Just a quick catch up
PC I know what you mean about not being able to face other familes and the burden of that responsibility with nobody to share it with. Parent's support is great, but it's just not the same is it.
TFM I take it you didn't go today??
I would like to add my two pence worth now! As usual!
Ok the 2 hour convrsation and the turn around in his behaviour is fantastic. And like everyone else says, whatever you decide we are 100% behind you.
But... surely this turnaround is a desperate attempt by a desperate man? He has mentally and physically absused you for many years. You have lived in fear of him. You are not an equal partner, you are forced to live how he decides, and given cash depending how he feels. He sold your house from under you. After promising he bought it for your dd. He routinely takes the things you love to the tip. He has caused you to become isolated from your friends. He took your best friend on a date! He had an emotional affair...
Ok I won't go on. There's obviously so much more. But you get what I'm saying. I really really don't mean to be harsh. But I fear that his behaviour is so ingrained that I really do wonder if you, being the amazing wife you are, are really able to turn this around by yourself?
The minute your threat of leaving has subsided, I really feel that the abuse and control will start again.
I, more than anyone in the world (aside from you!) want to see your relationship work. It's what I truly believe in. But what are you actually seeing from him in terms of his committment to turn things around? Is he getting counselling for his abusive and controlling behaviour? Is he letting you see your 'joint' bank accounts and the money that belongs to both of you? Is he actually doing anything to show you he has learnt something?
I know his actions this week have been totally different and a total turn around.
That is amazing and you should be so proud of how far you've come.
But you're physically and emotionally drained.
It shouldn't have to be like this. Him doing a few household chores and actually opening up to you as his partner isn't something you should be greatful for. It should be normal everyday stuff
But given the past I know this is a massive step forward for him. Which is great. It truly is.
I suppose I want to bring you back down to earth because I for one, was truly terrified at times in this last few weeks of what he was capable of. And honestly, I believe his actions this week to be those of a desperate man. Nothing more
Now... you don't have the means to get out of there just now anyway. Which is good in a way. Because while you take the time to get your strength back and build up some funds to secure your future, you can give him the chance to really prove that he means it and show you his actions speak louder than words.
Now please don't hate me. I know this may not be what you want to hear. But it is classic abusive controlling behaviour. And he's had to pull out all the stops to get you back on side this time. Because he really has realised he's pushed you too far.
But please don't think he has changed overnight. Nobody can change that dramatically overnight. It's going to take a lot more from him before I, as your friend, would truly believe he has actually learnt from it and truly changed his ways.
He obviously is more than capable of being a loving, understanding partner. But can he keep it up?
Just don't let your guard down. Read back through your posts and e-mails from the last few weeks. The times you begged us to keep you strong and not let you fall for it again.
I for one, will not let you fall for it again.
And I really do apologise if I've spoken out of turn.
But I care about you a lot and after what you've told me recently, he needs to be doing a hell of a lot more, for a good long time, before he has any chance of being close to the man you deserve.
Take care xxx
sorry wasn't quick in the end