Last minute cancellation. Take it at face value or throw this one back?

[Itslegitimatesalvage]

I’ve been dating a guy for a little while and last weekend, we spent the night together for the first time. Been chatting everyday like normal but didn’t see each other over the weekend for the first time since we started dating. Arranged to meet after work today, so I drove half an hour into the city to meet him. I was waiting in a coffee shop around 400 meters from his flat, when he messaged to say he’d been in a bad mood since getting soaked going to work that morning and wouldn’t be good company so would it be ok to cancel. I couldn’t exactly argue with him or say he had to come so I said that’s fine and just went back to the car and drove home, but being a few minutes walk from
his flat and told to go home… that’s a hard rejection to swallow. I don’t know whether to let it go and take it as he said; just a bad day or if this is a bit too far to cancel like that. Should I start to distance it, leave it now?

@Itslegitimatesalvage I don’t know you obviously, but I’m proud of you for knowing your worth 💪😊

That was a selfish and thoughtless thing for him to have done but I can't understand why you texted that you were fine about it to him. I'd have phoned him. By trying not to make a 'thing' out of it you've made a bigger thing out of it.

I don't understand why so many women are so hesitant to be straightforward when they are dating.

I'd have dumped him too though. It was so selfish of him.

He had been in a bad mood since getting soaked that morning?? What an absolutely massive drip!!! Get rid!

Not for you! Maybe lucky you got an early warning.

Urgh. He gets worse with every update. He's rude and inconsiderate and can't even come up with a believable excuse (lie). Block and move on. He's not worth your head space.

His behaviour would have alarm bells ringing off - sorry to say- he may well be married and not at his flat.

Definitely give up on him OP.

He's lost his bottle. Don't be too hard on him though.

Here's another scenario. 'Dear Mumsnet. We slept together last week. Nearly time for our next date, but I'm scared! Do I want this to 'get serious'? He's a great guy, but there's baggage. What should I do?'

Would you get replies like 'You don't have to do anything you aren't sure you want to do. Make an excuse. If he really likes you, he'll wait...'?

Well, he sent flowers today… and has apologised again. Hasn’t changed the reason or anything; still just saying he had a bad day, got into his own head and messed up.

So, now I feel bad. Haven’t said anything but now I do feel bad.

It's not you that should be feeling bad. You are still allowed to be angry

Aw, you sound so lovely OP.

Sending flowers does not excuse what he did, and you should not be feeling bad. If you want to then message to acknowledge the flowers, but tell him firmly to please not send any further gifts, as you will not be changing your mind.

You've handled this incredibly well, and hopefully you will find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve. This man is not the one.

Sending flowers requires very little effort. Can be done on a phone. Also a cliche response from men to keep the women sweet, after they have behaved badly and been called out on it.

Nah. I thought his excuse was insulting even if it was true.
How often would he 'get into his head' and (rudely) let you down?
Next thing you know you're nursing him over his 'issues' and being treated like crap.
Flowers schmowers.
Next!

Don’t feel bad OP he bought this in himself.

But regardless of what anyone on here says, if you feel that you want to see him again or you need time to think then you do whatever is right for you.

OP - he absolutely fucked up. Humans do fuck up. He did a selfish, annoying thing. You have responded very clearly and with impressive dignity. He has received a very clear message that this sort of nonsense will not be tolerated.

Don't feel bad if you still don’t want to see him again after he’s made a bit of effort, because whatever happens you’ve taught him a valuable lesson in respecting other people and their time.

Equally if time and his response has softened you to him a bit: that’s okay. He’s allowed ONE mistake. You won’t suddenly become a weak, desperate woman for forgiving him ONCE. You know the whole him better than anyone here and only you know if he’s worth another shot.

You are very clearly a very strong woman and as such, allowed to make your own decisions for your own reasons.

But whatever you do, do not feel bad.

I agree with @MyOodieIsAGoooodie
Don't feel like talking with us here should dictate how you act. I can't word it better that above.
Maybe see him but make him run to you a bit more and keep the distance a bit longer.

Don’t feel bad @Itslegitimatesalvage because he apologised and sent flowers.
He was entitled to have a bad day, but 1. He’s a bit of a wet wipe if rain spoiled his whole day! 2. He didn’t bother to let you know even though he knew you were already sat there waiting! - that’s the kicker and the piss take. It says a lot about him that you’re having to tell him that that was a dick head move. It’s just really disrespectful and a sign of things to come if you allow him to wriggle his way back in.
And you’ve got more than just yourself to think about here, you’ve got kids. You and them can do better. Don’t settle.

Oh and it wasn’t just the standing you up after driving half an hour after arranging childcare and sat there waiting. He brushed you off before that after you slept together. He’s not the one.

Definitely throw that one back.
Self absorbed, zero consideration for others and emotionally immature - how unattractive!

He wasnt sending flowers before he realised you were serious about ending it. It’s not that he feels bad for what he did it’s that he decided he might want another shag after all and is doing damage control.

I am on your side OP, I would have been equally upset and put out.

What I do wonder is what sort of life and experiences people might have had to behave like this at that age.
Could he have social anxiety or be ND. He could have been masking. Or had he had childhood experiences of bullying, rejection or attachment issues. To be in a bad mood (because of rain in the morning) all day and into the evening sounds extreme to me.

To not grasp the effort you have had to go to with your children and travelling just seems absolutely bizarre but if he has never had any responsibilities beyond himself maybe he just doesn’t get it. Maybe he hasn’t really matured.

Not saying at all that you should have behaved any differently op or even question anything now 😂 - it’s definitely the right decision to not bother. It just intrigues me.
Imagine if you had to rely on him for something important down the line 🤦🏼‍♀️good luck op, you sound lovely

He sent flowers? Shame he wasted his money.

Thing is, he got the sulks and left you waiting around for him and hugely inconvenienced you.

He'll do it again, eventually. But to someone else next time.

I don't know what his motivation is with the flowers nonsense, but it's clear that however sorry he is, you're just not on the same page.

I think some blokes intentionally fuck you around to see if you'll let them get away with it. If you will, they know they've got a handy doormat.

Good on you for not falling for that shit.

You're supposed to feel bad.
The chase is back on now.
From his pov I mean.

This is it exactly. He could be totally genuine and realised that his mood has fucked things up and he has actually taken on board that I have responsibilities so seeing him takes work. Maybe he’s actually sorry.

But… if it was about the chase, this is all part of it. And he’ll do it again. And I won’t know until it happens. I hate drama, and this is just drama.

I think the comment about that maybe being his work flat away from the family home is interesting. Hadn’t thought of that. (Sigh) so disappointing what ppl can be capable of. Hope that isn’t the case here whatever the outcome