Fab & Glam Part 4 - Spring into Happiness!

[Paddlechick666]

Good Lord people, we've filled a thread up in about 6 weeks!

Anyways, here's a link to the venue Tanee suggested for a picnic:

www.coramsfields.org/index.php

Looks fabulous so let's get planning!

ps: sorry for London/Southern centric take on this but we'll plan hits around the rest of the country too I promise.

pps: Lily, get yer butt on FB woman!

Dior no matter how she feels now, I'm sure she will thank you in the long run. you're genuinely worried and being the best friend you can possibly be. She will see that I'm sure.

Enjoy your free time sugar

I think someone has flipped a switch in me with regards to H. I flamed him this morning! I've pretty much never raised my voice to him or really flipped on him. But I told him he's a f*cking joke and he needs to sign the papers and get out of my life.
I also had a rant about how one day, perhaps he can teach his son about love, morals, the importance of marriage and family, loyalty, what it means to be a parent, and priorities!! Oops no, he doesn't actually understand any of that stuff does he!

I'm starting my 30's as I mean to go on. And that means not getting messed round by that knob for one more day!

I'm actually pretty calm He's just pissing about with his 'don't know' and 'I don't want a divorce' but OW is still on the scene and I've totally reached my limit!

There is 100% definitely no future for us. I need someone who isn't going to put the first slapper he meets ahead of me and ds.

I wish he'd just sign the f*ing papers though!!!!!!

Happy 30th for Saturday Baffy i have to say i don't feel any different being 30 tbh. Just wondering if i might have a 'mid life crisis looming' that was dp's excuse anyway Have a lovely night.

Tanne so sorry for you but nothing more to add other than what has already been said and another (((hug)))

TFM how are things going for you ? Still ok ?

Dior that sounds awful about your friend. At least it sounds like the dd's are being looked after which is the main thing i guess. I am sure even if she resents you getting involved now she will thank you for it when she feels better.

GOP glad you had a night out on Sat and that he had to watch you with a hangover Sun welcome to your world! Can't believe he thought he could throw it back at you

McD poor you. I think you just need to take it a step at a time. Just concentrate on getting dd2 settled in childcare and getting back to work that will be a big enough stress for you in itself. Things with h will resolve themselves eventually. Completely understand though about dd2 she is worth it all and when you look at them there little faces make it all worthwhile, i really don't think you could ever describe your love for your child!

Well all ok here just about. Was good for us all to get away although dp took his laptop as work is quite stressful at the mo with this credit crunch thing so he didn't really switch off. But we had a couple of days at the beach wrapped up warm making sand castles and rock pooling. The dc's loved it and it really makes you appreciate the simple things in life.

Hope everyone else ok, glad to see you checking up on PC TFM and glad she ok too!

Hi everyone - sorry i have not been around much i have been reading but not feeling up to posting much.

I had a hospital appt last week and i am waiting for the results of a biopsey taken for cervical cancer.

There said it.

The thing is i know it is not sexually transmitted as such but it has just made me want to throw this back at H. It has brought back a lot of the negative feelings. It is caused by a virus that is sexually transmitted and only rarely develops into cancer. The gynogolgist was very careful not to 'blame' sexual contact but the fact is the chances increase with more sexual partners blah blah blah.....

Troulbe is being medical means i know too much too.... and i am going out of my mind with the worry. I know there is absolutly nothing i can do until the results so i am doing my best to keep busy and trying hard not to keep looking up all the facts. Hence i am not on the computer as much.

I am being mean and snappy with h - and know exactly what to say to make him feel even worse about it (even though logically i know it is mean and not even correct). To make matters worse his mum is undergoing surgery today to remove a malignant tumour.

He is a wreck - had yesterday off work and neither of us are sleeping much. I just dont want to 'help' him through this - and i dont want him to 'cuddle' me either.

Been told not to have sex for a month (whilst healing) but dont think i will ever want it again the way i feel at the moment.

Sorry its so deprssing just how i feel at the moment.

OMG HW I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through

massive {{{{{hugs}}}}} coming your way

xx

Oh No HW - how scary for you. How long do you have to wait for the results? I'm sending you a big virtual hug and loads of positive vibes.
Go Bridget Baffy (you will have to change your name now). That's more like it - give him hell! He's got away with it for far too long! Hope you have a lovely birthday party and I hope your 30's prove to be your best decade yet. DS1 was only 5 months old on my 30th so it came and went without much excitement. I'm going to have a huge party on my 40th to make up for it (only 2 years away now )
Tannee - Sorry to hear he's slipping back again. TFM is right, it really does help to remove their bad behaviour from your radar and concentrate on yourself, dd and your own life. I've been doing it for months now and I'm a lot calmer now (most of the time!) than I was a year ago.
Dior - you are being a good friend and she will see that eventually and be so grateful that you cared enough to try and help her.
MacD - I feel the same every time I look at ds2, if I'd found out about my ex's affair 2 months earlier I never would have got pg, and wouldn't have him, which is unthinkable to me now.
Hope everyone else is OK today.

Oh HW how horrible big hugs - now for the talking to ...being medical you ALSO know that cervical cancer is almost certainly curable (if thats what it turns out to be)...I know its not nice or pleasant and very scary but it WILL be ok.....and yes there is an association with HPV which yes is associated with multiple partners (but not likely it came from H really)....on the other hand I really get all the feelings and being angry - it is easier to ne angry with him than curl into a frightened ball and cry ....hope it is all ok keep coming and venting here and email me if you want to talk medical - BIG hug x

Thanks

I know i am being ilogical and that just makes me feel worse as i know i am being pathetic.

I also know i just have to wait for the results and go in the system - but i just want mine done now so we can either have a laugh at how stupid i have been or get on with what needs to be done.

I hate my life being on hold until the nhs gets around to letting me know.

I think it is the lack of sleep too - i am a zombie at the moment which is not helping.

Will let you know as soon as i do.

You are right too - i am looking for a reason for this to happen to me. The gynogologist says it is deffinitely HPV (but it may not be sexually related - i dont get that bit . There was too much protesting that it may not be sexually transmitted - and i really think it would have come from h (there has been no-one else for me for the past 23years and then not many before.

I think with any disease we try and find a reason and want to take resonibility for it somewhere.

I feel i try and look after myself - eat well,(too well most of the time), dont smoke, take (some) exercise.

So if this is just one of those things - why is it me - is it karma?

You are not pathetic at all.

You have been through hell and now have the awful wait for news combined with a situation which is making you re-live the hurt and heartache of H's actions. It's not your fault and you have every right to feel like you do.

You don't need to be strong for him now or help him through it. Just focus on yourself that's all that matters.

We'll be here for you if you need to talk/rant/take your mind off things. Anything you need just ask

xx

No it's not karma at all. You haven't done anything to deserve this.

Sometimes there is no reason. I often wondered what I did to deserve having my whole life and future taken away from me and be left with no home and a 1 year old baby, when all I'd ever done is idolised H and worked bloody hard to get where I was.

But when we come through the other side we have learnt something and got stronger.

Life is just total shit sometimes.

Message withdrawn

Hello lovely ladies,
Sorry not been on for so long. Sorry too that so many of us are feeling low.

HW, so sorry. The waiting bit is the worst, isn't it, just awful. I think your feelings sound perfectly natural, so don't worry about that, just go with it for now.

Macdoodle, can't believe the nerve of him, wow! I liked your thought process of thinking that if things hadn't gone the way they had with him, you wouldn't have had dd2, it's good to know that good can come out of these things isn't it. Can't believe you have to go back to work soon, where has the time gone? Have you found a good nursery?

Sugar, how did you get on at the hospital today? Nice for you and ds2 to get some time alone together!

Tanee, am shocked at P's behaviour, especially the tube episode... I can totally see that it would seem symbolic. How amazing you met your friend - and thank goodness you did. And am noticing the Richard Coyle mentions!! Was dd's birthday card REALLY for her??!

Baffy, loving your attitude! Can't believe the change in you! Wow, 30...like the others have said - it just gets better. Well, mainly! I turned 30 3 weeks after dd was born, so didn't pay much attention to it. But I am more comfy with myself, more self-assured, have mainly better friendships and generally prefer the person that I am now. Of course the whole past year or so has not been good, but I don't think that's anything to do with age. Oh and any luck with that fella?! How fabulous!! And oh again, dd and I co-sleep too, and I love it too

PC, how are you and dd? How's noisy neighbour?

Dior, sorry about your friend - but lucky her for having such a caring friend. Hope things at home are improving?? Agree he didn't handle the 'alone time' thing well, but it's pretty typical male reaction isn't it! Sort of thing mine said too

Ginnedup, lol at p turning up and proposing! And lolol at you upending the pint - go you!! What's happened to you and Baffy, i love it!?!

TFM, how are you? I've been thinking of you.

lily sounds like your week away was great, it does you such a lot of good doesn't it.

hello to everyone else - sorry i'm bound to have missed someone. Where's Ernest, anyone heard from her lately??

As for me, well as you'll guess from the absence, I've just been crazily busy. The main show I work on just opened (sold out, rave reviews - woohoo!) and I've got a new one which opens in a month, so it's all go. Good news is I have not 1 but 2 new assistants, so that's really starting to help.

Had a lovely mini-break to Disneyland Paris the week before last, with dd and my mum. We had such a great time, really fun.

H is mainly behaving himself, which is good. Don't think I've mentioned on here that he went back to Australia to visit his family, and took slutguts with him (he told me it was just because she paid!). Well I was very pissed off about all this when I was told, but resigned myself to it, and in actual fact it's worked out quite well. Lots of our friends have been in touch to say they didn't like her, or that they refused to see her. His own family have told me, separately that they didn't like her too. His mum said she has no personality, follows him around like a lapdog and calls him 'mate' all the time . I asked if she had any pics, and she told me that she decided not to take any, as she didn't want any of SlutGuts!!

On the man front, Mr NY is being a bit of an idiot, which is really disappointing. I just thought he was more of a man than the way he's behaved, and it's sad to realise that he clearly isn't. Am preparing to write to him to get some answers, but it's hard....

Went on a date last week with a man who I got on really well with, but no spark there for me. He's quite keen I think, which is a bit tricky. I went out with a good mate of mine last week and ended up having a kiss with him It was very unexpected, and it's really thrown me! Don't think it'd be wise for anything else to happen, but I don't think it's out of the question for it to happen again..... more trouble no doubt!

Dd is fine, we are STILL waiting for school place.... fingers hurt from being crossed for so long!

Right, must get to sleep!

hi lilybubble great to hear from you

I remembered H took SG to Australia with him. Fantastic news they didn't like her and at his mum not taking any photos!!
After meeting you I've no doubt that your H has made the biggest mistake of his life and I bet he's finally starting to realise just how big that mistake was!

glad I'm not the only one that co-sleeps too I love his little smiley face when I wake up in the mornings.

No luck with that guy I'm afraid. But I'm taking TFM's advice and hoping that once things have settled regarding H fate will bring him back to me!!
I tell you - if that phone book doesn't fall at my feet with the correct page open and his number highlighted then I won't be very happy!!

Sounds complicated with the friend you kissed... and like it might happen again!! Is there a spark there? Could anything happen?

Shame about the other guy you went on the date with. I totally understand though. Getting on well with someone isn't enough if there's no spark is it.

I kissed a good friend of mine a few weeks ago on a work night out Didn't mention it on here. Have blocked it out of my mind! Nothing more could ever happen with us. I wouldn't want it to. But wow he was a bloody good kisser!!

I have my eye op next week which I can't wait for. New lease of life and new eyes to match!! I may see H and wonder what all the fuss was about!!

