Fab & Glam Part 4 - Spring into Happiness!

[Paddlechick666]

Good Lord people, we've filled a thread up in about 6 weeks!

Anyways, here's a link to the venue Tanee suggested for a picnic:

www.coramsfields.org/index.php

Looks fabulous so let's get planning!

ps: sorry for London/Southern centric take on this but we'll plan hits around the rest of the country too I promise.

pps: Lily, get yer butt on FB woman!

Hallo everyone, sorry not around much - I've been avoiding the temptation to get on the computer at home as DP & I are in the midst of decorating our room - a slow process but we've painted the ceiling (four coats!) and have nearly finished the preparation. Looking forward to painting next weekend.

Baffy, aghast at your experiences. Having had a stalker exbf, I would say, keep WELL clear of NM - can't believe he just walked in like that. As for the car, thank goodness you and ds were ok. It does sound like a completely new car is the answer.

Dior, am speechless at H - HE misses sex and it's YOUR fault !!!!

Dior - I sneaked a peak at PC's facebook pictures and you are indeed gorgeous. When my paretns were separating my Dad gave my mum an ultimatum - lose weight as a condition of my staying. She went to the gym every night and jumped through hoops to do that (she was much more overweight than you). I was sceptical.

They divorced anyway and he subsequently admitted that it wouldn't have made any difference. He was probably subconsciously picking on the thing that would make her feel most bad (ie it was within her control but she still couldn't save her marriage by losing enough weight for him) and also that he didn't really think she could do it so it then pushed the responsibilty if the break onto her.

Your H is trying to rationalise his low sex drive as being your "fault" and that if only you lost weight it would be cured.

At the very least and you decide to try to lose weight I would make a condition of it that he has counselling (perhaps as a couple) to deal with his low libido. Only seems fair.

I am significantly more overweight than you and I can promise you that for most men the size and shape of a women does NOT affect their sex-drive. Even if they have a preference for slim women, most men (tryiong not to be too crude about it) will have sex with a jelly if it put a bit of mascara on (and probably even if it s didn't).

The weight thing is a red herring.

I agree with kew. Weight is a very shallow issue - what would happen if you gained a lot of weight because of a medical condition? Or in fact if you lost a lot of weight because you were ill - would he suddenly jump on you?

He really does need to see someone to sort out if he really wants you or if he wants the 'ideal' you (and my guess is you will never ever reach what he sees as perfect).

Sorry I had to rush away - I had to take a pile of cardboard to the recycling centre for work.

Dior, Kew is right - H is using the weight issue - after all, did he jump your bones when you were losing all that weight recently? Please don't allow him to blame you for his low libido. And you ARE beautiful. I'm not just saying that.

Forgot to say, girls, the highlight of my Easter weekend was 2am on Sunday morning when a strange cat came in through our cat flap, ran upstairs, met our cats, much hissing and crashing about and disappeared in a panic up our bedroom fireplace! (the only place to hide as we'd cleared the room for decorating). Have you ever heard a distressed cat wailing up a chimney? LOUD!!! . Thought we'd have to call the fire brigade. DP persuaded it out, and we sent it home covered in soot. I'd love to know what its owners thought when it went home black and stinking of ancient fires.

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grrr really crappy day....builders came to screed and latex our floor of new kitchen which is downstairs by front door ...so we had to plan going in and out around being able to get to door....so nip out early to buy tiles for said floor - nip back to get library books etc...go out for main part of day to let them get on with it its cold and I'm tired and baby's grizzly and poor DD1 bears the brunt again .....get back at 3pm to have cup tea and get DD1 swim stuff for lesson....to discover they have only just reached front door ...so nip in to get swim stuff and then have to decide where to go to BF/change baby and wait for lesson at 4:30 can't bear being at pool for over an hour so brave MIL's (both closest friends on holiday this week)....which was fine until she reminds me that this is the week DD1 swimming lessons change to a monday...which was yesterday aaaaaggggghhhhh - builders had said floor would not be dry until 6pm!!! So stuck at MIL till then aggghhhhh....however does improve the icy relations and she cooks us tea I feed baby and chill on settee trying not to feel bad about missing lesson and needing to pack for trip to London tomorrow!!
Get home all of us tired and grumpy from being out all day...to discover floor is not anywhere near to dry and stood at front trying to decide what to do...ring H for advice he is pissed and not helpful {surprise}.....so we traipse over lovely flat floor leaving big deep footprints which will be rock hard by morning - not sure how will affect laying of floor and mightily pissed off but mainly with myself for getting it all wrong..can't be arsed to pack both girls bathed and in bed for now....2 glasses of wine and I think I will join them .....oh when does it get better...have been trying to be positive all day - I am healthy I have 2 amazing beautiful HEALTHY DD, my own house with a lovely new kitchen going in, a very good job that I love.....so why am I so bloody miserable (as if I don't know)...oh guys sorry for long moan and no useful advice or comments for anyone else just bloody self centred !!!!

