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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fab & Glam Part 4 - Spring into Happiness!

1000 replies

Paddlechick666 · 17/03/2008 13:26

Good Lord people, we've filled a thread up in about 6 weeks!

Anyways, here's a link to the venue Tanee suggested for a picnic:

www.coramsfields.org/index.php

Looks fabulous so let's get planning!

ps: sorry for London/Southern centric take on this but we'll plan hits around the rest of the country too I promise.

pps: Lily, get yer butt on FB woman!

OP posts:
MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 03/04/2008 17:40

TFM - sorry, it wasn't meant to be patroniswing. I hope you don't think it was? It was meant with your best interests very much to heart.

Of course, you know him much better than we do and I hope he IS turning over a new leaf. I'll keep quiet in future - sorry if I offended you .

TimeForMe · 03/04/2008 23:27

You didn't offend me Dior not at all.

I am just quietly contemplating everything. He has astounded me again this evening but I am keeping my head in all of this. I am not about to jump back in with both feet, I have come far too far this time! He is going to see a very different TFM!

Lots of love to everyone xxx

lilyloo · 04/04/2008 12:38

TFM am so glad he is being pleasant to you , at least you one step ahead and he isn't in charge any more! Lot's for you to think about i guess and hopefully for him too. Either way let's hope it lasts as your life must be so mush nicer.

Tanee hope this weekend not too bad doesn't sound like it's going to be very easy.

Baffy small steps are great and much better than rushing into things. Whichever path they take hopefully they will be building a stronger future for you and ds.

Things much better here , we haven't discussed anything but didn't really need to. Was just nice to sit and talk to each other and enjoy each others company. So much so we even got a sitter last night nd went over to friends for a drink! So massive thanks TFM

Hope everyone else good my big ds is 6 today can't believe it! So have friends coming over for tea and then he having a party on Sunday so will be busy here i guess! Hope everyone else has a good weekend, take care

TimeForMe · 04/04/2008 13:25

Thank you lily I have just finished a 2hour phone call with him. Lets just say he is desperate for me not to leave and insists that he does love me. I have even had an apology. Lets also just say that he isn't about to be let off the hook lightly I still have my plans.

Hello to everyone else xxx

lilyloo · 04/04/2008 13:37

TFM am so pleased he is trying to make things better. And also that you are remaining one step ahead whatever you decide is the right thing to do , good luck with it keep your chin up and stay strong

TimeForMe · 04/04/2008 13:40

Thanks lily I am feeling shattered but amazingly strong. Even I cannot believe myself so goodness knows how he must be feeling

How are you?

lilyloo · 04/04/2008 13:44

Sometimes i think emotionally draining is worse than physical but you have been amazing
I am feeling much better thanks guess it was just a wobble but am back to my normal old self, just with the big black bags under my eyes

TimeForMe · 04/04/2008 14:04

I am pleased to hear it. That you are back to your normal self that is, not about the black bags!

Well the one good thing about all my trouble has been a dramatic weightloss! Am feeling knackered but great IYSWIM. I'm going to strut me stuff while playing hard to get

lilyloo · 04/04/2008 14:08

Why does that always happen , we are going through really stressful times yet outwardly look great as inevitably we loose some weight Remember when we all posted our pics on a thread? that was just post finding out about dp and don't think i will ever be that thin again

Go TFM , Go TFM in a Ricky Lake stylee chant!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TimeForMe · 04/04/2008 14:15

Oh I intend to Lily! Honestly, I am a different woman. It has been a horrible time but it has been the making of me.

I hope to maintain the new figure too, I think that helps with the confidence. Could do with a bit more in the boob department though, the upper decker flopper stoppers have deflated more than a little Looks like I will be getting the gel bra out again!

TimeForMe · 04/04/2008 14:17

Gosh lily yes, I remember that thread and your photo. Was that just after you found out too? Just look at how far you have come since then. You really have come along way. You never post of any problems either, did you manage to get over all of that or do you still have times when it bothers you?

Paddlechick666 · 04/04/2008 14:42

afternoon all

TFM, wow! What a turnaround. How d'you feel about it? Are you going to give him a another chance?

Not wishing to be the voice of doom, but it's not likely that he's done an about face because he's fed up with doing the washing up

I know you'll follow your instincts and your own good counsel tho. Really hope he's changed for good this time.

Lily, glad to hear you're back on the up. I guess dips are to be expected but TFM is so right, you've come such a huge long way. Glad you had a nice evening. What's this babysitter thing you speak of?

Well, dd is still enjoying her Wiggles and I am not stopping her from stomping around. Neighbours have been moderately annoying but it's not enough to really bug me.

Am still considering moving, the cost of the commue is a problem tho. I could buy for a great deal less than my flat is worth which would free up some funds but they're not such nice houses/areas etc.

Off to my single parents picnic tomorrow so DD and I have just made our first banana bread. Cooking now so the proof will be in the pudding I guess.

H's money arrived a day late, apart from one text saying he'd look into it I have had no communication from him in over 2 weeks.

Trying to stop myself from dwelling on all that is lost. Two friends have had babies and two have announced pregnancies and my old canoe club are off on a training weekend in a few weeks. They invited me but it was such a after thought invitation and 2 families are going that I just couldn't face it.

