Is anyone happy?

[Superlambaanana]

Feeling a bit despairing at the moment because I haven't been able to maintain a long term romantic relationship with a man for more than about 10 years ( actual happiness probably for a lot less, I'd say 2 -3 years max) and none of my friends or family who are still in relationships seem to be totally happy. They're still there because they need to be for the kids, or because they've no where else to go or don't want to be single etc.

None is still with their DP/DH because they really want to be there and if a genie gave them a 'perfect relationship wish' they'd all switch not stick.

Is anyone totally happy? Is it possible for a man and woman to be happy long term rather than just content enough to put up with all the shit and downsides?

Im single have been for years and im very happy more than happy i couldnt live with anyone now.
Some single people are not happy being single some not happy being married.
Others just want someone around so their not alone.
Some want marriage until they are married then dont want it.

Its how you live and see your life.
For me if you cant be happy on your own what use are you being with someone else and when your truly happy on your own you can move on you know what you really want.
Im one of many that are generally happier single.

20+ years together and just today we spoke about how lucky we feel to be so happy together, I was a chronically ill single parent with a 8 year old when we met and became friends, my ds was 9 when we started dating and 16 when we got married, we lived 3 hrs apart until then. When I was forced to retire in my 30's I tried to finish the relationship because i didnt want him staying out of pity but he just told me to cop on, he loved me and wasnt goung anywhere, we've been through a lot but never stopped supporting each other, he says that I'm actually the stronger person in the marriage, he's a kind, gentle, loving man who fancies me as much now as he did 20 years ago (he recently asked why I don't wear a particular dress any more, the dress is in the attic at least 12 years, its a size 8, I'm a size 14 but he thinks I look the same as back then!!), we have different interests, he'll head off tomorrow afternoon to compete at his hobby and won't be home til late Sat night, I'll enjoy the time on my own to watch soppy TV and crochet. We hug a lot simply because it feels good, I could pass him in the hallway or garden and just cuddle in for a hug and its lovely. He's not like anyone else I dated, my mother said it wouldn't last because he was so different from my exes but within a few months she had grown extremely fond of him because of how he treated my son and I. Best advice I can give is to not restrict yourself to dating 'your type' of guy, I met my husband through a friend, I didn't fancy him at all, physically he looked nothing like what I normally dated, we got to know each other as friends and 9 months later he asked me to dinner as a thank you for a favour I had done for him, I kissed him at the end of the night, poor guy was terrified, he'd fancied me but said nothing and wasn't expecting me to make a move but I'm so glad I did. He is the best thing to happen to me other than my son being born.

I am happy and we have been together 27 years, known each other for 29 years. We were work colleagues and housemates before dating so I got to live with him and really see what he was like. I would say about 70% of my women friends say they are happy and seem content whilst the others are not happy.

We have a lot of interests in common from gaming both video and board games to hill walking to singing to horses in fields.

I've been married more than 30 years and we are very happy and he treats me like a queen, always has. I treat him like a king in return. That's the secret; it has to go both ways.

We have been married 25 years and very happy together. Lovely man who does treat me like I am adored and looks after me through cancer treatment and generally. Like Valentine's Day he said he'ld changed his work so he could be home with us all and today he came to sit on the bed saying he wanted to be with me and also told the cat he loved him. Does all the cooking. Love being together.

Happy after 17 plus years

There are. Of everyone I can think of, I know two genuinely happy couples.

So it's possible, just quite rare.

I know lots who would be rid of their partner tomorrow if they could, and quite a few who are thoroughly happy on their own. It takes all sorts

Yes, been together 21 years, and we are genuinely happy. In a lot of ways we are total opposites, I’m a creative arty type, and he’s mr black and white practical, but we just work. We still fancy each other and prefer each others company over anyone else’s. Our adult daughter (who isn’t biologically his, but to her is absolutely 100% her Dad) says we are “couple goals” and I love it, as she obviously knows the real warts and all us.

Yes! Together 20 years and married for 19. He's very loving and considerate and we're very happy. Definitely a forever relationship..

The best way to test your feelings for OH is to imagine that you have won millions in a lottery. Would you still stay together?
I know 100% I wouldn't, but staying together for now- until that win 🤫

Together 19 years.
Very happy and still in love with each other.
He still reaches for my hand when we watch telly and kisses my fingers.

Previous relationship was terrible, full of angst, silent treatment and unhappiness. Stayed in it for for too long, would never put up with that again.

