Ever fallen for a friend?

[Pegs11]

Have you ever had the hots for/had feelings for a friend? How did things pan out?

Yes, and both of us married.

I knew it wasn’t reciprocated and I tried to ignore it but it became so hard and I felt like I was lying to my friend and my husband.

Eventually I told my friend how I felt and I said that I didn’t think we could continue being friends anymore.

We cut total contact for about 7-8 months which was difficult as our children are friends, but then we started trying to build our friendship back up.

We have been in touch again for about 4
months now and we never talk about what happened. Although our friendship has survived, there will always be a small brick wall between us now and our friendship will never be the same again but I’m fine with that. I have also put boundaries in place when it comes to how much time I spend with my friend and in what circumstances I will spend time with them, to ensure that I don’t find myself in the same situation again.

I totally have a crush on my friend. My DH is verbally abusive and I imagine my friend would be kind and supportive and loving. Of course the feelings aren’t reciprocated - friend is 30 and presumably wants kids, I’m mid 40s and too old to have any more. Even if we were both single, why on earth would he date an older woman with a mum bod and wrinkles when he could realistically be dating a woman of 23? Obviously I’ve said nothing and never will. I daydream about it though, and I gaze at him when he’s not looking.

Yep.
Friends for a while then hooked up twice and it was frankly weird. Got really weird between us after.
Both dated other people since, but both now single.
Have had to lock the feelings in the box and throw the key away, I’d love the Hollywood ever after but despite it being very clear they were mutual feelings initially, I can only assume given the weirdness that they aren’t reciprocated any longer.
(oh, to complicate matters further??? We live together…)

@Isanyonereallyanonymous noooooooo!!!

Yes! I married him. Within two years, I no longer recognised my friend. He was gone! As for being a husband, he just couldn't do it. It was terrible to discover that the person I thought I'd known for years, prior to getting together as a couple, never existed. And the husband I ended up with betrayed me more than anyone anywhere ever could, across all lifetimes. It's been unbearable. But I rise. Stumble. Rise again. Put one foot in front of the other, despite it all. Despite him. Well, you asked, OP! 😁

I know right. It’s a real mess. Genuinely even having been in long term serious relationships before I’ve never felt this way about someone.
Gotta laugh else I’d cry!
He was all keen, I hesitated as it felt like a bad idea, then I realised actually I really did like him a bit down the line, got drunk and told him so and hence a load of weirdness. We joked about it for the first time a few weeks ago and that’s genuinely the first time we’ve ever acknowledged it since it happened over summer.
At the time plenty of our friends kept asking if we were together.
Think we just missed the boat.
He’s pretty heartbroken at the moment after his relationship fell apart, I’m just lying low and hoping to have my friend back soon tbh.

Wondering why @Pegs11 hasn't come back 3 days later and a bit pissed off with myself for spilling my heart on this thread (my own choice obviously, but thought OP might be looking for situations that might resonate with her own).

@heldinadream I’m still here, taking it all in… my situation is that I have feelings for someone I’m friends with, we haven’t been friends for very long, only a few months… but we became very close, very fast. Thing is, I’m not sure what these feelings are yet… if they’re real, or if it’s just puppy love… and I’m not prepared to act on them just yet (if ever). I’ve been wondering what they’d say if I told them I had feelings for them… and how I’d even go about saying it! And whether our friendship would survive if I admitted my feelings. And whether, of course, they feel the same way. And whether we’d be compatible… so many questions.

Sorry it’s taken me so long to come
back, I have been reading everything and am very grateful for everyone’s replies! Was just a little overwhelmed with the number of responses and work has been unexpectedly busy this week so I haven’t had time to reply until this evening.

I had overlooked the fact that, of course, people often start out as friends and then things develop into more. I was thinking more of situations where there’s an element of taboo, for one reason or another.

I’ve detailed my situation a bit more above.
It’s not taboo in the strict sense of the word, more just an “unlikely” match. And I’m not sure what this feeling is, exactly. So not sure how this will pan out for me!

I’m sorry for those of you who have suffered in your situation. Clearly these things can sometimes get very complicated and can cause a lot of anxiety and/or heartbreak 😔

Yep but we were both in relationships so just enjoyed a bit of flirting with a little physical.

@Lumiodes your situation resonates with me. My friend and I would be an “unlikely” couple. I feel like I would probably be too old/ ugly/ fat for them to find me attractive. And they are so far from my usual type (very far) I can’t help wondering if I’m just a bit “infatuated” because they’re different and exciting, and have added colour to my life that wasn’t there before… I’m still trying to figure it out.

I had the hots for the bloke over the road. Our children were best friends. After a few years his marriage broke down and he moved out. Stayed friends. 4 years later my marriage ended and I pounced. Been together 21 years, married for 17. Easiest relationship ever. Could just as easily been a disaster of course, but I got lucky.

@Lumiodes I’m sorry to hear your DH is abusive. I can relate to this and you have my empathy. I hope your situation changes, one way or another, so that abuse is no longer a part of your life. Xx

Sorry @Pegs11 I thought you'd abandoned the thread and I get annoyed when people post and never return but more so if I've let myself be a bit vulnerable or exposed in a post. So it's good to see you return and sorry if I was impatient.
I hope the thread helps.

Friends for 8 years and one day met up and something happened and we kissed. It was magical and still is 🥰

Yes, been friends for almost a decade, thought he felt the same. Asked him out. Turns out he didn’t 🤣🤣🤣

Really awks for a bit (he completely ghosted me) but we are actually back to being really good friends and, to be honest, now the rose tinted specs have fallen, I’ve dodged a bullet 😬😬

Did you think your feelings wouldn't have been reciprocated?

I think you should focus on getting out of your marriage, @Lumiodes. Your husband sound really awful and it must be so damaging to your mental health.

snap! 30 years in April.

We were both single, but neither of us were looking for a relationship as we'd both come out of long term relationships.

No regrets.

When I was with an ex, I had a couple of friends I wanted more with. I think it was mainly because I was unhappy in my relationship and didn’t know how to end it (I was 18 when I eventually ended it). Had relationships with both of the guys I had liked but the thought of it was better than the reality.

Now with my DH and we were friends first but there was always an undercurrent of a pending relationship. Only took 4 months to start a relationship. 11 years and haven’t been interested in anyone else in that time.

@MILTOBE I wasn’t sure and didn’t want to spoil things. We are part of a larger gang of friends and it’s much better this way as we’ve aged and are more emotionally mature.