Fab & Glam Part 4 - Spring into Happiness!

[Paddlechick666]

Good Lord people, we've filled a thread up in about 6 weeks!

Anyways, here's a link to the venue Tanee suggested for a picnic:

www.coramsfields.org/index.php

Looks fabulous so let's get planning!

ps: sorry for London/Southern centric take on this but we'll plan hits around the rest of the country too I promise.

pps: Lily, get yer butt on FB woman!

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god baffy I feel so similar to you - saw OW in town other day and she just looks like a skanky scum slut ...and I think what did I do that was so bad he preferred to throw me and our family and everything we worked so hard for for that bit of rubbish.....I am with the ignoring her I found that any response made it worse so keep on what you are doing.....
As for eye surgery I had it done 5 years ago and it is fab best money ever spent...
thanks for all the support another crap day - I feel really low and fed up I need to end this but really have no idea how and dread going back to the antagonism and anger Keep saying to myself CO DEPENDANT and DIVORCE but it doesn't seem to work

Baffy - and for you.

At least you can have the satifaction that ow is not getting what she wants - hold onto that and dont contact her in anyway. She will then know that you are bothered - which you are not.

It is so tempting to say to your h - what did you expect - but this is a lesson he needs to learn himself please dont offer him any support let him be the one to come begging to you now. I suspect he will be feeling very lonely now but remember that is not your problem and dont let him make you feel that you can save him. Some time alone for him now to really think about his life is what he needs.

McD - I am sure that once you take that first little step you will feel so much better - we are here for you. At the moment why should he change he still has some control.

Dior - i think you feel stronger now because you know you can do it - that is a good feeling isnt it? You know you are fantastic and his moans are because he is not happy not necessarily at you, dont let him bring you down.

Hi to everyone else - we are on school hols at the moment so things are even more hectic. Went to Chessington yestereday and it was empty so it was great - and only rained once!

well, I've just realized it's my wedding anniversary on Saturday (it might be Friday tho, I can't quite remember!).
wondering what to do really. Have heard nothing from h in a week so.....

Celebrate it with us - both days just to be sure, . These dates mean less to men even when they are married anyway.

Well done for not contacting him too.

Thanks everyone

Quick update as I have hundreds of meetings today

HW totally agree - lots of time on his own is exactly what H needs right now. He needs to work out where his head is and decide where his priorities lie once and for all! I really don't want to see him at all. If I never saw him again right now I wouldn't care.

I've risen above it, and risen above it, but in the end yesterday I sent one text to OW. I got a big long text asking to meet me, she was so sorry, she wanted to explain why she's hurt me so much, why she's done what she's done. That she's 'so so sick right now' and she 'needs help'... blah blah

Anyway - aside from the fact that I can't see her face to face because I'd be scared of what I'd do to her if I got the chance!! I wouldn't give her the satisfaction!

So I decided on one final response. I said " I'm not sure what possible reason you think I would have for wanting to see you. There is nothing you could possibly say to justify your actions so don't even try. There is nothing to 'explain'. You knew what you were getting into when you decided to sleep with a married man. You try to hurt me further with personal attacks every time you aren't getting your own way. An innocent child's future has been changed beyond all recognition through your selfish pathetic lies and games. How can that ever be justified. I never want to see you or hear from you ever again. As you are probably now aware, the police injunction is in force from today so please do not contact me, or come anywhere near me or my child ever again. Get help. "

It may have been the wrong thing to do. But I needed my final say.

Onwards and upwards!

here , here Baffy and the last word goes to you , well done

PC guess there not much to celebrate

McD you can and will get through this , who knows why they risk everything wonderful for a bit of 'rough', don't think we will ever work that one out

HW think these school hols bit odd as mine not off till next Friday for two weeks so hoping places quieter too.

Dior is he for real, not sure many 6 year olds could eat choc and make no mess ? Not sure why it your fault exactly seems like he was looking for argument so don't feel bad you got arsey with him.

Well they going to let my gran out today if she can have 24 hour care so she going to my dad and me and my sis will have to be there when he working. I glad she coming out but think it more to do with them needing beds

Nice one Baffy. There is no comeback to that and I am so relieved you have got an injunction against her.

Things all going a bit wrong here what with the neighbour issue and two of my big projects getting into serious difficulties.

Read The Metro this morning and was completely shocked at a story about a guy in america who put his 2m old daughter in a microwave. Then there's all the gang killings of teenagers.

Saw a school trip congregated at the station too and my first reaction was "DD is never going away on a school trip" which actually shocked me as I loved my school trips away when I was a kid.

Local newspaper carried a report of a woman being attacked after knocking on her neighbour's door to ask them to keep the noise down.

Feeling very very insecure all round really. What sort of country is this ffs?

Lily, glad your gran is coming home. Hope you guys can manage tho.

