How would you feel if new boyfriend met family and behaved like this?

[Tannytot]

My new boyfriend of 5 months met my sister yesterday got the first time. She doesn’t live nearby but we are very close , her husband was also to come but got caught up and couldn’t make it.
my boyfriend can be a quiet kinda guy but he made no effort at all to engage in conversation, he looked away when we were talking, didn’t appear to be listening at all and took out his phone to scroll a few times. It came across so rude and disinterested. I did say this to him after and his answer was that me and my sister were talking about stuff between ourselves (I asked her how the kids were, what’s her plans for the rest of the weekend etc, not private things). Its made me feel quite funny and I know for sure He did not come across well to my sister.
how would you feel in this instance?

That does sound quite rude but did you make an effort to include him in the conversation?

Yes we definitely did. I was making a big effort

I would worry that he is a bit sexist and can't be bothered to engage with women that he is not sexually interested in.

It's a clear sign of ignorance unless he's shielding some kind of neurodiversity. Personally I'd move on.

What is he like with you and other people?

If he's the life and soul everywhere else and not in any way socially awkward, I'd be fuming.

BUT, if he's a bit awkward socially I'd forgive him but wonder whether I could see myself with him long term.

Was he nervous?

He is showing you who he is, not a very nice person

I'd hazard a guess that you were just chatting with your sister about people he doesn't even know and felt left out?

Yes I’d say nervous too but wouldn’t admit it

There's not much point in having a boyfriend that you can't take anywhere and rely on to make polite conversation with people you like. Getting out of his phone was really rude and not indicative of shyness.

Red flag for me. One of the things I love about my husband is his ability to chat away to all my family so the "hosting" is not all on me. I've been ill quite a lot recently and if he needs an extra pair of hands with the kids (activities in different places for example) he involves my parents and organised everything without the need for me to get involved.

Hello. As you made an effort to get him involved in the convo's - he is dam rude and/or is immature like quite a few young men I have met/know of.

What I hate is visitors to our home and they start messing about with their mobile. If its urgent we all understand that but if not, it is damn rude and I had to tell a sibling off at our home once

He is not for me unless he realises his mistake rather than arguing about it.

Indeed, only you can decide.

Well if he can't make the effort on the initial meet up he won't ever imo. Getting his phone out was utter rude...

Taking out his phone in company is the height of rudeness.
This behaviour gives me the rage!

Exactly. It's absolutely normal for someone to ask after children or enquire what they are doing for the rest of the weekend. You either say something like

'oh, we went to that new garden centre/bowling alley didn't we Susan on Thursday, it was great'

or you listen and join in when the conversation has moved on,

You don't get your phone out and then complain because your girlfriend has asked about her own nieces and nephews.

In these circumstances, I would want my new partner to be on his best behaviour. I would expect him to be trying really hard to impress.

Don't put up with shit like this. This is him at his best!

This

I'd expect this of teenagers but not from an adult. Although as a PP has said, if there are some ND issues, the phone use could be comforting in an unfamiliar and uncomfortable setting.

Whilst I understand that being piggy in the middle can be boring for a chap, he didn't make any effort to get to know your sister and behaved like a sullen child.

I couldn't be with anyone that didn't have an ounce of charisma.

He sounds like a limp lettuce. A bored limp lettuce.

oh for god sake. you were talking about her kids and her plans. He's meeting a female he doesn't know was probably shy and uncomfortable and was let down there was no other bloke there to natter with. Try again and stop being so dramatic

I think he was rude. Has he met your friends, what was he like with them?

The word is woman, not female.

He acted like a surly teenager, your standards must be pretty low if you think that's acceptable. Why does a grown man need another grown man to talk to, what rubbish

I agree. Quiet I can just about live with but getting the phone out is beyond rude

The only time I'd be okay with someone being on their phone during conversations is like my autistic friend. She struggles with eye contact and multiple person conversations so her phone helps her cope as she gets overwhelmed. She still engages but she needs it.

Other than that, I would find it very rude and I would tell him so.