How am I going to get through this :( (long post sorry!)

[MyHeadIsSpinning]

I've been with DH for over 10yrs, married for 1 and have a new baby. LO was born prem and we have been going through hell but she is home now and doing well.

DH has always been indecisive and before each major milestone, getting engaged, a house, married etc he has had a panic and discussed splitting up as he doesn't think he loves me enough to get engaged, buy a house, get married etc.

However once we have talked things through and he has had his stress he always decides that he does love me and wants to be with me.

Surprisingly getting pregnant was one thing that he didn't stress about and was really happy that we were expecting. When I delilved LO early and it was touch and go for me and LO - apparently cos I was out of it but have been told by various people - DH was a bit of a mess which was understandable, ie couldn't speak for crying. However he won't talk about this and although has been supportive during the weeks LO was in hospital on SCBU I feel he could have been there for me more than he was.

Over the weekend things have come to a head. We've been having a few niggly arguements and he has said over the past few weeks that he isn't sure if he loves me enough (again) and has been thinking about us splitting up. Yesterday I made a real effort - did my hair and make up etc and tried hard to make an effort - we had agreed to do this the night before. However DH didn't notice the effort I had made and was sullen all day only speaking when I spoke to him etc. When I cracked and said that his behaviour was upsetting me and I was upset that he hadn't commented that I looked nice - he said that he hadn't noticed that I'd made an effort and didn't think I looked as though I had particularyly

We had a 'discussion' during which he told me that;

He feels it would have been easier if I had died when havign LO as this would have ade things easier for him ie wouldn't have to decided to stay with me or not - this really hurt and he knows how bad it sounded.

He doesn't feel that he loves me enough and wishes that he's 'had the balls to leave me before marrying an having a baby'

When I asked why he married me he said he thought it would be a solution to how he was feeling about being not sure about the relationship and everyone else seemed to think it was a good idea. He was NOT pressurised into marrying me or indeed even staying with me.

The arguement went on until I said that I wasn't prepared to share our baby and him be a weekend dad. That isn't why I brought her into the workd to be passed about between two homes etc. I told him that it's all or nothing he either has us both or looses us both cos I'm not beign a part time mum and our daughter needs a full time dad.

He went to walk out of the room and I asked him how he felt right then - he replied like he wants to die

I left him to cool off and then went upstairs to see him. He was sat on the bed crying. He Said that he loves our daughter and doesn't want to be a part time dad but isn't sure that he loves me enough etc. He broke down and cried so hard he was howling and holding on to me - this is not like him he cries but only a little. This was a major breakdown kind of cry.

We have decided to see how things go for a couple of months and both make a real effort to make our marriage work He has said that he would rather fall back in love with me and make it work but at the moment isn't sure that this is possible.

I just feel so empty and don't know what to think. Part of me feels so sorry for him cos I love him and he is hurting and I want to make things better but can't) I have suggested that maybe he is depressed after the birth and the general situation and he said that he doesn't think so cos he just feels the same way as he has previously.

On the other hand I'm so angry with him for what he has said and that he is taking away this precious time with my new baby cos I can't enjoy her as much as I would cos I'm worried about the future and being on my own if he does leave us.

He finds talking difficult so I'm off to buy a couple of notepads for us both to write our feeligns in about the relationship and anything else over the coming months - I feel for me it will be cathartic and help when I really want to talk and he doesn't, for him I hope that writing down his feeligns and fears will help put them into perspective and help him to work through how he feels whatever the outcome may be.

I just feel sooo sad and can't stop thinking about what he has said and also part of me thinks that maybe we shoudl just call it a day and I can move on and find someone who does love me although not sure this would work as the person I want to love me doesn't Also I really don't want to be a single parent.

Fluffyanimal - I will tell them but once it has happened.

I know that telling more RL people will make it seem more real and I think it will help just it was only really decided this morning so I need some time to come to terms myself - even though it has been on the cards for a couple of months - before I tell my family.

Just not lookingforward to all the questions and pitying looks which are my mum's specialty - even though I love her to bits and she will only be thinking of me.

I also feel such a failure and I hate failing at anything

To be blunt, you are not the one who has failed at anything, he is.

let me tell you a story about me - when I was 18 I fell in love with a gay man. I knew he was gay from the outset, but he was a great friend and a funny, attractive guy and I was young and foolish and fell for him. However, he was in denial about his sexuality and wanted to be straight, so we started a relationship. Of course it didn't work out, and he made it seem like my fault (I wasn't feminine enough, and too fat!!!) but I felt for ages (years if the truth be told) that I was a failure, because I hadn't been able to make him love me. This blighted my subsequent relationships for years, fool that I was.

