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Original poster

DD is 55 and sleeps during the day

108 replies

longpathtohappiness · 31/01/2024 16:52

DH had the day off today and he has done nothing. He has sat on the sofa since getting up and now he is asleep. He had a health check yesterday and all seems okay. It's not a new thing, he has been like it for a while now but getting worse

His father was just the same... help me... MIL had Church and her own hobbies and now I totally now understand why.

I feel like a flaky friend as a lot of my "mum" friends from when DC were little have fallen by the wayside as DH will not go out as a couple.

I'm now in a new territory of trying to make new friends as DC are growing up and will be leaving the nest soon.

HELP ME - tried talking IRL to people but they don't get it.

OP posts:
Bladwdoda · 31/01/2024 16:59

What does DH say when you have spoken about it? Is he saying he feels tired/unwell or that he just doesn’t want to do anything?

My parents are like this. They do very little and seem to have no interest or desire to DO anything. Happy to just be at home watching TV. Obviously if there isn’t a physical or mental health issue underneath then it sounds like he is just falling into a pattern on behaviour. I think it’s incredible sad to waste away life like that?

I do think you need a serious talk with him. Maybe things just need a shake up.your right to start thinking about doing things yourself though, don’t let yourself get dragged down in to it.

Is it worth him getting another check to make sure it’s nothing health related? Does he do any exercise?

Mycatsarethebest · 31/01/2024 17:03

He's 55. He had a day off. It is January. It was a shit day. He got to do nothing all day except a health check . People have different sleep patterns. How old are you @longpathtohappiness ? You have to make new friends because your H took a day nap?

Octavia64 · 31/01/2024 17:07

I'm 44.

My favourite thing to do on a day off for at least the last 10 years is sleep because I never got enough during the week.

If he's had his health checked then he's fine.

This has nothing to do with how much he socialises.

Original poster
longpathtohappiness · 31/01/2024 17:08

Bladwdoda tried talking to him. He walks the dog for about 30 minutes each day and the nurse who did the health check said that was enough. When we walk the dog together he always has had enough before me and wants to finish. I've given up arguing

What can I do for myself though? Feel such a flaky friend.... moving into a circle of people in their 60s and/or single

OP posts:
Original poster
longpathtohappiness · 31/01/2024 17:10

Mycatsarethebest I understand what you are saying but he has been like this for months. I'm like a broken record

OP posts:
Original poster
longpathtohappiness · 31/01/2024 17:12

Octavia64 understand what you are saying but it is nothing new.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 31/01/2024 17:13

Well, if your friendship circle is couples only and your DH can't or won't get involved (and I still don't see what that has to do either sleeping on a day off) then the obvious thing is to get some new friends.

Do you work? Can you start drinks after work in a Friday night?

What are you interested in? There's a lot of crafting groups out there, WI are good to join to get to know a whole range of new people.

fernsandlilies · 31/01/2024 17:19

join a walking group? A choir?

thesugarbumfairy · 31/01/2024 17:24

I don't really understand the issue. Although I've never done anything with H. Certainly never gone out as a couple. He has no hobbies other than going for walks. I have tons of hobbies and I'm always busy. I also have friends to meet up with and their other halves are of no consideration to me. Other than to exchange pleasantries.
He has napped every day for years. He is 50.

lifeispainauchocolat · 31/01/2024 17:26

I feel like a flaky friend as a lot of my "mum" friends from when DC were little have fallen by the wayside as DH will not go out as a couple.

Why can't you see your friends on your own?

I'm afraid I'm another who doesn't see an issue here. I regularly see my friends without DH and he does the same without me. I have no interest in spending time with his mates and I'm sure he feels the same about mine!

He also regularly naps in the day at weekends whereas I prefer to be up. It's never an issue. He can do what he likes with his time off.

Daleksatemyshed · 31/01/2024 17:26

He's settled down into middle age rather fast, but I know a lot of women who go out with their friends and do their hobbies alone because their DH's have lost interest in going out and meeting people. MY DP's happy for me to do days out with friends but has no interest in joining me. Make your own life Op, just because he's not bothered doesn't mean you shouldn't be.

romany4 · 31/01/2024 17:27

I'm 51
I love an afternoon nap on my day off.
Didn't realise it was an issue for some people

Original poster
longpathtohappiness · 31/01/2024 17:46

Daleksatemyshed

lifeispainauchocolat

thesugarbumfairy

Octavia64

It's not the sleeping on the sofa on his day off that is the problem. It's just that he is always asleep or at work. You are right, I need to join stuff

OP posts:
Bedroomconfig · 31/01/2024 17:55

Well I get it. My husband is 55. He loves a little snooze on the sofa from time to time (don't we all!) But is otherwise active and interesting and engaged with life. He has friends, hobbies, he keeps reasonably fit. We don't actually do a.lot of couple socialising but he's always up for a meal out/cinema/trip out/gig/comedy night or whatever. I'd be a bit fed up if all he wanted to do was work and sleep.

