Fab & Glam Part 4 - Spring into Happiness!

[Paddlechick666]

Good Lord people, we've filled a thread up in about 6 weeks!

Anyways, here's a link to the venue Tanee suggested for a picnic:

www.coramsfields.org/index.php

Looks fabulous so let's get planning!

ps: sorry for London/Southern centric take on this but we'll plan hits around the rest of the country too I promise.

pps: Lily, get yer butt on FB woman!

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Thank you Dior. You are so right when you say it sounds reasonable when it's just him. It's only by spilling the beans so to speak that I have learned none of the way I live is reasonable, 'normal' or acceptable. But, the stupid thing is, as soon as he starts to behave 'normally', I start t doubt myself, ask myself if it really was as bad as i thought it was. Thats another reason why I decided to keep posting everything, so I have something to look back on and remind me. Thank you for being there Dior

I am so sorry that things are going downhill in your house. Can I ask, how do you feel when H says those things to you about your weight? What does it do to you inside? I know how crucifying it can be to hear such things said from a man you love, a man who claims to love you. I think your H needs a reminder that you are is wife, beautiful inside and out, he needs to be reminded how close to losing you he was just a few months ago. I hope you don;t mind me saying this Dior but he is being very cruel. For one your weight should not be an issue and two, you can hardly go to bed one night and wake up a size zero! He is putting a lot of pressure and expectations on you, it's very unfair! Don't let him do this to you Dior, don't let this put you back into a depression. You have come such a long way, your posts speak volumes! Sray in control of your own happiness, don't let it be dictated by H's moods. I have just had a thought, maybe he too has picked up on how much better you are feeling, how much happier, maybe this is making him feel insecue and so he is getting at you where he knows it will hurt you, he knows your weight is your weak spot. Don't let him win Dior, you keep smiling and you keep posting. We will get you through this, we love you just the way you are!!! XXX

TFM - I am glad you are feeling better by having a plan and it will make you feel so much stonger to know that you can do it alone. But please do not lower yourself to do anything you would not be proud to admit to later ifswim. It all sounds a bit cloak and dagger and i dont want you to sink to his level - whatever he has done you must rise above it all and show him you are so much better than him - although you can always have some lovely nasty fantasies in the meantime.

Dior - I really do feel for you because I know how you feel about your weight as i am in a similar position. Your h needs to realise that you need to be in the right place in your head to really start to lose the weight and him putting any pressure on you is just terrrible.
I know how awful deprssion is too and have taken ADs in the past - do you have anything that you know will work for you? St Johns is good (although i dont get on with it) and it is always a good idea to make sure you are getting all the vitamins. I find reflexology helps me and i have also tried reiki.
I know you like your crafts - does this help lift you a bit?
Exercise is good too - but who feels like doing anything when you feel down?

Give me a call anytime and we can meet up if only to have a moan about how slow it is to lose a lb but how quickly we can put it on.

Hi to everyone else - hope your chest infection clears soon sugar.

Thank you HW. Don't worry, I don;t plan to sink to his level, I don't have that in me! The only thing that is cloak and dagger is that I don't intend telling him of my plans. Believe me, if he knew he would block me every step of the way. I can't afford to tell him. I would love nothing more for him to agree that I should leave amicably, help me as a friend and then leave me to get on with my life but he won't. I am in a no win situation, he is behaving as though he hates the sight of me but, he knows I have no way out. I'm trapped for now HW. My plans and the belief in myself that I can do this alone are what are keeping me going.

I hope your Good Friday is going well

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Hi guys

I'm sorry I can't catch up properly. I will try to get on later and read through everything

You're all doing so well and I'm so glad everyone is getting stronger by the day and opening up more and more. Everything happens for a reason. Us meeting is one of the best illustrations of that... ever!!
Ginnedup you are an amazing woman you really are - I will get on FB later. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
Dior, I am so and for you at the moment, you're truly beautiful. You and TFM need to stay strong and don't let these cruel men eat away at your confidence for one more minute. TFM I'm so glad you have told people in RL. Another step forward. It's great news.
HW I will catch up with everything later but if you want a fight I'll be right behind you!!

I'm off out again with ds. Sun is out so we're going to walk round the marine lake while it's nice. H didn't come with us last night. And I'm having hardly any contact with him or ex-NM. It is wonderful! I feel so much more positive and so light. I'm really loving being alone and having none of the hassle. Ds and I are having a ball. Who'd have thought I'd ever be happy 'alone'!!
But it's working for me right now. So definitely no rush to change things

Catch up later xxxxxxxx

for baffy nice post
Having a productive day - DD1 taken to zoo by friend ....baby slept all night been good as gold and napping since 12:30pm so cleaned house, done some paperwork, cooked a pie for dinner tonight (friend coming to stay).....and resisted MN so far

Dior, all this with your H is making me sad He needs a slap! Stop being so understanding, he is being shallow. Get a picture of him posted on FB and we will be the judge of whether he has the right to be so bloody judgemental of you! Thinking of you. Stay strong! xxx

MacD. Lovely post from you too. You sound much brighter today, it's amazing what a good night's sleep does for you isn't it You sound to have some lovely plans, have fun! xx

Baffy, I agree with MacD, that was a lovely post. I for one knew you would be happy alone if you gave it a try. There was you not wanting to be alone and here was me so jealous of you because you were I can't wait until the day I feel 'light'. You have fun with ds xx

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Dior everyone here has said what I was going to say to you. No matter how much we tell you the weight doesn't matter, if it matters to you then its important. I hope you don't get depressed again, your H should be supporting you and building you up, not pushing you down even further.
Baffy I'm so pleased you are happy, you deserve some peace at last.
TFM your peace will come, and think how much you will appreciate it after the hell you've had to put up with.
I've had a chat with P and he is mortified by what he said the other night. He is going to try and speed up the therapy and get help, but in the meantime I am keeping a safe distance. I think I got through to him the affect his behaviour has on me. Thing is he agrees with all this when he's sober but as soon as he's had a drink it goes out the window.
I'm taking the boys to see 'Horton Hears A Who' at the cinema tomorrow then out for a meal afterwards. They are so looking forward to it bless them.
Hope you all have a good day tomorrow.
x

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GU let us know how the film was - with the awful weather we need some inside plans.

Dior - you are being too forgiving him (but thats a good thing), it really doesnt matter what he thinks the main thing is the way you feel and although i know you dont feel good about your weight i hope you do know that we really do not judge you for that - its only a pile of puddings that baffy refuses that keeps her so slim oh and the stress.. Found up some old photos of me from years ago - there was even one of me in a bikini - h wanted to keep it under his pillow (for when he was alone .). Thing is I still feel like that person inside but just wish i looked like it on the outside too. Try to accept who you are now dior because we all love you like that.

TFM - I am so glad you are feeling stronger it really is a fantastic feeling truely knowing you can do it alone, we are here when you have a wobble and for when you need us.

Baffy - wow i now predict he will start wanting you all the more - h that is. He must be in a very loney place right now - and you dont need to 'rescue' him if you dont want, you deserve all the happiness and peace you want.

Hi to everyone else.

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Hi all. The film was fab. Its a real feel good film and the boys loved it. I took them to the Hop House for tea and they were so naughty in there so it was bath and bed as soon as they got in (I'm so cruel!!). Its hard dealing with them on my own when they are like that and I was absolutely shattered when we got home.
about HW and OSJ and Dior having a real life chat! Hope you enjoyed it!!!
I've got to get off here now or I'll burn the dinner (again!)
Take care and have a good day everyone!
GUxx

about HW and OSJ too! Wish I was closer!

Hope you're all having a lovely Easter.

HW I think you could be right - H asked me if I want to go out with him for a drink tonight!! He literally hasn't asked anything like that, or wanted to spend time alone with me, for months and months. It's always been things with ds. But never just me.

I really don't want to though. I'm having a lovely lazy Easter Sunday. We had chocolate for breakfast! Have a roast dinner cooking away, Finding Nemo dvd to watch with ds. What more could I ask for!

It's H's birthday tomorrow too. His parents are both away. He is off work but literally has nothing to do and nobody to do anything with!
But do I feel bad for him... No!

NM has had a few nights out this weekend by the looks of it and I've had quite a few late night calls and texts asking for another chance. I feel like the biggest bitch ever, he really is hurting badly. Pretty much begging just to come and see me (this was 6am this morning!). He said he'd marry me and have a child with me right now if he could!
But it was just not working. It really wasn't. I feel bad though. I hate making people sad

Ginnedup I really hope he does get the help he needs. I bet he is mortified at what he said. But like you say, once the drink takes effect, all the good intentions go out of the window and it is the drink that is in control. I really really hope he sorts himself out. And quickly.

It's hard work on your own isn't it when the lo's are being a handful. Totally relate to that. Those times when you just wish he was there so you had that extra bit of backup and someone to share the hard work with.
Sad thing is though, he's the one that's missing out in the long run. Because even in those 'challenging' moments, at least we are there with our children and being the best parents we possibly can be. We can't do much more than that can we!

Hope you're all having a lovely day.

Hi Baffy

You shouldn't feel bad for not dancing to the tune of these men. I for one am very pleased that you are learning to say 'no' and put yourself first. neither of them are very good for you at the moment so there is no point in causing yourself any more pain and grief than you need to just to keep them happy. H is probably feeling a bit sorry for himself, a bit of a billy no mates so and thinks that good old reliable Baffy won't let him down, well you show him! Just dont feel bad about it.

Well, P has spoken his first civil sentence to me today, the first one since the weekend of Valentines day. He popped his head around the door to my room to ask me if I wanted the heating on I'm never allowed the heating on so for him to ask that is something else!!

Baffy, I don't think you will live too far away from me you know, well, maybe about 1 and a half hour drive away I was never any good at geography!!

PC, I love the new photo's you have put on FB. You and dd make such a lovely little team, you look so happy xx

I hope you are all having a lovely Easter Weekend. Only one more day and I can come out of hiding. Avoiding him is paying off, I'm feeling a lot more 'together'. I will be glad when this holiday is over and you lot are all back and posting as normal!!! xxx

Wow TFM it sounds like you hard work is paying off. I can't believe he lasted this long though! And as for you not being allowed to have the heating on... Don't get me started!!

No I don't think we are that far apart TFM, about an hour and a half to 2 hours. I used to work not far from you (I think) in my first job.

Will be easy to get over to see you when the time is right

Any more news about seeing your RL friends too?

I just had a bit of a shock. Ate far too much roast dinner, mum and sis decided to get some fresh air outside and sort out the pond. DS went with them. So I sneaked upstairs for a cheeky lie down while they were outside! Anyway, I was drifting off and heard someone come into my room. Assumed it was my sis getting something for ds, but then realised they were still in the room not moving! I opened my eyes and NM was standing there!!!!

Apparently the front door was unlocked, and everyone was out in the back, so he just came straight up!

Really frightened me and freaked me out tbh! He said he was desperate to see me to ask for another chance, and so just turned up, the door was open, nobody answered, so he just came in!!!!!!

Feeling the need for a nice strong brandy! And it's not even 7 o clock!!

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I was just in a daze tbh! Shocked and sleepy. He sat straight on the floor by the bed when I opened my eyes, and started crying. So we talked for a few minutes. Then I heard ds come in from outside so I said he had to leave as I didn't want ds being aware of anything.

Just can't believe it!!

Off to do bath time and bed for ds, before I crack open the brandy!

Bloody hell Baffy! That's creepy. I hope you gave him a mouthful. How dare he invade your privacy like that.
TFM and for you. The sooner you get away from this nutter the better.
I've had a great day. The boys (and P!) gave me a Heaven easter egg and I've just scoffed loads and now I feel a bit sick, but in a good (full of chocolate) way
PC - love the photos, dd is such a cutie!
We're off to the Natural History Museum tomorrow so I'll charge up my camera this time!!!

morning all,

well after major taco (over) indulgence on saturday night we braved the freezing conditions and completed the egg hunt. all went very well once we'd avoided the scary chickens. a slightly tense moment when dd said she wanted to feed her tokens to the giant bunnies thinking they were the easter bunny and chocolate would be forthcoming lol.

spent yesterday arvo de-frosting in front of The Wizard of Oz. Bit concerned dd would be scared to death and have nightmares but she slept till nearly 7:30am and then was scared by Charlie & Lola this morning

GPs coming for a lamb roast today so I'm tidying up and getting ready for that.

TFM am very that P's interpretation of being nice is to offer to have the heating on! what a miserable git. Hope you're managing to weather the long weekend. Nearly over now.

thanks for the comment on photos, amazing what difference a year makes. not only weatherwise but i think i look a lot older this year than i did last.

baffy, am totally at NM. what was he thinking? hope the brandy went down well and you continue to enjoy the long weekend. easy to say but try not to consider h today. i was so pissed off with mine i didn't even send the card i had for him and it's never been mentioned since!

right, back to putting house in some semblence of clean and order!

GUP, have a great day at the NHM today. Shame GPs are coming otherwise we could've met you there.

D'you fancy a trip to the Science Museum sometime soon? Am sure your boys will love it and dd loves the sensory garden in the basement. You can take your own picnics too so we could go do our own things (doubt your boys would be so captivated by what dd is!) then meet up for picnic.

dior, have you met up with SG? hope she's okay. also hope you're feeling a bit better.

fwiw, i think it's a good thing that you and H can discuss how you each feel. even that is a million miles from where you were last year. wrt how you feel about yourself do you think some counselling for you might help. agree it's a vicious circle in these things.

losing weight makes you feel better about yourself but finding the motivation when you feel rubbish is soo hard.

i've been feeling pretty rubbish about myself all week. i've been so intolerant and snappy with dd. have had some good advice from friends and am trying to take a step back and force myself to be more cheerful/patient/tolerant and when i can manage it things are so much better!

Hi Everyone

Baffy, I would be seriously worried about NM. In fact, I am seriously worried about NM. I dare bet that he has controlling tendencies. All this not taking no for an answer, invading your private time/space and the crying, he really does have a problem. He is thinking only of himself and his wnats and needs and not giving a thought to yours. I would urge you to avoid him like the plague!!

PC, I don't think you look older on your photo's, what struck me was how much happier and relaxed you look and how much DD has grown!!! Have a lovely day today won't you, lamb dinner sounds great!

GU, you are doing a great job with your boys, who needs a man eh? I'm so pleased that you managed to have a good Easter break

Hi to everyone else too. Only today to get through then I can roam freely. As for the heating, I have never been freely allowed to have the heating on, if I get really cold I have to ask permission. He has even taken the gas fire out and put in a coal fire because he didn't like paying the gas bill. Needless to say I am the one stuck with cleaning out and lighting the fire! But, his plan has backfired on him because by my reckoning he has spent more on fuel this winter than he would have done on the gas bill It's a bit bad though isn't it that my stomach drops and churns with nerves when the bills drop through the door. I can't help but wonder what kind of pleasure he gets from treating me like this. He must really enjoy it otherwise he would stop.

Have a lovely day everyone xxx

Remember all the gardening stuff he bought me last year? The pots, the trays, the compost, well, he has just loaded the pickup and taken the whole lot to the tip Maybe its a good thing he never bought me the greenhouse.