He was gay FFS! I might just as well have tried turning night into day.

You have done everything to make your relationship work and have given him lots of chances / choices. What more could you possibly do? You are SO not a failure (particularly as you are doing an amazing job of bringing up and exc. bf a premie).

Fair enough if you don't want to tell your folks just yet. Enjoy the day, hope you can get out in the sun. I must tear myself away from MN now and do some work but will check back later.

Thanks FluffyAnimal. I so nearly told my mum today but didn't

He's going to look at some flats tomorrow I'm so my heart literally feels as though it is breaking in two and I feel sick.

I'm hoping time apart will make him realise he does want to be with me and I can't bring myself to think the other alternative - that he decides that he doesn't want to be with me. I so know that I need to prepare myself for this tho.

My poor little girl may grow up without a FT daddy and that just breaks my heart.

hmmmm

Sat came around and we got talking in bed - he said he felt sick and didn't want to go. He said that he wanted to stay and make things work. Said he is happy with me and LO, the house everything really just the physical attraction thathe is having doubts about. although fancies me enough to want sex - a lot [hmmm]

I said that I was willing to give things a go IF he started being more attentive, supporting me and wearing his wedding ring etc. I said that although it breaks myheart that he doens't fancy me as much as he does random people I can live with that and I'm sure that we can work on it and I'm prepared to make the effort to be more fanciable etc. Plus I see people that I think are better looking all the time - but I still fancy the pants off DH.

However I inisted that he still keep his appt and go so the rental properties, which he did - wanted to cancel tho. He came back and said that he was glad he had decided to stay and make things work cos he really couldn't have lived in any of the properties we can afford for him to rent.

He has been trying more since then and is wearing his wedding ring. We have booked a holiday - not costing the earth so if things go pearshaped between now and then we can cancel and not loose a massive amount of money etc (these are my thoughts not his as far as I can tell - and I haven't voiced this to him)

However I still feel as tho something is missing. Do you think that this is normal? I realise it will take time to get things 'right again but I'm worried that he is staying cos he doesn't like the option of leaving ie finaicially etc. I have told him that he must make me feel loved and wanted otherwise this isn't going to work.

I'm still seeing my counsellor and think he would benefit too but not forcing the issue.

Any advice?

I had same situation but DD1's father did move out. I just want to let you know that you and your DD will be fine if that happens. I had all the same fears as you and although it's not great to have a p/t dad, they actually have a better relationship with each other than they had before. I didn't like the idea of sharing her, but that becomes easier as they get older and more independent. Now, TBH I enjoy the break even as I miss her.

If you decide to split don't let those fears stop you as they are all dealable with. Good Luck.

It was pretty obvious he was just pretending to have a plan to go looking at flats. Well done you for calling his bluff and making him go. You know I think you should push it a lot further, but I think you did really well not immediately being grateful to him for deciding not to go househunting.

"I said that although it breaks myheart that he doens't fancy me as much as he does random people I can live with that and I'm sure that we can work on it and I'm prepared to make the effort to be more fanciable etc."

But please, no more of this. You're prepared to make the effort to be more fanciable? Didn't you JUST have a baby?

He's having sex with you and telling you he finds other women more attractive? At the time in your life when your body has done the most amazing thing to give life to your child and is still recovering?

He is a louse.

If you can at all try to see how he is manipulating you by refusing to ever let you feel secure: all the things that hurt you - not wearing his wedding ring, telling you he doesn't fancy you, making plans to view flats - they're all ways of getting you to beg him to stay, to love you, to fancy you (even though he clearly does ).

He is addicted to upsetting you, to the buzz of feeling so wanted when he makes you cry with his threats to leave. He's probably getting less attention right now with the baby and that may be why he's recently upped the ante with talk of leaving and non-wearing of the ring.

If you want a nice calm, loving, stable relationship I'm not sure you're going to get it with this man. He seems to thrive on manufactured drama. Maybe he'll grow up. I'd say your best chance of bringing this about is to see right through his ridiculous empty threats and stop taking them seriously.

Of course if you do that you'll start to wonder what we're all wondering.

Thanks for your comments skidoodle. he def went to look at the flats - brought back a brochure with him etc

I'm starting to value myself more and take a firmer stance with him. I'm also trying hard not to treat him like a child and mother him as I know I am guilty of this.

