Fab & Glam Part 4 - Spring into Happiness!

[Paddlechick666]

Good Lord people, we've filled a thread up in about 6 weeks!

Anyways, here's a link to the venue Tanee suggested for a picnic:

www.coramsfields.org/index.php

Looks fabulous so let's get planning!

ps: sorry for London/Southern centric take on this but we'll plan hits around the rest of the country too I promise.

pps: Lily, get yer butt on FB woman!

Sorry TFM i had to go deal with dc's yesterday!
Yes things are much better here give or take the odd wobble but on the whole i think we have come through it. TBH i have never been good talking about my problems i tend to ottle things up!
LOLat the flopper stoppers that will def be me after bf my 3rd dc think they will def be knee huggers
Well done on sticking to your guns on the grand national though!
Your post sounds like you know what you are doing.You need to give him an ultimatum of what you need from him to stay. Obviously he won't be able to change over night but if he starts making small steps to do it then you can help him but he nees to want the help and reach out for it first. You can't do that for him so sit back and see. As for 'glutton for punishment and gettingwhat you deserve' not at all you are just a loyal loving wife.

PC 'BABYSITTER' comes in the form of my best (childless) friend so when the time comes for her i will have lot's of favours to return Hope you have a lovely time at the picnic today. Don't know when you will come to terms with the family thing , maybe when you actually meet someone else who deserves you Although agree with others that it shouldn't take a man to make you feel better as hey are sole reason we all on here and make up for us feeling crap 95% of the time. Quite often these families look happy on the outside but am sure they all have their own problems underneath.

Dior you felt like that, hope by you telling us means you didn't actually do it ? Hope you and dh can have alovely night tonight and you feel up to sorting some things for next week!Don't think you should stay off thread sounds like you need it at the mo.

Gu , sugar hope you ok

Lot's of wise words there Baffy. Hows the break from work going ? Have you done anything nice?

Well all ok here dd2 not sleeping very well so have been like walking zombie today. Dp and ds have gone to the match so i am at home with dd's hoping they might have a nap so i can catch up myself.

to everyone else!

Hi all sorry everyone is so down I have been too - we have all had stinking colds been anxious about baby (though she is fine bless her) - same thoughts as Baffy and PC - "what happened to my family" "am I going to be doing this alone forever"
TFM you sound a bit down TBH has his about face thrown you a bit ??? Whatever happens as long as you do what YOU want and what makes you happy - of course we know he's not ALL bad they are all like that else we wouldn't have fallen in love with them in the first place....
And Dior my girl - please if you feel you are dipping go see GP and talk to H!!!!
And now on a happier note - I was having a happy moment (until DD1 came crashing in moaning!!) but H had DD1 last night, DD2 settled early and friend came over for chinese and movie - baby slept until 5am and I had a good sleep - baby just fallen asleep on my bed DD1 was watching DVD in her room and all was peaceful I actually had a true moment of calm and happiness (rare these days)

Thank you Lily and MacD. I am a bit down MacD, not feeling the usual 'relief' at the change but am sure I will pick myself up again

I am pleased that you had a moment of peace and calm. Lets hope it's just the start.

afternoon everyone.

TFM, hope you're looking after yourself. I'm thinking these last few weeks have been incredibly draining for you. Not surprised you're feeling a bit down and anti-climatic tbh. take a little time and really concentrate on doing what you need for your own well being. if dp keeps up the good behaviour that's fantastic, if he doesn't then you know you've already worked out your escape plan.

mac, glad you had a blissful moment. they will get more frequent i'm sure.

the picnic yesterday was good. it was nice to meet some new people. i felt oddly anti-climatic on the way home but by yesterday evening i felt really good and calm. realised it was the first time in a very long time that i felt normal and a bit more like myself.

have been trying very hard not to be so irritable and short tempered with dd and we are getting on well.

had a fabulous snow fall this morning and we built our obligatory snowmen.

neighbours seem to be being very clever and ensuring all noise is drastically reduced at 11pm. at least they're not churnign out gangsta rap or yelling and shouting all night!

Thank you PC. So far so good, very good! I think he has had one hell of a shock!