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well Dior if you're really not lovely then you photgraph extremely well! I aman expert is self esteem issues and wieght and beleiveme when I say that you shriek "I'M NOT WORTHY, I'M NOT WORTHY" when you talk about how you look and how much you weigh and how your H views you.

Thin or fat is irrelevant in my humble opinion, there's no mae action in your life because:

a) you are married, you feel married and you act married
b) you think of yourself as the fat bird who goes out with her mates but really doesn't expect anyone to cop off with her except out of sympathy.

(Do correct me if I'm wrong)

You won't lose weigh whilst you feel this way becasue ultiamtely you only ever lose weight permanently when you do it for yourself and accept that you are worthy of a fabulous body to match the face. Once you have come to accept that that it won't actually matter whether you lose weight or not (except possibly for health reasons) because most men are attracted to confident sexy women.

I'm often attracted to men who aren't classically good looking once I know them because they're sexy. Sexy can be funny or confident or commanding or any number of things - rarely to do with looks.

Best thing someone else said to me years ago when I was moaning about a boyfriend saying somehting along teh lines of "He's gone off me, he's thinks I'm not sexy anymore" and she said "and does the fact that he thinks you aren't sexy make it true?".
Simple but insightful - whatever anyone else thinks of you doesn't make it true - only you can make it true.

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Well said Kewcumber. I completely agree.
Baffy I'm so sorry about your car, but at least neither of you were hurt - I really can't believe your luck at the moment . Hope things start looking up soon.
Tannee - PMSL about the cat! Glad you had a good weekend.
MacD - don't be silly, pour it all out on here to your hearts content. We're all here to listen and you are not self centred at all. I wish we lived closer together and I'd come and help you or at least give you a hug!!
I've spent my last day off cleaning and washing poo-ey clothes and duvet covers and bleaching everything to try and make sure nobody else gets ds2's bug. He's a lot better today, so hopefully that's the end of it. I'll be glad to go back to work tomorrow for a rest. I'm actually looking forward to sitting down for 5 hours

just bruised my heel by thumping it on the floor - absolutely no effect whatsover.

lots of teenage voices, boys & girls, and a huge amount of thumping and crashing around.

i can only imagine it is going to get worse.

ps: baffy, sorry about the car too. remember that lad who got knocked off his moped last week? glad you're both okay tho. maybe it'll be written off and you can get another one.

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it's a vicious circle Dior - the choclate makes you feel better right up to the instant you have eaten it when you immediately feel disgusted with yourself, at how fat you are and how little control you have etc etc. This makes you feel like shit which is only solved by "treating" yourself with something nice to eat... sound familiar?

The first step is the break the idea that somehow what you put in your mouth makes you a good or bad person. At the end of the day its only a bar of chocolate (or even ten bars of chocolate) and isn't at the foothills of what terrible things people do both to themselves and others (including some of the H's and DH's on here).

Give yourself a break - you're not perfect (just perhaps a little bit closer to perfect than your H is!)

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Hurray Dior!!! You're more than 'alright'. You are lovely and don't let him project his insecurities on to you any more!
Hope you had a good night PC, have you tried earplugs. I used to have to use them every night when P was here because of his snoring, they block out the noise but I still always managed to hear the dc if they woke up.
MacD - I really hope you feel better today. Sarah is right, you are not superhuman, you have a hell of a lot on your plate and its not surprising you are a bit frazzled by it all.
P is on the piss again. He just called and I've given him a stern talking to. Made me feel better but I think it fell on deaf ears
I'm so proud of ds1. He entered a colouring competition at the local play centre a few weeks ago and they just phoned to say he's won. He has never won anything before so it will be such a boost to his confidence. I was nearly crying when they told me, they must have thought I was a loon! I can't wait to pick him up from school and tell him!

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Hi Guys

I'm just popping in really quickly - looks like I may have to go to court as the woman is denying all knowledge of the crash!!
Police have been absolutely brilliant, but there's only so much they can do. She's totally in the wrong, for the accident and for driving off, but unless she accepts responsibility like a grown up then she's going to drag me through court all I want is the bloody car fixed!

H and OW have had major major problems. I don't know the full extent. But I was getting calls and texts until 3am this morning. All of which I ignored. Phone is always on silent at night anyway. But I keep it on to collect the evidence.
Some of the calls went on to answer phone and I could just hear OW screaming at H that he should stop 'lying', that there is no way she will accept him finishing with her, and she will 'destroy' him! On one, he is trying to get her out of the flat and she's bashing the door in and screaming!

