i think im in way over my head with a man i have been seeing for almost 7 months, and it's like a fog is lifting, but i could really use a sense check.
he insists on walking me to the door of everywhere i go when we have spent time together, including picking up my dc from school or playdates. it used to be sweet but now because i know if i said not to, because i wanted to walk by myself or walk quickly, he would take offence
he pressured me into meeting my mum when she was visiting; if i had said no, he would have been upset
we met up when we were both in a different part of the country visiting respective family over xmas, and he pressured me into taking 2 days and a night to visit his family during that time even though i wanted to compromise and just spend a day together
he doesn't like me using my phone when i am with him, even if we spend the whole day together- he says it's not respectful, and to say something like 'i just need to take this' if its something urgent
however if i don't respond to messages quickly or answer his call in time he says we have different needs for communication - we spent NYE with our respective families and he spent the next day upset with me as i didnt text him until 12.12 not at 12.00. i was with my dc (he doesnt have any). he says his whole family and his ex wife are very reliable with their response times and i'm not there for him
he gets upset whenever i have to leave no matter how much time we spend together (eg full days, or if we see each other for a few hours every day). im a single parent and i cant really do overnights unless faraway family visit me. but i have made the time to go away with him for weekends and a week, and the odd night or two, and i see him every single day as i know he wants to do that. quite a lot of the time when we say goodbye he seems pissed off and im like 'are you upset with me?' and he denies it but then he will send me a sad or annoyed text or email about how he doesnt feel i love him as much as he loves me, or how lonely he is. its predictable at this point.
this has also caused issues because he feels he should be more in my 'inner circle' as he calls it - his brothers were introduced to their partners dc very quickly (like weeks/a month) and even moved in, and i am cautious as my dc went through my and ex-h's divorce fairly recently and is very sensitive. he has met my dc casually but i am not looking to eg. have sleepovers when she is around, and he takes it very personally that he doesnt 'know her better' yet.
this also caused issues when we didnt spend christmas day together and he ignored me all day, didnt get me a present or card or say thanks for what i got him, and sent me a guilt tripping email about how upset it made him that we were apart
he doesn't like me talking about exes and has a hangup because months ago i reminisced that i used to love grungy guys with long hair and he still says to me almost every day 'you're going to leave me for some young guy with long hair' (he is 10y older and has short thinning hair). no matter how much i reassure that i fancy him it doesnt help. (however he is still 'best friends' with his ex-w and has said she still loves him, he is going to stay with her for a week to help her after surgery, etc...)
he wanted to move closer to me and when i said i wasnt sure as it was only 3 months in, he pressured me with guilt/withdrawal until i agreed, but then since moving he has wanted to spend a lot of time with me and as someone with a busy remote job and a school aged dc (he isnt working ATM and has no kids) it feels like so much pressure to meet his expectations of contact
whenever he watches a romantic movie he compares it to us but not in a nice way always - yesterday he watched a movie about love at first sight and texted me saying 'why didnt you have that with me when we first met' (we met in a work away week where i was very busy and only connected at the end of that week)
and the usual love bombing stuff... never felt this way before, our connection is so special, offers of commitment very quickly (he has mentioned moving in, marriage and babies a lot even though his own divorce is not finalised)
i feel like he gaslights me when i have tried to say i feel he is pushy and pressures me, he says he isn't at all, but i even get an anxious fight or flight response when we talk these days as i always feel he wants something from me, and he said that's just my anxiety and no one causes your anxiety, it comes from within.
god when written down it all sounds bad. i always used to date younger/more passive men and married one. at first i liked how forthright he was. but now it is making me feel drained. does he sound controlling?