He has started to change and hopefully this will continue in the right way.

However things are far from 'sorted' and I need far more reassurance and support and apologies before I can start to fully trust him and move forward.

I have told him that I need reassurance that this time we can and will resolve things once and for all so that he doesn't do it again cos unless we do resolve I know he will put me through this again and again and I am no longer prepared to be subjected to this behaviour.

I'm changing my behaviour in the hope that this will enable him to change his and become the person that I need him to be.

well what alot can change in a week!

Since I last posted I became suspicious that DH was txting someone so checked his phone and found a msg saying saying 'night night' that he had sent.

Didn't say anything that day but when I checked the day after it had been deleted.

I tackled him and he denied the txt ever being there then told me that it was sent to a woman at work to check her sim was working - told me he just pressed some buttons and predictive txt came up with night night.

I wasn't convinced but so wanted to believe him so left it at that.

Over the weekend I tried to get the phone to type night night ramdomly and of course it wouldn't. I tackled him and he still tried to deny it. I asked to see his mobile bill. He reluctantly showed me and there were about 15 txts to a woman he works with and several calls - all quite short ones but one was 20 min. I was obviously annoyed and upset. He admitted that he had been txting her cos she was lonely. He said that was all it was and some emails. I asked if he had been having an affair and he said no. Just txts and emails. Just friends.

I saw red and txt her from my DH's phone asking her if she was free for a drink. She replied yes later that day. I rang her to confront her as husband was still denying anything was going on. It rang out. 5 min later she rang back. I answered and she very calmly asked for my husband. I told her that it was me who had sent the txt and asked her what she thought she was doing arranging to meet up with my husband. She went very quiet nad put the phone down.

I was fuming and DH was still denying anything going on but I had a gut feeling. I went out for a drive to clear my head. When I got back my husband handed me his phone. She had rung and wanted to speak to me.

She apologised for putting the phone down and said that she wasn't able to speak but could now and wanted to ring back to explain.

I said that DH had told me everything but I wanted to hear it from her. She proceeded to tell me that,

1.They have been met on 2 occassions after work and he has been round to hers on about 3 occassions at weekend - when he has told me he was going for a bike ride

2.She has been confiding in him about her problems and he has been confiding in her about our relationship problems

1. She has become emotionally attached to him and she knew it was wrong but she was lonely and gets on well with him.

She said that she had felt that there was nothing wrong with going out for a drink with a married man.

I told her to stay away from him , no more txts, no more phone calls, no more emails nothing. She apologised and got upset.

She denied that anything physical had happened other than hugs.

I told DH what she had told me and he still tried to deny it before eventually admitting that he has been seeing her as a friend and confiding in her about us. I was devastated He admits he wouldn't have told me if she hadn't.

We had a long chat and he admitted that she has told him that she loves him and he replied that he loved her but didn't mean it. He said that they had tried to put a stop to it about a mth ago and hadn't met up but has still txt a few times, because he didn't want it to go any further and wanted to make our marriage work. She had also told me that he had told her this.

He told me that he was sorry and wanted to make our marriage work. He has agreed to no contact other than work related (they work in the same office) and he has agreed to start couple counselling this week.

The following day he went in work and emailed her to tell her that there will be no more contact. She replied that she was 100% in agreement to no longer be friends. He forwarded me both emails.

That night he was on his email at home and I asked him to run a search on her, he did and several innoculus emails came up but there was one that i asked him to open, he did then immediately closed because it was a flirty one. I saw the words Sexy body and DHxxxxxxxxxx at the end. didn't get anything else

I flipped. He wouldn't show me the email said it was just a flirty one and he didn't want me to read into it, wanted to move forward etc. Said it was refering to night out in march with work, I pointed out that the email was dated end of Feb. He then changed his story and said it was about some pics she has that an ex took of her and he was asking to see them, more tongue in cheek than anything.

We went on to have a really open conversation during which he told me that he has really struggled with the prem birth of our baby and his feelings towards me and the flirty emails started at the beginning of the year as a kind of escapism, but lead to them getting close emotionally as our relationship started to go through a bad patch. He swears that it never got physical and the flirty emails stopped a while back and became more confiding in each other about their problems.

I so want to move forward and I know things are raw at the moment but I feel like I can' go on and will never be able to trust him again. He lied so much how can I believe that nothing physical happened. My mind is racing and I'm thinking that the email a glimpsed could have been referring to a sexual relationship.

Every single one of them under the sun will tell you that nothing physical happened, because they know that would be the end. My divorce solicitor told me that.