WRT wedding anniversary I was toying with the idea of sending a nice card (not anniv card tho) and just putting a message "remembering a beautiful day" or something inside........

Hi everyone

Baffy, good for you! Lets hope thats the line drawn and you can now move forwards!

PC, for all of the reasons you just described, that it why I no longer read newspapers or watch the news on TV. When I was first divorced I felt insecure enough without the doom and gloom of the news adding to it. Stop reading it, stop watching it and you will feel much better AS for the nighbours PC, could you not inform the local police of what you suspect, they would keep an eye on them and if anything untoward was found they would probably be evicted. I do admire you for standing up to them though xx

As for me, I'm ok. Have managed to avoid seeing him for two days now so have denied him the opportunity to ignore me. His mum came to see me yesterday, just at the time I was having a mini meltdown I told her what was going on and she was lovely, very supportive and even told me a thing or two that he did to a previous girlfriend when they finished in other words, she knows full well what a nutter he is!

PS PC I think the idea of the card is a lovely one. You do have some lovely memories and you have a beautiful daughter, all good reasons for remembering what was obviously a wonderful day. I think is lovely that you are not allowing all the bad stuff to overshadow the good stuff, good on you! xx

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Hi everyone hope you all had a great easter?

I have had a quick read through. And will be a quickish update as have to get ds to pre school dd for a nap after so i can catch up on ironing!

Pc gone slap happy have we?? lol I think the card sounds a lovely idea. As for neighbours be careful.

Dior totally second every thing everyone else has said. Your beautiful on the inside and the outside. I think h is using your own insecutities against you rather than face up to whatever his problems are. If just buying the chocolate makes you feel good. Can you not buy it then put in in the bin? A complete waste i know but i did this when i had a thing for fresh cream cakes and it worked for me.

Macd {{{{{ hugs }}}} Your going through a very difficult time so dont be too hard on yourself. But i do agree with the others you need to talk to h and get something resolved for you.

Tfm and @ heating. With my thyroid if i get cold im in real physical pain. How dare he stop you from being warm. And gardening stuff what a complete *&$%#^( But bloody good for you for rising above it. Can you start getting little bits out of the house that he wont notice? When you finally do go be careful that he will be out all day so you have time to get everything you need out. Have also emailed you x

Baffy what a cow just driving off surely she saw ds in the car? I really hope she doesnt drag you through the courts.

And for ow what a bloody fruit cake. I hope h see's her for what she is and really does get shot of her for good this time. So you can all move on in peace. Why she thinks you would want to meet her is beyond me. Like any sad pathetic apology from her is going to make any difference at all.

As for x nm what a tosspot! to be polite! Id have knocked him back down the stairs and out the door. What a complete violation of your privacy and complete lack of respect to.

Good on you with regards to the injuction. I hope it makes her listen and she finally leaves off.

Gu poor ds is he ok now? And good for ds1 for winning the comp.

Tanee pmsl @ cat

Kewcumber pmsl @ jelly and mascara so true about men!

As for here still going great. Dh upset that one of his bosses he thought the world of was killed in a car accident a couple of days ago. He said it puts life in to prospectus.

His got a couple of days off and his throwing himself into decorating the house big time.

My chest infection is all gone but now had a call from dentist after a recent xray asking would ilike a root filling or my tooth extracted? mmmmmmmmmm decisions decisions!!

But on a positive note for me and sorry dior in light of you being upset but since meeting you wonderful teabags i have lost half a stone! And it does feel good. First time i have actually stuck at something. I didnt crave chocolate over easter. I did have a flake whilst in the jacuzzi reading a magazine.My one luxury away from kids is my bath.

Ok ds needs getting ready for pre school.

Sorry if i missed anyone and im sure another page has gone by whilst i have written this!

Love to you all catch up again soon xx

Hi everyone, sorry I'm not on much - work still hectic and a new intern to train today. Spent yesterday putting up the lining paper - DP was getting depressed by the rotten plaster underneath, but it all looks smooth (ish) and ready for painting now, so we sat up till 2am listening to music and congratulating ourselves. Not conducive to getting up for work this morning!!

Baffy, I'm so sorry things are so dreadful for you. It does sound like the car woman isn't insured - else why drive off and why deny liability? I think your text to OW showed dignity and absolute firmness and told it to her straight. Hope she realises that the injunction shows you mean business!

Any word from mad exNM?

As for eye surgery, I had it done 18 months ago - I still wake up and feel amazed that I can see the world in focus - though DP says that it was probably better when I couldn't see him whilst getting jiggy - as I could imagine him as the gorgeous 30-something Pierce Brosnan lookealike he was when we met and not the balding 50-something with advancing jowls that he is now!

Dior, sounds like H is feeling vulnerable again - trying to regain control. Oh, my heart bleeds for him.

