Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I get my seperated wife flowers for valentines

140 replies

Seperated · 11/02/2024 11:06

Well wife separated from I six months ago...married 19 yrs one teenage son..we live in same house together...in the beginning g of seperation was rough....only small talk..she was vivid in getting a seperation agreement..that was for first few months..recently were allot more civil..she does not bring up seperation agreement..I want to get together...and with valentines day coming..not sure to get her flowers or not

OP posts:
RandomForest · 16/02/2024 16:06

Then she can't complain when he is confused! If she is unhappy with him, she needs to not send mixed messages.

Is she complaining though, just sounds like she's trying to make the best of the situation and be civil in the home with their child in the midst of it.

Maybe she doesn't care about his confusion, looks like he didn't really care about his wifes's confusion before this ephiphany, why should op be the only one with clarity in his life.

roses321 · 16/02/2024 17:09

LovelyTheresa · 16/02/2024 14:16

You seem INCREDIBLLY aggressive and down on the OP. I suspect that you are projecting a situation you have been in on to him, which while understandable, is not helpful. Other people reading this thread clearly do not see the same thing that you do.

Show quote history

Not really, I just see it way too often and I don't care if it's helpful. It's my opinion.

LovelyTheresa · 16/02/2024 17:32

RandomForest · 16/02/2024 16:06

Then she can't complain when he is confused! If she is unhappy with him, she needs to not send mixed messages.

Is she complaining though, just sounds like she's trying to make the best of the situation and be civil in the home with their child in the midst of it.

Maybe she doesn't care about his confusion, looks like he didn't really care about his wifes's confusion before this ephiphany, why should op be the only one with clarity in his life.

Because they both need to be on the same page, for the child's sake as well as their own. It sounds to me as if they communicate poorly, rather than that the OP is the out and out bad guy.

Original poster
Seperated · 16/02/2024 17:44

RandomForest · 16/02/2024 16:06

Then she can't complain when he is confused! If she is unhappy with him, she needs to not send mixed messages.

Is she complaining though, just sounds like she's trying to make the best of the situation and be civil in the home with their child in the midst of it.

Maybe she doesn't care about his confusion, looks like he didn't really care about his wifes's confusion before this ephiphany, why should op be the only one with clarity in his life.

She is not complaining..she is definitely being civil...

OP posts:
AliceOlive · 16/02/2024 17:46

I don't care if it's helpful. It's my opinion. said almost everyone on the internet.

Original poster
Seperated · 16/02/2024 17:52

roses321 · 16/02/2024 10:56

I'm sorry I do not buy it.

On one hand "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" and on the other "i'm doing this for me not her".

You're fooling absolutely nobody here dude. Certainly not me. You fucked around during your entire marriage and took advantage of her, she out earns you can only stays because of circumstance so you've decided to make yourself as attractive as possible and make a big show of doing this and that so she might change her mind and you can get back on the gravy train.

I'm sorry but f'k _off.

You seem like a creep. You've asked a question here - should i buy flowers? Most people have said NO. You've gone ahead and done it anyway and ain't that just the attitude we all love, because when she wanted you and she was saying "i'd love flowers" you were probably "nah sorry I didn't have time to get any".

If you're really so bothered about your "self growth" and what's healthy then stop orbiting around your ex and go get your own place, get out on the dating scene and start living your life for yourself rather than hovering around her and hoping she changes her mind if you sit there with a conspicuous enough self help book shoved in front of your face.

Yuck.

Show quote history

There is no gravy train when it comes to financial..whole marriage she has her money and I have my money..and if we part ways I benefit financially..as I will be getting child support and from my lawyer told me I'm entitled to spousal support...and because here where I live..we have. A thing..you leave the marriage 50 50....so unfortunately for her ..she would be paying me. Approx 200000..dollars..so there is no gravy train ...

OP posts:
roses321 · 16/02/2024 18:12

Seperated · 16/02/2024 17:52

There is no gravy train when it comes to financial..whole marriage she has her money and I have my money..and if we part ways I benefit financially..as I will be getting child support and from my lawyer told me I'm entitled to spousal support...and because here where I live..we have. A thing..you leave the marriage 50 50....so unfortunately for her ..she would be paying me. Approx 200000..dollars..so there is no gravy train ...

Show quote history

Which is why she isn't divorcing you darling. So quit with the flowers and all your self help being shoved in her face, and move the f'k on. You had your chance for years and years and now here you are posting on a forum full of women who are sick of mens shit asking whether you should get her flowers.

Ask yourself the hard questions; Like why weren't you asking this question a few years before she decided that she'd had enough of you?

Why did you think that it was ok to take someone for granted for years and years yet they're suddenly supposed to wake up and notice when you buy a book and bother to look after yourself and pull your weight and buy some tulips?

She is probably well aware of the financials so she wants to keep you on side because she doesn't want to have to pay YOU money for fucking up the marriage. Her pleasant demeanour towards you is for financial reasons not because she just thinks you're such a changed man.

I just find it a joke that guys behave this way. There is still this air of entitlement even after they've spent all their chances and been told to do one, they STILL think that they can just get the old Dyson out then go crying to everyone when sucking her back in isn't working.

It is just grim.

blooblom · 16/02/2024 22:56

Unless you experience serious financial difficulty due to ending the marriage, I can't see what grounds you have for spousal support. You're still expected to support yourself. And why is she be paying child support if she lives with her child? This doesn't make any sense. Are you spending that money on your child? Who's paying the bills?

It very much sounds like she's just waiting for the year to be up so she can actually file for divorce.

Original poster
Seperated · 16/02/2024 23:59

blooblom · 16/02/2024 22:56

Unless you experience serious financial difficulty due to ending the marriage, I can't see what grounds you have for spousal support. You're still expected to support yourself. And why is she be paying child support if she lives with her child? This doesn't make any sense. Are you spending that money on your child? Who's paying the bills?

It very much sounds like she's just waiting for the year to be up so she can actually file for divorce.

We pay the bills 50 50...even though we live together..she volunteered from the start to pay child support..as she sends me an retransfer each month....for spousal support...the lawyer mentioned .in my situation in comes in the grounds of needs....

OP posts:
Original poster
Seperated · 17/02/2024 00:04

When we first separated ..her Inintial plan and still..is to live in the house til son finishes highschool..which would be 2 more yrs

OP posts:
blooblom · 17/02/2024 08:41

What are you doing with the child support?

roses321 · 20/02/2024 17:28

Indeed, what is he doing with the child support.
He sounds like a leach.

Original poster
Seperated · 20/02/2024 20:39

blooblom · 17/02/2024 08:41

What are you doing with the child support?

Supporting the child...with child support..and for those that mention just leave her alone...I do...I've done a 180...again...she always got the most part brings up conversations...yes still mixed signals..example..yesterday.she tells me from her viewing dogs and and seeing dogs for adoption..she asks me can we get this particular dog..not sure if she's serious or not

OP posts:
AliceOlive · 20/02/2024 20:43

Seperated · 20/02/2024 20:39

Supporting the child...with child support..and for those that mention just leave her alone...I do...I've done a 180...again...she always got the most part brings up conversations...yes still mixed signals..example..yesterday.she tells me from her viewing dogs and and seeing dogs for adoption..she asks me can we get this particular dog..not sure if she's serious or not

Show quote history

Hope you told her no, a dog doesn't seem like a good idea right now.

Original poster
Seperated · 25/02/2024 10:59

AliceOlive · 20/02/2024 20:43

Hope you told her no, a dog doesn't seem like a good idea right now.

Show quote history

Definitely no to a dog

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread