Letting DP lean on me too much financially

[Pegasus41]

I think I’ve been a bit too financially generous to DP, who is currently experiencing financial hardship, which should improve in the long term, but right now it’s pretty bad. I’ve been paying for everything and as his car (old and beyond repair) just had to be scrapped, I bought him a new used car. My thinking was partly that it can be used as a family car, we have 3 kids between us, and we do quite a bit together with all of us, though we haven’t moved in with each other yet. But I think I’ve let my heart rule my head on the financial front, and am not sure how to claw back more boundaries around money.

He’s seeing mug written on your forehead.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. You need to have a long and hard think about this man because in you he sees pound signs. If this man is also the one who said he got back pain from sitting in your previous car, you need to part ways now.

Wait - HE HAS AN INVESTMENT PROPERTY?

OP, why are you paying his rent and buying him cars then?

How would he live if you were also without finances and renting and unable to give him money?

This is money you could be saving for your children, for uni, first home etc.

You're giving him money that could be going to your children. Besides, why would he ever get his act together when you're paying his rent and buying him a freaking car?! He's landed on his feet with you, hasn't he? Stop subsidising a grown man. Especially when you have children.

Just read your thread from a couple of weeks ago. This bloke has ££££ in his eyes when he looks at you.

Wait - HE HAS AN INVESTMENT PROPERTY?

Good lord. He saw you coming. Stop paying for him.

So when you pay for holidays are you taking both of you plus all 3 kids? So not only bankrolling him but his children too?

You’ve got a cock lodger before he’s even under your roof

Sorry IP but he’s a ponce and you’re a mug. No man with the slightest amount of respect for you would take money from you like this. He’s bleeding you dry and you’re allowing it. Start putting your own kids before this scrounger.

You're a giver.. He's a taker and blatantly so
He knows you're a soft touch and will come to his aid whenever he wants money
You're giving him money you should be spending or saving for your DC
Stop being so kind, although it goes against your nature... believe me, I learnt the hard way to my cost
And if he does have an investment property then I'm sorry you're a mug

I'm sorry but I think you are being beyond incredibly stupid.

I did look at your past threads given someone mentioned the investment property.

So far he asked for money towards:

1. His divorce
2. David Lloyd gym payments
3. The car
4. Wants to move into your new house while paying no contribution

He also part owns an investment property? Unclear if with you or with done one else? Hopefully not you! He should be getting rid of it or living in it if he has financial difficulties.

This is the exact same as those people who fall for online romance scams except your scammer showed up as he needs some place to stay.

You seriously need to cop on and realise you are bring taken for a ride.

Totally agree with @ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees

You're being romance scammed in plain sight. He’s using you as a cashpoint and you just keep throwing more money at him and making excuses rather than seeing that you’re being mugged off.

OP, what with the holidays and the car you must be spending thousands on this bloke and his children. I bet if you added it all up you'd get a nasty shock.

Okay so it's good that you've recognised something is off.

He may not ask for money directly but he damn well makes sure you know he needs it and willingly accepts it. He is very clearly manipulating you and that is a great big RED FLAG.

Question now is what are you going to do about it?

I would absolutely not move in with him until this sorted. He's lining you up for further financial support and is a cocklodger in the making.

I think you have been naive and have been taken advantage of. Your mother clearly has her concerns too. Don't let this go any further until some big changes have been made.

To test his response, I'd say that you'd like to put moving in together on hold until he's paid all his debts off. That you won't be able to give him any more financial support as you are opening savings accounts for your kids.

What he does next will really tell you who he is.

I suspect he'll lay a big guilt trip on you and threaten to end the relationship if you don't take steps to progress it (I.e. let him move in to your house).

Put the brakes on and listen to your inner warning voice, its telling you something for a reason.

Christ, do not move your boyfriend in to your kids home! Why on earth would you do this? Knowing he’s skint, shit with money and using you.
If you move him in you’ll be funding his accommodation (more than you are already), his kids, his electricity use, the extra food, drudgery, as well as all the other money you’ve thrown at him.

Can you not just enjoy dating him and stay out of his parenting life, finances and signing up for really shit ideas like housing him?

Put your kids first, as a matter of urgency. Is it in their best interests for you to be throwing money at some bloke? Is it prioritising them to have your boyfriend and his kids moved in to their home, and funded by you?

David Lloyd gym payments

Seriously?? Why has he got those if he's a low earner? I earn well and had to cut back on such stuff. Come on, OP, you seriously need stronger boundaries. I hope that as well as not giving him any more, that all these were clearly loans and his debt involves paying you back too?

Buying him a car is a bit much, then it seems taking him on holiday, going to let him live in your house. I find it a bit distasteful when someone allows themselves to be bought.

I thought 3 kids between them meant with other parents.

Cocklodger alert!

Do not move him into your home.
Stop subsidising him.
Do not Marry him or get pregnant.

This. He's using you. Withdraw financial support and see if he sticks around for just you. Chances are if the money stops he will be off.

Sorry I just read again, you’ve offered to pay his rent for 3 months??

op, you don’t need to pay a man to be with you. This is awful. No matter how wealthy you are. He’s a grown up. He needs to stand in his own two feet, not put his hand out to you and you don’t need to pay for a man to be with you.

Yeah, agree - they have a total of three kids but not together. And should never be blended on the basis of this behaviour. Don't be a mug, OP.

Agree with @DanaBarrettsKitchen above. Tell him moving in is on hold till his debts are paid off and tell him you can’t subsidise him anymore…see what he does/says.

Oh OP! He's totally taking the piss!

He asked you to pay for his court fees,

You kindly gave him your old car but he wasn't happy because it hurt his back.

You sold that car so he could buy a new one but then he asked to use the money to pay a solicitor instead.

You asked him to post some parcels for you and he said he'd only do it if you bought him some clothes every month! WTF!??
Then asked you to pay for his gym membership instead.

You've bought him a new car and are offering to pay three months rent but he's got a flat he's invested in!

And he's in debt to another friend who's basically paying for his divorce.

Wake up! Do not move this man into your house! Don't do it to your kids. He will drag you all down with him. He's a cf!
Your dm has obviously got the measure of him!

WTF. Stop. Right now.

Wow. He is abusing your kind nature for your money. Over and over again.
I hope reading all these responses has opened your eyes, OP. You are a convenience to him. Bin him off ASAP.

This guy is taking pisstaking and cocklodging to an entirely new level!

You are literally robbing your children to fund the lifestyle of this leech scammer.

This cannot be real... surely?!!