Fab & Glam Part 4 - Spring into Happiness!

[Paddlechick666]

Good Lord people, we've filled a thread up in about 6 weeks!

Anyways, here's a link to the venue Tanee suggested for a picnic:

www.coramsfields.org/index.php

Looks fabulous so let's get planning!

ps: sorry for London/Southern centric take on this but we'll plan hits around the rest of the country too I promise.

pps: Lily, get yer butt on FB woman!

a quick hi

Tfm love the joke

I have a really funy text i've had for a while but havent sent it to any of you in case it was 2 rude.Had me giggling tho even dh laughed!

thanks, baffy
can i just intrude long enough to say, from stumbling across this thread, what a fantastic lot you are (fawn, fawn)
of course, i already know the greatness of ms paddle (well, that's what she tells me to say... )

Up and down today ....
Discovered had ballsed up again - car tax due and MOT expired in Dec so ring H (yes yes I know codependant BAD) but he sorted it out picked me and girls up and was generally lovely/old self - and as we started to have a halfways decent convo in car about money (which is desperately dire)...his phone rings he looks at it and doesn't pick up so I go "who's that" and he whispers "OW name" and my mood just plummets like a rock
Asked what she wants and he just shrugs and says doesn't want to talk to her (well of course not with me and DD1 in car)...but even if it was totally innocent about her child I really (a) don't trust or believe him and (b) cannot deal with friendly contact which I know they must have because of child...
So there we are like you Baff rounb and round and round we go - so very tired of it and so so so first time in ages have felt like crying cos I know we will never be able to get back together (I really do know this)....I will never trust him and she will always be part of his life

oh and sorry for another me me me post - looks like we are all struggling at moment
One bright point my DD's are both being lovely lovely girls Hows the baby Lily??

MacD, I am so sorry you are on a downer too. GOD! Bloody men!! Keep smiling though, his life is bound to be lacking and unfulfilled, he doesn't have you and Dc's

Sugar, send me the text!!

MacD - so sorry - that must have been such a dreadful downer. Yes, what is it with these men? Do you think they find us as impossible????

What really irks me about DP is that he's such a gentle person, but has this dark side that frustration and depression, topped by alcohol, brings out. Luckily it's rare - but this time it's been disastrous. Luckily no one got hurt, but he's going to have to plead guilty to something he doesn't even remember doing . I would like to shake him if he didn't feel so bad. I really thought he was going to collapse at the station, he was beginning to hyperventilate. But I'm not his mother, and whilst I love him to death and will support him, I cannot let this pass without comment.

Not looking forward to it though ...

Tanee, you deserve a medal!! To stand by him, to look after him, to understand him, to make excuses for him {wink] for all of that you are amazing! xx

Do not joke TFM did anyone see East enders where Tanya buried Max alive (he cheated on her with young slapper then wouldn't let her divorce him...sound familiar)....well I know exactly what H has insurance wise (I arranged and pay for it) and I would be vastly better of both financially and emotionally eithout him /.....BUT my DC would not and that is the problem...and also what made Tanya go rushing off to dig Max up...but have to say the idea of burying H alice was VERY appealing

I would do the digging for you Mac that was a fab storyline wasn't it? It did the trick too, he realised the error of his ways and slung his hook!

evening all

gawd, we all seem to hit the bad patches at the same time eh?

mac & baffy, you guys are doing bloody amazing. fwiw mac i don't think it's co-dependent to call on H to help you with some stuff.

baffy, i cannot believe that H rips up divorce papers but won't do what he needs in order to even attempt to get you back.

how bloody dare he?

btw, dd's Wiggles DVD just arrived adn she is loving it. think revenge on neighbours will be sweet - she is jumping around like a bean at all the songs and I'm bloody well letting her!

lily, sorry you're having a bad day too. go easy on yourself, i think it's totally normal that there are going to be times when it all comes flooding back. wish i could recommend how to deal with it. i think you're right to draw a line and try to move on. maybe you could pick a good time and bring it up with DP and explain that occasionally it knocks you for 6 again and that he needs to be prepared for that.