When will I get over the disappointment of not being a family and the resentment of everything being my responsiblity? I struggle to even look at couples/families walking down the street sometimes......

Anyway, no point in waffling about it. Nothing is going to change, and that's not me being defeatist. It really isn't going to change.

H won't step up to the plate ever and even if I did meet someone else responsiblity for dd won't be anything other than mine forever.

But I'm not dwelling on it, or trying not to!

OP posts:
MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 04/04/2008 15:17

PC - big squishy hug in your direction. I feel your pain in that post. It will improve slowly, but you just have to sit it out .

TFM - I'm not saying anything except that you know where we are if you decide to go ahead and that we will support whatever decision you make.

Liltloo - glad you managed to sort it out and have a nice night in the end.

We are going out tomorrow night as it is h's birthday. It was going to be a surprise until my dad mentioned baby-sitting for us! So, he knows we are goinmg out, but not where. I think he was touched that I had tried to sort something out secretly.

We are getting on apart from the weight thing which keeps us apart a little. However, I am getting depressed again I think. I have had the spiralling thoughts leading to 'well, it would just be better for me and everyone else if I was not here'. Plus, I felt like hurting my arm last night . I don't think I will ever be well for more than three months and it is not enough in a two year cycle.

TimeForMe · 04/04/2008 16:17

Hi PC I just feel very tired at the moment but, I also feel very proud of myself and of the progress I have made. I am not sure what is going to happen, a two hour phonecall can't undo everything that has happened recently, not just like that. I have told him that I am not about to change my plans on the strength of an "I love you" and apology and an " I don't want you to leave"

We have had a really good talk and it is a step in the right direction and, I do want my relationship to work if there is anyway it can. It's hard to explain really but it's more about me now than it is about him. Before I would have felt a huge relief at the fact he has done an about turn but this time I feel that I would like to put my new found strength to some good use and make every effort to turn this situation around. Don't laugh but, I do believe I have a good chance of doing it. Call me daft, I can take it

I'm so sorry you feel the way you do PC. I know what you mean about the 'family' thing but, you and dd are a family, a happy little family. A man in your life wouldn't change that, you would just have dirty underpants to wash and skidmarks in the toilet.

I hope you have a lovely time at the picnic. I have stuck to my guns and am not going to the grand national, no one can call me a push over

ginnedup · 04/04/2008 17:38

TFM I understand where you are coming from, of course you want this relationship to work, as we all do. Hope he will keep it going and treat you the way you deserve from now on.
It won't hurt though to squirrel away a bit of rainy day money for just in case that's what I do.
PC - sorry your feeling so down, enjoy your picnic tomorrow.
Dior - have a good night, we're all here for you when you start to feel bad, get my number off facebook and feel free to text / call anytime. x
Hope the rest of the teabags have a good weekend.

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 04/04/2008 17:42

Thanks GU. I tend to withdraw from people when I feel like this. I know I'm not myself because I can't be bothered to arrange to meet any of my friends while ds is off school. Poor kid is bored witless and playing up as a result. I must push myself to do it otherwise next week will be hell.

TimeForMe · 04/04/2008 20:05

Thank you GU and Don't you worry!, I won't be caught short again

I have to give him credit where it is due, I am quick to tell you all when he is bad, but we have had a very emotional conversation and he is very ashamed and embarrassed and he wants to make everything right, he wants to prove to me he can and I was pleased to hear it. I am going to take it just one step at a time. There is no rush is there so, we will see how things go. Baby Steps.

I also have to give a huge credit and a massive thank you to Sugarpear who has kept me going and kept me sane with her lovely texts and the most brilliant emails. I couldn't have coped without her. You are a star Sugar!! xxx

sugarpear · 05/04/2008 08:49

Tfm you are way too kind to a rambling old sugarpear. But i think we both know its them naughty naughty piccies you like!! xx

Pc i hope the picnic is still on. What with the weather. Have a great time. I know it's hard on your own with a lo but hun she is so so gorgeous and that because of you and your fantastic abilities as a mum. You take her out loads and you love her unconditionly. From mpov she is one seriously happy little girl. Be proud of yourself. And i could kick myself for not getting that hunks number in wags. Next time ..................

Morning to everyone else have a great weekend xx

Baffy · 05/04/2008 11:10

Just a quick catch up

PC I know what you mean about not being able to face other familes and the burden of that responsibility with nobody to share it with. Parent's support is great, but it's just not the same is it.

TFM I take it you didn't go today??

I would like to add my two pence worth now! As usual!

Ok the 2 hour convrsation and the turn around in his behaviour is fantastic. And like everyone else says, whatever you decide we are 100% behind you.

But... surely this turnaround is a desperate attempt by a desperate man? He has mentally and physically absused you for many years. You have lived in fear of him. You are not an equal partner, you are forced to live how he decides, and given cash depending how he feels. He sold your house from under you. After promising he bought it for your dd. He routinely takes the things you love to the tip. He has caused you to become isolated from your friends. He took your best friend on a date! He had an emotional affair...