I'm pleased you enjoyed your picnic, I thought about you, it snowed here and I wondered if it had gone ahead. You seem to be making steps in the right direction and getting yourself re-established.

Don't be too hard on yourself re DD, you are doing a brilliant job with her and you can't be perfect all of the time, you are spending quality time with her and thats lovely, moreso when you don't exactly feel like doing it. She is a very lucky little girl

PC - what gorgeous pictures on FB, dd is so cute and she always looks so happy in your photos. I think you're doing a fantastic job with her. I've just put my pics on too - we went sledging this afternoon and my fingers are only just thawing out. It was great fun though and lovely to see them all rosy cheeked and happy.
MacD - so pleased things are looking up for you, hope more happy moments are on their way for you.
TFM - hope you are not too down, and long may the nice P last!
Hope everyone else is OK and not snowed in!

Fantastic post TFM

I'm so glad you have these new goals and conditions for staying there. I knew you would but I just have to have my say don't I

And honestly, I know better than anyone how hard it is to see the good in somone who really doesn't deserve it. Especially when all around you don't have a good word to say!
So deep down I know your P must have something that makes you stick around and something deep inside him which makes him worthy of your love. So that is good enough for me!

I'm totally with you on trusting your own judgement. It's definitely the way to go.

I just didin't want you to lose sight of how far you have come.
But you clearly haven't!

Dior I really hope you're ok??

Macd and PC I hope you get lot more more of those lovely calm moments

Lilyloo how are you?

I've really enjoyed my time off. Races on Friday was great! Have a story to tell you but I'll come back to that!
And have had a lovely couple of days with ds all to myself

Dreading work tomorrow though!!

Evening al just thought i would catch up before you all start gassing tom

TFM so glad things are still going 'very good' it's inevitable you will feel exhausted you have been through a lot.

PC am really pleased you had good time at picnic and sound happier for it. Agree dd is lucky you put in so much quality time with her.

Baffy we doing ok thanks. Have to say your posts sound much more calm when yo have been off (if that makes sense) , hope you have had a good rest, the going back to work is always the hard bit though will wait with baited breath fo you to fill us in.

Gup hope you thawed out now , we had snow here but was willing it to melt as ds had his party this morn at 11.00 thankfully it did.

Mcd hoping for more moments like that for you it is really surprising how much a good nights sleep can do

Well ds has had a good birthday i think so can now chill out sat here with bottle of wine , am sharing with dp although felt bit sorry for him as most friends gave him money and he was little dissapointed as he wanted presents to open. Is it just me or is 6 still a little young for money ? He has been given £80.00 plus vouchers and would have preferred a load of tat from pound shop maybe it my fault as he has no sense of money but i still think he too young ?

My DD1 (also 6) got a lot of money for her birthday - she does have a bank account but was quite disappointed...
She had been desperate for a Build-a-Bear but I had said no as I had already bought her 2 guinea pigs which with the hutch and everything was over a 100 quid...
So I said she could spend her money on the Bear ....it was wonderful - she worked out what she could afford and very proudly paid for it herself - it also served to show her that if you save up for something you can buy it yourself...is there anything like that your DS would like...the advantage of the Build-a-Bear is she now saves her pennies (pounds) to buy more accessories/clothes etc

Have told him i will take him shopping tom McD prob end up getting computer games and am sure he will be quite happy to pay for it himself.
TBH i amglad he didn't get loads of toys guess he will be over it by tom.

Thank you Baffy

No, I haven't lost sight of har far I have come, and to be honest I don't think I will. I know what I want and I know where I'm heading with it and I am no longer confusing control and insecurity for love.

So far things are good, he is stepping up to the mark. He knows what the outcome will be if he slips back so, I am trying not to let the past spoil the future and I am enjoying the moment. Not as much as I would like to be enjoying it admittedly but I am doing my best.

I am pleased you trust my judgement and that I have your approval xx

I'm pleased that you had a good day at the races too. I can't wait to hear the tale you have to tell!!

Lots of love to everyone else too xxx

Hi Everyone

I am back - had a fantastic time in france and we really did enjoy being a family. Althoough it is a bit tense what with school holidays still.