Best advice, take your time, don't settle. You should be the centre of his universe and he should be yours. if in doubt, don't.

Yes, we are genuinely happy over 10 years in. I agree with the posters who said that couples that are happy are more likely to downplay it. Most of the couples who post the giant, soppy posts on social media about their partners being ‘their world’ are sometimes the most unhappy. I’ve known quite a lot. We are quite private with our relationship.

It sounds cheesy but I feel like I love my DH more and more as time goes on and he is my best friend. It may not be as exciting as the initial honeymoon period, but I wouldn’t trade what we have now for anything.

We enjoy spending time together. We can talk for hours, not just about mundane day to day life. We still have a great sex life and mainly, we genuinely like each other. I think some people love their partners, but don’t seem to like them.

Most of the couples I know are unhappy. That isn’t me presuming or being smug about my relationship, it’s being told by them. Sometimes I want to go on about how happy we are but I don’t, because it would seem smug and boastful.

Yes, he is good to me. No, he doesn't act like he adores me but I'd be irritated if he treated me like a "queen."

Sometimes we're happy, mostly we're content, sometimes we piss each other off. That's perfectly normal to me - I don't get couples who say they never argue.

I'm more content when he's around and now we're empty nesters we take real pleasure going out and doing things together. I would feel adrift without him.

I know more in unhappy relationships, than happy

I'm sorry to hear that. I've have similar experiences of men appearing happy, getting everything they want from a relationship with me and still turning on a dime when it suits them because they've gone off me or someone else comes along (sorry - I find men only choose to leave when they've somewhere else to go).

But I disagree that all middle aged single people must be rejects or duds. I'm not and I know plenty of people who are in relationships that are just awful shits and are only tolerated because they're with equally odious partners.

I'm glad this works for you but it sounds exhausting just reading about it. I'm enjoying being single and the idea of having to work incredibly hard just to maintain a similar level of happiness within a relationship just doesn't add up.

No couple is happy 100% of the time, it’s impossible. 100% continuous happiness doesn’t exist as we all go through periods of difficulties in our lives which makes us unhappy with ourselves/others etc

you can say your marriage is overall a content one but it’s never 100% continuous happiness

@positivesliceofpie I am happy being single and wonder all my doomed attempts at trying to pursue relationships for 30+ years were only because it's what we're all 'expected to do'. I'm glad there are so many happy coupled-up people posting here but I have seen the worst side of men time and time again and it has left me very suspicious of men and feeling the majority of them are bad news.

But, I am envious of @Mudflaps having hugs! My last ex stopped all physical contact for the last couple of years we were together. Despite me trying everything, he wouldn't even let me touch his shoulder by the end - while simultaneously claiming everything was fine and he "didn't need physical contact" to be happy. He didn't give a shit that I needed it and tried quite successfully to make me believe I was the problem for wanting physical contact. I was so pathetic by the I would have settled for no sex if he'd just been willing to hug me occasionally but when that wasn't on the cards I eventually plucked up the courage to leave. Only took me 2 years!

I'm glad it works for you, but I have tried the approach of bending over backwards and treating men like kings several times. They just took it for granted and still let me down in the end.

@Immemorialelms

Now I have a boyfriend, a FWB and a couple of occasional "Hello!"s

You have this in addition to your DH? Sounds exhausting 🤣

Blissfully happy with DH. He’s an incredible man and we absolutely adore each other. He treats me wonderfully, tells me how much he adores me every day and is an amazing father to our little boy. He’s just coming in now with coffee after doing the middle of the night baby wake up so I could get some rest. My sister also has a wonderful DH and they both adore one another. My brother is also very happy.

Solid, happy relationships ARE possible! 🌷

Depends what makes you happy I guess. Your posts read a bit like solid, comfortable reliability is not what you're looking for, but that is what often follows from the first flushes of a relationship.

We have been married for 15 years now, 3 children, a few different jobs etc. I'm much harder work than he is, but he still thinks the best of me.

I think it helps that in our circles divorce doesn't really feature, both of our families including multiple siblings have long, happy marriages.

You sound like me, have you ever considered you may be poly? Look into it, I think a poster has already mentioned it x

Yes. I find most people are with their partner because they 'need' to be there for whatever reason, not because they 'want' to be. And needing to be with someone can be fine and work and both can be content with that. But it falls short of happiness in my book.

We are 🤷🏻‍♀️

We just went through a huge bereavement yet still were as loving to one another as usual, if not more. There has never been a time where we haven’t been happy in our relationship despite what might be happening around us.