Is anyone happy?

[Superlambaanana]

Feeling a bit despairing at the moment because I haven't been able to maintain a long term romantic relationship with a man for more than about 10 years ( actual happiness probably for a lot less, I'd say 2 -3 years max) and none of my friends or family who are still in relationships seem to be totally happy. They're still there because they need to be for the kids, or because they've no where else to go or don't want to be single etc.

None is still with their DP/DH because they really want to be there and if a genie gave them a 'perfect relationship wish' they'd all switch not stick.

Is anyone totally happy? Is it possible for a man and woman to be happy long term rather than just content enough to put up with all the shit and downsides?

I am
28 years
v happy

I'm in my 60s, been married for 45 years. We've had LOTS of ups and downs - lack of money, debt, worry, bereavements, adult kids having problems, our health problems - but we stuck it out, got on with it, overcame all those things, and yes, are happy.

Following OP.
I'm hoping that the trope of "concentrating on me" - with a lot of distraction / external excitement - will work.

Encouraging! Are your DHs good to you? I know it can't be like the first flush forever, but do they still fancy you and treat you like they love and adore you and as you want to be treated?

I don’t think it is unfortunately, long term relationships are incredibly difficult to maintain I think you really need to work on it. And if you have kids, parents who need looking after, other family members on both sides I think it all affects relationships I think the monotony of every day life just becomes a huge drag too. Sorry can’t be any more positive I’m nearly at the end of a divorce (together 20 years) but just spent an hour at my exercise class listening to the women complain about there other halves valentines efforts or lack of!!

I am in a happy place now though hoping to meet someone decent in the future!

Of course there are happy relationships, they don’t post about it on MN though as it’s seen as bragging. I’m single and not happy so it’s not like all single people are happy 🤷‍♀️

Watching with interest. I feel like most super happy couples are putting on a brave face…? Perhaps I’m wrong.

How good is good enough to stay is what I wonder, and what if this is the best any relationship gets?

Yes he’s lovely to me. Still fancies me even though I’m a bit fatter than I was. He’s my cheerleader and has my back.

Are there really? If happy = bearable, routine, secure etc then probably yes.
But if happy = I wouldn't be anywhere else for the world, then I'm less convinced.

@AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds I'm genuinely really delighted and uplifted to hear this. Any tips for the rest of us? Or are you just like Emma and Dexter in One Day and just perfectly aligned souls?!

We’re childfree which I think takes a lot of pressure off a relationship.
We’ve always just got on really well, make each other laugh and are kind to each other

it’s not all sunshine and roses- we’ve lost all our parents and live abroad, which brings it’s own challenges, but we look after each other

my parent were very happy, and so is my DSIS and BIL

I’m happy, been with dh for 25 years. He’s really lovely, our mantra is be kind, and we are. We’ve always aimed to be a caring place for each other, to make home a happy, safe place. We don’t do drama, we are thoughtful and kind. I have had time when I’ve been sad to not have that rush of love a new relationship gives you again, but that’s always temporary and never a guarantee of happiness is it! We are committed, he laughs at my jokes, forgives my mistakes and finds me sexy. What more could I ask for? Of course he dives me crazy sometimes but I love the bones of him.

Well I am. But I'm single. So very happy.

Yes, 30 years and genuinely happy and with a really ‘good’ DH. We have plenty of friends in a similar situation, it’s definitely a thing!
I’m loving seeing my DH grow and take on new interests as we age, and he in turn is 100% supportive of my career and is my biggest cheerleader. We have shared and separate interests, and we co-parent on the same page. Part of this will be due to us meeting young and becoming adults together whilst being very intensely ‘together’. This has worked for us, but I know other couples grow apart.

I am very happy. Husband is supportive, loves me, cares for me, fancies me and does stuff round the house.
20 years in and he's a keeper ❤️

My husband and I have been together for 11 years & we are very happy. We are together 24 hours a day as well (we are self employed) I count my blessings every single day that he came in too my life. We have two children and have certainly been through an awful lot in those 11 years, but it just makes us appreciate each other even more.

We met in our 30's & had both been through some really tough times in our lives prior to meeting, I think that made us both incredibly grateful to have found each other.

This is genuinely great to hear and I am very happy for those of you that are happy!

@arethereanyleftatall I'm with you - single and happy.

I'm not as happy as I was at the start of my various relationships, but I am very much significantly happier than I was by the end of them all. Am weighing up whether to stick with being single or keep trying to find 'the one'. The positive posters here might just be enough to tip me back into the dating pool.

I was happy, genuinely so. But my ex H left me suddenly and I'm now divorced. I still don't understand how he suddenly flipped like a switch.
I'm sort of content but sad if that makes sense. I am resigned to being single now (late 40s F)
I don't expect a future of unhappiness because I've got my friends and kids.
I feel sad that I won't have any more happiness from being in an intimate relationship now, and that I've had my happiness quota from that.
Sorry to be a downer but the genuinely happy people are in good marriages with good men (or women)
The dating pool is full of the leftovers that others have thrown back.

Yes, very happy and definitely definitely wouldn’t want to be anywhere else - I have seen enough male behaviour to know that I am one of the lucky ones. DH is genuinely caring, devoted, supportive and still carries out random acts of love that make me smile even through my menopausal grumps.

feel like most super happy couples are putting on a brave face…? If anything, I think we try and downplay our contentment. No one likes a smug person.
After 34 years I couldn't ask for a happier marriage. There have been stresses in that time, but our love for each other has never wavered.

We've been together 30 years this year, 4 children, and are still very happy. He is amazing to me, still adores me and is my biggest fan. He does more than his fair share of chores at home, is always wanting to make sure we are all happy and I hope we all do the same for him - he tells me every day how much he appreciates everything I do for him and the children. He makes me laugh every day, we can sit and have serious or non serious conversations for hours...!

None of our uni friends, who all married around the same time have divorced, my parents and grandparents both celebrated golden wedding anniversaries, and my parents are still potty about each other. Perhaps having good role models helps, or perhaps we have all just been very lucky to find the right people. Or perhaps it is because if kindness, patience and respect are equal qualities on both sides, then they go a long way to making a LTR work well once the first flush of love and lust wear off!!

No one ever know a couple/family relationship, other than themselves. They might paint a beautiful picture on surface but no substance beneath. Or seems argue everyday but bond with strong love!

focus on yourself or your own relationship. What do you want from your relationship? It’s hard work but I stand by no pain no gain. Good to hear other relationship as reference point only. Follow your gut!

Yes. DH and I got together 36 years ago next month and we are still happy. Recently he's been supporting me through a very tough time and I don't know what I'd have done without him.

Genuinely wouldn't change a thing. DH is amazing and we're very happy together.

We are very happy. We were less happy, but then went for a perhaps more unconventional route of having other partners and not expecting the marriage to do everything for us. Now I have a boyfriend, a FWB and a couple of occasional "Hello!"s and he has three people he sees in varying regularity, and we are still each other's absolute soul mates.

Long term marriages are hard but they are also where you do the work on your deepest longings and needs and traumas. That comes out as diamond, but can be pressure.

Sometimes having ways to take the pressure off works.