I havent had a chance to read all the thread but will try to later.

At the moment i am feeling very angry about the ow - it seems h will leave work (although it is still a very long process - but he has a least got the ball rolling). It is just i feel it is so unfair that it has come to this - she got her promotion and almost rewarded and we are having to think about finaces and how to tighten our belts. We will not be poor but i just feel that after setting a course down one road we are now having to re-think the future, because of what those two did (and the inactions of the firm).

Logically i know it is for the best but i just want to act like a child and have a screaming fit at her. I want to see her hurting too (i am even feeling nasty towards her poor children).

I am sure this will pass once things are a bit more certain - i know it is a huge statement and all that but i still feel an inner rage a lot of the time.

Doir having just read your posts - are you still off this week - maybe you could come here if you are with ds and let the dcs run riot at mine!!

Will email you later dior.
Will also email TFM as i have at last found that book and want to send it to you.

Anyway have a good day - and i will try and pop in more this week.

Oh baffy

Track him down - even if it is just to be friends and go out and have some fun.

Do you know where he works or anything?

Does his ex still live where they did - could you not pop in to see them and then be surprised they had split???

Anyway good luck - i am quite excited for you. Or am i just sad?

is he on FB? do you know where his parents live?

definately worth tracking him down IMO!

sorry, flying visit as work is crazy!

HW I don't know where he works or anything like that.

My mum said last night I must have been a bloody rubbish neighbour!!

I know loads about his ex as she was a health visitor, so we would always chat and especially when I had ds, and I would pop round for a cuppa etc.

We've totally lost touch now though.

I feel like I could pop and see her, but how would I then ask for his number??

I wondered if I should make up some story that I saw him at the races, borrowed some money off him, couldn't find him again, and so need his number so I can pay him back!!

But that makes me sound like a total crank! And if she speaks to him he might say I don't know what the hell she's on about!!

I feel like if we meet, it should be totally independent of her. As our respective relationships have broken up without each other ever knowing so if me and him were to meet for a drink I'd want it to be on totally neuteral terms because we bumped into each other by chance...

But how to make that happen...
She's my only real link to him!

I'd really like to see him though. The butterflies were great!

I don't want much do I!!

hi pc

did facebook search and myspace search. no luck.

his parents - no idea!!

Oooh Baffy, how romantic.
Why not try Friends Reunited or Facebook, maybe he's on there and you could drop him an email?
HW glad you had a lovely holiday in France. I know how you feel about wanting to scream like a child, its only natural to be angry about the unfairness of it all. Just keep reminding yourself she may have got the promotion but you got what she really wanted and you still have your family intact.
TFM - glad he's behaving himself long may it last.
Boys driving me mad today - they are so hyper. They've just trashed their bedroom so I'm going to take them to the park later to try and burn off some energy!

okay, i'm thinking.......

assuming the ex is still in the house they shared?

why not stick a note in the post and hope she will re-direct it? just say "great to see you again" etc and put your mobile number on it but no name.

sometimes these things are in the laps of the gods!

did you tell him where you were living/working etc?

Baffy could you go and see her and say you saw him at the races and thought you would come and fill her in on all your 'troubles' - hopefully she will then tell you about them and maybe you could then get his details.

Or how about being honest and saying what you have told us - does it really matter if knows?

You can trace people on the electrol roll but not sure how.

she won't know it's you even if she did open it. if she's a bit of a nutter then she might ring the number but then you can just say "oh sorry, wrong number!"

GO FOR IT! DO IT NOW! He might have it by the end of the week

ah pc just saw the 'no name' part of the note idea!

very good!

what if she opens it though and then texts me to see who I am?!

loving the encouragement!!

searched the electoral roll last night on 192.com - had to pay a tenner too!

he's still registered as living there though.

I guess he's with his parents but seeing it as 'temporary' or something and hasn't got round to changing the details

PC I may have to go with the note idea!

I feel sick just thinking about it though!!

I think the note sounds like a good idea - are you sure he has split up? Not wanting to put a spanner in the works but trying to be practical.