hi lily, i've been in the states for work. just got back on saturday.
have to say i'm feeling pretty mixed up emotionally. i missed dd so much while i was away but it was really nice just having myself to think about/please.
shock to the system coming back to fulltime on duty to demanding toddler. it's just brought back all the feelings of not wanting to be a single parent.
i did some hard thinking about H whilst away and i just cannot see any sort of a future for us. he is so selfish, dips in and out when it suits him. he is capable of sending supportive texts etc but it's just words. there are no actions to back them up. i am totally fed up of shouldering all the responsibility for our child.
and to top it all off, he resigned his job on tuesday night. called me to inform me. tbh, i don't blame him as the expectations of his boss are just unrealistic. he's been working 12-14 hour days plus weekends. the boss wants everything done yesterday so promotions are going off half cocked and then he wonders why they're not as successfull as they could have been etc etc.
originally H only expected the job to last 3 months and was purely start up. it's been 7 months and he was supposed to be keeping an eye out for something less stressful/more stable during this time.
anyway, i am cross with him for not managing the situation so that it got to breaking point. for not finding another job before canning the one he had etc etc. just when i was beginning to think things would be more stable.
i don't actually care what he does as long as he pays his monthly support for dd. actually spending regular time with her would be the icing on the cake. from what i can gather he's seeing his older boys reasonably regularly and it really annoys me that he's capable of that but it's once every 3 months for dd.
asbo neighbours and jet lag aren't helping my emotional health either i suppose.
also annoyed as i arranged drinks this week and forgot DM isn't coming to look after dd this week.
just seems every time i get a bit of balance in my life something sabotages it. normally H sabotaging himself iyswim.
i really really really am at the end of my patience in terms of getting no help or actual support from him. just feel really really fed up and powerless and resentful of the situation. feel like i've gone back 6 months.........
sorry for the rant all about me!
hope everyone is doing okay, enjoying a bit of warm weather. nice to come back and see some leaves on the trees at least.
mac, your situation is just so awful and i don't know how i'd cope if i had to deal with it.
i think i would probably seriously consider moving away. leaving h to get on with his life alone or with her. i know the desire is there to "win" when there's OW involved but i think you've already won as much as you're ever going to. and really, what's the prize on offer? is it really something you want to win anymore?
to have OW on your doorstep like this and under your circumstances just isn't healthy for you IMO.
do a Baffy, retire gracefully with your head high and dignity intact. i promise you, you will win the greater prize of control, peace of mind, dignity and a happy future for you and your girls if you can walk away from such a damaging situation.
right, i need to get this child out of the house before we both go bonkers!