Fab & Glam Part 4 - Spring into Happiness!

[Paddlechick666]

Good Lord people, we've filled a thread up in about 6 weeks!

Anyways, here's a link to the venue Tanee suggested for a picnic:

www.coramsfields.org/index.php

Looks fabulous so let's get planning!

ps: sorry for London/Southern centric take on this but we'll plan hits around the rest of the country too I promise.

pps: Lily, get yer butt on FB woman!

Thanks sugar, when i tried to catch up with all that going on the thread had been deleted so i dont know exactly what went on.

Morning everyone

He put an offer in on the house, 30k under asking! Needless to say it was declined! I am waiting now to see if he increases it. Fingers crossed! Back to the drawing board if he doesn't. He left me alone last night, he said his bit and then left me alone so I'm grateful for that.

Much to my surprise he paid me the housekeeping, although he has deducted £20 but I can live with that.

My RL friend is coming today. It will be nice to talk it all out and get things 'organised' in my mind. It's a bit all over the place at the moment.

Lot's of love to everyone, have a good day xxx

£30k under! Nice try! Oh well, fingers crossed that he increases it, but do make sure that he signs something to say that he will leave you alone and not try to charge you rent or anything.

TFM, let's hope he's just being his usual pig headed self and trying to get something for nothing. I really hope he ups the offer. This house, IMO, is better than nothing and a good stepping stone for you and dd.

Hope you have a lovely time with your friend today.

Teabags, I need your help with the following which I have cut n pasted from my West London thread:

Neighbours were moderately noisy all evening. Seems he's got himself a TV now and had his mates round. Midnight saw me thumping on the floor and things did quiet down after that.

I am really in a quandry over what to do. Looking at what I could afford it would seem to be a no-brainer.

Forgive me while I brain dump and maybe you lot can comment:

Pros:
2 or 3 bed house, possible conservatory/garage. potential to extend. good size rear garden.
small market town near station or village location few mins drive to station.
small local schools - mostly grade 3 but improving.
10 mins drive to GPs. Additional babysitting/emergency cover/better family contact for DD/me closer to help them if necessary.....
30 - 45 mins to Oxford (culture/shopping)
30 - 45 mins Milton Keynes (shopping/leisure/poss job ops)
1 hr train B'ham (poss job ops)
unlikely to end up next door to drug dealer
possible reduction in cost of living

Cons:
Moving again.
Unsettling for dd (new house/new childcare etc)
Realistically speaking a 2hr commute (but only 2 or 3 days per week).
Increased travel costs.
Might feel a bit isolated and out of the loop.
small market town can be a bit chav.
too close to parents
dd might develop a country accent
secondary schools might be poor
longer journey to south/west & any airport
would lose even more touch with sporadic friends.
would miss Kew Gardens ane MN friends
won't have time to make new friends due to working full time now
worried I will lose even more focus on my work by being further away. on the other hand, this could be a spur to make me concentrate adn work harder.

Help me make this decision!!!!

Hi pc- i would say the pro's out way the cons.imo. Fresh country air for dd a nice garden to play in. True friends will always be friends no matter where you live.

Kew gardens is a drive/train journey away.

Job bit of a pain travelling but you could end up with a better job like baffy did.

Schools - check them all out via ofsted reports. Both where you are now and where you are thinking of going to and compare.

dd is still a baby and they are very adaptable at that age and she will make friends were every she is she is too precious not to.

lol @ country accent tho!

How about taking a week or so off work and staying in the area you are thinking of moving too and give it a good looking over?

Ultimately what do you want to do?

I don't have much time but pc - the 'chav' con and dd developing a country accent?!

I think from what I can see, your main pros are you would get a better house, a garden, a possible reduction in cost of living. So overall, a better quality of life. Plus the support from your mum. You can always find a new job. And you can always make new friends.

On the con side, you will be moving away from your network of friends and you may feel out of the loop.

I think there are more pros than cons.

I would say the commute is a red herring. A 2 hour commute would be hell of course. But you've been talking about getting out of there for a while. So a move could be just the incentive you need to get something new??

You can always make new friends wherever you live. And especially with a new job, and dd in school, you would meet lots of new people and other mums.
Plus, when you live further away from your friends, there is more reason to get yourself organised and plan better to meet up with them. Hey - I drove me and ds 4 hours each way just for lunch the other week!!

I think you need to weigh up most - where do you want to live??

I feel that some of your 'cons' are you just trying to find 'cons' to talk yourself out of the move!

Where would you be happiest??

Is getting another flat somewhere round by where you are now not an option?? Or a flat close by where you used to rent with dh where you loved living??

hi sugar, thanks for your POV.

