Are there really as many women as it sounds who deny ex access to children?

[Rainbow03]

I don’t personally know of anyone who has done this. But when you speak to people, especially men you always hear the story of the evil ex women denying contact or making it difficult etc.

My own partner says he has a friend whose ex only allows access if he gives her money.

Do women genuinely behave like this as much as you hear about and why is the story constantly being told.

It makes it difficult when you have actually denied contact to seem legit and I hate telling people in RL. In my case it was drugs and abuse but people probably think I’m one of those ex’s.

Any man that wants 50/50 of his children is said to be doing it so they don’t have to pay maintenance so there is already an assumption that most dads don’t really want to see or spend time with their children and I don’t buy that either as having a child 50% of the time would surely cost a lot more!

I don't know any long term cases but I've known several women who have done it immediately after the break up. In those cases it was about punishing the father for leaving. Things settled down after a while.

I have seen the gender profiling too. My DH’s ex knew the power of accusing him of abuse as a woman. In the ten years I’ve been with DH she has accused a succession of partners of abuse and violence when things aren’t going her way. In reality SHE is abusive and flies off the handle provoking a reaction. I really doubt any of the men have hit her or been abusive, possibly reactive, but I think they’ve responded in a natural way. I have seen her flip and it’s really quite something.

That is not true. Women are told by the courts all the time that the children have to have access visits to an abusive dad. The courts assume that access should always be granted these days unless something horrific such as court proven sexual abuse of the child has taken place.

It’s true for both parents.

You rarely hear about the ones desperate for the ex to see his kids, and hating having to explain to them why dad can't even be arsed to send a bday card...

No of course not, most women are happy for the shared childcare, most don't want full responsibility and no time off ever. It does happen of course but in the majority of cases it's feckless men who want to walk away and it's easier to blame the ex.

@MrBanana I know. But the poster was claiming that the court treats abusive fathers differently from abusive mothers. It does not. It assumes contact with the children for both abusive mothers and fathers unless the abuse is horrific.

I know 2 women that does this. One because he hasn't paid a penny for the child in nearly 2 years and doesn't want the hassle of going through the courts, he really couldn't care less cause he won't go to the courts for access either but complains about her keeping the child away from him.

The other because he dumped them in front of the Xbox all day, fed them rubbish, didn't take them to training when it was his time and cancelled at the drop of a hat to spend more time with his new girlfriend and her kids. Th eldest is a teenager so makes his own decision. The younger ones preferred to go training than see him.

My sisters ex tells everyone that she has poisoned the children against him. Totsl lies.
She wanted to set up specific days for the children to be with him but he outright refused. Her solicitor told her that an absent parent cannot be made to see their children. He preferred shagging women to seeing his dcs.
The dcs could only see him when he wasn’t busy with his social life. They grew older and tired of this.
Now they are nc. They decided it wasn’t worth going through the pain of rejection to see him.
It’s all my sisters fault though.

Yes it does happen. I’m not sure how often.

Some women can’t wrap their minds around the fact that relationships can end and decide to take revenge through the children, especially when a new partner is in the picture, but not always.

They’re the circumstances in the two cases I know of.

For the children I know whose dads don’t see them it was the dad’s choice. They chose to be erratic not involved and not pay towards their child. There is always 2 sides to a story. Plus it’s sometimes the other way around and the dad is the full time carer…

@24hrCarer yes, I can’t say she barred contact, but what she did was make it on her terms and hers only. Everyone else basically had to revolved around her social life.

I really believe there are. Whilst there are plenty of abusive, vile men there are also plenty of vindictive women. I know a couple of women who've done it for no good reason.

I suspect its a small minority OP. If the man went to court he would get 2 full weekends a month and 1 overnight stay during the week minium.

Trouble is when someone has told X Y Z a story you don't really know what is factual or not!

I only ever knew of one woman who denied her ex.

I think most men are lying when they say they are not allowed to see their own children.

They are just taking the easy way out.

Most women would welcome a much needed break.

My friends husband has been to court 3x over the last 6 years to formalise contact. He’s spent £30k on legals and borrowed money for it. His ex goes against the court order everytime. She has made allegations of abuse against him, when that’s investigated and found to be unsubstantiated she’s made accusations against his family members.

Court doesn’t equal contact in the way people band about.

Plenty, and the accusations can be the other way too ... false allegations of various behaviours. Run a contact centre, heard it all (I think) we don't judge but we get told (whether we are interested or not)

Don't know anyone personally but hear about people doing it where I live etc. It's awful.

I bet you have some good stories. You should do a AMA.

I know of one such woman. She is obsessed with her child. Has been since his birth. Locked the father out of the bedroom once the child was born and wouldn't let any member of the family on either side ever touch or hold him. Coercive control towards her husband who eventually divorced her. Insists on homeschooling child and despite repeatedly going to court refuses to let her ex see the child.

Does the court not do anything regards her not allowing access?

So anecdotally how many women do you know who have done this? Anecdotally what I see is women that are left picking up the pieces with Disney dad's swooping in EOW. I literally know no one who has stopped contact with their exes but many who have failed to turn up for contact, been abusive or generally shitty towards their ex who has to just suck it up 'for the kids'.

Tonnes. I know of tonnes. I work for a charity in a deprived area and meet many single mothers a week. All bad mouthing the father to the children, and I say this because they do it to me, with their children present.

So scorned that Dave ran off with Susan, she's going to make sure the kids hate Dave as much as she does.

Dave generally can't be arsed with what he can see as an endless hate campaign against him, so withdraws, knowing there's little point in attempting to keep a relationship because the ex won't stop until the kids are so poisoned, so why postpone the inevitable.

Ex loudly tells everyone what a bastard he is, can't even be bothered with his own kids, lapping up praise for the strong single mother he's "forced" her to become. Truth is, she caused it all.

I actually see very few Disney dad set ups. If these silly women actually took a step back from their all consuming "hatred of Dave" they might realise it's far better for their kids to have a relationship with dad, and they get a break every other weekend! But that's far less important to them than making Dave's life a misery, so...