Bit gutted as I have nobody to go with me. Mum will have ds and everyone else is in work. Even my sisters. H keeps asking to come with me. And I really do need someone there, I'll be scared, and when I come out I'll need help as I'll be disorientated and probably not able to see too well in the bright light!
I feel like I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face a little bit in telling him to shove his offer where the sun doesn't shine!
But I also feel like letting him come will mean he gets to play the 'hero', being there when I really need someone, but then will walk away afterwards probably back to the slapper! And I can't cope with that.

So looks like I'll have to brave it alone and hope they'll call me a taxi and help me out to it!

Being single is great, but is also a bummer at times like this when you really do need support from someone!

What's the saying - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?! I hope so!!

Happywoman sorry about your news , fingers crossed for you that everything is ok.

Lily great to hear from you and great catch up post too. Wow things sound busy for you on the work and man front

Baffy i think i would go on my own tbh , i am sure the staff will help you out and i wouldn't want h there for all the reasons you mentioned!

Hope everyone else ok will have to dash as dd just been for injections and is now screaming sorry !

Message withdrawn

Hello everyone.
Baffy - I wish I lived closer to you and I would come with you to the hospital. I agree with you about not letting H come along.
Hi Lilybubble - love the Paris pics on FB, she's so beautiful your dd, she should definitely be a model!
Haven't seen OSJ or Ernest on here for a long time. Hope they are doing OK.
TFM - I saw your advice on the other thread and I really do think you would make a fantastic counsellor. Are you still thinking of doing that? Hope things with P are still good.
I'm OK. Bored at work and fed up with the weather but things at home are quiet thankfully.
I seriously need to change my name on here but every time I think of a new one it is already taken. Any suggestions?

Message withdrawn

Sounds like she needs a shock to make her wake up to herself and what she's doing to her dd. It sounds harsh but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and the last thing she wants is SS getting involved - then it will turn into a nightmare for her and her dd.
Is there anyone who can give her a verbal kick up the bum?
Notginnedup ... that's good. Howabout onlyginnedupatweekends???

Message withdrawn

Hi everybody

Just checking in. All ok here, i'm in a good place at last! Thank you GU for your lovely words and yes, i am still looking into counselling courses, it's rather expensive though
What about 'OverTheWorst' for your new name. I have seen your profile pics on FB on with each one you look younger and happier. I think you have come such a long way xx

Awh Baffy, I'm so sorry you have to go to the eye clinic alone. Good on you though for not relying on H. If you can manage without him then you should, you too have come such a long way and allowing him a foot in the door at this stge might feel like taking a step back BUT, having said all that, if you really do want someone there with you then you must do whatever it takes. Hey! Idea! Take a white stick with you and some kind person will be sure to take hold of your arm and guide you in the right direction. Lets just hope it's not the man from the races!!

Thank you for thinking of me Lily I am doing just fine, I have a handle on this man lark now. I'm doing great and am really proud of myself. I want to tell you all that he bought me a dozen red roses on Friday, first time ever! I can imagine your faces as you read that and I can imagine what you are thinking but be assured, I took the roses but I didn't take the bait

Lots of love to everyone else xxx

Hi Everyone,

Baffy, don't worry about being scared - I was shaking like a leaf - had to clench my hands together on the op table to stop them shaking - but honestly it was fine - only some discomfort when they were building up the pressure in the eye. The op was totally painless.

However, you will find your eyes watering like mad and very sensitive to light afterwards, so if you have no one who could come with & you don't want to rely on H, get the clinic to book a taxi for you. I was stupid and went home on the underground alone, I COULD see but I must have looked like my heart was broken (rather like last Saturday night!) with tears streaming down my face.

They will certainly call you a taxi and see you into it. Will you have ds that evening? If possible, have someone to look after him as you will need to rest your eyes - preferably lying down in a dark room. By the next day you should be able to get about, but if it's sunny, you will need dark glasses for some days.

TFM - glad you're in a good place and he seems to be appreciating you. Roses eh?