I've actually just discovered it would cost me £83 a week for a travel card or £40 per day (so £80 for my usual 2 days in the city) and am by it!

I cannot believe you can't get a cheaper ticket if you only want to travel for 2 days.

I don't think I can afford that. The knock on effect of that has made me very disappointed that it's not an option.

That's pretty revealing isn't it!

I totally object to buying 7 days travel and only using it for 2 days per week.

Rang the train company to complain adn they cut me off

Sugar great news

Baffy ds any better ?

Pc was just going to agree with others pro's outweigh cons but now see that about travel card surely there must be a way around that ? And lol at the country accent my dp calls my dd a 'yonner' as she has really broad lancashire accent !

TFM hope he puts in better offer for you , do you think he is serious ? Hope you have lovely day with rl friend and get to have a nice chat!

Hope everyone else ok

I have got ds off school with 'slapped cheek' and no we didn't do it although he is perfectly well in himself and winding dd1 up at the minute !

Sugar, that must be a huge relief. We're just coming into the 'schools complaints season' at work and I spend a lot of time arguing with the council about their crazy allocations policy.

PC, seems there are more pros than cons - lol at the rural accent . I suspect most children become 'bilingual' though. I know DD is much more 'Nawff Lunnon' in school than when she's home with me, when she gets very 'North London'. (She gets VERY Nawff Lunnon with her gran, just to wind her up ). The cost of travel is a big problem, though, especially if you'll only be travelling twice a week. Don't know the way around that. Could you afford it for a few months until you find something nearer home?

TFM - maybe he was just trying it on and will increase the offer? The buyers of my old flat came in with a ludicrous first offer - about 40k less. I was sorely tempted to tell them to stick it, but they quickly came up with a more realistic offer.

hi lilyloo how are you? ds is a bit better thanks. still not quite right though, temperature is up and down and so is he! one minute dancing and singing, the next he's feeling sorry for himself lying on the couch!

TFM hope you're having a lovely day with your friend

And what was that thread about HW being happydaddy's wife??

Tbh feeling a bit fed up today! Think it lack of sleep and ds being at home etc. This probably sounds really silly i sent dp a couple of texts today nothing important just one about getting dd christened and another reminding him to do something. And he hasn't bothered to reply to either. This happening more recently. I know we are tired and he is also quite stressed with work and that coupled with lack of time spent together alone just raises all insecurities again. I guess that was always going to happen but feel so pissed off some days that security i had isn't there anymore. Sorry to moan it seems so trivial with all what you have to put up with feel bit better getting it off my chest though!

kew, sorry you and ds are unwell. must be the welsh air..
it's really hard when you're both ill at the same time, tho, isn't it?
do you need any supplies or anything? (and i'm not talking hard drugs...)

sj, sfx..yes that's the sort of thing dh would say. when/if teacher waxes lyrical abut ds1's prize-winning poem, he'll probably put her straight on that. "oh come off it, steppie wrote that.."

disclaimer: i didn't, honest, guv. well, apart from taking over helping him with a few of the rhymes and, erm making sure it scanned properly

oops, sorry, how did that happen - wrong thread!
but hello paddle {smile]
...scurries off to find right thread...

hello stepfordwife (good name btw!)

lily I'm sorry you're feeling so rubbish. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. I get like that when H doesn't reply to my texts, start thinking why and what is he doing. It's not trivial at all. Just because you've moved on and things are ok, doesn't mean you don't still need the reassurance

I'm sure he's just being a typical bloke though and not realising the impact of not replying. While we over-think things here!

I hope you're ok.

I must admit, amidst discussions with H this week about whether there would ever be any chance of us getting back together, I wonder if I would ever really get over it. I think it must be totally normal that those insecurities return every time something like this happens. I just wonder what's worse, a life without H who is the love of my life, and having to share my baby and miss out on precious time with him, or dealing with the cloud that would probably be over us forever. There's no easy answer is there!

Baffy - you are still discussing getting back together? Has he split with OW completely now then?

Hi guys

Well, I did have anice day with my friend but tbh she spent most of the time talking about a relationship she ended 8 years ago than anything else, she is still very bitter about things and is obviously narked that her ex has moved on so, guess who ended up giving her advice on how to turn her life around and move on! Me? Well, I'm still in same situ

BUT... I have had a lovely email from the refuge with reguard to a support group I had enquired about. They have given me some useful information and some telephone numbers. If things don't prgress on the house front I think that will be my next step. Just typing that makes my heart beat fast and my tummy go funny. I am definately going to work on plucking up courage to ring about the support group. Baby steps I suppose.

