Fab & Glam Part 4 - Spring into Happiness!

[Paddlechick666]

Good Lord people, we've filled a thread up in about 6 weeks!

Anyways, here's a link to the venue Tanee suggested for a picnic:

www.coramsfields.org/index.php

Looks fabulous so let's get planning!

ps: sorry for London/Southern centric take on this but we'll plan hits around the rest of the country too I promise.

pps: Lily, get yer butt on FB woman!

lol, you two are shocking! i really wish i was norty enuff to do it but in a weird way i am quite okay about not being in touch with him.

weird smell coming from downstairs has now made me paranoid that this lad will set fire to the building in a drug induced stupor.

i wonder if i am concocting reasons to move!

ps: TFM, you know you're always welcome here. the train ticket offer still stand.

go on pc text away!

Tfm be careful he doesnt turn the ss talk on you and threaten you with it.

Baffy poor ds teething is horrible. There is a great gum number in boots called oragel. It's what the dentists uses to numb the gum before injection's for babies like me Im sure as ds is over 2 it should be ok to use definately worth looking at.

On th etalk of teeth for those of you that remember dd knocking most of her 2 front ones out before xmas. Well we had hospital app friday and she will need another 3/4 app fo rthem to do root canal and build them up. And when she is 18 they will be replaced with porcalein ones. Dentist said they will look great again. She was lovely and said it was such a shame as dd had really beautiful teeth and straight and perfect!

thanks sugar I'll definitely look at that

I've decided I'm only working today and tomorrow and have asked for the rest of the week as annual leave. need to recharge my batteries before they completely die altogether!

that's such a shame about dd sugar. sounds like the dentist is great though and they can do really wonderful things these days. I don't know if I mentioned at the time but I knocked my front tooth out when I was 15 (trampoline accident - trainee PE teacher and she let go of the harness when I was learning to summersault!!) anyway, it was a right state. they just about saved the tooth. but that has a porcelain veneer over it and you can't really tell too much. I've been quite pleased with it.
I hope she's ok anyway.

and pc that's not naughty at all! just say thank you for the flowers. when he acts all shocked just say oh, you thought he'd sent them for your anniversary.

not only making the point that he didn't acknowledge your anniversary, but that you have a bunch of flowers off someone too! double whammy!

go on it'll make me smile!

Go On PC, do it! I've seen your photo's remember, I know you have guts! Goooo on! Doooo it
You know, I was going to say exactly same as you, during one of my less self absorbed with my own problems moments I did think "ahh PC isn;t settled there and is finding reasons to move" and you just confirmed it!! I think you should do what makes you happy! Stop procrastinating and put your flat on the market. Its the best time of year to be doing so. You can test the water and see if you get any interest and tell everyone you have to move due to relocation of work. You have nothing to lose. Just like you have nothing to lose by texting h

Thank you everyone for all of your support and your lovely offers and all of your advice. I am absorbing it all xxx

TFM, you know the weird thing? A few months ago I'd have jumped at any slight opportunity to text him. Even back at the beginning of this month.

But now, I can't be arsed! Today (and this might not last but hey ho) I really don't care.

As for the flat, yeah I am thinking to stick it on the market and see what sort of reaction I get.

Might get Agent round on Weds after cleaner has been

"Think" "Might" Just go for it! Take the bull by the horns and take action.

Thats great actually PC that you have no inclination to text him. Me and Baffy were only wanting you to be a little bit mean to him but it's good that you aren't bothered. Blimey, we have all come a long way this past 12 months haven't we? We have all truned the tables on the tossers in one way or another.

btw, thanks for the compliment on the photos. It was truly a fabulous time of my life.

Your welcome. I admire you. I wish I had had the confidence to do things as you have. You are quite an inspriation. I do believ that if I had been loved, encouraged and supported by my parents my life would have been totally different. Thats why I can't help but feel a little bit proud of myself when I look at my older children living and enjoying there lives. I feel i have done a better job than my parents did despite the difficulties i have had.

You my love are setting a fantastic example to your dd and she will grow into a wonderful young woman! xx

TFM, interesting you should say that. Whilst I certainly wasn't badly treated or neglected and I knew I was loved I didn't have a particularly nurturing childhood.

