Online dating: Guys Just Want Casual Sex

[Findinlovee]

I’m 39 and struggling to go on dates with men who are looking for a relationship.

The vast majority of men who like my profile and try to message me are men who ‘aren’t sure’ or looking for ‘casual.’ I’m on Hinge and Bumble. I’ve went on a few dates with a few men last year, and even though they claimed to want a relationship, it soon became clear they wanted something casual.

Is it my age that’s the problem? Where can I try to meet more serious minded men?

@Christl78 I think all men and women are very attractive to someone. Tastes and personal preferences vary. Someone who is gorgeous for me may be average for you. Same goes for us. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Clearly not, because as I said, the data shows that the overwhelming majority of men receive a small number of matches on dating apps. That would indicate that most men are ugly.

My experience is different. I think that men find sex too easily now

According to who? Your TV?

The only way men can find sex easily is by paying for it, but many people find that repugnant.

The idea of an average man going on to a dating app like Tinder and being flooded with offers of sex is an urban legend that comes from Tinder's marketing team.

Wow, you either have too high standards or you are a misandrist. Assume you are a woman.

We agree to disagree here. And I think that nowadays people can find sex too easily which has hurt relationships badly.

Most women can find sex as easily as ordering a pizza on any day of the week.

Only a minority of men can get sex easily. Most men get nowhere with OLD.

@Christl78 And I think that nowadays people can find sex too easily

That's because you watch too much TV.

Don't watch TV. Look at what the data says instead.

This type of comment always gets trotted out, and it's ridiculous.

Maybe it's true that women could get sex easily if we wanted it, but the sex itself would usually be shit.

Meeting a guy off the street for sex (just like ordering a pizza as you put it) would likely range from disappointing and unsatisfying to downright dangerous for women.

Why the fuck would we bother?

@HornyHornersPinkyWinky Maybe it's true that women could get sex easily if we wanted it, but the sex itself would usually be shit. Meeting a guy off the street for sex (just like ordering a pizza as you put it) would likely range from disappointing and unsatisfying to downright dangerous for women.

You don't meet a random off the street. You use the internet to find a like-minded person. This is the same internet that you are using now to write on mumsnet. This is how you stay safe, because it allows you to screen the person beforehand, see if they have any references from other people, and arrange to meet them in a public place such as a coffee shop before anything actually happens.

As for sex being shit or not, it's up to you to communicate beforehand about what would happen, and what the expectations are. This ensures that the things that happen are things that you would enjoy. You are also free to talk to the person during the act, so they know what you would want them to do.

I’m on most of the dating apps available. I would say I’m slightly better than average looking but my height at 5’9 probably lets me down a bit.

I get around 30 likes a week on tinder, and I would say maybe one if i’m lucky I find attractive and want to chat further. ( I have gold so I can see the likes )

if I bump my height up to 6’ then my likes double at least and the attractiveness of my likes goes up immensly.

Is it easier for woman to get sex ( without paying for it ) than men? I don’t think so.

a not very attractive girl could approach a guy in a bar with very little chat and ask for sex and if they are single they are likely to say yes.

a man needs to put in considerably more effort in the same scenario and will have to have both confidence and chat , and although he will get a lot more thanks but no thanks it’s a numbers game and there will be someone who says yes.

Send us your sources then.

I don’t even have a TV btw.

Of course you can find sex easily, fab, WAX and Feeld are all designed for easy NSA sex.

the problem with men trying to find sex easily on these sites is because there are 10x as many men than woman and men are far less fussy so will throw a net out and see what fish they can catch.

Sure.

https://www.crossrivertherapy.com/research/tinder-statistics

Match rate for men on Tinder is 0.6%. So for every 1000 profiles that an average man swipes right on, he will expect to receive 6 matches.

Keep in mind though, that this is only matches- the number of conversations that result in an in-person meet will be much lower.

The post I was responding to claimed it was as easy as ordering a pizza for women to get sex. That is what I was answering, you seem to have ignored this.

@HornyHornersPinkyWinky The post I was responding to claimed it was as easy as ordering a pizza for women to get sex. That is what I was answering, you seem to have ignored this.

Why so literal minded? The other person was not literally saying it's like ordering a pizza; they were saying that it's an easy task.

For men, it's more difficult. Finding a partner requires a lot of self-improvement, personal development, studying, and trial and error. This process can last years.