Talking of clouds Baffy....

What do men and clouds have in common?

Eventually they fuck off and it's a nice day!

(excuse my language )

Lots of love to everyone else xxx

He's split up with her. But he's still in contact with her

He's too weak and pathetic to stop the contact altogether. Feels guilty or something She's had such a bad life. He's treated her so badly. The usual!

I know I know. I'm weak too. I want to just totally walk away. He hasn't put me and ds first since the day he met her. He still isn't!
He's making his choice by just keeping the contact now.
But I'm not strong enough.

I sat and wrote out the divorce papers and statement of intentions last night (he ripped the last ones us saying he couldn't sign them!). But I know I'm doing that just because I feel I have no options left.

It's not what I want

And I know he'll rip those ones up to. Because he says he can't agree to a divorce and the thought makes him sick.

But he still can't manage to put me and ds first!

And round and round in circles we go!

Feel free to slap me / shout at me / tell me how weak and pathetic I am and I deserve better. I know. But I can't lose my husband to some slapper he hardly knows. And I can't share my baby either

So I'm destined for a lifetime of being treated like shit aren't I!

But I'll be ok one day I'm sure

hahaha TFM! I needed that to make me smile!

Glad you had a nice day and have made even more progress with your options for the future xx

No definately not! I know we have come so far since i first met you on your thread even (gosh seems ages ago) but it is hard as you never get back what you had before no matter how you look at it. I have come to terms with that. I can only describe it like grief. In the beginning it's too awful to contemplate and with time it does get easier but you never forget and some days it comes back and slaps you round the face, hence today. The hard thing is that we don't really talk about it anymore, whether that's a good thing or not i don't know but i sort of felt if i was going to make a go of things it had to be left in the past. Don't get me wrong we have had so many good times since then and i am still glad i made that decision , otherwise i wouldn't have my lovely dd2, but guess no road is easy!
I completely understand what you saying about making a go of things but only you know what you could learn to live with and as they say true love is hard to find!

TFM glad you had a nice day and you made me with your men joke need some of them today !

No slaps Baffy, just a huge hug. It is very difficult when you love someone so much, just to walk away, you remember H for what he was and all the good times you had together and probably you still occasionally get a little reminder of that when you see him. No one is going to judge you or condemn you for still wanting to be with him. This is all part of the process of working things through and deciding whether or not you do have a future together. One day, it will all be clear to you, either way. Until then just take it one day, one step at a time and don't be so hard on yourself. You are only human and there are no hard and fast rules as to how these things work.xx

Lily, I'm sorry you are on a bit of a downer today. I hope DH makes it up to you when he gets home

I'm sick and tired of my own face at the moment. I am sick and tired of thinking. I just want to be happy and have a laugh so, thats what I'm going to do my best to do. P is not going to dictate my mood for another moment!

Thanks TFM

I think you're totally right about not letting them dictate your mood for another minute.

I need to get some strength back. 12 hour days and 3 sleepless nights in a row and I'm a mess! Hopefully this next few days off work should help me find that positivity again!

xx

Few days off work and lots of MN!

I feel a bit the same way as you Baffy, completely different circumstances but similar symptoms. I am wanting to get my strength back too, it's inside me, fighting to get out, I just have to push the weaker, subservient me out of the way! I can't believe the change in myself!

Lets hope your few days off do the trick. Has NM been in touch lately? Or did he leave you alone after you woke up to him in your room1 That once happened to the queen didn't it!

Have you heard about that new beer that has just been invented?

Fellas Artwats!

Baffy, no slaps here either. It's not easy to walk away from the love of your life, when you know he still obviously has feelings for you - but I don't know if you could reconcile whilst the OW is still around. I would be so afraid as she's a primed cannon.

I'm feeling very cross with DP as we went to the police - I took a long lunch as he'd had a bad night almost sick with worry, and I didn't want him to face it all alone.

Upshot is, he's being charged and will have to go to court in two weeks. I'm just so cross as we have NO money, I have a smallish overdraft but more on my credit card than I like and I'm desperate to stop being a card tart. The court appearance will cost him money that should be going towards our expenses - and all because he got drunk and behaved like a twat. I feel like showing him my overdraft to show how bad things are. He certainly seemed grateful for my being with him, but I think my support will have to be backed up by some hard talking tonight . No more Ms Unconditional Love.

Good luck with 'The Talk' Tanee. Gosh, what is it with these men! Is it the time of the year do you think?

Roll on our days in the retirement home. A row of rocking chairs full of Teabags!