeling even more vulnerable during a time in their lives when they are probably at their most vulnerable already. And feeling valued for caring and raising their children as opposed to having to fit it in around ‘real work’.

revolutionary.

I mean, why bother with men at all really. You think this sort of stance is beneficial to anyone?

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Why bother with men at all? That's just ridiculous. There are many wonderful things about men and women. I wouldn't erase either of them but I'm genuinely perplexed as to the over dependency on men.

I think it's incredibly naive and sort sighted of any women to leave themselves fully reliant on men. How many women stay in bad relationships because they can't provide for themselves or aren't independent?

I think assuming that men exist to care for and provide for women is a very narrow and limiting view.

BobbyBiscuits · 01/03/2024 00:24

I've never really had many 'proper' dates, but this one guy was pretty bad. He was a banker, wore a nice suit, had zero personality but quite confident. We met in a bar and He ordered us a drink. He then ordered some chicken skewers for himself. I didn't get to order any food? I guess maybe this was rude but by the time they arrived I was quite hungry and asked if I could have a piece. He looked disgusted. Screwed up his face and said "I thought you weren't hungry'. He didn't ask if I was hungry or let me order.
We then went on to a pub (foolishly but I was hoping for food) and I think he roofied me. I had a sip of my pint, went to toilets then blackout after I drank another sip. Luckily I called my mate on the way home so I knew he didn't take me somewhere. She told me what I was saying as I had no recal whatsoever!
Charmer.

Ap24 · 01/03/2024 00:24

Most of the problems people face in relationships are due to a lack of communication. It isn't a case of paying for half of a first date will always lead to having to pay for half of everything.

Surely before you take further steps and have children you talk about finances and how they will change once you're on maternity leave?

Moonlightandroses44 · 01/03/2024 00:26

StarlightLime · 01/03/2024 00:19

You get worse with every post.

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You’re living in a fantasy if you think women can operate in exactly the same way as men. The minute a woman gets pregnant, it’s no longer 50:50 I’m afraid. The whole premise is ridiculous.

But insult me all you like. I won’t be losing any sleep over it.

LindaHamilton · 01/03/2024 00:26

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Moonlightandroses44 · 01/03/2024 00:29

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 01/03/2024 00:24

Why bother with men at all? That's just ridiculous. There are many wonderful things about men and women. I wouldn't erase either of them but I'm genuinely perplexed as to the over dependency on men.

I think it's incredibly naive and sort sighted of any women to leave themselves fully reliant on men. How many women stay in bad relationships because they can't provide for themselves or aren't independent?

I think assuming that men exist to care for and provide for women is a very narrow and limiting view.

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I didn’t say fully reliant. But I also don’t think women should be expected to be fully independent when they’re raising a small human being. Which is what the PP was saying.

essentially, make sure you have enough maternity pay and do it yourself! It’s just depressing.

LindaHamilton · 01/03/2024 00:29

Moonlightandroses44 · 01/03/2024 00:26

You’re living in a fantasy if you think women can operate in exactly the same way as men. The minute a woman gets pregnant, it’s no longer 50:50 I’m afraid. The whole premise is ridiculous.

But insult me all you like. I won’t be losing any sleep over it.

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But many women don't get pregnant and never have kids. I know many couples who don't.

Foxlover46 · 01/03/2024 00:31

I've usually dated and done the buy a round then he buys a round vice versa
I don't expect a man to pay I don't want to be in his pocket especially if there is no chemistry
But I don't do dinner as first dates either I find that way too formal and pressured

Terfosaurus · 01/03/2024 00:41

I don't need a man to look after me, it provide for me. I won't be having (more) children. I expect a date to be polite and clean. (See my earlier post). But I couldn't GAF if he doesn't want to pay for my coffee/can't afford a fancy meal.

NothingVenturedAndAllThat · 01/03/2024 00:41

Britpop123 · 29/02/2024 15:47

probably the woman who expected me to pay and had no intention of splitting, just because I’m a man…

Hear me out. I'm an old lady now and I've been in a relationship for almost 20 years, but were I to date again I would absolutely require the guy to pay for the first date.

I have no qualms about splitting after that, but the first date? Him paying is crucial because I need to know now if he thinks paying entitles him to sex. And unfortunately, that is very often the case.