My husband was still saying it 8 months down the line when he was living with the OW

I really hate saying that to you, MHIS, I don't want to upset you anymore than you have been already, but he is lying, and lying again, and lying again. I think you deserve the truth from the beginning of it to the end. At least then you can make some decisions based on what is real and true. You deserve to know wtf is happening in your life. It's not just his life - it's yours too. And you should be allowed to decide what happens in it and what doesn't.

I am so and that you are being treated in this apalling way.

I have told him that we are at rock bottom and if it has been physical then to tell me so we can deal with it and move on - not sure i could if it has TBH.

He has catagorically told me that nothing
Physical has happened.

Feel so confused I want to believe him and a large part of me does but then I believed him before and he was lying.

I feel sick.

Exactly. I think he's had enough chances, don't you? Reading your story has made me fucking furious. I hope you get to the angry stage soon. I want to go round there and kick the cheating sleaze out for you!

He's an out and out liar and I agree with frisbyrat. He's taking the piss big time. Kick his sorry ass out, you and your LO will be much better off. Twat.

He's the twat. I read it back and it looked like I was calling the OP one

He really sounds as though the shock of you finding out is not enough to make him be honest with you. Would the shock of seeing an envelope from a firm of divorce lawyers arriving in the mail (which you wouldn't let him read of course, and which would then magically "disappear"), stun some sense into him?
I am outraged at his treatment of you, and his arrogant belief that he can withhold/destroy information as suits him.
You poor, poor thing. You deserve so much better. He is clearly not being honest with you or with the counsellor (over the deletion of the email and therefore, probably, over the nature of his relationship with this woman)

It's just so difficult to know what to believe. He is still the person I fell in love with and married but there are things about him that i never knew about and that has blown my world apart.

I don' think it has got sexual and if I keep going over nad over it I will drive myself mad but I don't want to be the fool that didn't realise. I don't want it to have been sexual and I find out half way through counselling and have to go back to rock bottom.

I'm also so scared of becoming depressed over all this. I want to enjoy my baby and the time I have off with her - which I am doign but it is being marred by his behaviour and revelations.

Also each day is so difficult because he is going to work and being in the same office with her all day

reposting withdrawn post from below

We went to counselling and it helped a little - obviously got a long way to go. In the session i mentioned the email and the counsellor told DH that if i needed to see it he should show me. He has to start putting my needs first even if that isn't the easy option for him.

The counsellor told him that she thought the relationship with the OW was sexual and def physical. He denied it and she had a real go at him saying unless he tells me the truth we can't move forward. He still denied it. I really want to believe that he hasn't but not sure I can

He agreed in the session to show me the email. But when we got home he said he had deleted it He apologised for lying to me. He opened his email and gave me free reign to look but He'd deleted anything he didn't want me to see.

I said that he had to tell me everything if we are goung to move forward. He told me what was in the email. It was sexually explicit about what they wanted to do to each other but said that was as far as it went and he nearly did show it to me. He also told me that he had sent similar emails to someone else - met on a online forum but never in real life - about 4 years ago.

I feel numb one minute, devastated the next and plain angry with him most of the time. How could he be so different to who I thought he was?

He has agreed to go to counselling again next week and says he wants to make things better and stay together. I've told him that I do to BUT I'm not sure I can and not sure I can forgive what he has done. I can try but I can't promise.

Oh I feel so sorry for you - please dont rely on him being truthful for a while.

My H lied to the counsellor too for about 4 months - he just could never be honest about how he felt during his confused time.

Please try and get on with your life without him - even though you want him there - you do not need him. Get your life sorted and if wants to be part of it he will if not he will continue to lie to you.

The trouble is you will just get lower and lower 'giving' everything you have to the relationship - and he could still leave you.

Please try and make time for you now - but i do know how hard this is.

hw - can I ask what you DH lied about? How will I know if my DH is lying?

Oh dear, i remember posting on this thread a while back, myheadisspinning. I'm sorry that things havn't improved for you. It really sounds as if however hard you try he is still hurtfull and immature in his behavior and now youve found out he has been cheating, You deserve so much better than this.

He lied about everthing . If he could get away with it he would.

You just know - it just feels wrong, he was defensive about me asking getting cross becaus i wanted to know.

It was only when he really knew i was not prepared to put up with all the lies and went to see a solicitor to get things sorted, that he came clean.

He let me look at his phone, emails , said he was telling me about any contact... basically saying he was doing all he could.