It's one of the deep seated issues I have with my own DM and something I am terrified of repeating with dd myself.

I too feel I could have achieved a huge amount more had I been encouraged more. I think my adventurous spirit is more about nature rather than nurture. Also my general independence that was born of having a parent who always believed I was at fault. To the point that when my first really serious boyfriend cheated on me and I went home crying DM said "what have you done to xxxx?"

I tend to write all this off as DM having to bring 3 kids up on her own and work full time and then referee between us and her new H.

Now I have my dd and I see how close DM is to her I feel a bit resentful that DM could not be like that with me. I also find it difficult to reconcile how little time DM spent with us. Again it rings alarm bells for me as I always feel bad that I don't do more with dd!

Ah the mother's guilt eh LOL. Thing is, my DM never seemed to have it

Anyways, you should be proud of yourself for the wonderful job you have done with all your kids. You didn't fall into the trap of becoming your parents.

You have massive potential, you've already proven that, this is just the start of fulfilling it.

So you did exactly the opposite to me PC, you rebelled against being made to feel at fault whereas I absorbed it all like a huge blooming sponge! You are doubly amazing then!

DD and I went out for a walk in the sunshine this morning and I was suddenly filled with this feeling of extreme happiness that I was finally going to be free of this black cloud that has followed me around almost all of my life. I just feel I have learned, grown and gained such a lot in these past 12 months or so that once i leave here, and I am settled and free of P, my life is going to be better than it ever has been. I will not sit and wallow, I am going to get out there and build myself up again. I did it once before and I can do it again!

I'm 43 years old and I am finally on the right path!

ah well, maybe I'm just enormously arrogant and never believed my mother

I'm not far behind you age wise and still don't feel on the right path. I have to remind myself that I don't have years and years and years to do all those things I said I would "one day".

I think I have to kiss my pipe dream of living overseas away. I keep thinking I'll do it when I grow up. I am grown up tho and realistically there are age limits and so on for migrating and they'll be up before I am ready.

I'm I've missed an opportunity and settled for less than I should have.

Trying not to do that anymore.

So glad that you're feeling better about the future. You are going to be one force to be reckoned with my girl!

You don't have to kiss that dream goodbye PC, you can live overseas anytime. Who knows what is just around the corner When I first divorced I was so happy, I used to look forward to every day, filled with excitement of what the day may bring, each day was a blank canvas and it always brought something good, even if I made it happen myself. I would love to have that feeling again. It was a good feeling

My life is going to be an open book when I leave here, not a closed one.

Love the positivity TFM

My presentation went really well so I'm back at my desk feeling proud of myself!
See, no sleep and writing it up at 5.30am must have been the way to go!

PC I have that dream of working/living abroad too. H and I talked about it constantly. I really really believed I'd do it one day.

I'm not sure it's realistic as a single mum. I'm not sure how much I'd be able to enjoy it, get out and meet new people etc, if I was totally alone with ds. There's no way I'd leave him with strangers all the time.

It's a real shame. I think that will be my biggest regret

Although I do agree, we just never know what's round the corner do we.

Hi everyone, sorry I'm not around much - very little time at work, and none at home - but the bedroom decor is going well.

Baffy, well done! I used to produce my best uni essays at 4am, there must be something about working at night that concentrates the mind .

PC, I hear so many similar stories about neighbours from hell at work - the council ASBAT do try to act, but with limited success, as if evicted, the people just cause havoc somewhere else. And as you say, as an owner occupier, you can't be seen to complain, whilst others are probably too scared. Remember to have a good reason ready for why you want to move, though, for when those viewers come round and ask you - and good luck!

TFM - - what can I say? I am APPALLED at your P - he is obviously a classic case of an abusive personality, and it sounds like a pattern in his family. You are doing SO well to realise this and challenge him - and NONE OF IT IS YOUR FAULT (double underline, bold). I'm a bit worried at the thought of him buying you a home, though, as he retains control of an important part of your life - and you're right to plan longterm to get your own place. In the meantime, if he does go through with it, make sure that the house is put in YOUR name - or joint names at least - and change all the locks immediately.

