Last minute cancellation. Take it at face value or throw this one back?

[Itslegitimatesalvage]

I’ve been dating a guy for a little while and last weekend, we spent the night together for the first time. Been chatting everyday like normal but didn’t see each other over the weekend for the first time since we started dating. Arranged to meet after work today, so I drove half an hour into the city to meet him. I was waiting in a coffee shop around 400 meters from his flat, when he messaged to say he’d been in a bad mood since getting soaked going to work that morning and wouldn’t be good company so would it be ok to cancel. I couldn’t exactly argue with him or say he had to come so I said that’s fine and just went back to the car and drove home, but being a few minutes walk from
his flat and told to go home… that’s a hard rejection to swallow. I don’t know whether to let it go and take it as he said; just a bad day or if this is a bit too far to cancel like that. Should I start to distance it, leave it now?

Anyway, all done now. I’m going to stop moaning because I will end up going full circle and second guessing.

Thank you everyone!

The fact he’s never had anything long term probably means he’s not had to ever consider anyone else and just does what suits him.

I imagine he’s genuinely confused as to why every relationship falls apart. It’s all about him and his mood swings - and the world should revolve around him.

Ah good update that he's (hopefully) regretting quite so obviously crossing such a line of acceptable behaviour, thank the Lord you weren't prepared to play his games. Disappointing yes, but at least you found out now. I can hardly believe anyone would do that either, sounds like one of those tests to see just what you would be prepared to put up with. Answer, not this!

Yep. Hes history. Onwards and upwards 😊

The standard of that excuse is offensive. Bin.

Nothing worse than people who couldn't give a toss about how much effort you've had to make to meet them.

So rude of him to let you down when you were actually waiting for him. No respect there at all.

Pretty classic narcissistic behaviour. I particularly like his attempt to portray himself as a victim! You were supposed to feel BAD for being upset with him because of him being in such a terrible place. And reassure him that it's OK, you are not upset with him.

Nicely dodged OP. You are my hero.

I agree this man is a slime ball, but from what he said, he may have been saying (in a stupidly un-obvious way) that that is what he was literally going to do - he didn’t mention doing it with you crucially.

It sounds like, for whatever reason, he has got cold feet and - classically - rather than end it with you by being honest and up front he is taking the cowards way out and hoping you will end it for him.

You said you haven’t been seeing him long. He got his end away, perhaps that was the ultimate goal, you’ll never know, and the way he’s behaved, do you really care? It was clearly an act and he wasn’t the person you thought he was. Judge him now by his current behaviour. If something had happened to affect him which you don’t know about then when he’s back to himself he may try to apologise, he may not. Tread carefully OP and good luck

Sorry, missed some updates 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️ hope all is well OP - goes without saying you’re much better off without this level of drama

Oh well enough said then! Been unlucky? No the victims of his ridiculous games have been unlucky. He’s a manipulator, probably an emotionally unavailable one at that!

I just wanted to join in the chorus of solidarity to the OP, who has behaved with absolute integrity and dignity towards this pathetic man.

I think this man has pushed his luck too far in thinking he had the OP right where he wanted her, and it sounds (from your updates OP), like he is regretting his godawful behaviour. And no surprise he showed his true colours after you first spent the night together - like he thought you’d won a big prize.

To the handful of posters who believe he is worth another chance; I hope you don’t instil such low standards on your own DDs.

So glad you’ve thrown him back.

Excellent OP your story touched a nerve with me as I've been dumped twice after sleeping with someone which I did for furthering the relationship. Another did the same after a heavy snogging session when I wouldn't let him go further. In all cases I blamed myself and was upset about what I'd "lost". Young and stupid I was then. I'm very wary now.

He's a lazy arsole not worth another thought you OP are marvellous.

Quite likely he's seeing multiple people. Whatever went on with the sex, he wasn't that bothered afterwards. He's waffling.
Move on-he's a player.

Well done OP. I hope you meet someone nice soon. 💐

Yes it sounds like he was relieved you did the breaking up for him. The sexual encounter was obviously the critical point but don’t worry about that, for all you know he could have been feeling inadequate and wanted to save face afterwards. Could have been eating him up inside and keeping you waiting at the coffee shop was his way of punishing you. Thinking someone is kind and lovely and finding out they are not is a horrible jolt, and it shows that the version of him before you had sex was not actually the real him. So you have lost nothing in that respect, he didn’t even exist.

Him messaging you afterwards could be signs he wants to keep you dangling as a back up (you could be one of many) or it could be that he is one of these insidious creatures who behave terribly with no thought them later get pangs of guilt and want to be reassured that they’re not shits, you understand bc it makes it easier for them to live with themselves. Nope. Don’t let him off the hook, don’t offer hope of reconciliation, do as you said and ignore. In my experience it’s the best way to deal with these types as they are left with their guilt, which they deserve.

You've handled it perfectly, sorry he turned out like this but well done to you.

This with 🔔 🔔 on.

Well done OP 💐

Well done op. Brilliantly handled 🙌🏻

I don’t think he’s very interested in you, sorry. Move on and forget him.

Time for snowflake to melt, oh sorry, he already was a melt ! Enjoy your next date with a human x

Definitely bin him. I think he got a better offer (sorry).

Yes, PaperwhiteTheFriendlyGhost, you should get back to 1955; because, of course, before 1955, no-one ever had sex before marriage. FFS. 🤪🤪🤪

@Ilovecleaning that's not what I said or meant perhaps try reading all posts before jumping in

He doesn't sound very considerate. Bin him now because it will get worse.