TFM, glad you saw your friend today. she sounds a bit like my big sis, rings to ask how i am then rabbits on about herself for an hour lol. don't let it all be one way tho eh?

well, as for me, i am feeling exhausted from going around and around in circles over this move proposal.

work is really challenging at the moment and as ever I am not focussing as much as I should. spent too much time today dicking around over this house thing. will have to do some work tonight to make up for it.

so much of my self worth is tied up in work. i feel like a total failure when i know i could have done more/better or that i have been shirking. not so much to focus me properly tho

i am worried that i will lose my job if i don't pull my finger out. btw, US trip looks like it'll be end of April.

Tanneee, so sorry that DP has to go thru this. Maybe it's the final straw he needs to acknowledge his behaviour isn't acceptable. Just wish it didn't have to impact upon you so much emotionally and financially. So not fair.

Also @ dd's change of accent according to circumstances. I totally do it too, I see it as a great skill, means you can communicate at any level

Dior, what's with Keanu?

Hope HW is at holiday destination and relaxing now.

oh and hello steppie, i'll bung you that fiver later

tfm- text sent!!!

Tanee- im sorry its come to this but it may be a blessing in disguise? May just be the kick up the perverbial he needs? Shame it will have such a finacial burden on you tho.

Mac d- I actually think its great that you can ask him for help. And even better that he responds. I really feel for you with regards to the ow and her having his child too. There is no excuse for whats his done but i have to say his being a man by standing by his child. She is innocent in all of this all the dc's are.

When i seperated from 1st h he ended up in a relationship with a woman who had a child already and she was pregnant within 2 months of us seperating she was pregnant. Anyway when he used to come collect our kids her dd used to come too and she would come in and play with our dd's toys and have a snack whilst either the kids were getting ready or we was talking etc. I know its not the same thing but she was a child she didnt understand she thought i was cool and loved the girls. And it was civilised and it made everyones lives so much easier. It was x h that was the git he didnt want any of the kids.

Baffy how is ds? Did you manage to find that gel? My mum used it a couple of weeks ago when she was here. I did tell her she needed a tiny bit. Daft tart put on half a tube and numbed her whole mouth then dribbled like a baby for an hour!! Honestly no hope for my mother she's mental

Pc @ train prices!

Hi lily how is your gorgeous dd doing?

well sugar thats the problem - I would think even less of him if he treated this child badly as well (not her fault her mother is a lunatic self centred manipulative immature slapper)....but I find it impossible to consider letting her into our lives because the OW comes with her and she is not to be trusted - she has proved herself to be a liar and totally self absorbed I would not trust her anywhere near my DDs and TBH I despise her with a passion (unusual for me I am fairly friendly person)....so my head tells me one think that H is doing the right think that this child is my DDs half sister that she is as innocent a party as my two are, but my heart would happily push them both off a very high bridge ....and of course she is a reminder every minute of how very badly my H behaved and how very much he lied to me and hurt me (at the time OW child was conceived he had put his wedding ring back on begged me to do the same and swore it was over and he was having nothing more to do with her, getting pregnant was her desperate last ditch attempt to stop him but she didn't do it alone)

Tanee - yes, I think a firm talk is in order, although he will only change when he wants to. Maybe this will give him the jolt he needed to realise what he could do to you? Hugs anyway xxx

Baffy - please don't think I was implying that you were being weak. That was not my intention. I was merely curious as to the situation. FWIW, I think you are great and I can totally understand how hard this must be for you. You did not make any of these choices. Please go easy on yourself re the papers - if you are not ready, don't divorce him.

PC - Name is an old one that I put back on because of the 'outing celebs' thread. It was to prove that Keanu is NOT gay . Sorry you are having to make another hard decision so soon. I would say to you that you need to be honest to yourself as to the reasons for staying where you are. You are good to consider your h in all of this, but he is not playing ball when he lives near you, so now you need to make the decision that is best for you and dd. He is not really part of the equation .