Please dont believe him - he will only tell you enough to make you 'want' to believe him.

It will be hard for him 'come back' to you if that is what he wants. He will have to do everything YOU NEED - not just the lip service because as you know he can lie and he will just cover his tracks now.

It is hard but stop trying and KNOW that you are worth more than that at the moment. You are not giving up just not 'allowing' him to do it anymore. He will change and you will see the wonderful man you want again if he wants you to - but until then dont trust anything he says - please.

You do know that dont you - it is not up to you to believe him it is up to him to PROVE to you that he is not lying. He knows what he needs to do too and if he says 'what more can I do????? he is just being pathetic.

Take care

I'm tempted to do a name change to say this, but that would be cowardly.

MHIS, I think the reason he is telling you about the other sexually explicit e-mails in the past is for two reasons:

To give a pretence of being honest without actually being honest. (He didn't have to tell you about this relationship, but he did. So he must have started telling the whole truth now, right? Unfortunately not). He is simply diverting your attention from the main issue. You did not need to know about that set of e-mails, and to tell you was hurtful, not helpful. And it was probably done to save his own skin.

Secondly, he thinks if he tells you that he has had an extra-marital relationship before (emails relationship) and it never led to anything, you are much more likely to believe he has had the self-control not to carry things too far with this relationship too.

I know with all my heart how much you don't want to believe it of him. But don't let your heart blind your head. My thoughts are sincerely with you.

Thanks littlewoman and happywoman your comments are really helpful just make me so

Since I last posted I insisted on seeing his online mobile bills and discovered that the printoff he showed me a while back was doctored to remove calls and txts to her.

I have been through the bills from the beginning of the year and the txting got more and more ( not everyday but near enough sometimes) not so many calls but there was one for over 45 min which was made when I was staying on SCBU with my baby just before she came home. He says he doesn't remember what they talked about but said not all lovey dovey stuff just 'friend' bits mainly but some about her probs and maybe about us etc

He has admitted that he confided in her about us before he said anything to me - this really hurts.

From the bills I have been able to work out more lies ie he went for an induction at a gym which I suspected was her gym - back in feb - at the time I asked this and on numerous occassions since - he has always denied it. Phone bill shows he rang her as he set off and when questionned over the weekend admitted that they met there and he was going to join so they could spend more time together but didn't cos I was suspicious.

We have talked and talked and talked and ( with much prodding from me) he has admitted that he did tell her that he thought he loved her, used to sign his emails 'love you dh xx', txt her 'love you, miss you and the like'.

He has said that he wants to fall in love with me again and make our marriage work but the reason the relationship with the OW started is cos he was having doubts about us. So he isn't 100% sure what he wants and because of this he holds back from trying fully to make us work

He wants to go to counselling for us and also to explore why he feels the way he does so that we can move on. We go again tomorrow.

He still insists that he has not had a physical relationship with her and I am so on the verge of believing him but he has lied so much I can't.

I have told him that I can't trust him and although we are going to counselling I'm not sure if long term we can make it work because right now I'm not sure that's what i want I've toild him that he must do things for me to make me feel loved and wanted etc. He did try yesterday. made tea and was more loving towards me etc which made me feel better and more normal but I'm so scared of being lulled into a false sense of security.

I just feel so hurt. One minute I am okay then it hits me like a truck and I can't believe that it's happening to me and that he has cheated on me. I feel sick when I think of all the betrayl and the unknown things. Things I may never know.

Do you think I should keep digging in the hope that I will uncover more? or stop torturing myself about it and try to move on and make my marriage work? He says I know everything now but he keeps saying that and then I find out more

Since I last posted we have been trying to make things work and have been going to counselling together every week (total of three times) each time I felt was a bit better than the last.

DH is still struggling to make enough of an effort to make me feel loved etc as he is still struggling with the doubts he has been having but has been going through these at counselling.

Last week he went to counselling alone. He said that it didn't get him any further but TBH think we were both expecting a little too much from the session.

Over the week he has come home earlier than he had been doing and always rings me from work first so I know he is coming straight from work and not going anywhere inbetween etc.

One blip was early last week he announced before work that there was a work's night out that night - just one drink after work but he wasn't sure if he could be bothered going (!!) I pointed out that under the circumstances - ie the affair and the fact that OW would be going out too - I wasn't happy with him going. He said he knew this but wanted to go. He said he had been scared to ask me about it - ?for fear of an argument.

