Fab & Glam Part 4 - Spring into Happiness!

[Paddlechick666]

Good Lord people, we've filled a thread up in about 6 weeks!

Anyways, here's a link to the venue Tanee suggested for a picnic:

www.coramsfields.org/index.php

Looks fabulous so let's get planning!

ps: sorry for London/Southern centric take on this but we'll plan hits around the rest of the country too I promise.

pps: Lily, get yer butt on FB woman!

Maybe, just maybe, he finds it easier to see his other kids because he doesn't feel as emothionally attached to their mother? Just a thought xx

Tannee poor you r/e dh not what you need is it , wouldn't it be great if they just stopped what they were doing for once and thought of someone else. Am sure he is glad of your support but i would lay it down to him how much this may cost financially and what you could have done with the money if he hadn't been so stupid.

McD poor you i really don't think i could cope if i had that to contend with too. Your right the fact that he has to have contact is such a major barrier for you working things out. She will always be part of his life and i would be the same as you i think i really don't feel i could handle that. Nothing more to add but massive ((((hugs)))) and so glad the girls are being good. Baby is doing really well thanks , can't believe i am moaning of being tired tbh think it more emotional than physical iykwim , she sleeping 7/12/5/7 so not too bad!

PC at dd doing the wiggles thing hope it really pissed off the neighbours. Sorry you finding things so hard r/e moving and hope you can come to a decision soon, if only someone had a crystal ball to help us all make these decisions life would be so much easier. It must be so hard when it's all down to you.

Hi Sugar How are you , dd is lovely thanks!

Gup sorry i can't get on facebook but thinking of you!

Dior how's things ?

Baffy hope last night made some steps forwards with h, hope you using your break from work to have a good rest sounds like you are going to burn yourself out!

TFM sooo hope he will give you the money to rent, it's not ideal but much better than walking on egg shells like you are at the moment waiting to see what his mood is like. Well done for standing up for yourself again. I am sure he is sulking because he doesn't know what's going on with you. Keep it up and will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Well feeling bit better here today. DP came home and mentioned the text so i said sarcily 'oh you got it then a reply would have been nice' to which he said 'he had been busy!' hence a night of us not really talking ! Not sure how to broach this or even if i should. Not sure if it would gain anything or whether i need to deal with it myself.
The term merry go round springs to mind! Wouldn't it be nice if we could all get off once in a while

Thanks lily

Now if I were you, I would cook a nice meal, get the kids to bed, put on some slap and have a lovely evening with DP. No TV, nice music...... No point in an argument if you don't feel it will achieve anything. Let him know you love him instead xx

You probably right TFM think that might make us both feel better tbh , thanks !

Your'e welcome, have fun!

TFM, make sure you sign up on the forum yeah?

Lily, think it's a great idea to have a nice meal and a pleasant evening. it might be enough to put the demons back in their place for you. and if it's not enough then maybe it will create the right atmosphere to talk it over?

TFM, you could be right about the other kids. i'm beyond trying to analyse or figure it out. i can't even be sure i'm right about his seeing the others. he responded quickly to my text about maintenance money. not that it was very informative tho!

friend was coming over for tea and isn't now ;-(

PC sorry your friend cancelled just when you could really do with someone to talk to.
Am sure it wears you out trying to analyse the reasons your h does things i am sure it would the most accomplished psychologist as well!

lol, maybe that's really what happened last year. h's psychiatrist binned him and not the other way around.

trying to work from home but am seriously bored today!

I will PC, I will sign up. I am going to surround myself with friends. I hope this doesn't sound a cop out but, I am also thinking of taking a college course when I leave here, (it will be free for me as a single non working parent) I have always wanted to be some kind of mentor/counsellor for youths. Maybe when I eventually get out of here it will be my chance to do it. I am determined to change my life.

I'm sorry your friend cancelled PC. I would come if I lived closer

why on earth would that sound like a cop out? i think it sounds like a bloody fantastic idea. you are made to be a counsellor IMVHO.

i'm making a shepherd's pie, or is it cottage pie coz it's mince? it was going to be lasagne but this way i get to use up some spuds and dd will have it for her tea.

will do her a rice pudding whilst the oven is on. just can't remember the proportions for the ingredients tho!

i know it's a pint of milk......

scuttles off to google a recipe! the day adn age we live in eh? my Nana will be turning in her grave. She'd have been 103 today too.

It's cottage pie if it's beef mince and it's shepherds pie if it's lamb mince. My DC's are loving it since I stopped cooking for him, they get to eat what they want rather than what he wants. Sad really isn't it.

Thanks for the encouragement re the college course PC.

PS I thought it might be a bit of a cop out because I wouldn't be going out to work and supporting myself and the DC. I would be taking advantage of the benefits system and what I could get from it I have to learn to take advantage though don't I

The benefit system is there to help people and you should take full advantage of it.

