DD is 55 and sleeps during the day

[longpathtohappiness]

DH had the day off today and he has done nothing. He has sat on the sofa since getting up and now he is asleep. He had a health check yesterday and all seems okay. It's not a new thing, he has been like it for a while now but getting worse

His father was just the same... help me... MIL had Church and her own hobbies and now I totally now understand why.

I feel like a flaky friend as a lot of my "mum" friends from when DC were little have fallen by the wayside as DH will not go out as a couple.

I'm now in a new territory of trying to make new friends as DC are growing up and will be leaving the nest soon.

HELP ME - tried talking IRL to people but they don't get it.

If he takes the dog out for 30 mins a day then he is doing something!

What kind of job does he do ?
If it is a physically demanding job then maybe I just wants to rest on his days off

My dp naps on most days off he has and he's 28😂😂 although he works very hard and we have 2 toddlers tbf

How old are you OP as I can't see you mentioned it- is there a big age gap ?

I'm 52

Cleary the issue isn't the nap, it's bigger than that. Do you work? If so does he contribute his equal share at home?

@longpathtohappiness ah- I though there might be a bigger gap- I think what you are experiencing is sadly why divorce is high- especially initiated by women in their 50s- a lot of men just seem to become very ploddy quite early - does he have a really physical job ? As I know my dad found to be honest that in his late 40s onwards he found his manual outdoorsy job in all weathers really knackered him physically ? He had to stop at 57

I see you're popping back to respond to certain posts OP, while ignoring all the questions about what you both do for work.

We are all different but my husband is the complete opposite and he's slightly older!

He will sit down and relax sometimes but he likes to be active.

I'm active but I do like a nap once a day.

Whilst I agree you shouldn’t need to rely on him for your social life etc I’m a bit annoyed by people saying just find some new friends. It’s sooo difficult to do that especially if you are not someone who has a lot of interests and hobbies. Even if you do try something that interests you, it takes a fair while to bond with someone

Well, no-one has to.

If you choose to, then more fool you.

I like a nap in the day sometimes, but that doesn't get me out of pulling my weight with work, household, family, house or car maintenance, admin, etc. I just choose to do things at different times.

It's quite interesting that you are choosing not to answer all the posters who have asked what he does for work.

It’s sooo difficult to do that especially if you are not someone who has a lot of interests and hobbies.

I don't understand what your partners interests or hobbies have to do with how easy it is to make friends?

My DH is very like this. He's coming up.to.70 and I'm 63 he's a couple of small strokes so the age difference is really showing now . I work it to my favour and meet up with friends , go for dog walks do DIY in the morning when he is still asleep. We go on holidays together and I will Potter round a bit on my own some of the time . I think you have to work round it and accept that's how things are .

@longpathtohappiness maybe he is depressed and doesn't know how to tell you.
I was depressed/anxious for a good while before I finally went to gp and asked for help.
I'm 53 and probably menopause so maybe you are same and can't bear him hanging around doing nothing but sleep.
I work from home and like to have my own space to work and don't like if someone else off and disturbing my routine.

@lifeispainauchocolat You misunderstood. I meant people are telling OP to find new friends and I meant it’s not that easy

I'm not ignoring anyone I've been working. We are both office based

Do you work OP? I don't think you said- because if you don't and are fit and well- I would be looking for a job as a starter to 'get out there'

How many hours does he sleep in total and how many hours does he work? I have a 45 minute nap most days before Dd finishes pre-school because I don’t get much sleep at night and I’m bloody tired. Maybe he’s just tired and needs the sleep, I feel dead on my feet sometimes and I’m only in my 40’s and would love a few hours to just snooze. I’ve already notified DH about my intentions to nap a lot in retirement.

If you want a different life then you may have to go out and carve one for yourself. Honestly I would be a bit disappointed if after DC had flown the nest that DH went to sleep but if the love is still there just accept thats who he is now and get on with your own thing. I also wouldn’t necessarily trust the check up, the NHS uses the “you are technically not about to drop dead” standard. I would ask for the values and check he’s not low on anything either.

Get him to get his bloods done and thyroid check and to specifically ask for antibodies check as he may have underactive thyroid if he needs nap daily. I do not see the big issue with him having a nap but you do need to talk to him about doing things together but you need to join a club or two and find something that you are interested in.

Oops 🫣 sorry! It's been a long week 😂

He works in an office based environment, seated most of the day. When he comes home, he has his dinner then falls asleep on the sofa for the rest of the evening.

After taking advice from MN folk I have started to carve out a life for myself, consciously making new friends and getting new hobbies

I suppose my problem is, in the meantime I'm spinning all the plates at home with the DC, working full-time, dog, house etc. I felt so tired this week I dozed off in front of my laptop at work!! I'm thinking I probably need to cut back on my the things I do for myself but I don't really want to as will leave me feeling more isolated and lonely.

I know I shouldn't worry about my DC as they are now in their 20s but I suffer with anxiety so I worry about everything (and I mean everything! I am having CBT for the anxiety but that is a different thread all together!) So I feel very alone with my worries about the DC and the moments I do share with DH he ridicules me (I can't LTB we have 3 DC at home still) The kids have taken his lead and sometimes ridicule me too which hurts as I'm the one carrying all the load but nobody seems to see that.

Lots of issues here...

The more you post, the more useless he sounds.

lifeispainauchocolat - yep he is but what can I do?! I shared with him that I thought DD might have a boyfriend. OK I put my hands up and on reflection realise I was jumping to conclusions but I wasn't expecting his reaction to ridcule me. Note to self, don't share with DH and thank goodness for MN where I can share in a safe space

I know I shouldn't worry about my DC as they are now in their 20s but I suffer with anxiety so I worry about everything (and I mean everything! I am having CBT for the anxiety but that is a different thread all together!) So I feel very alone with my worries about the DC and the moments I do share with DH he ridicules me (I can't LTB we have 3 DC at home still)

So are all the 3dc who are at home in their 20s? How much are you doing for them? Do they work? I would be stopping any laundry other than your own. Declare that every Tuesday and Thursday you are out at a hobby so they are cooking and cleaning up after themselves and set up a dog walking rota.