I don’t like my granddaughter

[SiliconHeaven]

Hello, as the title says, I don’t like her and it’s (obviously) affecting my relationships, I feel guilty and I’m trying my best to not think about that, and to re-frame the relationship in my mind. Does anyone have any tips or experiences? I feel like such a twat.

She’s nine, I love her, she was a lovely baby, the problems have developed over the years. I find that I don’t really want to visit like I used to and babysitting is a chore, I used to enjoy it so much.
I’m disabled, a wheelchair user. When I’m at my DDs house and I need to go to the toilet my DGD races every time to get in there before me if she sees me heading there. Any request to let me go first is met with sneers and refusal. She will then sit on the toilet for 20 minutes saying she hasn’t finished. I’ve wet myself a couple of times.

She is unpleasant about other people, things like saying she doesn’t want to be friends with the new girl at school because she’s too ugly, doesn’t want to watch a tv show because the actor is too fat, that sort of thing. No longer friends with so and so because they are poor. I’ve spent quite a lot of time trying to talk to her about not commenting on people’s appearance and not being judgemental but she doesn’t care.

They have pet cats, DGD clearly doesn’t like them, shouts at them and pushes them away if they are within reach, they know not to go anywhere near her because she’s been unpleasant to them since she was a baby.

DD says she’s ’spoken to her’ about the toilet thing. DGD just smiles and nods, every time it’s just ‘don’t do it again’

Just knew there would be one. Reality check needed.

Yeah, sure, great idea - reward the bad behaviour!!!

That will be effective. Not!

(response to the post the above post was replying to, for clarity!)

What a horrible response.

This, 1000%.

There were a couple of pretty and popular kids at my dcs' primary school who were very unkind too. It doesn't sound like she's an angel though in the way she treats the other kids.

I suspect the disliked ship has sailed. By the age of 9 her character is pretty much set and very unlikely to change. She's probably a nasty bully at school as well.

It's not.

oh come on… are you the same person now you were at 9? Or even at 16? 22?

Op I’m so sorry that toilet situation sounds awful.
you say you don’t want to “parent” your grandchild but surely when you baby sit you have to enforce boundaries as her parent isn’t there?

personally I’d pick the toilet issue first and focus on that. If you DD would allow it then I’d tell DGD that if she runs to the toilet again and block it that you will open the door and enter anyway. She will not sit in a toilet purposely to prevent someone else from using it. Then I’d make sure I check regularly if she needs the toilet so I know If she runs ahead she’s doing it just to be unkind.

of course if you don’t want to do that it is fine, but yea I don’t think you can baby sit if she is so out of control you can’t use the toilet. It’s not fair to you.

@TomeTome don't be so nasty.

Exactly.

I would just tell her you hurt nanny's feelings when you look after her and your not a good little girl.

Now why didn't OP think of that? 😂😂😂😂

Stop babysitting. It'll be no great not seeing her. She sounds vile. I'd advise your Dsis to rehome cats before the brat harms them

The toilet thing is totally unacceptable. Someone needs to say GM goes first to the toilet and throw her out if she gets there first. Or double bluff and say you need the toilet when you don't and let her spend hours in the toilet, the novelty of upsetting GM will reduce rapidly and with a, 'Oh I didn't need to after all when she comes out'. You can outsmart a nine year old.

Oo this is a good idea!! Maybe fake a few times and then have a nice piece of chocolate while she’s in there. “Oh sorry we ate it all while you were in the toilet”

Yes, I would. She is 9, not 3. Her parents are not doing her any favours by allowing her to be so rude and spoilt.

All behaviour is communication, so what’s the girl trying to communicate? She’s clearly unhappy but unhappy about what?

Or put cling film on the toilet and pretend you need to go - let her deal with that.

Or push into the room anyway and pee in the bath.

Might shock her out of her selfishness!

She's learning this behaviour somewhere! It needs to be handled by the people shes lives with.

Would love it if the OP's daughter posted on this thread. Wonder what the crappy excuse of a parent has to say for herself.

I thought someone would be along to trot out this old chestnut.
She is communicating that she is unkind, spoilt and undisciplined.

I'm sorry Op, it must be hard to have a DGC that you don't like but I can certainly understand why you don't. There's something quite wrong here, she's unkind to you, the cats and for nine she has a very unpleasant contempt for anyone she sees as "lesser" in some way, she's well on her way to being a real bully. I know your DD's not going to want to believe it but if she doesn't intervene her DC is going to grow up to be an a pretty nasty adult.
I understand you don't want to end up cut off from your DD but she needs to address this now, could you as kindly as possible lay everything in front of her, including the no babysitting, and see if it motivates her to get her DD some help? It may be that your DGC is just not a nice person but I'd want to know I'd really tried.

Some children have very unlikeable personalities and grow up to be very unlikeable adults. Not much you can do about it, except try to talk your daughter into enforcing better behavior.

But, frankly, the ugly treatment of the cats (and having to wet myself because the spiteful brat deliberately occupies the bathroom) would be the end for me and I would not want to be around her.