Look at it another way, take advantage of it now to learn a new skill and you will put back into the system when you are qualified and working.

In fact, for your particular choice of vocation you would be putting back two-fold. Imagine how many people you would be helping.

I'm amazed by you!

Oh and make sure you get BLOODY everythign you are entitled too as well. My neighbour just returned to work and she got a £250 clothes voucher plus travelling expenses and extra sustenance allowance to cover her between her lone parent benefits end and her salary starts.

I saw her this morning on her 3rd day at work and she is loving it and looking so energised and well and happy.

Thanks PC.

i wonder if your neighbour will look so great in a few months time

Think that's great idea TFM you would be woderfully suited to that job , although agree with you on how the neighbour might look in few months. I know i look less stressed managing sleepless nights and a new baby as oppose to a class full of secondary school kids !

Lilyloo - I'm fine thanks. Sorry you had a bad evening last night. I hope it improved.

TFM - A course for counselling is a brilliant idea. Of course you must do this - you would be great and would help so many more people. It would be great for your confidence too.

PC - have you come any closer to making a decision re moving?

Hope all other tea-bags are fine

Quick catch up

TFM a college course is a wonderful idea The benefits system is there to help those who need some extra help for whatever reason. And at the moment you need it! I agree with pc - you were born to be a counsellor. Do the course, and then you can spend the rest of your life not only doing a job you love, but giving so much back to society too. Perfect!

lily I hope you've had a lovely evening in the end?

pc how was tea in the end? dd still wiggling? we're going to see them live in Manchester in the summer - can't wait!!

ginnedup I'll try and get on FB later. hope you're ok?

sugar I loved the text

macd are you ok??

and everyone else?

All's ok with me. H and I not really getting anywhere. But we're actually communicating and talking about what's happened and how we both feel about it all. It's not major progress. But it's a tiny step forward. It all needs to be said. And I'm glad we are talking.

I'm loving my time off too

It's late but, i just needed to share this.

He has come home from work tonight and spoken to me, just general conversation, in the most respectful and nicest way. But the thing I really want to share is this.. HE WASHED UP!!! He has not washed up in eight years, tonight he washed up! I am in total shock!

He has continued to speak to me in such a nice way all evening. No arrogance, just an extremely subdued but nice man tonight. I think the last time I heard him speak to me like he has tonight was the first time I met him when he was trying to get me to go out with him.

I'm glad you are enjoying your time off Baffy. It's nice that you are making progress with H too, even if it is only little tiny steps, it's in the right direction and that what matters.

Hope you had a lovely evening Lily

Lots of love to everyone else xx

Don't get sucked in by it TFM. He is trying to win you back because he has molre to lose than you if you go and he knows it. Please don't fall for it - it won't last. Keep strong, if only for us other tea-bags. You might not be able to fend off the charmer, but we can help you.

Thanks Dior. It's ok, I'm on the ball

Hi all. I've updated my latest drama on FB! Honestly, my life is like a bad episode of Shameless sometimes!
TFM - please stay one jump ahead of him and don't let your guard down for a minute. He's realised that the shouting and aggression won't work any more so he's trying new tactics to control you.
Baffy - its great that you and H are talking and like you say its baby steps, but maybe this will lead to you and him to a new level in your relationship, maybe not back the way it was before all this, but hopefully it can go some way towards healing all the old wounds and who knows, maybe you'll come through it stronger than ever.
Hope everyone else is OK.

By the way TFM the counselling is a fabulous idea, you would be brilliant. My best friend is a counsellor and its a long hard slog to qualify, but so rewarding once you have (and there's good money in it too )

lol tfm at he washed up!! Im so pleased for you that is being nice to you again must be so draining to be on edge all the time. Keeping your gaurd up is a good idea. But maybe be open to the possibility that his realised his been a pig and is trying to say sorry? I hope he carries on being pleasant to you xx

Baffy- im pleased you happy with the way its progressing with h now his h and not gw! Baby steps are good and taking it slowly will help you both listen to what is being said and have the time to absorb it. Your ds is one lucky ds to have you being so understanding with his dad. And lots of from you keep it up there lovely to see.

one from me to all of you x

Thank you Sugarpear xx

Hi TFM, I think you'd be an EXCELLENT counsellor. Don't think about benefits as scrounging - we all pay into them so that they'll be there to help us out - you'll be using them to move you on, and you will pay it back in spades once you're qualified.

So - he washed up - for the first time in years? - he MAY be turning a new leaf - but be careful...

I had a few words with DP on Tuesday - but we were both really tired & feeling sensitive, so not much was said. I keep falling asleep in the evenings - all I have to do is sit down and off I go. At least he's aware that I was cross about it, and he's also aware that he's been an utter fool. Trouble is, he can't guarantee that, given the same circumstances, he won't drink to that extent and lose it again. He did ask me to tell him if I see the warning signs building up.

We've got his alcoholic sister & bil visiting this weekend - not looking forward to it!