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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need to get this off my chest...

127 replies

Tangerine461 · 31/01/2024 21:31

This morning on my first day of my new job, my long term partner called me a 'fucking entitled prick'. It happened after I asked him to bring up some laundry I did the night before, as I needed something and I was busy getting ready.

As soon as I asked him it was like he erupted and blamed me for not doing it already - saying I was bossing him about by asking him to do something. I've replayed the scenario over in my mind and the drive to my work with him was 90% full of him saying I was in the wrong and he's not asked me for anything in the mornings I've been home.

I felt so overwhelmed by how stupid the entire argument was and after he called me those horrible words, I went quiet and just continued to get ready - putting my energy into the day ahead and trying to block out the words.

After coming home, I've washed over it because even if I try and bring up how I found it to be disrespectful - especially on the morning where I start a new job - I know it will get thrown back in my face about how it was my fault.

Moments like this are not uncommon, but I need to find some coping strategies to figure out how to respond in a clear and direct way. It hurts because I've never once called him such words and I feel I can't tell anyone as in some way I don't want to hurt him - even at the cost of hurting myself.

What would you do?

OP posts:
BIWI · 31/01/2024 21:32

Leave him?

He doesn't sound like much of a life partner to me if he's behaving like this - especially on a day when you're starting a new job! And from your OP it doesn't sound like this was an isolated incident.

MostlyHappyMummy · 31/01/2024 21:33

I would leave him

FortunataTagnips · 31/01/2024 21:33

What would I do? I’d be wondering why he was trying to sabotage me on an important day.

AutumnFroglets · 31/01/2024 21:35

He did it deliberately OP. You were too happy about your new job and needed bringing down a peg or two. It's classic abusive behaviour, look it up and see what else he does that's abusive. You will be stunned.

IfYouCouldSeeWhatICanSee · 31/01/2024 21:36

Has he done this before? Birthday, Christmas, holiday, anniversary, anything that's been important to you particularly?
If the answer is yes I'd suggest leaving. This type of man will never let you have joy in your life.
You deserve to be happy.

LessOfMe99 · 31/01/2024 21:36

I would leave. No loving partner would speak to you like that.

TeabySea · 31/01/2024 21:36

What I would to would be to tell him if he ever treated me with such contempt and disrespect again that would be the end.

If he's been like this before, I'd be leaving him.

Lavenderosa · 31/01/2024 21:37

As it's not uncommon, he's abusing you. You don't need to find coping strategies, you need him to stop abusing you. What would he say if you told him you've had enough of his insults and disrespect - that if he speaks to like that again, you'll leave him because you deserve better?

OpenEvening · 31/01/2024 21:38

ThI day any man talked to me like that would be a cold day in hell.

You don’t have to accept being treated like this.

spottedinthewilds · 31/01/2024 21:38

He's not a good egg. Find someone else.

I have a good egg and he would never talk to me like that.

hamsterswhiskers · 31/01/2024 21:39

IfYouCouldSeeWhatICanSee · 31/01/2024 21:36

Has he done this before? Birthday, Christmas, holiday, anniversary, anything that's been important to you particularly?
If the answer is yes I'd suggest leaving. This type of man will never let you have joy in your life.
You deserve to be happy.

Exactly this. If it's not uncommon behaviour, get out and get rid. He won't change no matter how much you discuss it. The fact that you feel it's easier to let it be kind of indicates a pattern of verbal nastiness and controlling behaviour. Urgh. You deserve better

80s · 31/01/2024 21:39

Congratulations on your new job, and sorry that your partner treats you with disrespect.
When my exh was like this, I found that however clearly I put things, if he didn't want to understand then he didn't understand. He'd twist things round, pick on some of the phrasing or in some other way twist things so that I was the baddie by saying anything. It just made for further frustrating encounters.
It was a huge relief when he left.

GrazingSheep · 31/01/2024 21:40

You have had previous threads about him.
You know he is abusive.
What is it about the relationship that makes you feel you can’t leave? Is it a case that any man - no matter how awful he is - is better than being single?

Froniga · 31/01/2024 21:42

Leave him. You do not deserve to be treated this way. Get out now while you can. Hoping you don’t have any children

Borgonzola · 31/01/2024 21:42

You don't learn to cope with this, you leave him. 'Learning to cope' will completely break down your sense of self and reality and push your self esteem into the dirt. He's a dick and this is not normal.

Bumblebee413 · 31/01/2024 21:42

Leave the abusive arsehole. Find someone kind x

MonsteraMama · 31/01/2024 21:45

I've got an amazing coping strategy for dealing with men like this :

Erase them from your life permanently.

Congratulations on your new job. Come back soon and update us so I can also congratulate you on shedding the dipshit weighing you down.

Mrsknowitall · 31/01/2024 21:46

If your on instagram add this man, he is an American lawyer and gives out advice on how to handle people in different situations. Although I agree with other posters about leaving him as he sounds like a right arsehole and you should of gone in on your first day happy and not clouded with his shitty behaviour, but it’s easy to say leave him for us and no doubt you won’t leave him over this but at least find some coping mechanisms from this guy. Wishing you the best in your new job x

I need to get this off my chest...
Fannyfiggs · 31/01/2024 21:47

I'd ask who the fuck he thought he was talking to this morning and tell him it's over.

Leave him and be on your own, do what you like without some idiot ruining everything that's important to you.

dickdarstardlymuttley · 31/01/2024 21:48

LTB. 🏃‍♀️
Why are you allowing him to treat you like this?

dickdarstardlymuttley · 31/01/2024 21:49

Are you basing your worth on him?

Thehamsterthatcametotea · 31/01/2024 21:50

People that love each other don’t speak to each other like that.

Don’t allow this.

breathinbreathout · 31/01/2024 22:01

Don't stay with someone who treats you like this, you only have one life.

unsync · 31/01/2024 22:05

I would tell him to leave. He's not going to improve.

marmitegirl01 · 31/01/2024 22:16

The only coping skill you need is to leave. Reach out to others on here. There are so many people who can advise you.
Hope your new job went well x

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