And it was a good idea to let as many people as poss know about him - abusers lose power when their secret is out and everyone knows what lies behind the charming perfect family facade - & I'm sure he knows it, too. But try to keep social services out of it if possible.

Finally, don't allow yourself to feel sorry for him. If he can have flashes of calm, he has an awareness that his behaviour is unacceptable. Therefore, he should be able to control himself. If he can't do that, he has sacrificed all right to sympathy. Your anger sustains you - hang on to it. You can feel sorry to him once you're completely free of him - but not yet.

Glad you're feeling so positive today - Spring is definitely on its way !

Hi Tanneee, good to "see" you. How's dd going?

TBH I think it is disgraceful how the police pass the buck to the council and then the council have very little authority to do anything.

One of my local friends (from MN) told me about her brother the other day. Apparently his anti-social neighbours were evicted after he made complaints and the other residents joined forces. A few days later they came back and trashed the property and subsequently a bunch of druggies have squatted it.

This is a major fear of mine. By all accounts it was horrible here before this boy went into prison.

So far it hasn't been too bad tho....

I am a bit apprehensive about moving to a country market town tho

BTW, my reason if I am asked will be job relocation.

Hope the decorating keeps going well

Thanks Tanee. I know for a fact he would not consider putting the house in my name. No way. But, I will look more into what I can do about that if he buys it.

The agent has just rung for feedback. he hasn't rung them yet . I dare not ask him about it. I have told the agent he has said he will ring with an offer and I have sent him a text telling him that. He hasn't replied. I will just have to see what happens. I am very disappointed at the moment though. He text me for the number at 7.20am this morning!

You are right Tanee, I do have to hang on to the anger. I have made the mistake of feeling sorry for him before, seeing a tiny little 'something' inside of him that I can maybe help to come out. Sometimes, he even shocks himself I think, his rages go too far, he takes his control to the extreme and he just can't let go. I was a defensless woman with a sobbing child on my lap yesterday and he still couldn't let go. I just hope he buys this house, I hope he hasn't had a flash of the error of his ways and wants to try win me round.

Hi PC, thanks, the decorating's going well - if slowly. The walls are now deep, deep green - very intimate - with pale cream ceiling and woodwork. Painting the woodwork is horrible - hate the smell. When will they produce low VOC woodwork paints?

DD's been offered a 6th form place at my old school, which is considered the best in the borough (it certainly wasn't in my day ) - all she needs are 5 good grades, so she's very happy but realises she will have to work hard!

TFM - is his offer to buy you a place just a line to keep you hanging on, do you think? Oh, feel so anxious for you!

DP has to go back to the police tomorrow. Very tense time - just hoping they don't press charges as it could be awkward if he has to go to court during his tour. And he's been very good lately.

quick hi and to tell my good news whilst i have a break from skipping round the house and before i rescue dinner before i burn it......... ds3 got in to the primary school i wanted for him. It means he gets to got to school with ds2. Even though its 10 miles from us they let him in for the fact i cannot be at 2 different schools 10 miles apart at exactly the same time. And ds2 has to go to that school as it has a specialist hearing impaired unit attacthed to the main school So im seriously whoooooo hoooooooo

nice one sugar! that must be a relief.

dd just asked me why I was "clucking my eyebrows" very nearly poked me eye out with the tweezers with laughing.

she's so cute!

my resolve to be a less shouty mummy has come into force again.

good quote "courage doesn't always talk in a loud voice but at the end of the day in a quiet voice 'I will try again tomorrow'".

saw that on Lone Parents thread and like it.

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glad your h is being bette doir - hope he keeps it up - maybe it was just a blip, this time of year brings us all down a bit. Lets meet up again after the easter hols - i have got back into my scapbooking thanks to the dds so would love to find some more craft shops with you.

Hi and bye to everyone - still trying to pack but will probably be up all night doing it as i always am.

thanks guy.

Happywoman - hope you dont mind but you was mentioned on another thread, specualtion that you was happydaddys wife( who has apparently had a cyber affair with another mn'er) I simply said that you wasnt.

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