His neighbours must love him!!

Obviously nothing to do with me. And I am staying well out of it. The two of them can destroy each other for all I care.
But I know enough to know she's going completely off the rails and H is about to see the full effect of her temper.
As long as ds is safe I don't care what they both do.

So, whilst making the police statement about the car, I have also now updated my original statement about her (the one from the lapdancing club incident!) and gave in all the evidence, texts were logged, and last nights called were logged (by a lovely officer who I felt quite sorry for as she was lost for words listening to it!)

Because I've reported it within 24 hours I've asked for an injunction against her and to start the ball rolling to press charges for assault. I'm scared I'm next on her list for revenge and I just can't deal with that right now.
I feel that I need to make a stand and show that not only is her behaviour unacceptable, but that I won't just sit back and take it indefinitely. This happens every time they have a fight.

I'm I didn't want it to come to this. But if I don't stand up for myself then nobody else will. Imagine if ds had been at H's last night when all that happened! It doesn't bare thinking about
At least I no longer feel I have to justify why H is only getting supervised visits for now!

Why has he thrown away his whole life and his whole future for this phycho whore! I don't get it I really don't.

I went for an optician's appointment yesterday about laser eye surgery, and we were planning the surgery so it doesn't affect the day of my 30th Birthday. And she said to me i can't believe you're 30. Then she said actually, I can't believe you've had a baby either. And I just laughed. Then we got talking about my job and her comment just stuck in my head, she said "wow you're just like the woman who has everything, lovely looking, perfect baby and great career on top".
So why is my husband the only person who doesn't see that?! I'd give anything to be that happily married carefree woman I was 18 months ago. I must have been a pretty shit wife that's all I can think!!

And finally... have just got in from 2 hours in the police station to find out my uncle has passed away

So I guess it's not time for things to get better just yet...

It won't be long though! I promise!

I'm sorry I haven't caught up with everyone and this post is all 'me me me'. I will try soon xx

you were NOT a shit wife
he was a shit

It sounds like a mare, poor you
At least he is getting what is due

Thanks CD

I really appreciate the support.

He certainly is seeing the full effect of his decisions now.

Baffy - you weren't a shit wife at all, as CD says he's a shit husband and it sounds like he's getting his just deserts at last.
Hold on to what the lady in the eye clinic said - you are all those things and just because your stupid arse of a H can't see past his dick doesn't make them any less true.
Sorry to hear about your uncle too - it never rains but it pours eh?
Dior - I think he's won a cuddly rabbit, which he'll probably end up giving to ds2! Its a big thing for him, he's so shy and timid, it will give him a big boost. I'm still grinning about it now

thanks ginnedup

congratulations to ds too - that's lovely news

off for an early night with my ds now

catch up tomorrow xx

Will post again as lost the one i did earlier
Dior glad to see you sounding more positive about yourself today and lot's of good advice there Kew.

McD massive ((((hugs)))) am sure today will have been better , it's hard when everything goes wrong but you are doing great and in the great scheme of things dd won't miss the odd lesson , hope the floor goes down well and tbh it's their fault for taking so bloody long to lay it , what did they expect you to do all day ?

PC hope your absence today isn't anything to with last night and you managed to get some sleep.

gup at p drinking but well done to your ds hope he is very pleased with himself. Glad to hear ds feeling better and know what you mean about going to work for rest sit here often and think how much easier a classroom of 12 year olds would be

Tanee LOL at the cat story !

Baffy poor you it never bloody rains for you does it ! Good on you for getting things sorted with police. Can't believe that woman am guessing she not insured.
As for being 'shit wife' don't go there , this is his stupidity and it looks like he is paying the price now with ow!
about your uncle too.

Am so sick of bad news my gran had heart attack on Sat and is intensive care and noe found out my dp step sister has to have her baby aborted after she found out at her 20 week scan it's skull wasn't growing.
However my lo is doing fine as i hope all your are and they give me a reason to smile every day. Hope everyone else ok

hi all

baffy i can't believe it but the OW still manages to make me

any mileage in sending her a text saying "you're welcome to him so please leave me out of your domestics now". possibly add "honestly i don't know what you see in him?"

no disrespect but going on what you've already told us, if she's so intent on using her sexuality etc why is she so intent on "keeping" your H?

as for you being a shit wife, stand back matie coz I feel another one of my slaps coming on! never ever think you weren't good enough for him. quite the reverse.

so sorry to hear about your uncle too.

gup, well done to your budding artist!

lily, so sorry to hear about your gran and the baby too. so sad. happened to 2 friends in the last 3 yrs too.

update on neighbours here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2230/502510?ts=1206566013295

TFM, hope you're okay?