Husband makes us have a horrible time if its something he didn't want to do/go - is this common?

[camillarthur297]

I have noticed lately my husband makes our entire trip/day out painful if he didn't want to originally go somewhere. I on the other hand quite frequently go to his family/friends events with a smile on my face (some I don't always want to do) - I am starting to feel resentful towards him. An example is we socialised with his friends/family 2 or 3 nights in a row, and I asked if next weekend we could go without drinking and do something not hungover. I asked to go to a food market, and the entire drive up there he didn't say a word, didn't say a word walking around the market (face like a slapped a$$!) would answer with yes or no answers. It really is starting to bring my mood down.
He does this quite often, we went to a museum once and didn't talk the whole drive down (2 hours) if I accuse him of this he says im crazy and hes absolutely fine.
Surely every so often you should do things your other half wants to do, and not sulk about it? Or are other peoples husbands like this... is it more common than I think?!!

No it's not common. My husband and I have separate interests but we will both make an effort to enjoy a day out the other has chosen to do. Why are you putting on a smile for things you don't enjoy doing like spending three days socialising with his family? Just don't go if you don't want to and find someone else to go with or go alone to the things you want to. If he moans tell him he spoils your day out when he is clearly sulking. The fact this happened with his ex too indicates he is the problem here.

It's his sense of entitlement. He believes that his preferences are of more import than the rest of you so he resents every minute he spends on someone else's choice.

People like this are toxic.

Yes, it's very common behaviour, for abusers.

What's he like on your birthdays?

Well it's no wonder his ex went places by herself. I would tell him very bluntly that this needs to stop.

It's emotional abuse.

Sulky baby boy. My sympathy, it won't improve and you will find yourself changing your own behaviour simply to avoid Peter Pan having his way. I hopebuyou get some advice on here that isn't LTB. This behaviour, yes it's common, really annoys me and I'd be gone.

Nope not common. He’s a selfish, immature dick.

Abusive people often sabotage the nice occasions of others. They feel aggrieved that their agenda has not been prioritised and will use whatever tactics they deem appropriate to bring the control and attention back on to themselves. They revel in the fact that they are upsetting others and spoiling their good time. They genuinely believe they are justified.

Not nice op my mother does this could go days. Controlling. I ignore but its hurtful. He sounds horrible

This is immature and manipulative behaviour and not normal at all.

Frankly I would not want to live with someone who think this is an appropriate way to behave.

That is awful @camillarthur297 you’ve said it to him and he refuses to acknowledge the behaviour?

I’d really resent that. You can do nothing about behaviour that is unacceptable and unacknowledged.

An ex of mine was like this. Would walk super fast through any attraction meaning we'd have to almost run and miss things to keep him in sight, almost imperceptible eye rolling at things, micro-aggressions all day (would know not to ask him to queue up for a coffee for e.g and would have to offer to drive or he'd be speeding and driving like a lunatic all the way home). It's a horrid way to live and the kids do pick up on it OP. I'd think of a way to confront him about it if you feel safe, if you don't you know you have to leave.

You felt sorry for him because you only heard his side of the story. The truth is probably his ex got fed up, just like you are, with his childish behaviour.

Sorry, I thought it was another poster. But yes, it's controlling ans abusive. The goal is to ensure you only ever do what HE wants to do. This will only get worse. Imagine when you have dc?!

My ex was like this, its an utterly and truly miserable way to live. Your options are either have all of the outings together unless it's his choice be ruined, or to just pander to him and never arrange anything that you want to do together.

Me and DH have plenty in common but also there are things I enjoy that he doesn't particularly and vice versa; we do often do things alone with friends but both make the effort also to do things together that wouldn't be our first choice also and make the best of it.

He’s an arse. Start doing things on your own or not attending his events unless he can stop being so bloody childish and selfish. What’s the rest of your relationship like? I don’t think I could cope with a partner who behaved like this.

What a baby. He hasn't learnt basic social skills and thinks the world revolves around him.

This is someone incapable of functioning in an adult relationship, of being a partner,

Big conversation needed about what being in a relationship is, that not only do you have to compromise but do so willingly and with good grace - because making your partner happy, having a partner at all, is worth it.

See how that goes then make a decision. Do you want to be with someone who doesn't care how you feel and who cannot be a partner to you? A lifelong grumpy, sulky housemate? Why? Why would you choose that?

So he has form for that then….

Thats telling you all you have to know.
I’m sorry @camillarthur297 . It’s not going to get better. It will always be his way or the Highway.

Time to think where your boundaries are and what you are ready to accept or not.

Please Google emotional abuse. I had 20 plus years of this, until it became unbearable and I had a breakdown.

He's my ex too now.

Ooh just think of all the places you'll go and all the fun you'll have singing at the top of your voice on the drives to museums once you pop him back in the sea.

My ex would do this too, created such an atmosphere. Now, many years later I feel like it was a form of bullying. Glad to have moved on. Not normal behaviour.

Call him out on his behaviour. Go out without him. Join groups that share your interests. He is a controlling bully. Oh, and get rid of him asap.

A grown man sulking because he didn't want to be at a food market?

Pathetic behaviour.

Call him out on it every time.

So it seems he behaved in the same way towards his ex. There's a reason why they split up and now you probably know what it was

No need to feel sorry for him. He's now treating you to the same spoilt brat behaviour as his ex. Stop forcing yourself to go to his family gatherings and go to things you want to do on your own. It will be far more fun than having him ruining it all.

I suspect you need to rethink whether or not this relationship has a future. Do you want to spend your life with an immature twat?

My ex was a glowering sulker, note the word ex just like yours. We had got together when very young and broke up mid twenties when I saw sense and left him.

@Sazza463 ’ created such an atmosphere’ that was exactly my experience, it was miserable. I invited a friend in for a cup of tea and a snack after we had been away for the day as she had a further 2 miles to walk home after a long day out. He made her so unwelcome, she commented at work and I realised it wasn’t just my imagination. Been broken up 30 years and my friend who popped in for a snack, still very good friends :)