Anyway he left for work agreeing not to go but emailed that afternoon asking if he could go but if I wasn't happy to just say. I reiterated that I was unhappy. He came straight home but was in a mood and avoided me. He wouldn't talk about how he felt so I left it. He later told me that he had discussed it with the counsellor and told her that he was angry with himself (ie cos of the affair he couldn't go and only has himself to blame for this)

I was still asking lots of questions until about midweek last week and realised that this was becoming counterproductive to us moving on. He wasn't wanting to spend time with me because he felt that I would use the time to question him about the affair which is what I was starting to do.

We discussed this and I agreed to stop with all the questions and he agreed to try harder. Since Thursday I have tried really hard and haven't asked questions. However I don't feel that he has tried that hard at all.

On Fri he came home from work earlier than usual but spent the evening in the garden mowing the lawn and then fiddling in the garage. No offer of help with LO other than a quick 30 min play.

Saturday he bathed LO then again pottered in the garden/house before we went to his parents - he went out with his dad for a couple of hours and then we had dinner there. I did suggest earlier in the day that he take LO out or do something with her but he declined. Said cos i am BF I have to be there so no point in both of us being restricted!

Yesterday for Fathers day he played with LO for about 1hr before getting ready then spent the rest of the day cleaning his car. I asked if he wanted to go for a walk with us and he declined. I therefore took LO out on my own and then we all went to my parents for dinner.

Last night he was affectionate for the first time in a few days and we made love. He cuddled me afterwards and I thought maybe we were moving on a little again.

Then this morning before work he announced that there is a works do again this Wed after work, this time it was said as a statement and implied he would be going (we are going to counselling in the afternoon). I said that I was uneasy about this as OW there again and would not be happy for him to go at this stage. He went into an immediate strop. Said what is he supposed to say to his colleagues, I said he could say what he wants but I am not happy about him going.

He flounced off without kissing either me nor LO. I followed him (i know I should have left him be but was in a calm mood and had bit my tongue all weekend) and calmly pointed out to him that I am not comfortable with him going out at the moment and need time to rebuild trust etc. I said that trust is not going to come back overnight. he said that he had not gone out last week - as though because he forfeited this he should be allowed to go this week. I pointed out to him that I don't know yet when I will feel comfortable enough to trust him going out with work, if ever and he has to respect and understand that.

He commented that he works with her and sees her everyday so what's the diff. he knows I struggle with this fact and I pointed out that going out socially is not acceptable at the moment.

I hadn't mentioned how let down I had felt this weekend with his lack of enthusiasm to do anything together but at this point said that I was upset that he had avoided contact with me for most of the weekend and that he had not spent the day with LO yesterday.

I asked did he not understand that in order to move forward he needs to build up that trust and respect which at the moment I don't have. He said he knew that but wanted to go out - dur then you don't appreciate it ! I said that he needs to talk to me. This night out has been arranged for a while but he only mentioned it today. He said that he was scared to mention it. I said that he needs to start trusting me when I say I am trying to be calm - give me chance to discuss these situations etc.

I said that he acts as tho I'm his mum telling him he can't go to a friends and then goes into a mood about it. He said that's cos he feels like I'm grounding him. I argued that I have good reason to be being uncomfortable and he agreed but in the next breath can't see why he can't go.

I kept calm - he was visibly annoyed with the situation - I asked if he had mentioned to the counsellor this night out and how he was scared to bring it up for fear of an argument etc. he said no. I suggested that it might have been useful for him to do so and he shouted that he wasn't going to ask the counsellor everything, it's a waste of time and he isn't coming with me this week anyway cos it's a waste of money and doesn't work. I commented that he has to want it to work otherwise no it won't work.

He flounced out to work.

I'm so upset and annoyed. I know I can't force him to go to counselling, love me, want to stay with me etc and TBH I don't want to do that. I want to work at our marriage and keep our family together but I can't do it on my own and that is what I feel like I'm doing at the moment. I feel like he is punishing me for how he is feeling atm

I am trying soo much not to mother him, force him to do anything, act nonchalant towards him and do my own thing but he acts so much like a child and I know he is pushing me for a reaction like a child does which is why I tried (and I think mainly succeeded) this morning not to give in and react to him.

Thing is tho I am now sat here worrying that he will be in a strop at work - will confide in the OW and we go back to square one and that he is going to disrespect me and go out on Wed.

Sorry this post is so long, only one RL friend knows the full extent of this and I can 't get hold of her - needed to vent and I suppose ask is this normal for him to act like this? Is this part of the process of getting through the situation? Feel so hurt that he has behaved and continues to behave in this way