Look at All the Lonely People. What's happening?

[ginasevern]

I manage a hospitality venue in a large city and since Covid (and to some extent before) demand for singles events has gone ballistic. When I say singles events, I mean gatherings for single people to mix, mingle and be in human company rather than specifically for dating.

I know there's always been business/hobby networking events and for as long as I can remember there have been events for divorced or widowed people but the clientele I'm talking about are young (usually between 25 to maybe 40 tops), intelligent and with good jobs.

Most of the people I talk to at these events are looking for a partner and are quite lonely. During my years working in offices most of the women/men were with someone by the time they were in their mid to late twenties and loneliness was (mostly) a problem for the elderly. Even if they weren't with someone, they had very active social lives with their friend groups. There was also a lot of works socialising, even if it was just a couple of hours in the pub after work or a game of softball.

What's changed. What's gone wrong in society?

Where do they all come from 🎶

Nope, still a thing, apparently. As is speed dating.

Yes, I know it is all a bit like that but I promise you it is happening. If you read Reddit, well the one for our city anyway, it is awash with young people who have no friends and are lonely. They try meetup and other sites but they really want firm, regular friends.

On average we host one of these every week and they are always packed. I should stress, as I did in my OP, that these are not specifically dating events. I guess they'd be happy if they did meet someone, but they are primarily social events to have a few drinks, a laugh and be in human company.

Most of the people I talk to at these events are looking for a partner and are quite lonely

They wouldn't be there if they weren't looking for company and a partner, would they?

@fiddlemeg

I'm widowed and don't fit the demographic I've described!

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain

Well no. That's kind of the point of my OP if you read it all. Why are so many young people lonely. I don't understand your point.

I guess they'd be happy if they did meet someone, but they are primarily social events to have a few drinks, a laugh and be in human company

So like pubs used to be, then. With a lot of people WFH pub socialising after work has probably gone as dead as the dodo and anyway, that's your colleagues, who you've been with 8 plus hours a day. This is meeting up with different people.

I don't know why they're lonely, ask them.

Not specifically dating events, OP said.

@fiddlemeg

Nothing odd about it. They buy drinks at the bar and talk. I don't hold a gun to their heads. Anyway, if that's the best of your input on a fairly interesting socialogical point, why bother.

Perhaps it's just a thinly disguised advert and we're supposed to ask 'Oooh, where?'

More WFH and also people having unrealistic expectations due to social media. It takes a long time to build a really good friendship.

When I retired early, all my friends bar one locally were still working and still are. So I had to do something, DH is still working very long hours. I tried social groups aimed at women, hiking groups both for just women and mixed ones and voluntary work.

Hiking groups and voluntary work have been fruitful over the last 2 years and I have four really decent friends from this. The social group is just going for cocktails and coffee. So it’s a large mass of women with very different interests. That’s the issue I would imagine. It’s like in the city a few miles away there is a climbing wall, a board game place and various other activities, thats what you want people with the same interests. Goes for long term romantic partners as well.

@fiddlemeg

Sorry, do you usually get defensive around long words?

Wow. Why are some posters being so pointlessly hostile?!

OP maybe it’s a post Covid thing, also the affects of social media and phone use breaking down what used to be more routine socialising?

Is it really increased loneliness or change in how we socialise and work?

It's a combination of things. Social media COVID, dating at work now frowned upon...atomised society

You beat me to it! That's my ear worm for the rest of the evening (there are worse ear worms tbf)

Work socialising seemed to die out in the noughties. Canteens shut, companies cut back on Xmas do's and woe betide anyone who had a slightly longer lunch at the pub.

In the 80's people came back tipsy from lunch and lots of large companies had a social club or events team. Much easier to strike up relationships with colleagues back then IMO.