Last minute cancellation. Take it at face value or throw this one back?

[Itslegitimatesalvage]

I’ve been dating a guy for a little while and last weekend, we spent the night together for the first time. Been chatting everyday like normal but didn’t see each other over the weekend for the first time since we started dating. Arranged to meet after work today, so I drove half an hour into the city to meet him. I was waiting in a coffee shop around 400 meters from his flat, when he messaged to say he’d been in a bad mood since getting soaked going to work that morning and wouldn’t be good company so would it be ok to cancel. I couldn’t exactly argue with him or say he had to come so I said that’s fine and just went back to the car and drove home, but being a few minutes walk from
his flat and told to go home… that’s a hard rejection to swallow. I don’t know whether to let it go and take it as he said; just a bad day or if this is a bit too far to cancel like that. Should I start to distance it, leave it now?

Give him another chance!! With your eyes wide open of course. We all make errors of judgement sometimes and I often get stuck in my own head for a few hours and then tomorrow comes and I feel a fool! Hope you can find your way through this one xx

Some ppl also hate to be the dumpees. Depends on the level of their maturity. They start it up again so that they can be the ones back in control and end things themselves.

It is the chase, and he will do it again. Like I said. He wasn’t sending flowers on the day he did it was he. Only now, when he realises you’re actually serious about ditching it. It’s made it all exciting and new again.

I’ve not rtft yet but I had to come on and say how cool you are OP. I’m not dating ever again unless I can be sure I’m going to be as sorted as you.

It also wasn’t just the last minute cancellation either. His energy changed right after you had sex. Which says it all.

So predictable! The chase is back on, send in the flowers!!

He'll do it again and again, you're well rid.

Urgh, I cant imagine being with someone who sulks all day about bad weather. Life is too precious to spend it with people like that.

Alternatively she could just arrange childcare, get dressed up, drive half an hour into town and sit alone in a coffee shop without any input from the sad soggy pillock.

😂

Dump him. Immediately. I'm not sure how young people do it - but when you finally become intimate with someone, they don't ghost you. They want to make sure you're both happy with that connection. But was he awful? And could he be embarrassed? Did he fart in bed? When you said goodbye, how did he act? Or is he some jerk that boasts to friends that every single woman he dates wants to jump into bed with him. You already know the real reason he's avoiding you.

Exactly, men should be behaving the total opposite of this after you’ve had sex for the first time. Given it’s supposed to build intimacy, and it’s not unusual to feel a bit vulnerable afterwards.

Actions speak louder.
Hes just not that into you.
Move on

I actually had a thread about the first time! Not about the sex but the after part because he wouldn’t stop cuddling me and I can’t sleep when I’m being spooned 😂. He is a cuddly sleeper and I sort of just lay there feeling too hot and couldn’t sleep. He had a lovely sleep!
As far as I’m aware, it wasn’t bad sex. It was quite a few hours of it and both seemed pretty happy. He brought me breakfast in bed and we cuddled up and talked for hours. It was a really nice night and a lovely next day. But, he may have a totally different opinion on that.

🤣 made me laugh

That’s so awful for you. What a let down! No wonder you felt so angry and upset, I would have too. He obviously got what he wanted and doesn’t need to make any more effort. I’d take it as a lucky escape. He’s not a nice guy to treat you with such appalling manners. Block him and give it no more of your time.

Everything about this from his inability to get over getting soaked, to having you drive over, to keeping you waiting, to giving you no notice and knowing that you’ve had to arrange babysitters?!

What an absolute twat.

He’s using you, trying to get back in now so he has someone there for sex and dating. I’d pretend everything was back on track then either stand him up or tell him the sex was to bad.
He sounds manipulative but even if he isn’t do you really want a partner with issues you need to sort out this early in a relationship.

Don’t even go down that road about questioning yourself or the sex. Sounds to me like he love bombed you a bit and then when you finally got around to having sex, the element of the chase has now gone for him.

If it was just one incident I’d all be for giving second chances but to have so many after you slept together is telling you all you need to know. And has been pointed out, the flowers are a reflection of him feeling he’s chasing again.

I get you are disappointed and probably a bit hurt but better to find out now that he’s flaky and unreliable rather than when you’re in way deeper.

If you are looking for a partner in the future I hope you find someone lovely and deserving of you who values every moment of your time.

I am interested in the apology. How has he worded it? Because I suspect its not real. If I did something thoughtless and needed to apologise I wouldn't give excuses or tell you how this all makes ME feel. I would say something like, "I am so sorry. That was thoughtless and inconsiderate and I can't believe I didn't realise that at the time. It won't happen again. I hope you can forgive me."

But his seems to be more, "I'm sorry you were upset. I was just so moody and upset from that morning and couldn't palace getting together <sub text: it's not my fault and also you should feel sorry for me because I was miserable> Please forgive me."

He wants you to feel sorry for him. To give him another chance. But ultimately, he is selfish. Something similar will happen again, and not only will you be expected to suck it up, the "woe is me, i can't believe I hurt you again" wailing will start.

What an arsehole

if you ignore him, he will come
crawling back

Time to move on

Even if he is not playing games OP I think he will do it again.

My DP has form for this. We could make plans to go somewhere and the next day he will have something more important to do. I always have to make sure he is in the right mood for it. No apologies no nothing. I know him well enough to sense what he will cancel and what he won’t. He just doesn’t want to say no the first time and will leave it until last minute to do it his way eventually. We’ve had multiple fights over this shitty behaviour. When he first did this to me I was 20 and did not contact him for 2 weeks. He finally showed up at my door trying to patch things up.

if I were to start over with someone else now in my 40’s I would not put up with this shit. As a matter of fact when I spot flakes they instantly get on my nerves. I love my DP and I put up with his crap as he puts up with mine, but if I met him now I’d be no way Jose.

Funnily enough I came across a guy who was trying to impress me by saying he was ready to commit, get married and have kids, the lot. In his own words:”I am only 40”.

Only you know OP what level of drama and flakiness you are willing to tolerate. No one is perfect, and if you want to give this guy another chance, so be it, but do not work around him anymore sorting out childcare and asking favours from your loved ones. Let him do the hard work. However, the fact that he made you wait until your second coffee to say he was not showing up is not what a mentally balanced person would do.

To quote someone else, he's just not that into you. I have a sneaky feeling he's already moved on and is seeing someone else. Either way, he's not worth your time, you deserve better.

Whaaaaaaaat! Her reaction was extreme?! Are you okay? About 90% of replies have insisted her reaction wasn’t extreme enough!
OP has proven her dignity, I’m not sure you have any?

I think you're right to trust your gut instinct

As somebody who dated for many years, I came across this guy a few times. He blows hot and cold. He loves the chase and is all over you one week and totally absent the next

He's single but dates a lot. He is afraid to commit and afraid of falling in love.

His reason for cancelling was flimsy.

Don't waste your time. Read the signs. Move on

From OP’s tone I think she’s giving him a second chance…