Ok I won't go on. There's obviously so much more. But you get what I'm saying. I really really don't mean to be harsh. But I fear that his behaviour is so ingrained that I really do wonder if you, being the amazing wife you are, are really able to turn this around by yourself?

The minute your threat of leaving has subsided, I really feel that the abuse and control will start again.

I, more than anyone in the world (aside from you!) want to see your relationship work. It's what I truly believe in. But what are you actually seeing from him in terms of his committment to turn things around? Is he getting counselling for his abusive and controlling behaviour? Is he letting you see your 'joint' bank accounts and the money that belongs to both of you? Is he actually doing anything to show you he has learnt something?

I know his actions this week have been totally different and a total turn around.
That is amazing and you should be so proud of how far you've come.

But you're physically and emotionally drained.

It shouldn't have to be like this. Him doing a few household chores and actually opening up to you as his partner isn't something you should be greatful for. It should be normal everyday stuff

But given the past I know this is a massive step forward for him. Which is great. It truly is.

I suppose I want to bring you back down to earth because I for one, was truly terrified at times in this last few weeks of what he was capable of. And honestly, I believe his actions this week to be those of a desperate man. Nothing more

Now... you don't have the means to get out of there just now anyway. Which is good in a way. Because while you take the time to get your strength back and build up some funds to secure your future, you can give him the chance to really prove that he means it and show you his actions speak louder than words.

Now please don't hate me. I know this may not be what you want to hear. But it is classic abusive controlling behaviour. And he's had to pull out all the stops to get you back on side this time. Because he really has realised he's pushed you too far.

But please don't think he has changed overnight. Nobody can change that dramatically overnight. It's going to take a lot more from him before I, as your friend, would truly believe he has actually learnt from it and truly changed his ways.

He obviously is more than capable of being a loving, understanding partner. But can he keep it up?

Just don't let your guard down. Read back through your posts and e-mails from the last few weeks. The times you begged us to keep you strong and not let you fall for it again.
I for one, will not let you fall for it again.
And I really do apologise if I've spoken out of turn.
But I care about you a lot and after what you've told me recently, he needs to be doing a hell of a lot more, for a good long time, before he has any chance of being close to the man you deserve.

Take care xxx

sorry wasn't quick in the end

TimeForMe · 05/04/2008 12:39

Hi Baffy

No, I haven't gone today, despite much begging I stuck to my guns.

Thank you for your post Baffy, I don't hate you for it at all. As usual it is a beautifully written post from a person who is beautiful inside and out and I thank you for caring for me from the bottom of my heart.

I totally understand everything you have said and there is nothing you have said that isn't in my mind. The phonecall was just a start. I promise you, I haven't actually left earth so don't need bringing back down to it

Please don't think that as a result of a 2hour phonecall and a few household chores I have suddenly forgotten everything that has happened. I will never forget what happened. But I am happy to be moving forward from it. We are just moving into a different phase. It doesn't mean all is forgiven and we just go back to how we were. We are a long way off that yet. There is a lot more talking to do. This is just the beginning.

My intentions are to set out certain conditions, one of them being my name on the deeds of this house. I am also going to have a day to myself every weekend, where he takes care of dd and I get to do my own thing. There are lots of things I want to happen, I am working on my list If he isn't prepared to give me the level of committment I need then I have my answer but, at least I will be able to leave amicably, not because of the abusive behaviour and also knowing I have given it my best shot.

He has had a shock Baffy. I am not going to say he is a changed man because only time will tell. I am not even going to praise him for how good he is being now because that is down to me sticking to my guns and staying strong. I am praising myself! He has had no choice really. I do know one thing though, I am a changed woman. I have even surprised myself.

I have everything in place, everything I need to be able to get away from here if I need to. But, I would much rather leave under my own steam, because I want to, to a place I want to leave to. Like you say, now things are on the turn I have breathing space to think and that is just what I need. I am exhausted, I am drained and my head is absolutely done in.

As things stand at the moment I haven't removed my threat to leave. As far as things stand I will be leaving if things don't change, but, I will be leaving as his friend.

I know you will find this difficult to understand and I realise you will all think I am some kind of glutton for punishment and I deserve everything I get but, he isn't a bad man all of the time, we do have some good times. He has his own stupid ideas and ways of doing things as a result of his own upbringing. No excuse I know but, I see something inside of him, a person that does have a good and loving heart if only he could learn to love himself, it's very difficult to explain and I really don't expect you to even try to understand but, it's that person that keeps me hanging in there.

Thank you to everybody for all of their lovely words and support. I really do appreciate it xxx

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 05/04/2008 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TimeForMe · 05/04/2008 13:15

My wedding night was nothing to do with my relationship with P Dior. Also, would you mind not mentioning the things I told you in th erivate email on MN. Thanks

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 05/04/2008 13:23

Sorry TFM . I tried not to give anything away. So sorry to upset you. I think I'll go from this thread for a while as I don't think I can help in my current state of mind. Many apologies for upsetting you.

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 05/04/2008 13:27

Have asked for my post to be deleted.

TimeForMe · 05/04/2008 13:58

Apology accepted Dior, Thank you. My current state of mind isn't that great either x

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