Husband leaving me and 2 month old

[TheGentleOrca]

looking for some advice from anyone… my husband has told me he is leaving me and our 2 month old baby boy at the end of the month and going back to his home country. Our marriage hasn’t been the same since I gave birth, namely because I have been begging him to help me with a newborn and him flat out not wanting to help because ultimately it’s my job to do this and his to work and provide. I don’t trust him alone with the baby because he does really silly things - unsafe sleeping, wrapping the baby in multiple blankets, won’t change nappy and leaves it for me, not holding the baby correctly with support and I just generally don’t feel safe when I leave the baby with him. Our whole marriage I have always put him above myself and looked after him before myself, making sure he has three home cooked meals and always had breakfast in bed all the way up until I went into labour. He said he is leaving me because I’ve changed so much (now that baby is my priority) and I don’t give him his meals. A part of me laughs on the inside that he is leaving me and our baby because I don’t give him breakfast in bed anymore! He works a chilled job Monday to Friday but on the weekends he sleeps in until 3/4pm and won’t go out with us and makes excuses but will go out to see his friends or sit on him phone for hours on end playing video games. To me he is behaving like a man child and still expects me to wait on him hand and foot whilst juggling a newborn too! I’ve told him countless times I need him to help me and end up relying on my mum so I can do basic things like have a shower and know the baby is ok. There’s been multiple occasions when I’ve gone to the bathroom and I can hear baby crying and I go check and he is on his phone playing games and not attending to the baby crying. We’ve been together for 10years and coming up to 6 years married. He wanted our baby boy so much in the beginning we went though IVF and it shocks me how little he cares now. Am I wrong to not make him a priority anymore?

Let him go.
I can't imagine how hard this is but if you let him go I promise you'll get through it.

If you don't, he will continue fucking up your life and destroy every part of you until there's nothing left. Tell him to go today. Fuck staying until the end of the month, what a useless piece of shit.

Wish you and baby well.

Let him go, he will only get worse. I really hope you will be OK financially, though. It sounds like he probably grew up in a very traditional household. I think it will be very hard for him to change his behaviour (if he wanted to) but it also sounds like he's already checked out. Your life will be easier without him!

He certainly wouldn’t be my priority but it also sounds like you haven’t allowed him to build a bond with his child because you don’t trust him.

I know this isn’t helpful but why did you intentionally go out of your way to have a child with him?

Help him pack and shut the door on his way out. Seriously you will be thankful..

Sounds like the trash is taking itself out!

Although it probably doesn't feel like it now he's doing you a massive favour, you and your son deserve alot more, life is going to be a lot easier not having to wait on him hand and foot.

Sorry that you are in this situation.

Please don't ask this horrible man to stay. He might be playing games with you and hoping you beg him to stay and has no intentions of leaving.

Do you have any family or friends you can speak to and get support from?

The early months are always difficult with a newborn and he should be looking after both of you, not acting like a child himself.

Wishing you and your baby all the best x

Another example of a man child who can make a baby but not be a father. How refreshing.

I'm happy he's offering to go though, please consider that the biggest favour he'll ever do you in terms of "helping you out" because he's a class A prick and hopefully he'll get sucked inside one of his computer games (hopefully lemmings) and fall of a steep ledge. Arsehole.

No, you are not wrong.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Let him go and have a lovely life with your beautiful son without him

What an utter disgrace, and a terrible example of a husband and father.
You and your son are so much better off without him.

He sounds awful but in fact you should never have made him your full-time priority. You’re not his parent. (And even then parents need to look after themselves also).

In a good partnership, there should be a healthy balance between prioritising your partner and prioritising yourself. You should not simply sublimate your needs to those of your partner. Who taught you that in a relationship you should always put your partner first and yourself second? They were wrong. No adult needs to be - or should be - another adult’s full-time priority.

First comment nails it

God, I'd be hoying his bags onto the plane.

What was he like before the pregnancy? Did he give any indication that this is how he saw the relationship working with a baby in tow?

Sounds like with your husband in reality you have two babies to look after,

He is just royally pissed 😤 off you can't be there to look after his endless needs...🙄

How feasible is this threat OP.? Could he be trying to scare you into 'service as usual'? Please don't fall for it. Let him go with your blessing and concentrate on your baby boy.

Please keep the baby's birth certificate safe, so he doesn't try and get them a passport to take them too.

We both really wanted to start a family and both felt we were ready. Fast forward to Labour Day and something in him flipped and he was my birth partner but didn’t show up for me at all, refused to come into theatre with me after complications and my mum who was my second birth partner said the whole time I was in labour he was complaining of his back aching from sitting and wouldn’t rub my feet for me and wanted to go home. After birth it was the same and he only stayed a few hours with us and was “tired” and wanted to go and sleep. I really have tried to help him build a bond with the baby and even sat with him showing him how to hold him correctly, feed him play with him but he’s so uninterested

OP him leaving is a blessing! Now you only have to look after yourself and baby. You've saved a huge amount of time and effort not having to appease this man. You won't know yourself ( for the better)

In the future don't ever put a man's needs consistently above your own. People will treat you how you let them treat you. That's not intended to be victim blaming, but there is truth to it. These arseholes do exist without you but you no longer have to play along with it all.

Congratulations on your freedom

What an absolute 🔔 end this man is.

Unfortunately you see it often on here;selfish man who gets buyers regret once the children arrive and are jealous of the attention the children/child gets.

Please start looking after yourself and get your ducks in a row;don't do a single thing for him.

He's not your friend but an idiot who's physically and financially abandoning his own child.

It sounds like you have a supportive family please reach out to them for RL support.

As someone whose husband left 5months ago, leaving me with 4dc, I'd suggest he leaves now. Honestly it is 10000% easier to do it on your own than have someone there who could help but won't. It won't be easy, but it sounds like you have a support network with your mum, and my home is now so calm and peaceful with zero resentment. It's wonderful.
Allow yourself to grieve the relationship though, allow yourself to hurt and cry, but do not beg him to return. It will get easier, just take it one day at a time

Let him gooo.

Fingers crossed he means it and he isn't just using it to try and get you to comply with his demands. If he means it, let him go. Your child doesn't deserve to grow up in a house with such an uninterested father. It will damage them.
Look after yourself, build yourself up and make plans to ensure your life runs as smooth as possible once he fucks off. Him leaving would be a gift.
If he is just playing mind games then it's time to wise up. He brings nothing to the table and you and your child would be better without him. Do not go back to babying him. He is a grown man and in a healthy relationship you look after each other.

Where's he going back to?

Sounds like a complete man child! Breakfast in bed for HIM right up to your due date?!

You'll probably find your life easier with him gone.

Thank you all, every post has left me in a few tears knowing I’m not in the wrong. If he is playing mind games, it’s very nasty. He has had the audacity to call me and ask me to book his flight for him!!!!!