HW - I know exactly what you must be going through - the waiting for the diagnosis is the worst. Is the biopsy for precancerous cells? I had them about 5-6 years ago - they zapped 'em and it's been fine since. And the cancer I had 10 years ago on my collar bone hasn't recurred. But I do remember the wait for the biopsy results was almost worse than the actual pronouncement that I had cancer. At least at that point, you can concentrate on what to do to get rid.

I also understand your feeling about H and whether he's to blame. Try not to. My precancerous cervical test came 30 years after I had a bf who may have passed on the virus that's linked to cervical cancer - so presumably it can linger for many years. Don't be too hard on H - it may be nothing to do with him.

And BIG {{{hug}}} - let us know how things go

Dior, sounds like your poor friend has a major problem. Could her drinking be linked to a depression? It sounds like she may be having a minor breakdown. She's very lucky to have you and I'm sure, in time, she'll know it. It sounds like you're doing exactly the right things to help her and her dd.

Lilybubble, hope you get the school news soon. Glad the show's going well. LOL at Richard Coyle. Yes, I have to say I was quite chuffed that he wrote in the card, 'best regards to you AND your Mum' ! DP wanted to know what exactly I wrote, as he made several obvious references to his 'Scary Jeff' role!

As for DP, he was much better on Monday night - gave me a huge hug when he got home and has been his normal self since - he made dinner last night and will again today. We haven't discussed the weekend - I didn't want to spoil the mood - but I will have to at some point as his behaviour hurt me so much. Also, it's damaged his relations with DD as he never wished her a happy birthday and hasn't given her a card and she told me that she doesn't like him any more. Last night he said he felt the moment had passed, but I said I felt she'd appreciate it more than if he acted as if her birthday had never happened.

Oh, it's all so difficult, but in comparison with what HW is going through, I'm not complaining any more!

Dior - sorry I didn't mean to be flippant before. I didn't realise its gone that far. Unfortunately, if the drink has really taken hold of her there is really nothing anyone can do to make her stop. The sad thing is that an alcoholic will put drink before everything else in their life sometimes even their own children. It does sound like its depression induced and she may be heading for a meltdown, in which case there is nothing you can do to avoid it, just keep an eye on her and her dd and maintain regular contact, which you are already doing. I'm glad you are not having to support her on your own as it is very frustrating and draining. Hope things work out for her.
Kx

Thanks tannee - yes it is a biopsey for pre-cancer/cancer. The trouble is it was huge and that was the drs words not mine!!

I know it may not be h 'fault' and i know the virus can linger for a long time but the fact is it could have been him it is just too much of a coincidence and however much i try and put it out of my mind it just keeps coming back. The other awful thing is the dr has already said he expects the results to not come back 'clear' as it was so large it is in more than one piece. But of course no-one will tell me what the next stage is - until the results that is .

Have never felt like this before - the very thought of sex again just makes me feel sick. I certainly never felt like this after the children - and i know some people do. I have had times when i have felt less sexy, and there have been times when it has been scarce but i have always had it there somewhere iykwim. I know i have a few more weeks to go though so may feel differently soon but it is scary to think of.

Baffy i too understand what you are feeling about not wanting h there at the hospital (i too feel that now - if things are bad i dont want people thinking he is mr wonderful for all the help he is giving me). Does that mean i am not 'over' it yet. I do feel it has brought a lot of anger up again and i so want to be able to move on - do i have to forgive him - which means letting this anger go? or are there some things you can 'live' with?

There you go TFM your new challenge .

Sorry its all about me!!

HW - I think everything you are feeling is totally reasonable, of course it is bringing back all the anger from before, even if he didn't cause this, the fact that he could have is making you angry.
Is what you had the cone biopsy or the loop something or other (my memory is shot!!). I had that done before I had ds1 and again before ds2 as I had abnormal smear tests or is what you had further along the line than that. I only ask because both times I had it done I got the all clear, even the second time which was worse than the first.
(Funnily enough, both times I had it done I was pg within the year - my Mum always said it cleared out the pipes )
Seriously HW - I am keeping all my fingers and toes crossed for you and hoping you don't have to wait too long.