TFM - sorry you didn't get any support from your friend. After 8 years, surely it is time she moved on isn't it? She should be able to sense your pain. But at least we are here for you . Keep talking to us all.

macd I totally understand everything you're saying in your last post.
I feel for you so much. I think you're going through the same as me but it's so much worse that you have ow and the baby making it a million times worse. {{{hugs}}}

sugar send me the text too!

pc I'm so glad dd is loving the wiggles! our whole world revolves around them. purple isn't purple, it's 'jeff wiggle purple'!! let her jump all she wants!!

pc I know what you mean about ripping up the papers then doing absolutely nothing to attempt to get me back
but more angry with myself for letting him get away with it tbh!
off to see him now... dunno why... to have the same conversation for the 4 millionth time! wish me luck!

x post - thanks Dior. I didn't think you were implying that at all I know you were just wondering what's happening
It's me that thinks knows I'm being weak!
xx

Sorry you are still struggling McD. Does your h want to come home? Where is he living at the moment?

Hey Sugar! tell us all the text please...

Hello Teabags! Blimey don't you lot go on! It was my first day back at work today so I didn't get chance to come on MN and now its just taken half an hour to get up to speed
TFM, good to see you cracking jokes and giving us all a laugh, despite what you are going through.
Sugar - send me the joke (I've got a sense of humour like a sewer, nothing offends me
I'm in a similar predicament to Tannee, but I think I'll put it on FB for you all as I'm a bit paranoid about putting too much on here - you'll see why!
Baffy & PC - I love The Wiggles, but sadly my dc are too old for them no matter how much I try and persuade them to put the DVD on ... Rock a bye your bear is my all time fave
Sugar pmsl at your Mum and the Oragel

GU - we do NOT 'go on' - we 'chat'

Sorry Dior . I stand corrected

I thought Keanu was mine!!!

Erm, no, I'm definitely the one he comes home to at night

teabags check out www.singlewithkids.co.uk

i found it off a link on Lone Parents and it's a really nice place to hang out with other single parents.

i don't post much on Lone Parents on MN as I can find it somewhat dispiriting over there occasionally.

anyways, thought I'd tell you lot about it, there's even some dads!

Morning ladies

That's a nice site PC, I've added it to my favourites in anticipation.

Just a very brief update, I don't want to bore you with the details, I've already done that to Sugar! but, things kicked off again last night, for no reason. I stood up for myself amazingly well, even I am proud of myself. I now have a very subdued P who has agreed to help me, i asked him if he would lend me the money to rent and he has said he will. He says he is going to see a financial advisor about raising more money to buy me a house but I'm afraid to say I don't believe him but, I'm not bothered because If I can rent that is much better for me as I am free of him. He voice and his face indicated that he is feeling very sorry for himself but at least he did take the trouble to say goodnight to me last night.

Anyway, we will see. Needless to say I am today searching for a house! Fingers crossed he goes through with it.

I hope everyone else is ok xxx

TFM, it really is not boring. Been wondering how you are all morning.

Well done for standing up for yourself again. You're beginning to see the benefits by the sound of it.

I think getting a "loan" from him to get into a rented place is a great idea. I love house hunting so hope you enjoy it too.

Let us know how you get on?

Well, I'm still going around in circles over my situation. It's really not helped by the neighbour not being too bad lol. Altho he is disturbing me most nights tbh I can tolerate it. Haven't seen the dog for a while either.

Been torturing myself that H is on holiday with his other kids this week. He's normally on MSN every day at work and I hadn't really acknowledged how keeping tabs on him that way settled my mind. Anyways he hasn't been around the last couple of days so I have convinced myself he's taken time off to see his other kids on half term.

I care less and less about him but it still makes me angry that he can see his other kids but not dd.

His money hasn't gone in yet this month so I have texted him. First communication in 2 weeks other than the card I sent which he hasn't acknowledged.......

Thank you PC I will keep you updated. To be honest, so much happened last night it's just too much and too exhausting to post it all! I think I will sleep for a week when I move from here!

Don't be too hard on yourself with all the things you are feeling with regard to H. I think it's all perfectly normal. If he had communictaed with you, let you know what his plans were I don't think it would have been as bad for you but instead you are just left to guess, fill in the gaps yourself. I know full well how frustrating it is trying to communicate with a brick wall, after a while it gives you a headache