Not sure what you do about it though...

lifeispainauchocolat · 31/01/2024 17:56

Has he always been like this? What did you do together before you had children?

PutMyFootIn · 31/01/2024 17:58

You can't get all your needs met by a man - thats what girlfriends are for.

As a 58 year old working full time - the thought of having a whole day doing fuck all on the sofa sounds great to me :)

Bladwdoda · 31/01/2024 18:00

I think having a nap on a day off once a week if is one thing. Spending all your time off watching Tv and sleeping, and having no activity or interest in doing anything with your partner ever is clearly an issue.

oddgirl · 31/01/2024 18:01

Has he had a diabetes check? Sleeping post a carb heavy lunch is common in pre diabetes….

Summerhillsquare · 31/01/2024 18:03

Daleksatemyshed · 31/01/2024 17:26

He's settled down into middle age rather fast, but I know a lot of women who go out with their friends and do their hobbies alone because their DH's have lost interest in going out and meeting people. MY DP's happy for me to do days out with friends but has no interest in joining me. Make your own life Op, just because he's not bothered doesn't mean you shouldn't be.

Rather fast? he's 55! when does middle age start these days then? I am much younger and I nap every chance I get, cos I'm knackered.

StandardLFinegan · 31/01/2024 18:10

longpathtohappiness · 31/01/2024 16:52

DH had the day off today and he has done nothing. He has sat on the sofa since getting up and now he is asleep. He had a health check yesterday and all seems okay. It's not a new thing, he has been like it for a while now but getting worse

His father was just the same... help me... MIL had Church and her own hobbies and now I totally now understand why.

I feel like a flaky friend as a lot of my "mum" friends from when DC were little have fallen by the wayside as DH will not go out as a couple.

I'm now in a new territory of trying to make new friends as DC are growing up and will be leaving the nest soon.

HELP ME - tried talking IRL to people but they don't get it.

Has he had a sleep clinic test for sleep apnoea? You don’t have to be overweight to suffer from it btw. Or does he have a prostate problem that makes him go to the loo in the night? You need to get an appt at the gp and a blood test. As well as his sleep, what is his diet like and does he exercise? No need to answer this here but is he active in bed? Is he depressed or taking an anti-depressant or other medication? All of these things are indicators of overall health and they all need checking; and his heart and lung function too.

Edited to say: obviously all of the above needs to be ruled out before you label him as lazy or anti-social.

Hercisback · 31/01/2024 18:14

Get out amd do stuff. Find your thing and your tribe.

Try WI, book groups, a sport like pickle ball or outdoor swimming. Perhaps set yourself a target to try 3 things before June.

Also why are you a flaky friend? You can go alone. DH and I often meet friends alone if we can't get childcare. Have you cancelled lots because of him? Stop doing that and turn up alone, he might join you when he sees you don't need him.to get out.

FruitBat53 · 31/01/2024 18:19

DH is 59, and has at least 5 naps a day. I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of it. We can't share a room let alone a bed due to his appalling sleep habits - he doesn't fall asleep until around 4am then is exhausted when he wakes hence the need for day naps. Had several health checks but GP just told him it's poor sleep hygiene.

I'm grateful for our DD's and grandkids who occupy my weekends because DH spends most of them asleep. I dread going on holiday because of it, his idea of a break is a week asleep in a chair. I'm 53 and feel like packing him off to a nursing home most days.

LenaLamont · 31/01/2024 18:19

I hope I'm not being rude, but is he heavy? Does he snore?

Sleep apnoea can cause such awful sleep deprivation and have people falling asleep on sofas and having little energy.

Original poster
longpathtohappiness · 31/01/2024 18:24

He had a health check yesterday and was tested for diabetes as his DF died of it. No sign

I feel like a flaky friend as some of the friends we did as a couple and now he isn't interested. Yes I have previously cancelled things because because he didn't want to go... sigh ...

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 31/01/2024 18:25

You don't have to go out together Op, if your friends are happy for you to go alone then do it