This is long one so please bear with me.
So, I found out 6 months ago that the man my mum has been with for 10 years is a convicted peadophile and she knew. He has had access to my twins since they were born, my mum has helped out with childcare, had them overnight and when I have been away (longest was 6 days). All of this was not allowed as part of his bail conditions.
When I fell pregnant he told the police officers that deal with him that I was pregnant. They told him that if he was to ever see my children that I would need to be told about his past, he told them that he would under no circumstances ever disclose that he was a peadophile to me or my mums family so he was told he was never allowed to see my children, even by accident and if he did, I would have to be told due to safeguarding. My mum was there during this meeting and agreed this and said because I don’t live close (I lived in London at the time which was about an hour/hour and a half drive) she would travel to see me and he would never have contact.
We moved closer to my family when the twins were one.
My twins are now 5 and have had a lot of contact with this man. They have been by themselves with him, stayed overnight in his house (also my mums) and for extended periods of time. They had a relationship with him, they were naked in his garden in the paddling pool, they stayed in the same hotel room as him.
Someone contacted the safeguarding team who knew about him and I got a phone call on a Friday afternoon asking me about who my mum was in a relationship with and then asking me not to let my children see him over the weekend, they would investigate and get back to me. We thought they had got something wrong but I questioned each twin separately to see if there was anything untoward about when being at Nanny’s, asked if they had seen private parts etc. the answer was no. I’ve banged into them about never keeping secrets from me, we use the ‘correct’ vocabulary for our private parts and spoken about how parts of your body are private and for them only. This is the case unless I need to help them (sore/uti/lazy with wiping). So I trust they are unharmed but, then again, they sleep like the living dead so that goes around in my head!
Monday, I hear nothing but I am admitted to hospital with a high temperature, 2 weeks postpartum with singleton, mastitis and a viral infection and needing to be on IV antibiotics. My mum is messaging, seeing if she needs to have my twins but they are with husbands family due to safeguarding call, baby is obviously in with me. Tuesday still nothing so I try to ring, nothing, try different number and get through and leave a message. Don’t hear anything in the afternoon so ring again, person on my case has changed so I ask to speak to someone higher up. Finally get given a number and it’s for a police officer. This is when we know the accusation is serious (other half and I are safeguard trained). Ring police officer and they need permission to share information before can tell us. Two hours later we get the call, it’s usually done face to face but with me being in hospital they said they would rather tell me sooner than later. 15 convictions and convictions read out, I burst into tears after the first one asking how my mum doesn’t know this. This is when I’m told that my mum does know and has know for a long time. 15 fucking convictions and it’s intrafamilial so he had easy access to those children too. I’m in no state to speak so my other half takes the lead and we are asked to make a statement backing up that he has had contact with my children.
My husband made a statement the next day, the police were so grateful and the whole team were gathering evidence as they wanted to get him. We found out more and more about my mum’s involvement and how much she knew. It’s safe to say the police were disgusted by her and weren’t afraid to make that known to my other half!
The next day the whole team turn up at his house and arrest him. My mum finally understands why she hasn’t heard from me from Tuesday afternoon.
He was sentenced before Christmas and isn’t going back to prison but has got a suspended sentence. He LIED for 5 years to the probation team and the specialist team that deals with him. His life doesn’t change. Her life, apart from not seeing me and her grandchildren, doesn’t change. One of my brothers still sees her with his daughter(!?). My other brothers haven’t heard from here ans are waiting for her to contact them, she has assumed they will feel like me. They see it as ‘but nothing happened to your twins’ which I feel isn’t the point!!!
My mum, after we found out a few months ago, married him.
My life is broken. My mum has committed the most heinous crime in my eyes, so I no longer have a mother. Her family haven’t contacted me after she told them that he’s a peadophile. So, with a decision that I did not make, my twins, my newborn and I need to suffer the consequences. My husband is being supportive and is unbelievably angry at my family, my brothers and obviously my mum. They don’t see how bad my mum has been and the danger she put my children in.
At first I lied to my DDs and said that Nanny and —— were on holiday. One twin turned round one morning and told me they knew nanny wasn’t on holiday and asked why they couldn’t see her. I had to tell them Nanny had done something very bad and put them in really bad danger but they’re 5 so they don’t really understand.
How can a mother do this to their child and grandchildren? How can my brothers not understand?
I can’t tell people because I’m so ashamed my mum could do this to us.