Should I get my seperated wife flowers for valentines

[Seperated]

Well wife separated from I six months ago...married 19 yrs one teenage son..we live in same house together...in the beginning g of seperation was rough....only small talk..she was vivid in getting a seperation agreement..that was for first few months..recently were allot more civil..she does not bring up seperation agreement..I want to get together...and with valentines day coming..not sure to get her flowers or not

no - flowers are an empty pointless gesture, the industry is devastating to the environment and many workers in poorer countries have their health and their lives destroyed by their working conditions.

Well you haven't given us much to go on in terms of what she wants now in the OP other than to definitely separate. Your update makes it less clear still.

I would roughly say mothering Sunday flowers fine and maybe birthday for your ex and son's mum if things are cordial but not really valentine's day unless things are moving mutually back in that direction and it isn't clear from your post whether they are.

I think more appropriate would be a conversation about what you both want so there is no more confusion.

By all means get some daffs for the house at some point but I don't think it sets your son a great example re boundaries if you're giving valentine's flowers without ascertaining whether they would be welcome after a big separation.

Less is more.

Crack on with your life without her OP. See what happens.

There is no legal seperation letter..she wanted to this when we were first separated....she at time wanted something on paper legally saying we are separated.....so last few months she never brought this up

Are you actually "separated"?
You live in the same house (and share a hot tub) but are you living separate lives?
Do you both buy/cook your own food. Have you officially separated out bills? Do you tell each other what you are doing ("I'm popping to the Co op") or just do your own thing with no communication? Do you sit in the same living room and watch the same TV?
This is a time for a proper talk.....not flowers.
Why doesn't she want to "be" with you? She obviously doesn't hate you if she can share a hot tub.
You just need to talk and if she really wants to separate - then do it properly.

Yep, so she's keeping you sweet because she needs somewhere to live. That's how this reads.

I don't really see this. They have a long marriage and teenage son together. Surely OP needs somewhere to live as much as she does and she's entitled to a good chunk of the marital assets whatever the financial setup? She's not some ex girlfriend of a few months taking advantage of him.

Yes separated...we watch TV together..I sleep in one bedroom.she sleeps in another..a couple times a week I have supper for her..once in awhile she makes supper for I..weekends makes me cappuccino..for courtesy I tell her when I leave the house..and were both home bodies..but for the most part she tells when she is leaving the house..bills continue as before

They don't sleep together, don't make food for each other, basically keep their distance... but she knows he still fancies her and shares a hot tub with him.

To me, that's the classic definition of keeping him interested so he'll stay around, but with "no, I'm done".

The sooner he sells up. The sooner he can move on and actually find someone who IS interested in him. This is just dragging it out.

House is paid off..even though we live together she is paying me child support..as well she makes almost double than I do...so might be a chance for spousal support.as well she has slot of assets rrsp etc.so when divorced. legally entitled to half....as you leave marriage 50 50...so no she's not taking advantage

Jesus wept why would you think this is a good idea!

In your OP you wrote whatever this means: ‘she was vivid in getting a seperation agreement..’
Which is obviously why I assumed you meant she got a separation agreement.
No to flowers.

What are the changes that you have made that you reference?

@Seperated you don't sound particularly separated to me - other than sleeping in different bedrooms (and presumably not having sex). Your description sounds like most marriages 😂
Also why do you get child support if your child is 19?

From my readings on reconciliation..mentions not bring up relationship issues...of course it would be nice to know what she's thinking...but right now in limbo..my counsellor just says play it out for now....but if she was again come out and say let's get a legal seperation..I would say ill give you a couple of days to decide.if you want to save the marriage...if yes great if not..than let's put house for sale and go out own ways

Son is 15

I wouldn't do flowers on Valentine's Day if you haven't done flowers any other time. It could backfire spectacularly and upset the calm equilibrium you have going.

It would be better to choose a time when your son isn't round to initiate a conversation along the lines of "it's been X months since we talked about separating. Let's have a chat about where we both are with it now."
You need to get to the bottom of what she is thinking/planning.
If you find out she feels the same as you then that's great. But she might not.

An honest conversation is what's needed rather than a gesture, however well meaning it is.

@Seperated apologies - I misread the age of your son.
It sounds like you still want to be together. If she doesn't - then really she should leave. She's being unfair to you.

Did flowers on her birthday..but I told her it was from my son and I and she loved them..even though few days before she mentioned she wants nothing for her birthday..same thing at christmas.she did not want anything.but I Said from our son and I..and she liked our gift..so on both occasions no backfire..but valentines is different

Yes Valentine's Day is different. I don't think you can say the flowers are from you and your son.
You need to have the future conversation. There's no avoiding it.

@C00k i thought she didn’t get the agreement 🤷‍♀️

@Menapausemum1974 OPs posts aren’t exactly clear and coherent 🥴
I’m out.

No. What you need to do is talk to her. She is not interested in reconciling. And if you buy her valentines flowers shes just going to raise her eyebrows and hand them back. She just wants to make life easier until your son is 18.
Yes im projecting here for my own reasons, but unless you talk about it to her, then you dont know. I guarantee you she is no longer interested in you romantically. Getting in the spa with you is just cruel. Clarify the situation then decide whether you can put up with this until your son is a bit older, or you need to make a clean break now.

Get her a small bunch of flowers, it may start a much needed conversation about where ye stand in the relationship, she seems to know where she stands but you seem to be unclear

Are ye heading for divorce or not, that’s what you need to find out

Yes we've been in the hottub a few times since seperation..remember a couple of seperation and she invited me into hottub..she said I'm not going to bite..sons birthday in a couple of weeks..she asked me to invite my parents and brothers for this..she has not seen my parents brothers since seperation..yes initially she wants to stay in house for a few yrs til son done highschool...