TFM - glad your P's mother understands. What did he do to the ex? It sounds like she'll be a support if - no, WHEN - you make the break. I agree with the others - move small, special things out - to friends', or a small storage unit if and when you can afford it. He sounds like poison. Can't believe you have to ask permission to turn the heating on. What century does he live in ?

Sugar, glad you 're feeling better.

GU - congrats to DS1 on his prize!!!

McD, hope your floor is ok. I assume you're in London today? And for once, the sun's shining!!

Got to go back to work now - my trainee is looking bored...

pmsl tanee! If I'm single again and back on the market having to kiss a few frogs before I find my prince, maybe I should leave the eye surgery for now!!!

TFM I'm so glad you are finally opening up to people in RL. Telling his mum was a major step forward. I'm so so proud of the way you're dealing with this.
I still wish I could just come up there and take you, dd and ds straight out of there! But I know you'll do it yourself soon enough! You're making such great progress every single day.

PC the card sounds like a lovely idea.
I've been looking through some old photos these last few days. I'm devastated that it really has come to an end. But I was looking at the honeymoon photos with a smile on my face remembering the fantastic things we did and I feel happy that I'm now at the stage where I can remember those good memories with fondness. Only a few months ago I was ready to burn the lot!!

Glad you're feeling better sugar. And great news about the weight loss too.

I'm on an 'eat nothing' diet for a few days as I need to get into my dress for the races next week and that was bought in the initial post-H phase when I don't think I'd eaten for a month!! Control knickers all the way! Good job I'm not on the pull!

TFM are you still going on the Saturday?

Thank you Baffy I am doing my best. No, I will not be going on Saturday. I should imagine he still is as it's a works thing. I wonder if he will still expect me to go? Anyway, I am not going! I am not prepared to play the game anymore, just to make him look like a 'normal' human being. I got a nice dress out of him though didn't I? It might come in useful when I'm out and about again

That's a real shame I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to spend the day with him though.

Unless you go and spend the whole day chatting to everyone else and making a few 'contacts' of your own!

I just couldn't do it Baffy, I feel completely different to how I have felt before. I would previously have gone just to make him happy and 'like' me again IYSWIM but I can't do it this time. Like I told his mum yesterday, I have to make a stand now, I may not be able to break away as in leave the house but, I can break away from him in all other ways and that is what I am going to do. To be honest I really can't bear to be in the same breathing space as him at the moment.

Well that is all good news! Not that it is happy news. Far from it. But if you feel that strongly then you really have made your mind up that you're on your way out of that destructive relationship once and for all. That can only be good news for your long term happiness.

Save the dress for our 'teabags' day at the races once you're out of there!

TFM - do you think he'll want his dress back? Is it his size?

Seriously, I was so for you at his throwing your stuff away - even the gardening gear. That's just so petty and pathetic.

Time to clear some space in the freezer....

Baffy - I kissed an awful lot of frogs when I was short-sighted. Even DP was a frog first time round, even if he DID look like Pierce Brosnan! I suspect that if I'd had better vision, I wouldn't have picked them up in the first place - so go get your surgery girl! (Actually, I always thought they were princes, but when I kissed them, they turned into frogs!)

I will do!

Yes Baffy, my decision is a definate one, there is no going back this time. I have finally realised my own self worth. I'm not even desperate for him to be civil or friendly to me now, in fact, I am not sure if it is him still ignoring me or it's now me ignoring him! I hope we do reach some sort of amicable place eventually though, if only for dd but to be honest, I'm not sure he has it in him, I honestly don't believe he could do it even for dd.

I have recently learned that when his 3 year up/down on/off relationship with his last gf ended he let himself into her house and smashed every ornanment, lamp, picture etc he could. He took back a washing machine he had bought for her and flooded her kitchen, he dialled an 0905 (expensive) number and left her phone off the hook running up a huge bill. He later took the washing machine back as she had kids, the bloody idiot!

Tanee, don't worry, if he ever decides to speak to me again he will remind me of the dress he paid for
I was too when I saw all my gardening stuff on the pickup, I was very tempted to go unload it all again but decided against it. It would have given him just the opportunity I suspect he was looking for. He has never apologised for taking my clothes to the tip, the man has no heart at all. He has done some very cruel things and I have just let it go. I am realising now that perhaps I have been far too forgiving. Or maybe just too desperate to be loved? Well, Im not desperate anymore

OK Girls, it's started, he is talking. This is where i need all the strength I can muster!
He has just come home and, after almost 6 weeks of not speaking to me he has asked me if I am still going to the Grand National with him. I replied with a no. He wasn't very happy but I didn't give in. I really do not want to go, I honestly have no desire to play the 'happy partner' to that man. How can a man ignore you, take your belongings to the tip and generally make your life hell then come home from work one day and suddenly expect everything to be ok. I have got such a headache!