When it comes to looks women have an army of things at their disposal that most men don’t or at least don’t use often. Who here thinks they look better with make up on? I certainly do, same goes for extensions in hair and not just to lengthen but to plump out. My DH and DS have never worn make up in their life.

Any man that is decent gets snapped up pretty quick especially at that age.

The issue with apps is they are very looks based in the first instance.

@RestYeMerryGentlewomen When it comes to looks women have an army of things at their disposal that most men don’t or at least don’t use often. Who here thinks they look better with make up on? I certainly do, same goes for extensions in hair and not just to lengthen but to plump out. My DH and DS have never worn make up in their life.

Well obviously, because a man uploading a picture of himself wearing makeup on a dating app is going to receive even fewer matches from women...

And so it should involve that

although in reality men are certainly not doing this

@SnugCoralFinch It should take years for people to find relationships?

@shuggles (a man)

The article you linked claiming only 0.6% average match rate for men also said that only 15% of users had created a profile. And those that had were often 2 lines or less.

I've never used tinder but surely this will significantly skew a man's average match rate down?

Reading why women don't match (or decide to meet men) on here, it is down to their poor profiles, poor photos, poor chat, only wanting NSA or women 20 years younger etc. nothing about A list good looks (or lack of).

@Moresunlessrain Reading why women don't match (or decide to meet men) on here, it is down to their poor profiles, poor photos, poor chat, only wanting NSA or women 20 years younger etc. nothing about A list good looks (or lack of).

Men have limited profiles because men who pour lots of information about themselves online will find themselves as the subject of ridicule. That's why they prefer to keep their profiles brief, then share information with the people that they actually match with.

Men have poor photographs because men generally have very few friends and they are not into taking photographs of one another or "selfies."

It is also not true that men only want women 20 years younger. Stop and think about what you are saying- if men are receiving few matches, then how can they possible afford to restrict their dating prospects to a specific age category?

Not brief profiles- 85% have no profile filled out according to the article you linked. The brief profiles of 2 lines or less are included in the remaining 15%. Obviously women won't match with these profiles so therefore the 0.6% average match rate for men is meaningless.

@smithey85 describes himself as average appearance and height (5'9) and gets 30 likes a week. Not all his type (fair enough) but potentially in this scenario an 'average' man could have over 100 matches a month if he wasn't fussy or was just after casual sex (as per the OP).

We have no idea what he looks like, and he might be better looking than he thinks. There is absolutely no way that the average man is getting 30 likes a week on a dating app.

Think about this logically: women complain that there are almost no suitable men on dating apps. So if the average man isn't up to standard, then how could an average man be getting 30 likes a week?

I think the 'average man' seems to do fine!

The data is just skewed because so many have no/very little profile. So not matchable. I wonder if it's all the not single ones?

I don't think you understand what women mean when they say virtually no suitable men on OLD. You assume they mean appearance. But actually if you read what they say- no suitable men means no profile, poor photos, sex chat, not single etc. I think average women are very happy with average (decent) men.

erm excise me, slightly better than average looking thank you very much!!

@shuggles i have taken time to fill in my profile, there is information on there which will give my matches something to talk about, or, a reason for them
to Match in the first place.

my photos have been taken with care, and marginally edited so I look my best but I am still
me.

being 40, I am also in quite a wide berth age bracket where someone will generally receive likes from people 15 years either side of my age.

I also regularly change my pics and make sure I log in 3 or 4 times a day, along with being careful who I swipe. All things that tinder likes and makes sure you are seen by more people.

it really is quite easy, and saying men have few friends is ridiculous! And personally, I love a good selfie!

Gonna call this bit out. Because its not true. (Frankly its the sort of shit incels say too btw)

Women have to vet men. They can't get sex easily because (even assuming they are attractive to men THEY want sex with) they have to consider things men don't. Like 'if I take this guy home from the club, will he kill me?'.

Plus, often men do not care about their sexual pleasure. So sexual experiences of the quick or easy variety - often mean they won't get to finish.
Can you imagine being a guy and half way through she finishes and leaves, without bothering to help you out? Because that's not a rare occurance when the roles are reversed.

The idea that women have access to quick easy sex is largely a myth. Unless you count risking unsatisfying sex, sex with men they don't fancy...or risking it with men who might kill them. Most women have no interest in that.